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How do you talk to your kids about politicized homophobia and bigotry?

10K views 142 replies 34 participants last post by  MoonWillow 
#1 ·
I'm wondering specifically about people like, oh, say Pat Robertson?

How do you explain to your kids when someone espouses such hatred for your family?

What would you do if an organization you support, and whose goals you generally agree with, supports a political or religious figure who promotes homophobia and hatred?

This recently came up for our family, and I'm wondering what you would do in a similar circumstance.

Thanks!
 
#2 ·
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I haven't experienced anything (yet) but am interested to hear from others... I suspect I will need to be armed with ways to deal with hatred/homophobia someday.

ps.
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hope you and your babe are doing well
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#3 ·
Hmmm....we talk about things like this a lot, though I'm not sure, not knowing specifics, about the example that you bring up.

We've encountered people we know and like or people from places that we know well and like being homophobic and have explained much of this to Q. Generally, we talk about peoples' different beliefs and what I see as the nuance between those folks having those beliefs and me/us believing they are wrong because they are hurtful to people, discriminate, seem to think that hate is okay, etc. We talk a lot about being queer as an identity and how it's not okay to discriminate based on any identity. But we have also recently talked some about how some people's religion tells them (or folks interpret their religion as telling them) that being gay/queer is wrong. Q recently said, "If Jesus were really god, he'd say it was wrong to hate gay people." Or something to that effect. I've explained that, as a non-religious person, much of what I understand about Christianity in particular is about love, care, and openness, and how that doesn't jive with not accepting someone's identity.

I think the layers of this get deeper and deeper as kids get older.

So, I'm thinking I'm perhaps not answering what you're asking. Bottom line is that I try to explain a belief or stance, explain why it is different than our belief or stance, and then try to be honest about the effects of those beliefs on me, our family, etc.: "It really hurts me or makes me mad when...." "I don't think it's right to say this about certain groups of people..." "I don't have the same belief as X....and in fact that belief is hurtful to me because...." I'll admit that sometimes I also just say, "...and personally I think it's wrong or hateful to have that belief." (maybe that last bit is wrong of me, but heck, it's what I believe, right? (hoping for no flames here....)

Hoping this might help a wee bit....
 
#4 ·
We try our hardest to follow the money and avoid companies with business practices that actively work to undermine our family. I wish more people would do that more often. I'm sometimes surprised at who is working against us.

We have no qualms with voting with our feet, and making it known to the people who aren't supportive of us. I've been struggling recently with some of the posts on mothering's facebook page for this very reason.
 
#5 ·
My kids don't believe that people like that exist. At least they didn't a year ago. Last year before pride we had a big gay talk. I had to equate gay marriage to to other civil rights struggles before something finally clicked (they have board books about Dr. Martin Luthar King). We live in a rural area and they're not exposed to that kind of stuff. Recently my son read Spedteacher's "hate is not a family value" and he missed the "not." He was very upset that anyone would think hate is a family value until I pointed out the "not." That led to a very large discussion about family values, "family values" and all those televangelists. I pointed out that a lot of people say things to get attention and if they really believe those things I have pity on them. What sad sad people. We have talked about the religious aspect of it all as well as the politics (we live in a pretty hostile state). What did I say? I'm not really sure, it was all off the cuff.
 
#7 ·
this is a really great question. Here in Seattle WBC is going to be protesting at the Pride Picnic, a family event. Luckily I'm working that week so we can't go, but we would want to go if possible. The thing is, there is NO WAY I'm going to expose my kids to people like WBC. They simply don't need to know how much hatred is in the world. The longer I can keep that ugliness away from them the happier I will be. When they're emotionally ready we'll have a chat. It helps that we are not sending them to school and have a very supportive community around us. I just don't see that they need to know that people hate their mama and mommy. Not at age four (DD is too young for it to matter). I'm very very protective of them and I realize not everyone may agree, but there's no way I'm letting them near that kind of hatred.
 
#8 ·
Disco, It's not WBC (wow, y'all must feel so important to get *them*
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. My kids vaguely know they exist. They picketed a coal mine accident and now everyone in this area thinks they're extremist morons, not just the queer community.) but we have a group who pickets and yells at pretty much every event (pride, halloween, campus, basically anywhere there are "sinners"). Last year the we all marched in the parade and the group that likes to protest was there as usual. There are women on motorcycles who run up and down the length of the parade all the time. Not sure if it's for security or what, but it happens. Anyway, a few of them were parked right in front of the protesters and every time they would open their mouths someone would rev the bike and you couldn't hear a word. It was awesome. So the kids didn't even know it happened (and like I said, they're kind of a fixture) and the adults didn't have to hear a word. It was lovely. They don't come into the festival itself. I don't think they could be sure of their safety. I totally agree that I'm not ready for my kids to know about quite how ugly the world can be.
 
#9 ·
thanks for posting that link, papa. I didn't realize this was going on due to sticking mainly to just a few forums. that'll teach me, ey?! if things don't change around here soon then i'm gonna have to leave this community. what a bummer.
 
#10 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by wehrli View Post

thanks for posting that link, papa. I didn't realize this was going on due to sticking mainly to just a few forums. that'll teach me, ey?! if things don't change around here soon then i'm gonna have to leave this community. what a bummer.
Yeah, I had no idea about a lot of things because I mostly stuck to this forum and my DDC. Since the MDC reformat, things have gotten really ugly around here.
 
#11 ·
Sigh and moan. That thread has now been closed in a most offensive, unceremonious way, which makes me *that* much closer to saying so long to MDC permanently. Is there anywhere else we can go and still attract new folks? I don't want to lose the friends I've made here over the years. So sad. So horrible. I'm with papa and wherli on this one.
 
#12 ·
I'm looking around for a place we could go and still attract but it's not looking very good. there are many boards with AP/NFL forums but it's such a narrow space to be in. I fear it would be a much smaller community. anyone else have ideas? I don't want to loose all of you, I consider this my "tribe" of like minded folks... but I really must stand my ground and not support a place making such despicable changes.
 
#14 ·
Just tried to post a response. Frustrated to be shut out of the dia/mono-logue, particularly when there's been no apology. Seems like a HUGE slap in the face to our whole little sub-community over here in QP, as well as to so many others.....

I'll say that, though I've been mostly quiet in the past months, I do like the idea of a space like this/this space to look to, knowing there will be some similar-minded folks waiting to think about and listen to my questions and concerns.
 
#15 ·
I am like Megin. I haven't been around much, but all of this is just getting out of hand on MDC.

Would creating a FB group (that members need to ask to join) be too far out of the forum realm? It wouldn't attract new people like this forum does, though.
 
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#16 ·
I'd be down with a FB group... otherwise there's queerparenting.com forums. i found them from a quick google search but I don't know what their viewsand/or affiliations are. I'm just beside myself thinking of loosing this space though...
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re FB... we could always "recruit" members...
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#20 ·
She is 8.5 mos! We are doing SO well!

She is thriving on donor milk and anything and everything that isn't nailed down, she loves solid food and eats everything, it's kind of crazy.

And she just started pulling herself up to standing and she's cruising.
 
#21 ·
Papa! Great to see you about. I'm sorry it's under such shitty circumstances. So great to hear that your beautiful babe is thriving.

What a disgrace! I've just read through the whole linked thread. So, no formal apology, right? Unbelievable.

If a fb group starts up, please, count me in.
 
#23 ·
I don't know if I can provide and answers or comfort here but I thought I'd post some thoughts for you guys just in case. There is so much going on, seemingly all at once and its hard to sit here with the best of intentions yet to see so much ill intent being assigned to mods and admin (in general).

Whether or not people believe this, everyone is doing the best they can. Many of us agree that an apology is needed and I wish people could understand that just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that it will never happen.

I say this understanding that this beloved forum Queer Parenting must have been the hardest hit by the Pat Roberston debacle on facebook. I'm so sorry you guys.

We love you and want you to stay around
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#25 ·
okay, I just read the AIDS denialism thread. Wow, wow, wow. I had no I idea that Peggy O'Mara had that view on HIV/AIDS. Working with people who have HIV/AIDS, I have to say that's pure insanity. It's a quite real disease that people are dying from in this country. Oh, I could go on and on and ON. And the reasons for shutting it down were complete BS. People should know the core values at MDS, and if AIDS denialism is one of them, daylight it.
 
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#26 ·
Pat Robertson: An article was posted under the Mothering UN in the Adoptive/Foster Parent forum. It was a weird and messed up thing to post there anyway, because the article was about how some lady working at an orphanage loved how the orphans called her mama. Then at the end of the article there was a giant blue link to donate to the org. When I got there there were already a few posts from adoptive parents questioning why Mothering had posted an article that was basically an ad, and questioning that the topic of the article was appropriate for the forum. Someone (a poster with a low post count, NOT the mothering UN) posted:

"I work with MDC. I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. MDC supports the efforts of [this org], and they in turn are an MDC sponsor, supporting us. We have always tried to find sponsorship from those who share the ideals of our members. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to PM me on Mothering. Kind regards, Christine"

I googled for like 4 seconds and found out that the org was started and is led by Pat Robertson, so I posted that and that I thought it was highly innaproriate and then all hades broke loose. Some half-a$$ed apologies were posted, then a semi-genuine one from Peggy, which I asked if they would make into a formal apology. And the rest is the maelstrom of denial and lockdown that we have now!

MoonWIllow, thank you so much for your post. I do know that there is A LOT going on right now, and it is a ton on the moderators' plate. I don't fault the mods unilaterally, but I'm really saddened to see how this has been dealt with. Even if a reply like yours had been posted in response to the MANY people asking for an apology or even an acknowledgment would have meant a lot to me. Instead, people are getting banned, mods are saying "stuff happnes," legitimate threads are getting locked and converations are being shut down. Yes, people keep beating dead horses, but it's because I don't think that our concerns have REALLY been validated, addressed and taken seriously. I actually can't believe that I haven't been banned yet.
 
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