New here and in the midst of coming out!! - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 06-17-2011, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
saschasullivan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a 24 year old mama of a four year old, been in a relationship with her dad the past five years that is now ending and I'm on my way out of the closet!! I'm moving out in two weeks and I'm both terrified and so excited and happy. 

 

I'm also writing a blog about my experiences- saschasullivan.wordpress.com

 

I've been a subscriber to mothering for years and am really excited to take part in this community now. Can't wait to chat with you all and would love some advice for navigating the queer world as a single, lesbian mom who is still partially closeted! I am out to my ex and therapist but no family so far. 

saschasullivan is offline  
#2 of 8 Old 06-17-2011, 01:05 PM
 
escher's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,271
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, and welcome! orngbiggrin.gif I don't have any advice, but I bet someone here will. It sounds like it is a very exciting time in your life right now!

whistling.gifMe, love.gif my wife, blowkiss.gifour son (2.5), and luxlove.gif our daughter (5 months)
escher is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 06-20-2011, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
saschasullivan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks and yes it is!! 

 

I feel like it will be more exciting once I come out of the closet completely. I feel like I'm closer to being who I really am, but I imagine that once I'm fully out to my family I will feel a lot more excited and relieved. 

 

 

saschasullivan is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 06-20-2011, 09:45 PM
 
starling&diesel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: West Coast, Canada
Posts: 3,807
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

Welcome, Sascha ... I just read a book that you might be interested in:  Dear John, I Love Jane.  It's essays by woman who've left relationships with men to be with women.  Hope you like hanging around here! 


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
starling&diesel is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 06-20-2011, 10:40 PM
 
jennp85's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Chicago
Posts: 62
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Congratulations to the huge life changes!  I started coming out when I was 15, and yes, it continues every day of my life.  Even though I'm sure they knew a long time ago, I only came out to my grandparents a couple years ago.  Just remember to breathe and play your cards carefully.  It is so exciting and you want to share it all with everyone all at once, but you need to step back and see it from their perspective before rushing into it.  Think about the best and worst ways it could go with the people who are important to you and how their reactions would impact you.  Then, throw that all out because you really never know how people will react!  Think about the way in which it will be best to communicate it with each person.  It might be easier and better for you and them to do things in writing, but for others, face to face will be better route.  Good luck on every step of this new journey!

 

As for "Dear John, I love Jane," I am so glad you recommended it!  Not only is it an awesome book by an awesome publisher, but my friend Michelle contributed a story.  She is an inspiring woman and has a very unique situation.  I'm glad to see it's reached you in Canada!

jennp85 is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 06-27-2011, 08:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
saschasullivan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Haha! I saw that book at the book store a few weeks ago! Maybe now I will go back and get it!

 

And Jennp85, thanks so much for the advice. Part of me is so excited and anxious to be fully out of the closet- its going to feel sooo great. But at the same time there are a few people for which I am very scared to tell. 

 

I am happy to say though that a few days ago I was only out to my ex and therapist, and this weekend I came out to one of my friends!! It went so well. I was so nervous even though I knew she'd be okay with it, but she was the first person I've told really. I'm pretty sure she must have known already and sensed I might want to tell her because she suddenly started talking about gay issues with me, and so then I just said "you should know the reason Ben and I are divorcing is because I'm gay." 

 

:)

 

I'm planning on coming out to another one of my friends tomorrow, and then hopefully to one of the women at my daughters' school who is gay too... I think it might be good to talk to another gay lady. 

 

And then after that, the plan is my mom on Thursday... I know all of these people will take it well. My mom asked me a few months ago if I was gay and I wasnt ready so I said no, but then she said that if I was she'd be okay with it. 

saschasullivan is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 06-28-2011, 10:06 AM
 
smilingsara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: southeastern, ohio
Posts: 704
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

sascha: how did telling your friend today go? I found when I was coming out that it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. And now I find it even easier. I dunno if I look really 'gay' or not, but I am finding now that no one really cares at all. 

 

I wish you luck in your coming out. The women on here are wonderful and full of knowledge. Welcome and we are all here for you! 


DP to Sara, two crazy kids running around, lil dude born 11-1-11babyf.gif and the new guy is home !! babyboy.gif  (5/2/12)

 

 

 

smilingsara is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 06-29-2011, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
saschasullivan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It went great, although it was awkward. I knew she'd be okay with it- she is very supportive of the gay community. But its still hard for me even if I know they will be accepting. They've thought of me as straight all these years, coming over to dinner parties with me and my husband, so coming out after all this time feels a little weird.

 

But yeah it was great and it feels amazing. I have a hard time opening up to people in general, and for some reason I thought telling my friends would make our friendship more awkward. But it definitely has made us closer now I realize because its out in the open. I will feel so relieved when I'm not keeping it from anyone anymore and I can just be myself. 

saschasullivan is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off