Library, yuck on having to track down old books. Liberal plot to discredit Jesus! Last Christmas my son and my niece (both 7 at the time) had a pretty passionate argument about the existence of dinosaurs. Mmmm boy.
Isa, what did Ikea do with their cribs? They had them a couple of weeks ago when I was there. I'm suddenly confused. The last time I was in Puerto Vallarta, down some alley they had these hammock things. It was 2 ovals of wood with a hammock bottom and sides. Suspended. I asked what they were and he told me "baby bed." I have googled a million times and found nothing. I found this baby bed, which I thought pretty cool, tho. Big yay for the good scan. Are you planning to make a quilted sleep sack?!? And about killing your libedo, just wait until you can't roll over anymore. Nothing makes you feel hotter than paddling away like a turtle trying to get off your back.
I forgot to mention, I saw a baby in a carseat on top of a shopping cart at the store. Nothing strange about that until the whole seat started to flip off the cart! I've never done it, or seen it happen, tho I've read the warnings. It was pretty scary and the mom caught the car seat, but yikes! I also forgot to say that I saw a woman with a bump very comparable to mine. She was shorter and our bumps were almost perfect side by side.. Yeah, she was due in 2 weeks.
Hi folks. I've been a lurker lately and a bad one at that. Thanks so much for asking after me! Things are well-ish... very well with pregnancy but there are more hard family dynamics coming up and we've been on the couple's couch to deal. For some reason the most complicated folks in my life--most of them with some level of emotional instability (fundie in-laws, mentally ill mama, and others)--are coming way out of the woodwork. The challenging folks are showing the most interest in the baby and being part of the early weeks. And, they are the folks I can't have around during a potentially vulnerable time... I can't have most of these folks around at any time. But, as we all know boundary setting takes a great deal of mental, emotional, spiritual space. I'm over it and want them to go away. They all feel like heat-seeking missiles heading for me. Other than that, we've been doing a lot of pediatrician and doula interviewing, couples therapy, individual therapy, and trying to get in some exercise. Work is hectic right now, and there are a lot of weddings, friends in town, baby showers, birthday parties going on that I didn't foresee very well. I feel like I'm doing a fair amount of complaining about being busy lately. Got to chill out. Oh, I'm also seeing my midwives and a second MW practice at the same time. (Mine aren't on the insurance plan and can't order tests if needed later--like NST; and the second MW won't order tests unless I keep up the every other week appointment with her.) So, that's a little excessive.
But, in other good news... baby is kicking and growing. I'm feeling grateful that this pregnancy has gone so well, but amazed at how fast it's moving. I've got diapers... a ton of them and I'm washing them now to get all the oils out. Err, I think that's what I'm supposed to do. It's fun to have something that so confused me throughout the pregnancy click into place. By the way, these are pretty incredible: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003XNDEYU .... at least price-wise.... 60 for $20. I haven't washed them yet, but they look pretty solid and will hopefully work as prefolds. We've also got some nursery stuff set up... or the cute baby storage closet as we've been calling it since she won't be in there a ton. But, we spent last Friday night putting sweet forest animal decals on the wall, which was super relaxing for us and connected us to the babe together. Really enjoyed it. I'm also loving these last weeks with my wife. It's such a transition for me to be 38 and becoming a parent after so many years of adult life. And, to be 9 years into a relationship with my truest love and becoming parents together. Intense. We're having a lot of sweet and loving time together, and are heading to Russian River in over labor day to a romantic wee cottage.
I hope everyone out there is very well and happy! I'm loving hearing about all the newer preggos flowing onto the board. I'm also loving the tales of infancy. Don't go away mamas. Oh, and the pictures lately have been fantastic.... love the EC set, new profile pics, and, Starling, your family shots are so intimate, touching, and dykerific! Oooh, if the hypnobirthing tracks go on the web, I'd love to access them too! Super generous offer during a busy time for you, AmandaHope. I'll catch back up with personals. Take care all!
Good morning. Even though it feels like I was here moments ago, thanks to Back To School night (though my library naughty list campaign was a big success).
ISA~ Glad I can be a source of vicarious library fun. I shelved 500s last night and today I'm going to make some book displays and then I'm going to process a bunch of new stuff that I gathered up over the summer, as well as replace spine labels of books who lost theirs in a mysterious and spontaneous fashion (if the children returning the books are to be believed. Hmmmm....)
SERAF~ Apparently the world is full of liberal plots to discredit Jesus. I get asked often if I have Tango Makes Three in the library, which I don't. But I DO have Mini Mia and her Darling Uncle, and In My Mothers' House and Donovan's Big Day and both of the Manny Files books. Bet your pastor didn't tell you to watch out for them, eh? I enjoy the subversive aspect of my librarianship the best. I'd loved to hear your kiddo's dinosaur debate, for sure!!
JULIET~ Biggest hugs to you. Family crap is the worst, and family crap about a new baby has to be an extra nightmare. I'm so happy your actual pregnancy's not worrying you, though. Enjoy your cozy cottage and playing with your new diapers and we'll always be here for you.
Babywise, a bit of a tough morning for me. Alice is such a bad sleeper, she wakes up at every little thing, so when I get up at 5 she wakes up even though she's still tired and then fusses and cries instead of eating and then she was crying when I left which is awful emotionally even if I logically know she's ok. And DP's semester starts today so she's a wreck trying to get stuff ready and staying up 'til all hours and being cranky and frantic (even though she had plenty of time this weekend and just lay on the couch knitting). So I've had better mornings. I think I'll just go play with my book displays and try and get into a better frame of mind. Thanks for being here, Wonderful Ones.
Julietea—I’m sorry the less-stable family members are the ones who want to be the most involved—I hope you find a good balance between their desire to be included and your need to not have them in your way. If that balance is 0-100, that’s ok, too.
Library—do you not stock Tango as a way to keep them from having anything to complain about? It’s such a sweet book, anyway. When I finally read it I couldn’t believe all of the upset. My amazon baby list is approximately ¾ queer children’s books. I’m going to have to cut it down if I want anyone to buy me actual useful items for childrearing, but it’s fun to know it’s there!
AFM—terrible night sleeping last night. My stomach hurt and I couldn’t get comfortable, and then as soon as I did manage to drift off DP stole all the covers. –sigh- It only gets worse from here on out, doesn’t it, folks? But I’m feeling pretty peppy today, for some reason. Planning to start obsessively looking into daycare options (the waitlists here can be really, really long)…
And so are the boys!
Isa, didn't they know this was coming? One would think they would have been ready in advance of this. No one can even give away or sell a crib in a yard sale. Wow. I hope your belly feels better enough, but not so good you have to worry.
Earthquake! Escher, you girls ok? We felt it up here.
Julie, bummer about the family trouble. Can you say something like, "her doctor doesn't want her to be exposed to many people yet"?
Seraf: That was quite an earthquake for this part of the country! We're fine. Thanks for checking! Your bump doesn't look crazy huge to me, but it is funny that it was the same size as someone due in two weeks. Do you think your bump is bigger this pregnancy than in your other pregnancies? I'm so impressed with all your sewing! How is post-partum cloth different from normal menstrual cloth?
Isa: I'm so glad that your scan went well! I'm sorry you couldn't sleep well. I think it gets better for a while (hooray for the second trimester!) before it gets worse again. It's impressive that you're already looking at daycare!
Library: What a hard morning! I hope that your day at school went well, and that your DP's semester started smoothly. Sitting in a wading pool sounds like a perfect way to spend time. Maybe I should try it!
Julietea: It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry that you're running into so much family drama. I hope that it calms down some before the babe arrives. It sounds like you're doing good work to figure it all out. Boundary setting is so hard.
Hi to everyone else!
AFM: I have now officially given up running to catch a bus. I'm also walking more slowly than I used to. I'm going to have to start allowing more time for commuting!
Isa- Glad everything is going well! Early pregnancy can be so nerve wrecking! 130 definitely sounds good! Exciting that the baby looks like a baby!
Yellow- My scan is September 16! Right around the corner, can't wait! And my vote is yes, you should leave baby H with your mom but I understand your hesitation for sure. You two deserve a break and some time to bond just you two.
Seraf- I love how low and round you are!
AFM, I'm starting to feel this little one moving around! Most of it feels like popcorn popping in a bag but I have felt a few flips and twirls. I'm hoping that the baby has moved to head-down position nice and early so I dont have to worry about the head being stuck in the "horn" of my uterus. My belly is very lopsided and I'm wondering if everyone can tell where their baby is or just me? Here's a belly pic of my big side lol about 16 weeks.
Crystal (26) Single Mama to Baby Cohen born 7 weeks early December 2011 <3
More heartache!! A year and a half ago we lost our first foster son. It tore us apart and until this day our family has been incomplete without him. We fought hard to make sure that he was not returned to the mother who attempted to suffocate him and in turn actually caused him to have a severe brain injury. Our little Angel was considered a quadriplegic by the age of 18 months. With hard work, dedication, and most importantly love we were able to bring some meaning to his life. He smiled everyday! 2 days before my birthday he was taken from our home. We had no idea where he went or who he went with. We cried and still do cry for him although a lot of people cannot understand it. We lost our son and knew that where ever he was going he was going to suffer and be put in harms way. It took us a very long time to get to where we are at now about the whole situation but yesterday our whole world was turned upside down once again. While at CPR training (at our foster agency) we walked through the residence where the children are housed. (Doesn't happen very often because we are actually not allowed to walk freely through there) While walking my DP stopped and said to me that's Esteban. I had no time to get a good look of the boy in the wheel chair because we were quickly ushered into another office. I stood in the entry way to the residence as I waited for my case worker to come downstairs and verify the little boys identity. I heard him groan and goose bumps quickly filled my body. I looked back at my DP who was sitting at the office table and she read my face. The case worker came down and went in to see who the little boy was. As she entered back into the room she was shaking her head yes and mouthed the words "It's him". My eyes teared and DP could not compose herself she began to sob. I asked if I can go in and see him and was denied. Here he was no more than 20 feet away from us and we could not kiss and hug him. Our case worker went back upstairs and on her way out pulled me out the room to tell me he was completely released from DCFS and returned to his mother in January. 6 months later he was taken from his mom again and placed back in a medical facility which happened to be our agency. I called the big guy from our agency right away and told him that we want him back home where he should of stayed. Unfortunately the case belongs to another agency and my agency has no control over his placement. The big guy promised to speak with Esteban's agency to see if we can have him back. Still no word. We have not been able to think of anything else since seeing him. Our urge is to cry all day but we are trying to stay strong. Our new profile picture is a picture of me and him a month before we lost him. We can only hope and pray that we will win this fight to bring him home.
Updates: Our Lil Monkey is not so little any more and moves a lot. We are trying to figure out what we want our nursery to look like and have actually bought the crib and changer already. We want to paint the room but have not figured out what color to paint it. We have another doctor appointment scheduled this Friday and look forward to hearing the heart beat again. We will give more updates soon! Belly pic as soon as we locate our camera cord
Me (29) in with DW (40)
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby Bella (Yorkie)
Layla Janae 11/22/11
Just dropping in to post a link to new pics of Lilah at 3 weeks. Personals soon---lots going on with you all!
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
AmandaHope, good grief she is adorable!
Crystal, what does your belly look like from the front? I can tell where my kid is, but the general public can't. I carried the first 2 babies all over on the left. I only had stretch marks on one side until a couple of weeks ago, actually.
Mami, good luck getting your guy back. Is he close in age to your son?
Escher, that was a weird earthquake. I thought military training jets flew over the house and ran to the window to check it out. How is post partum cloth different? Hell if I know. I think it's more like night time stuff. Bigger coverage area or heavier absorbency or something. I have never bought cloth stuff for myself, but I made my own luna pad style when I was 19ish. Now I basically use flats. Just chunks of flannel I fold up to the size or shape I want in the moment, I can refold to a clean surface as often as I want and they wash thoroughly.
I don't think I'm bigger, just carrying differently.
Here's a pic of me in labor with Ari, when we weren't sure if I was in labor.
and here's a truly awful pic of me about 7 or 8 months pregnant with Osha.
Those are the only pictures I can find with clothes on, probably a good thing I am not running for office.
I am with Miz, HOLY OUTFIT Seraf! That cracks me up! But, for the record, I rarely wear pants around our house. I asked Sandy last week if she was tired of never seeing me with pants on these days. Her response, "wear less." Silly girl.
I can't tell where I am carrying this baby, nor can I tell what body part is kicking me where. I have to admit that a small part of me gets bummed whenever I heard everyone else talk about it. Is there a map or something I can use?
AHope - Lilah is too cute! Love, love seeing her picts.
Mami - Your story broke my heart last night. I sat here, reading and crying. Sending lots of love your way.
We've finally decided on the nursery 'theme' - nautical. DP really didn't get to have a baby, baby nursery with J, since he was almost 1 when she adopted, so the planning was fun for us both. Anyway, sailboats and tugboats are important to us both, thus the decor
We went to the casinos this past weekend with friends from Nashville. Before going in to gamble, everyone rubbed the baby belly for good luck....which worked on Friday night, but that was about it! Here's a picture of Sandy and I before going - 25wks.
Me (35). DP to S (39) ; Mommy to DS: J (6), Furball Pupps: L (10) & S (1) and a new little baby boy arriving on/around Dec 2.
Seraf- Yes, the boys are very close in age. They are only about 5 months apart and there is a world of difference between them when it comes to abilities and disabilities.
2EZ- Thanks for the love! This forum is our biggest support source and we truly appreciate and find comfort in your words. We apologize for making you cry and yes it is a very sad story but hopefully we get a happy ending. I'm a little jealous that you and DP already have the nursery figured out and hope to follow in your footsteps soon.
Me (29) in with DW (40)
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby Bella (Yorkie)
Layla Janae 11/22/11
First day of school~ I'm watching the tiny Pre-K kiddos lined up in the hallway on their potty break. They're all sitting 'criss-cross applesauce' because you can't sit 'Indian style' anymore. I'm also watching the gaggle of pre-K moms taking photos of their kids lining up in the hall. It's pretty cute.
Not as cute as all our bumps!!!
Crystal~ Nice little bump! Very subtle and just beginning. It's so exciting that you can feel all the fluttery kicks already. That was such an amazing time. Hoping babe turns head down and stays that way. Alice was very cooperative like that, so I hope your kiddo is too. I couldn't tell how Alice was carrying for a long while, and then suddenly I knew just where she was. Her butt stuck out on my right side and made a little extra bump that i found myself rubbing all the time.
Seraf~ Holy outfit!! And what crazy bumpiness you have! I guess you're just a skinny minnie naturally and then the bump just adds that extra, eh?
AHope~ She truly is adorably lovely. And I like her name more every time I see it.
Mami~ What a heartbreaking story. I hope hope hope that the powers that be can understand that there's a home full of love waiting for this little man and make sure he gets there.
Isa~ I thought a lot about what you said in re keeping Tango out of the library so I don't have to discuss it, and maybe I have been avoiding it somewhat. I figured I'd be able to do more good if I deflected the scrutiny, but it might just be time to take that next incremental step. Thanks for the push!!!
Escher~ Any bus driver who doesn't wait for the biggo preggo woman is evil and you should tell them so. Yay for taking care of yourself, though. Send pix of you in the wading pool!!
EZ~ I love the nautical theme!!! Lovely colors and a great choice of images available. And you're even near water, so yay! I'm loving your bump too. Glad it brought you all luck!!!
Ooop, now it's second grade having their potty break. The bathroom across from the library is a constant source of amusement. The acoustics are great in there and we always get some karaoke stars! Alice was in a better mood this morning but I was still very sad to leave her. I guess it just struck me that it's really going to be every day. AND DP's taking her to the Farmer's Market and storytime and I'm jealous. BUT we have to eat and have a house and stuff, so it's necessary and I guess I'll just used to it. Maybe next year when DP has a real job I can be a full time mom and faculty wife. Or when my book's published and becomes an international bestselling phenomenon. Yeah, that's it!!!
Yellow, I think the picture was taken to show me how bad my outfit was. How was work,? Are you back in the saddle now or have more break?
2ez, cute pictures! I hear spinningbabies.com is useful for identifying position I have never looked, tho. The bigger the baby gets, the easier it is to tell. Basically I feel around a dozen times a day. If the baby is anterior I can find her back. From there I can feel the way to her butt or head. I can only tell one end from the other by identifying where the heart is. Anything that's not butt, back or head must be hands or feet. When she is transverse I can feel a large bum P on each side. When she is posterior I can usually only find the head or rump.
Mami, you will have yourhands full if you have 2 new kids within a couple months of each other, but an institution keno substitute for a family, I'm sure you can pull it off.
Library, I'm not that skinny, but my bellymight lookbigger because mybust is smaller. I am carrying low, the bottom of my belly is parallel to the ground. I know so many people do it, but it is hard to go back to work knowing you have to do it every day.
I have been sleeping better the last few nights. I'm thankful for that. But I'm tired all the time. I feel so first trimester, but bumpy. Ari always asks me to race with her and I jus can't do it anymore. She has been getting clingyer lately. AmandaHope, did your daughter have more issues during your pregnancy?
HI, everyone. I'm afraid I'm behind on personals, but here's a quick attempt:
Seraf: No, my DD didn't seem to have more clingy issues during the pregnancy, though she is doing some of that now. She likes to try out the baby stuff, even to the point of laying down under the baby gym with a pacifier in her mouth. She also wants to cuddle with me more and has asked to nurse a few times (but has accepted no as an answer). I concur with the chorus of amazement at the outfit. Nice.
EZ: Yes, spinningbabies.com. They have a whole tutorial on bellymapping. So cool--try it out. And you look fantastic! Nice to see a pic of your DP, too. You two look really happy.
Library: Ah, thanks. I love her name too, though I've called her DD1's name several times in public, which is embarrassing. I'm sorry it is so hard to leave Alice. I'd be jealous, too, if my DP got to go to storytime and the market. Hugs to you.
Mami: Oh my goodness, what heartache. I can't imagine your surprise and pain in seeing your little guy in an institution like that. I so hope that he can get back to your loving family.
Juliet: The family stuff sounds incredibly difficult, but I'm so glad that the pregnancy itself is going well and that you and DP are getting the support you need to work through all that you are handling right now.
AFM: We had the adoption court date today! It was a crazy, exhausting day. We got up early and drove into Chicago, where DP was fingerprinted for a background check (funny thing is that the lawyer isn't sure if this was necessary--we're the first clients of hers since the IL Civil Union law passed who have been married in another state, which should mean that the background check is unnecessary--but she wasn't sure and didn't want us to get hung up and have to come back into the city if the judge wanted it done--sigh); then we had lunch and returned to the courthouse to wait in a lovely children's and family area until the friendly judge called us in and chatted us up. DD1 was so shy, but I'm glad she was there. Lilah was super fussy, though she calmed down while we were in chambers, which was nice of her. ;-) And she slept the whole drive into the city, even in traffic. But on the way home, she was DONE with the car and screamed bloody murder. We stopped once at my favorite store in Oak Park (Majamas--spent a fortune on pajamas and a nursing bra, but SO COMFY!) to calm her down and nurse. Then we got into the car and she started again, so we stopped again at a deli to pick up dinner. When we got back in the car, she started screaming again (like choking, gasping, sweating screaming), so I got in the back seat, hung a boob over the carseat (OUCH) and nursed her. That did the trick--she fell asleep and we finally made it home. What a trip! I think we'll be sticking close to home for the foreseeable future. The adoption should be finalized on October 12th. And I have some super cute, extremely comfortable, nursing jammies, so that makes me happy ;-).
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
AHope~ Awesome!! Not just your adoption proceedings, but your car-seat actions. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to hang my boob over Alice's carseat, but have never been able to (even nursing my boobs are still pretty small) so I applaud you. Though I am very very sorry that Lilah had the screaming fit which prompted such action. The choking part of those sorts of crying fits is the worst. I know people say 'No baby ever died of crying' but it sure sounds like they're trying to sometimes. I hope you post pix of your awesome new jammies!
Oooops, crying Kindergartener alert! I can hear him down the hall. It was a tough day all around yesterday I think. Some crying kids, some crying parents, possibly some crying teachers, though they might have kept that part to themselves.
It was a tough day for me too, so I'm going to vent here to you my wonderful ones and ask for some thoughts and maybe advice if you feel like it. Things have been kind of tense with me and DP lately and we had a bit of an argument about it last night. I have always felt inadequate and only marginally successful with my breastfeeding. I'm able to feed Alice, though it feels like I feed her most of the time I'm with her, like, it's our major activity together and when we talk or play it's only for a brief span before she's fussing and crying and I'm feeding her again. Maybe I just don't know what else to do or maybe it's my milk. The nurses in the hospital when Alice was born were unsupportive and frankly kind of sneering and hateful about my bfing and I've felt bad about it ever since. I tried to pump for the first month or so, but so little milk came out it was even more discouraging. Then Alice had weight-gain issues and the doctor suggested we supplement her with formula. I was reluctant, but eventually agreed to occasional supplementation because I was worried about her skinniness. DP was even more resistant and while I understand her resistance (it wasn't really what I wanted either) I felt that she was kinda blaming me for not doing better with my pumping and production. Now that I'm working I'm pumping at work and not getting very much and DP (who has passive aggressive issues we've been working on...) has asked me every day "How many times are you pumping? Is this all you're getting?" and last night she said "I'm worried that your milk's going to dry up and then you'll feel like a failure because you can't breastfeed." This spiralled into a heated discussion about how I'm 'constantly negative' and she doesn't feel like she can say anything by way of advice (about breast milk, about A's sleeping issues etc) because I just get upset. I said that it's all pretty upsetting and that I do feel kind of attacked when she talks about my pumping etc. She says she's just telling me what the books/expert advice/etc says to do, i.e. pump a lot and often so that your boobs keep making more, but I refuse to listen to her. I don't feel like I refuse to listen, I just feel like I'm doing the best I can (about this and the sleep stuff) and that if I'm upset and tired because I spent the evening with a fussing, crying baby who wouldn't play and wouldn't sleep that I'm not being 'constantly negative' , I'm just stating what really happened (i.e. she cried and would not sleep). Though I will admit to feeling negative about pumping (so much work for so little result). I agreed to try and pump more often in my day (though it's not easy at work) but I also feel now that whatever I do won't be enough and if indeed my milk dries up I'll feel like shit, not just because I'm letting Alice down but I'll feel like I've let DP down and that she'll be thinking 'I told you so!!!' and that if I'd only made an effort none of this would have happened. She thinks I should go see a counsellor for depression. I don't feel like I've been depressed, though maybe I have. I feel like in weird ways we've drifted apart since Alice came. We're closer in some ways, but farther apart in others. We rarely have sexy times, for one thing, though that's not new. I lost interest before Alice was born~ not interest in DP but interest in sex period~ and even the times that we have done it, we've done it for her and not me. I know she feels she's not getting enough, and she's right, but I'm just never ever ever in the mood. I don't know if/how any of all this is related, but this is what's going on and last night it all just came to a head. This morning we were barely speaking to each other~ I'm not angry but I don't know what to do or say and who knows what she's thinking!?
Ok, thanks for letting me vomit all this out. I'd be interested in anyone's opinions/thoughts/ whatever, but it also just helps to talk it out in my head. Now I'm going to go and put stickers on reading journals. Hope everyone's well xoxoxo
Crystal—bump! And how exciting to start feeling it! I expect it’s too soon for your DP to feel it yet, right?
Mami—that’s so sad! I’m so sorry that you didn’t even get a chance to go over and say hello. I really hope you guys win the battle to get him back—it sounds like you’re the best home he’s ever known. Are you planning to find out the gender of your new little one?
Seraf—I think you should document all outrageous outfits. In fact, I may start doing that at my house, too—they mostly seem to come up for pjs or when heading out into blizzards…glad to hear the sleep is getting better!
2EZ—wear less! I bet that would be seconded at my house if I ever provided an opportunity for input. DP is really happy that I get home and take my bras right off now because I’m sore. I LOVE the tugboats—but not as much as I love the picture of the two of you being so super cute together!
Library—I wasn’t trying to push—but if you think it’s time to start being a feisty librarian again (well, openly) I support that! Out of curiosity, do you keep religious storybooks in stock? I’m not a children’s librarian, so I don’t know what’s out there (although I did see a whole career section for elementary kids the other day on a website that included ‘missionary’ as one of the ten choices. I didn’t have the nerve to comment that the books were only for boys because ‘wife and mother’ wasn’t a book even if it’s the only option for the girls).
Oh, I just read your other post. And I have a lot of feelings about it. Feeling #1 is, if she’s so big into breastfeeding, and you aren’t getting enough milk (even though you are PUMPING while you are at WORK at a DEMANDING and BUSY job)…well, why the hell doesn’t she try it? There are protocols for that sort of thing and she can get started today! That way either she’ll make tons and get to be smug (and Alice will still be getting milk) or she’ll see how hard and painful and straight-up annoying it is to pump all the time and lay off of you for a bit. Feeling #2 is that if it is causing so much pain and trouble and anguish for you to be feeding her and having her cry that you don’t feel like you get any quality time with her, maybe you should consider using formula as her main food source and using bf as a comfort/bonding thing instead. I’ve had friends all over the formula spectrum, and if it’s the right choice for you to stop pumping and switch to formula so you and Alice can enjoy each other, that’s an ok choice to make. Feeling #3 is that if someone is telling you you’re constantly negative and not listening and not being a very good mom to your baby, well no wonder you don’t want to have sexy time. Hell, I’m surprised she thinks she’s ever going to get laid again with that tactic. I wish I had a good way out for you of that one, but I think the truth is that having a new baby can be stressful and tough on a relationship, and that soon enough you’ll all be in a good rhythm and able to get back to being interested in sex again. Meanwhile she should be taking matters into her own hands, so to speak, and trying to be supportive and nice to you so that you might feel like she’s someone worth touching when you next find yourself in the mood. That is my lengthy and totally unsupported rant on your behalf. Feel free to ignore all of it, of course.
AHope—it only gets worse from here—my parents call us each others’ names, forget our birthdays, etc etc. I’m sure they’ll forgive you! Yay for the adoption! Still stupid that we have to do it and still so wonderful that we can. I hope a month is all Lilah needs to get excited about car trips to Chicago!
AFM—not much going on. Been going to bed a little earlier, which means that I can actually function during the day (although things still get rough around 3pm). DP is sad that we don’t get to have pillow talk time, and apparently also sad that by the time she is ready to go to bed I have already spread out and am snoring in the dead center of the bed so she has a hard time shoving me over and falling asleep. I have a tiny violin for her that I keep by her bedside. Also our house looks like its been taken over by vagrants. Someday soon I will have the wherewithal to actually clean it, I swear.
And so are the boys!
Isa~ HA!! I cracked up at your 'taken over by vagrants' comment, and also the tiny violin. Keeping the house clean is really tough. I'm sorry you're so worn out, but it is fairly normal so I'm sure all parties will survive. And thanks SO MUCH for your rant on my behalf. It's nice to get an outside opinion so that I can feel I'm not just being unrealistic and making stuff up. And thanks for boosting my librarianship! I do have a few Christian/religious storybooks, though not many and most were purchased before my time. I've added to that storybooks like "Diwali Nights" and 'A Party in Ramadan" and 'The Best Eid Ever". I find one of my biggest challenges is fighting my own anti-religious prejudices and being inclusive of information about Christianity. I try and keep it in the nonfiction section, though. Thanks again for your support of all things xox
Isa: It's hard being so tired during the first trimester! That definitely got better for me. My wife says I spent the entire first trimester just lying on the couch when I wasn't at work. I don't remember that, which I guess is another indication of how sleepy I was. I hope you have more energy soon!
Library: What a challenging time. It sounds like right now is probably stressful for both of you, with you starting back at work and her starting the semester. I'm sorry it is so difficult. Do you have a breastfeeding center or a lactation consultant or LLL around you? I wonder if it would be useful to be able to discuss breastfeeding with someone else since it sounds like it (especially the pumping) is pretty frustrating right now. I bet other people on here will have more useful ideas. Anyway, I'm thinking about you and sending you hugs.
AmandaHope: Congratulations on your adoption court date! What are your fabulous new PJs like? Thanks for posting the new pictures of Lilah. She is such a cutie.
Seraf: I'm glad you're sleeping better, but I'm sorry that you're still so tired. Have you had your iron level tested? I think my iron supplement helps some when I'm feeling totally drained. Like you, I think my belly looks bigger because my bust is small. It's interesting that it seems to work like that. I don't think you look insanely big, by the way. Or at least I don't feel like you look that much bigger than me, and we're due about the same time and this is your third child.
2ez: What a cute picture! Your nautical theme looks like fun. I look forward to seeing more pictures as you get it ready!
Mami: What a hard situation. I'm thinking of you!
Crystal: Cute bump! It's fun that you're starting to feel movement!
Totally self-serving QOTD (because I'm looking for ideas or advice): What are you planning to wear (or what did you wear) for the first week or so after birth? I hear pajamas of some sort are recommended, but I'm trying to figure out what will work best (and how many PJs I need to get!).
AFM: 31 weeks. Just over two months until this baby is due. Eek! After Seraf's description of braxton hicks, I've started to notice times when my belly is very tight, which I guess is BH. They make me a little bit nervous, but I'm trying to appreciate that they are helping my body to prepare for labor.
Escher~ BH contractions always made me really nervous too. I know they're natural preparation etc but every time my belly got tight I'd just get scared. BUT you're 31 weeks now and even if your baby did decide to debut they'd be just fine, so that's got to be reassuring. And I agree pajamas are the best way to go. Target has nice, useful, inexpensive nursing tank tops and I found that one of those underneath pjs which buttoned down the front gave me all the comfort and access necessary. Also, my hospital had really pretty robes for the maternity ward, so after the nurses were all mean to me I just stole mine. That probably doesn't help, though, eh Thanks for your support as well. I haven't ever made it to an LLL meeting, I might try that. Good thought.
Isa, I remember that sleepiness well.
Library, hugs and hugs and more hugs for you. I have a lot of thoughts for you.
Supply, this is a hard one. She is 4 months? So she is probably in the middle of a growth spurt. They nurse constantly during growth spurts and while teething. If you can weigh her before and after a feed you may learn that she is getting a lot more milk than you realize. There is a recipe someplace for milk making cookies. Your DP could make some for you to take in your lunch. They have oats and brewers yeast and stuff to help your body make more milk. Another thing, can she bring Alice to nurse on your lunch? It is a PITA but it is also a lovely break in the day. Night nursing helps with supply sometimes when mom goes back to work, baby will ramp up night nursing and take very little milk during the day. Ari did that. She might take 2-4 oz during 8 hours and then make up for it at night. Alice might try something like that if you give her free access at night.
Sex. Oh my. You can't really expect to have much libedo before af (and fertility) return. Its one of those things you decide how to comromise. Use lots of lube when you decide to go for it. And it is usually more fun once you get started than it is when you're trying to work up the energy.
Pumping. Pumping is hard. If you don't let down for one pump, try another. Try making a video of Alice towatch while you pump. I can pump at work to relieve pressure but not for quantity. I always pumped while nursing if I needed milk to feed. Right when you get home and first thing in the morning will be milky times. If she can come to you for lunch I would pump then, too.
It makes sense that she is nursing with you non stop. She misses you. Babies will often save their complaints for the one they trust the most.
Depression. I hate to say it, but it's hard to tell how deep the water is when you're treading it. No one wants to recommend counciling. It's a hard thing to say to someone you love. So she may be right. If you go see someone, she might say you're fine and your dp should try to accept that, but if she sees signs of depression she can help come up with a plan to get the world right again.
Escher, BH are totally normal. They are also very different than real contractions. My iron is good. Thanks for thinking of that.
AOTD: I never even thought about it. After O I wore a t-shirt at home and my prepregnancy clothes (I was 22). After A I wore a t shirt and maternity clothes when I left the house. I will still be in maternity clothes and pjs this time.
AHope, i sling my boob over the carseat ALL.THE.TIME. it kinda sucks, makes my back sore and such but it works LIKE A CHARM! glad to know someone else does it too.
afm, worst night in a while... DS was up every 30 min or so kicking and squirming and fussing and eating. this morning when DPs alarm went off (vibrate), DS woke again... she was a saint and let me sleep for 45 min and got ready for work while entertaining him. best sleep i've had in ages! i even got to sleep on my belly, spralled across the whole bed!
DS - planned born via 4/4/2011
I only have a moment now (I got called to cover the PE class~ freeze tag with the kindergarten!!) but I wanted to thank Wehrli and Seraf for their amazing input. You really are my wonderful ones. xoxo More later (TAG! I'm it!!)
Library: I totally agree with both Isa and Wehrli. If you want to try to up your supply, I'd super strongly encourage you to get help either from LLL or from an LC. With my oversupply, I just found the local LLL chapter's website and called the leader identified there. I had gone to one meeting, but they would have been happy to talk to me even if I hadn't, and they were incredibly helpful. The LLL website is also loaded with high quality practical information; there are multiple articles on every possible bf-related topic. Re sex: intimacy is a tricky thing, even without the bf-ing hormones, and I can totally see not being interested when you are feeling scrutinized and defensive. I'd start with some couple time (possibly even an hour or two scheduled in during naptime on a weekend, if you can't get out) and talk through how both of you are feeling. It is cheesy, but you might even try the thing where each person talks in turn and no one is allowed to interrupt or respond until both people have spoken and then mirrored back what she heard the other person say. So: your turn to talk, her turn to mirror what you said, her turn to talk, your turn to mirror what she said. That way you both get genuinely listened to and heard. I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who isn't being supportive and compassionate (at least not more than once ). Finally, I'd say that what you are going through is SO normal. New baby adjustment, BFing hormones, and going back to work--that is just a recipe for stress even for really solid couples. We're finding my DP's first week back at work challenging (had our first actual argument since Lilah's birth on Tuesday night, her first night home after work), and DP is only on campus two days/week. Hang in there--it will get easier, but you would benefit from more support in the meantime. This is difficult stuff. Hugs to you.
Wehrli: Every 30 minutes?! I'd be sobbing by morning, for sure. I know what you mean about how amazing the sleep is when DP has the baby, though. Sprawling out in the bed alone is an incredible feeling.
Isa: You cracked me up. I laughed out loud at the little violin and then had to explain the saying to DD1. Get all the rest you can; you'll feel more like yourself again soon enough.
Escher: These are the jammies.
I didn't pay quite that much (because they were on sale in the store), but they aren't cheap. They are so incredibly comfortable, though, and quite flattering. They are stretchy with light support and easy access. Majamas also makes a Cozy Cami that is awesome for nursing in at night. I agree with Library, though--you could get by easily with a nursing cami, some comfy stretchy pj bottoms or yoga pants, and a light cotton robe to cover up when chilly or if someone drops by. When co-sleeping, you can't really pull the covers all the way up the way most people normally do, so I've found a light robe to be nice to have even while I sleep.
Crystal: I missed your last post--lovely little preggo belly! Yay!
Yellow: How goes it?
AFM: Lilah was one month old yesterday, and we had her checkup today. She is 10 lbs 7 oz! She has gained 3lbs since she was born. And she has grown an inch and a half. She has gained around 40% of her body weight in a month. Can you imagine if we did that?! Horrors. Anyway, I try to remind myself of how much work her brain and body are doing; no wonder she isn't comfortable much of the time. We actually had a really nice day today. We had our first outing with just me and both girls (to another farmers' market--I'm spending a fortune on produce, but it is so good), and it went quite well. DD1 was a big help. She is really stepping up; she even begs to change poopy diapers (with supervision)!
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Wehrli, cute new profile pic.
AmandaHope, cute jammies.
Library, I have a couple more thoughts for you.
They say the first couple of weeks are the most important for establishing supply. You girls got a rough start, but you can most likely make up for it.
I agree with the other girls that formula is an option. I have known a few teachers who nursed the baby morning, afternoon and night but the baby got formula during the day. It is a hard schedule to pump enough for. Continuing to nurse when you're not at work will continue to give here all those great breastmilk benefits. All the immune stuff and all the brain stuff. There is always pressure to do certain things, but you're the one who has to live with your decisions, so you have to make the best ones for your situation.
Our hospital offers breastfeeding classes for working moms. Does yours? Something like that may be helpful for you. It's not as easy as it is for SAHM.
Wehrli brought up a good point that got me thinking. Babies grabbing for the pump. I had to think for a while (my "baby" is 6), I know my babies weren't magically cooperative, but I typically nursed in the football hold while pumping. That way kicking, grabbing babies couldn't even see the pump. It made me wonder if you're using lots of positions to get milk from all 6 ducts. The cradle hold will drain 2 ducts, the football hold will drain 2 more and side-lying or sitting up/sling nursing will drain the last 2. Frequent position changes/ re-latches will tell your body to make more milk.
One final thought. She is fussing to nurse. When she was young her main method of communication was crying. You both had a rough time and she learned that cry=boob. She doesn't know that for you cry=frustration=less milk. Now that she is growing up you can teach her a new sign. I might do something like this. Say I want the baby to do something obvious and kind of cute. Maybe lip smacking coupled with the sound mum mum mum or something. When the baby was happy and playful (NOT hungry) I would find someplace comfy, take off my shirt and put the baby on my lap. Start with something fun for baby. Maybe bounce her on my lap and then make my sign and pull her face right up to the boob. Give her a chance to latch on and nurse for a minute then pop her off and blow raspberries on her belly, make the sign and pull her right back to a boob. Give her a minute and start again. I might swing her up in the air, tip her upside down, nibble her toes, tickle her, whatever strikes my fancy. Every time I would smile, laugh and between every activity I would make the sign as I pulled her up to the breast. I would offer in every position during this game for the positive association. I would play the game as often as possible until she started making the sign. I would watch closely for any sign of the sign from her and offer the breast at the first lip smack. Babies want to learn and communicate with us. They will go with what they know to get their point across. Kind of like us, I guess.
AFM, nothing going on in this part of the woods. Well nothing with me. Lots of family drama (heart attack and car accident). Sara is off at the doctor getting her ultrasound to see if she's ready for the trigger shot. We are super excited. Oh, just got the news, the egg is almost 22 mm. I know I have a whole person in my abdomen, but that just sounds like a huge thing to have in your abdomen.
Ari designed herself a hat. It kind of cracks me up.
Here's the view from the back.
It ties under her chin and the part that covers her shoulders will go inside her coat, so she doesn't need a scarf. Then she can wear a warmer, itchier hat on top without it making her itch. She thought it through, I suppose, but it sure looks silly as warm as it is today.
Good morning everyone!! All my thanks and love to everyone who weighed in on my plight. You've given me lots and lots of support and encouragement as well as food for thought. I do believe things will improve, and know that I'm willing and probably able to get through the toughest stuff since it's really worth it. I also appreciate so much just feeling like I"m not alone. Alice does nurse through the night, and before work and then right after, so I think that even if she has to get a formula bottle or two during the day that she's still getting the boobie benefits and I don't have to feel so guilty. I'm eating lactation cookies right this very minute and am about to go into my 'special office' (the a/v closet) and pump (keeping a close eye out for scorpions and fiddlebacks which have been rampant this year). DP and I talked a bit yesterday and I think she realized just how hurtful and unsupportive she'd been (I came home to find much housework done...always a sure sign) so I think we'll manage to make it. Alice was in a wonderful mood yesterday, which helped a lot. She was blowing raspberries and giving me hugs around the neck and 'kisses' (i.e. pressing her open mouth up against my face) and just reminded me what a brilliant baby she is and how much I adore her. So thank you again for letting me vent and for giving me such good advice. I never believed you could really make connections and friends on line, but I've felt real love and care from you all over the past couple of years. Thanks again and always xoxoxox
WEHRLI~ I hope last night was better for you. I've had those every-30-minute nights and they are so awful. That's when I'd just make the heap of pillows agains the headboard and sleep sitting up with her in my lap. Yay for your DP giving you the whole bed and a 45 minute nap. Amazing!!!
SERAF~ I love the hat! It kind of looks like a modern take on a sunbonnet, and I love the innovation behind keeping her neck warm and avoiding scratchy hat syndrome. Clever!! Best of luck for Sara's trigger shot. I hope you have more baby action going on in your house soon.
AHope~ Hooray for your biggo baby!! I'm glad she's growing. Must be all the good food you're eating! I hear you about the produce and the farmer's market. We've been roasting veg like crazy, making veggie lasagnes and guacamole by the ton. The only good thing about this nighmarishly hot summer is that the watermelons are SO GOOD. DP and I have been eating two a week. YUM! I even let Alice suck watermelon juice off my fingers the other day. She loved it!!
TGIF!!!! We had assembly and I mime-rapped Bust A Move. The children were delighted.
ahope, cute jammies!! and congrats that DD2 is gaining nicely!! happy one month!!!!
seraf, cute hat! Ari is very clever, indeed! must take after her Baba...
afm, my night was better... i forgot to mention that DS started to roll from back to front yesterday morning and hasn't stopped since. he is also clearly going through a teething stint. i think that was the culprit for the restless night. last night was restless but i was able to pat him to sleep most of the times. just up at 3a once to rock in the chair to get back to sleep. we slept until 7:20a!!
ok, time to get ready for our outting today... 3 month pics (at almost 5 months, lol) and grocery shopping. wish me luck.
to all... especially mami... FX for a wonderful reunion!
DS - planned born via 4/4/2011