Starling: CRAP about the possible pre-e. I'm hoping that with some great natural support, you can hold it off. I'm so sorry you have to struggle with this again. Hugs to you.
Crystal: Hugs to you, too! What a terrible scare--I'd be a wreck. But I'm thrilled that your little one is doing well and am optimistic that you'll get through this rough patch just fine in the end. Hang in there.
Seraf: Seriously funny story. I can just picture Sara laughing hysterically while you try to be diplomatic and explanatory.
Indigo: Hope the Zofran has arrived (or will very soon). Poor DP.
AFM: Somewhat less weepy today. Would say more, but I hear Lilah crying with DP upstairs--this is her fussy hour. Take care!
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Crystal, hugs to you. I had a big bleed at 13 weeks with O. It's really scary. Did they put you on bedrest? Sorry no advice but lots of hugs.
Starling, protein! I'm sure you're doing all you can in the eating department, but I've often heard of people having good results with staving off pre-e by eating a firghteningly large amount of protein. Like midnight snack and everything. Albumen blah blah. Maybe protein shakes would help if you can't get real food in? Reminds me I need to check my urine, too.
Indigo, Wow, autocorrect changed indigo to nudity. Sorry, I'm distractable. Hope you got good drugs in the mail.
AmandaHope, no one was diplomatic. Sara, the nurse and I were all cracking up. Sara was the only one crying about it tho.
We got to meet baby Harrison today. It was way fun. He is so tiny, I swear I don't believe my kids were every that tiny (I'm not even sure that this one is, LOL) my memory is oozing out my ears, tho. Then we pulled up a floor, then the floor under it and the floor under that. We got down to the subfloor on almost half the bathroom floor. Yikes. We got worn out.
Here's a belly pic from today, me looking a bit worn out from all my backbreaking labor. Night.
Update: Hello ladies! We hope all the new babies are doing well and adjusting to life outside the womb. As for us we were sent to have an anatomy scan of the baby on Monday and as usual our little one refused to cooperate. After about 45 minutes we were finally done and when we asked the us tech if he noticed anything abnormal his reply was that "everything looked good and proportionate". He does not see any signs of Down Syndrome and all the organs look just fine. We are a little relieved but still maintaining realistic to the fact that we will not really know until the baby is born. We are still doing our best to settle in to the new home and currently searching for candidates to paint the nursery so we can get it all started.
Me (29) in with DW (40)
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby Bella (Yorkie)
Layla Janae 11/22/11
Poor dp. She did good tonight and didn't barf although she had several moments. She threw up this morning before we left for work. I hope the drugs get here tomorrow!
In other news, ds1 and I felt the baby kick tonight and saw dp's belly jiggle a little. Ds1 was super excited. I told him today that the baby might come in January like ds2 and he excitedly told ds2 this news.
Ds1 starts pre-k next week. There was another incident in the preschool room at his old daycare where a teacher grabbed a kid and scratched him and then lied on the incident report and tried to coach the kid to lie to his mom. Thankfully he did not and we've managed to add this to the state investigation (it is under review because I complained to the director) and to the official complaint to the daycare Corp office. What a carry on. I feel like I need to continue to follow through because it is the right thing to do.
Crystal, how scary! My sister had a sch with her middle son and it resolved itself. Fx that will be the case for you too.
Mami, great news!!
Starling, ugh! Do keep us posted.
Hey Crystal - Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your bleed out! Yes, it is the scariest thing EVER! In fact, I had 2 bleed outs early on. My first one was at 5wks and my second was at 7wks. The second one was much larger and accompanied with CRAMPS like I had never had before! I was convinced it was a miscarriage. Luckily, the little man stuck around. Ok, so here's my 2 cents, based solely on my experience. Apparently, alot of women have these - 25% end up with one. But, only about 5% (I think was the #) actually bleed out. Lucky us, right? It's my understanding they can be caused by 2 things - 1. the embryo implants, then decides it doesn't like that spot and relocates, which leaves a whole or sorts. 2. It's caused when the placenta attaches to the uterine lining. Still, it's the scariest damn thing I've ever dealt with! My SCH ended up getting HUGE! At one point it was 3 times the size of my sac, and I think measured 10.5 x 15, if I am not mistaken. I pray yours doesn't get anywhere close to that size. My RE ended up putting me on bedrest for 5 weeks because of the size. My advice to you - no heavy lifting of anything over 5lbs, no pelvic action (or orgasms - sorry DP), drink lots and lots of fluids and take it easy on the couch as much as possible. Mine ended up absorbing around week 11, and my RE released me to my OB. The only positive thing about it was getting a weekly u/s was getting to see the bean grow from week 5 - week 11. That rocked! It was scary to see the baby on the monitor then see the size of the SCH right next to it. :( Every doc is different but those were the instructions per my doc. I feel blessed every day that mine absorbed. And like 95% of all absorb by week 20, apparently. Hopefully, yours will sooner than later! Hang in there. Feel free to PM with ANY questions and I'll try to help. Someone else had a SCH. I want to say it was Starling or Cejae maybe. Anyway, hang in there. You'll be in my thoughts!.
Me (35). DP to S (39) ; Mommy to DS: J (6), Furball Pupps: L (10) & S (1) and a new little baby boy arriving on/around Dec 2.
Thanks everyone, especially 2ez! It is comforting that yours was so big and resolved itself. They didn't put me on bed rest just said not to excercise or do anything strenuous but I have decided that I will exaggerate that to bed rest except for driving DP to and from work. As much rest as possible. I read that 2nd trimester SCH are more dangerous because of why they are formed or something, I stopped reading becuase I can't handle MORE worry. The dr said the blood could be there from before the baby and the baby is just growing so much that it is squeezing it out. At first the ER just called it "a collection of fluid behind the placenta". Then the NP I saw today said whatever it is isn't affecting the baby because the baby is doing just fine. (Went from measuring 3 days behind in the early weeks to 3 days ahead now!) I actually have a picture where you can see it I'll try to upload it. Since the original bleed this morning I have just had a little brown now almost black spotting so I'm hoping that is good.
Most of the placenta is to the left but see the black spot below the baby's butt
(looking at the camera looks kinda scary lol so here's the profile view just for cuteness.)
Crystal (26) Single Mama to Baby Cohen born 7 weeks early December 2011 <3
Hey ladies~ Back from my workshop and SO far behind as usual...
Starling~ SO SORRY about the possible pre-e!!!!! That is no good! I don't know what you can do at this point if anything, but I'm crossing my fingers that everything goes well for you and your little fella x I'm also sorry about your crying jag. I remember crying at least once a week about my neighbors who won't let their cat come in their house, so something as important as your wedding ring is even more crucial. How's your writing going? Can you even think about something like that at this point?
Crystal~ CUTENESS!! The profile is adorb, but the face-on view is cute too, like a cute little frog (and I think frogs are very cute...) I'm sorry you're having bleeding problems, but I do remember EZ's troubles and how they resolved themselves.
Everyone else, I'm too lame right now to do real personals, but I read and think about you all. Where's Amy? Giving birth??
Going back to work was really crappy. The Mean Girl is no less mean (and that shark smile ain't fooling anyone, lady!!!) and getting up early and leaving my baby all day long is no good at all. Pumping went well, and I do want to clarify that this time is the one and only time I had/have to bathroom pump. When I'm at my actual job I have a large book/av storage closet where I'll be able to sit privately and do my thing, but we were at a different school so I had no such access. This was at least a one-person faculty bathroom in a school that had been closed and cleaned all summer, so it's as good as something like that could get. Thanks for your concern/stern words ;) The day care search is unpleasant too. We've looked at good places with quality programs but I still just don't like the thought of taking her from her home and leaving her with strangers. I know it's only two days a week for a few hours a day, but I'd still really rather not. Hopefully we can work out something else. My sister's going to watch her until she gets a job, and my sis is notoriously bad about finding work so maybe it'll work out in my favor??
Sorry I'm so lame with the personals. I'll catch up!!! I have a bunch of books to give away. It might be trivia contest time soon!! Much love.
Starling--I'm sorry about the pre-e news. I hope you're able to keep it at bay.
Crystal--hang in there re the bleed. That's an adorable baby! I'm sorry you're having a rough couple of weeks with baby scares, but I bet things will smooth out soon.
Seraf--nice bump! What's going to happen after the floor is ripped up? I need to do the same in my kitchen, and secretly hope my family will help tackle that (or building a fence) while they're here. They're a very handy crew.
Back to pounding the pavement. My dog is loving this pre-labor thing!
Hi nos! Forgot to say thank you for the positive vibes. I'm most certainly collecting them in earnest now, so the more the merrier. I'll keep you posted!
Amy ... Sounds like things are moving along. Won't be long now! I hope you don't feel like a watched pot. That would not be fun. Keep us posted! So exciting!
Library ... I'm sorry that going back to work is such a drag. I can't imagine doing myself when the babe is that young. It must be so hard to have your heart strings tugged all day long. I'm glad the pumping in the loo was a one time dealio. Thank goodness for that! I'm sending your sister can't-find-a-job vibes, in the nicest way possible. As for my writing, I'm in my office right now, while dp takes dd to a local market and water park. I'm supposed to be tackling yet another round of edits from my new editor, but I don't agree with them. This is the first time that's happened. I had a big rant with my agent about it, but decided to plug on and do what I'm told, because this woman has an incredible reputation and track record, so I'm going to (try) to trust in her process. And the cover of this upcoming book makes me want to barf. It's super trendy and stereotypically geared towards the YA girl market, after several years of cool, edgy covers.
I would much rather read your mss, which I still haven't gotten to. Soon! Soon!
ps. I'm still willing to come down there and kick the Mean Girl's butt. Just as soon as I can get cross-border medical insurance again (they don't like to insure preggo mamas past 30 weeks).
Starling: I'm so sorry about the protein in the urine and the higher blood pressure. I hope that the acupuncture was exactly what your body needed. Stay away, pre-e!
Amy: It sounds like your baby will be coming soon! So exciting! I look forward to seeing the birth announcement!
Library: I'm sorry that work was so poopy. I hope that it gets easier soon. I look forward to your next trivia contest!
Crystal: I'm sorry about your bleeding scare, but I'm very glad that everything looks good with the baby!
Indigo: I hope that the zofran arrives soon. And good luck surviving until it gets there!
Mami: Hooray for a good anatomy scan! I'm so glad that went well.
Seraf: You look great! Impressive work on the bathroom floor. What a project! What I would really like to figure out is how to make leg warmers like baby legs, but I would be curious about whatever you're making.
AmandaHope: Do you have any new pictures of Lilah? She is such a cutie.
Mizyellow: I hope your first day on your own with the kids is going well!
Does anyone have any news from Cejae? Is one of her little ones still in the nicu?
AFM: 28 weeks today. I realize that isn't any specific milestone, but I know a few kids who were born at 28 weeks, so that seems kind of amazing. I'm really enjoying the pregnancy these days. I love that my belly is getting big and round. I love that I get to feel lots of movement. I love that so many people around me are excited about this baby. I'm thrilled that the nausea finally seems to have disappeared. It's a nice time.
Starling--Arghhh...I hope the acupuncture kicks in and the pre-e stays away! Hopefully, all of our collective evnergies and good thoughts will keep the bp in check and the protein away!
Crystal--So sorry to hear about all of the drama. Hopefully, all of these things will fall by the wayside and you'll breeze through the rest of your pregnancy!
Hello to all the others out there! I swear I'll get to a full set of personals one of these days!
AFM--I had a 12 week ultrasound today! 163bpm and a very active little guy in there jumping, waving and twirling. It finally felt real for me. I'd still really like this nausea to go away, please and thank you. I think we finally feel good enough to tell DD tonight! More from me later...I should really get back to work!
Mama (37) to a sweet 4-year-old daughter, a baby girl born 1/18/12 and wife to a fantastic woman.
escher - ooo.. your update made me happy - early pregnancy is a bit rough, so it is very reassuring to hear you say you are enjoying pregnancy right now!
all - I don't have time for personals and just wanted to say that I'm following along and thinking of each of you! The new babes are so freaken beautiful. I'm thinking of each of you in your babymoons.
Things are still so not real for me, I'm not quite ready to be an active person on the board. I have another U/s next week - at 8 weeks 6 days. I'm nervous about everything i do and whether I'm damaging the LO - but summer is wonderfully distracting and relaxing. My DP is a teacher, and I've been spoiled with her home. We are off camping for a few days. and my 13th week is right before she heads back to work for back to school. IT is awesome knowing she is here for this part. Especially because I'm not all that awesome of a mom for my 2 year old these days... more of a slug on the couch kinda mom.
Sore boobs, tired and nausea that doesn't let up. except after a crazy filling meal like perogies or gnocchi. Did anyone else have their boobs grow at different speeds? this amuses me these days...
hope all are well - thinking of you Crystal and Starling - and Amy, I can't wait to hear all about your LO! ELV!
Starling: I don't know if you are planning to tandem nurse, but this story made me think of you. I cried when I read it (surprise, surprise), but it has a lovely ending. Like Seraf, I also read that very high protein (upwards of 100g/day) mitigates pre-e.
Esher: I was so happy to read your last post. I know the pregnancy has been hard to enjoy at times, and I'm glad that you are able to take pleasure in this part of it.
OneMommy: I hear you about the tough first tri. It really does get better--WAY better. I hope you are feeling less slug-like soon.
QMama: Congrats on the 12 week u/s! How wonderful! Can't wait to hear about telling DD.
Library: I want to be upbeat, but honestly, I am mourning your having to go back to work and don't really know what to say. How incredibly hard for you and your family. This is when the inhumanity of the the American employment system becomes very clear, and it is truly awful. Hang in there.
Seraf: Awesome belly. It is really nice and out there these days! You look great. I'm glad you are feeling great, too. How's that floor?
AFM: My dad is here for the weekend, and my mom will leave with him on Monday. I'm nervous about doing without all her help but almost ready to have the house back to ourselves. I'm feeling more myself today and yesterday--still a bit weepy but much less volatile. We had the 2-week postpartum appt with the midwife today and ran through the birth story a bit. It felt good to talk about it; I'm getting past the second-guessing myself phase and starting to feel more gratitude and also empowerment. I really am sad that DD didn't get there and that I didn't have my peaceful water birth, and I'm still rather shocked that I delivered in a room of complete strangers to so much drama, but I'm thrilled that I had not a single medical intervention and that I had the freedom and strength to give birth in my own time and in my own way. Meanwhile, Lilah has been sleeping ALL DAY. She wakes to eat every 3 hours or so but then passes back out. We might be in for a crazy night. Ugh.
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Stinking internet ate my post.
Mami, yay for the good ultrasound.
Indigo, It happened again? Same employee? You following through seems like a really good thing.
2ez, how about a belly pic?
Crystal, holy cuteness
Amy, I hope the baby comes soon enough for your comfort!
Starling, did you have pre-e complications with your DD? Or just something else to monitor?
Escher, here is my "to make" list from another thread.
Tights and baby legs (oh, autocorrect originally changed this to leggings. If you don't have socks to cut up, you can just cut a rectangle of stretchy cloth and make the tube shape and hem the edges) and split pants (this is a great site to look around)
Prefold belts, fleece and wool pull up covers, longies and flats (I don't hem them, just snip and rip)
Training pants and undies (for some reason I can't get them to line up in order)
Hats and bibs
Fleece blankets to waterproofpads the bed and towel squares for under the bum, mouth and my leaky breasts (I do like to hem the edge of towels)
Nursing pads (4 inch circles. All the tutes recommend 6 inch, but my breasts are just not that big), Bella band/under shirts for nursing belly coverage.
I also want to make a long sleeved baby bunting for taking the big kids sledding (from one of the kids old down coats). The babe should be under one of our coats but I want to be able to transfer her from me to Sara and back without worrying about freezing. I will probably also be making a balaclava to assist in that (I'm cold blooded, I swear. And I take it out on my babies. Picture a baby with a wool outfit on, then a balaclava then a hat and bunting. All under my coat, and I'm wearing basically the same thing. Mm hmm. But not right now. No no no.)
Qmama, yay for a good ultrasound
OMOM, boobs are amusing, it's true. My one is a bit bigger, but the other one never passes it.
AmandaHope, she's so cute. Ugh, I don't even want to think about floors.
I swear this kid is trying to burrow out my right side.
Yellow! Best picture EVER! Love it, love it, love it. Hopefully his fussiness settles down soon.
AmandaH ... And your pictures are delicious too. I love little babies. So scooshy and yummy and snuggleable. And I'm glad that you had a chance to talk over your freight-train birth.
Seraf ... Love your belly pic too! I should do another one soon. Yes, I had pre-eclampsia with my daughter. It came on like a holy terror at about 36 weeks, and I was induced by my midwives at 37 weeks and a bit, because my liver and kidneys were failing. I'm so thankful that I was still able to have a drug-free, intervention-free labour despite the circumstances. This time I'm worried because it seems to be starting earlier. You better get busy, woman! That's a long list of lovely goodies to make!
omom ... My partner calls my left boob 'Parton' and my right one 'Swank,' after Dolly Parton and Hilary Swank. The left one is massive and the right one is teeny tiny. I never made much milk on my right side. Sending you boob-evening-out vibes!
Mami ... So glad to hear that your ultrasound was reassuring. Hopefully that will set you and your partner's hearts at ease!
qmama ... Did you tell your daughter? How'd that go?
mizYellow: LOVE that pic! SO SWEET. Yum, yum, yum. Lilah is getting increasingly fussy, too. Ugh. My dad is here and has only seen her eat, sleep, and fuss. I know I shouldn't be worried about what he thinks, but it is hard not to. We're going to try going out to dinner. Am I nuts? It is possible. We're going to a low-key place that is big and never very crowded (but nonetheless has good Indian food--nothing too spicy for me, though!), and I'm just going to pray that she'll stay in the Moby and not fuss (or scream) the whole time. If we have to abandon ship and get take-out, we will. My in-laws were angling for an invitation, but I played dumb. No way could I handle a fussy baby at a restaurant with my parents and my in-laws. Holy crap. I'm glad that I *want* to go out, though--definitely feeling more myself and less reclusive, though I still plan to spend much of next week journaling in bed while DD is at camp and the house is quiet. So...do you have any idea what I making baby H fussy? Is it digestive? That is clearly Lilah's problem. We started infant probiotics and digestive enzymes, hoping that would help, but now she hasn't pooped in 12 hours (when she was going every 2-3), so I'm waiting for the explosion and/or insane crying jag. We'll probably get both at dinner. Sigh.
Here's a QOTD: How do you feel about whether the baby looks like you?
My DD definitely does look like me a bit but much more like her donor. Lilah seems not to share any of my features and seems to look a LOT like her donor. DP says I make beautiful babies that look like their donors. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The academic part of me works hard not to be invested in biology, but the vain/social part of me likes visible evidence of my bio connection to these babes. But then that feels selfish (and vain). I'm sure the rest of you have more sophisticated thoughts about this...
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
AmandaH ... I'll share a take-a-newborn-out-to-dinner story (I think I've told this one before, so skip it if it looks familiar). E was about two weeks old, and we went to a Chinese fusion food place with my sister and her gf. It's a trendy but laid back place. We were seated across from a table of exquisitely styles, uber chic babydykes, who stared at us as we sat down. They'd been the rowdy table until we took out seats, and they ate the rest of their meal in a kind of bizarre silence, while I wrestled with nursing the baby, yanking up my spit-stained shirt while trying to eat 'deconstructed' lettuce wraps with one hand, dp ordered yet another beer and ranted about her restaurant shutting down due to the recession, and my sister and her gf bickered loudly about their money troubles. The table of babydykes stared, slack-jawed, until we got up to leave. As we were going out, I said, "Yes, girls, this is you in fifteen years!" Funny now. Not so funny then. I hope you have a much better time!
QOTD: No big deal to us. DD isn't genetically related to either of us. As it happens, she looks rather like DP, and lots of people say so. She and I look nothing alike. I don't mind at all.
Amy? Baby update? What's going on, oh labouring one?
Yellow, darling picture. Bummer he's uncomfortable. Maybe he would like to spend some time with me, we could whine together.
Starling, Pre-e is nerve racking. You aren't full blown yet are you?
AmandaHope, I took Osha out to an Indian restaurant when he was 5 days old. He slept through it. I hear they sleep more when the environment is more stimulating, so maybe you'll get lucky. (I was told that he was far to young to be out of the house, they told me that in India babies don't leave the house before 30 days.) Ari, of course, never stayed home. I seem to be getting more relaxed the more I have, since I'm actually talking about the NEWBORN needing a snowsuit. Have you tried abdominal massage? Just a little oil on your hands and make clockwise circles on her belly, alternate with bicycling her legs and putting her knees/feet up to her chest. A great hold or fussy babies is just like the cradle hold but chest down on your arm.
AOTD: I couldn't give a hoot what my babies look like so long as they don't have sleepy eyes. There is a specific look about the eyes that I find unattractive, lol. As it stands O looks just like me (except the lips). Ari looks nothing like me (except the mouth, she has my teeth and lips). Everyone says they look just like each other. I think I have ranted about it before. They both have blue eyes, but he has clear blue eyes with almost no ring around the iris and she has grey/blue eyes with a dark ring around them. It cracks me up that other folks think they look the same. I have heard that most babies strongly resemble their fathers during the first year of life, so the father would be encouraged to stick around. Totally unsophisticated. I have certainly thought about the fact that I'm glad the one who looks nothing like me has a KD who I know and love. FWIW i can see a fair resemblance between you and your older DD and between your DDs (I imagine the bit that connects your DDs is something you possess but it's harder to see how a newborn looks like an adult.)
qotd: we used the same donor for ds1 and ds2 (and the babe-in-belly). ds1 looks just like me. ds2 looks just like dp. i am fascinated by genetics, so here goes with my observations:
ds1 has big blue eyes
ds2 has hazel/brown/green eyes that are almond shaped (dp is 1/2 filipino)
ds1 and ds2 have detached earlobes (mine are attached, donors are detached, dp's are detached) but the detached lobe shape and ear shape are different
ds1 and ds2 are both big boys, 95th percentile. ds1 is tall and skinny, ds2 is more solid (of course that may change as he gets older)
ds1 has light brown very curly hair. ds2 has fine, straight blonde hair.
ds1 has a cleft chin. ds2 does not (donor has a cleft chin).
ds1 and ds2's face shape is different.
ds1 and ds2's noses are different.
ds1 and ds2 have super big feet but they are not the same.
so even using the same donor our boys have many differences!
Starling: I remember that story and laughing hysterically when I read it. It is a classic, for sure. Thanks for reminding me of it. My DP feels the way you do about the unimportance of biology; I feel sheepish that I get more hung up on it.
Seraf: Thanks for the gassy belly reminders. We did all those things with DD1, but Lilah screams bloody murder if she is already fussy and I touch her stomach. Who would have imagined that a barely 8-lb creature could scream so loud! Luckily, she hasn't had a crying jag like that in a few days, now. I'm hoping the digestive enzymes are helping.
Dinner update: It went beautifully! She slept, nursed discreetly (first time using one of those nursing cover thingies), and stared blissfully into the face of whoever was holding her the whole meal. Wow! She fussed a bit after we got home, but nothing major. She switched to eating every 2 hours over night, though--must be a growth spurt already. Nips are sore, but I'm so happy that the nursing is going so well.
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Hello all--Well a few of you have asked how my 3 1/2 year-old DD reacted to the news that she was going to be a big sister. Her response was lukewarm, sort of nonplussed really. She continued to slurp happily away on her noodles. I totally thought she was going to get it, but instead her reaction was rather unremarkable. She did ask for a sister an hour later. And then a brother after that. Now she's back on sister. It was pretty cute yesterday when she came over to my belly, introduced herself and gave the little nugget a proper greeting. Then she looked up at me and asked why the baby wasn't answering her back. Boy is this kid gonna be disappointed when a newborn comes out and not an instant playmate. I think once my belly starts to grow, it'll make it more real for her. For now, we're just taking things slowly with her.
A question: I feel kind of silly and embarrassed even bringing this up, but I need a little advice. DP is seriously starting to get nervous about having a second child. She is worried that she won't be able to love this new child, that the new baby won't be as amazing as she thinks our daughter is, and above all she is worried about having a boy. Even though we try not to be caught up in gender/sex/anatomy, she is very intimidated by the idea of raising a son. Have any of you dealt with this before? I keep trying to reassure her that we are equally as capable of raising and boy as a girl--that we will give them the same love and instill the same values. It's beginning to feel like this weird little shameful, dark cloud over my pregnancy. It has been hard to have a conversation about it because it seems so ridiculous to be caught up over it. Then again, ignoring it is only making the fear spin that much more out of control. Any experience or advice, especially from those raising sons?
Mama (37) to a sweet 4-year-old daughter, a baby girl born 1/18/12 and wife to a fantastic woman.
Qmama, I think it's natural to worry about the changes that come with a new baby. Worry about how they will fit into the family and affect each person and the dynamics between everyone else. I remember before Ari I was terrified about the logistics. Specifically what I would do in a car accident where I had to get them both out (weird, I know). Once she came I calmed down a lot. Yellow just told us how much her heart expanded and it's true. There isn't much I can say to comfort your partner now, but she will understand soon enough. Boys, tho. Boys are a whole other issue. They aren't the same as girls. They are differently amazing. It starts easy. They have the same basic needs as any other babies. They need fed and cleaned and safe and warm and you get a chance to know them. You grow to adore them long before any difference is obvious. He will become mobile and expressive and you will only fall deeper in love. Toddler boys are not necessarily crazier than girls. I think that's true all the way up. My son met few of the stereotypes. He was very verbal, happy to sign, cautious, generally safe. He has never hit his little sister. He is neither physically nor verbally aggressive. He loves math and science but he is also happy to cook and he sewed a birthday gift for Sara. I'm rambling but you have time to fall in love with whoever joins your family. Do I worry about him as a teen? No more than I worry about his sister. Either of them could grow up to be junkies, that's my biggest worry because of the drug culture around here. Unplanned pregnancies are hard for boys and girls. As adults? He has been a very sensitive child raised in a reasonably healthy family. I think he will do just fine. Just like your child, regardless of sex.
Amanda- I am so glad Lilah's first dinner debut went well, we ahve taken baby H out a few times and he sleeps through most of it and nurses through some. I can not use a nursing cover, they stress me out. So I just make the waiters try not to stare at my very large breasts. They are HUGE. I would stare at them :) I am not sure what the deal is with baby H. He is pretty much fussing when awake except between the hours of 1:30pm and 3:30pm. He is awake and happy for some reason during this time which also happens to be Lennon's nap. Which means, no nap for a very tired mama! Lennon has a pretty severe dairy gut allergy and it all started with fuss and gas so naturally I have already cut that out to see if it helps. I got some gripe water. I need to check out the infant probiotics. Perhaps I will run to Whole foods tomorrow and grab some. I am nearly certain it is just immature gut but can't help but to be paranoid and nervous. I am glad you are feeling better. I am less weepy for sure but still a little bummed by how quickly it is going. I hate how qucikly life passes when you have kids. I just want to hold on to every single tiny moment and they seem to fly right by me. Sigh. I am glad nursing is going well, it is for us too. My nipples are a little raw as well and there have been a couple 3AMs where if I had a paci in the house it would have been stuck in his mouth but overall I am loving every milky moment of it.
Starling: Pre-e?! Oh no! Do you have to get monitored all the time? What is your BP looking like? I would love to see a belly pic! Lennon is doing better with the defiance these days (just to ease your mind) it seems to be less about the new baby as the change in routine. Once Chels went back to work and our routine went back to (a new version of) normal his behavior almost instantly cleaned up. granted, still a few moments of NOs and NEVER but overall we are back to my sweet loving 3 year old. And he adores adores adores his baby brother. I am sure (well, almost) that DD will be the same way.
My brain is so fried, that is all the personals I can even remember. I have GOT to start sleeping more.
QOTD: I am with you Amanda, it is pretty important that my kiddos look like me. So far they both look a lot like me. They have my eyes and lips. and my hair. Baby H has the donors nose and Lennon has his dad's. I cant seem to pass on my nose. I THINK baby H is going to have a small cleft (Like Lennon and I) As Lennon gets older he is looking more and more like his dad and I am sure the same thing will happen with baby H. He doesn't look anything like Chels which she is a little bummed out about. I guess I have bully genes ;)
I am going to venture a trip to the park BY MYSELF with the boys tomorrow. I wouldn't be nervous because I can totally handle it but my neck gets to hurting so bad when I am carrying him for too long. Sling or no sling my stupid back/neck can't hang. It is so frustrating. I am considering having cortisone shots to try to limit the pain. Anyone hhad this done?
chels and I are doing ok. She is wanting to be super loving and affectionate and I suck at it right now. Actually I have sucked at it from the 2nd I got knocked up. I feel so bad, but I am so consumed with babies and I have little physical affection left to give her. My poor lady.
I have already decided that I do in fact want more babies in a few years. Jesus how quickly baby fever starts to brew once no longer preggo. Hahahaahahahahhaa. gotta give you another pic. Cause i am obsessed....
qmama - tell your dp there is nothing to worry about! she will be amazed at her capacity to love two children as much as she loved one. :)
we have 2 boys and they are little energizer bunnies - on the go all the time besides napping and sleeping at night time. of course, ds1 is on the gifted spectrum and that high energy is part of that for him. they are very curious, fearless and snugglebugs. :)
ds1 likes to help me with the grocery shopping and laundry and he likes to wear his "cookerman hat" and apron and cook in his kitchen and he likes to help me bake (stirring the pancake batter as an example) and he loves flowers but he also loves sports, educational computer games, rough housing, lego, puzzles etc..
ds2 loves to have books read to him (the same one over and over sometimes) and do anything his brother is doing (this weekend he helped let the dog out and put kibbles in her bowl because that is what ds1 does).
i'm sure your dp will do just fine if your babe is a boy. :)
QMama: I can relate to your frustration with your DP's (perfectly understandable) concerns. My DP was ambivalent to the idea of having a second child, and it took us years (literally) to get through our impasse over it. It was really painful, because we both sympathized with one another and could listen really honestly, but our feelings were just incompatible. Obviously, we did it anyway, but she just couldn't get excited about the pregnancy. She was wonderfully supportive of me but didn't have her own enthusiasm about it, which was hard for me. She has chronic fatigue and was really worried about how hard life would be with two kids. She was confident, though, that once the baby arrived, she'd fall in love with the baby and do her very best to be a loving and thoughtful parent, and that seems to be how it is working out. She is crazy about Lilah--she just couldn't get excited about the abstract idea of a baby. I think that the abstract can be so much more daunting and intimidating than an actual little human being who needs you and knows you and whom you come to need and know so well. Listening to her concerns openly and reassuring her about the wonderful parent that she'll be should help, I'd think. But it isn't easy, I know.
Yellow: SWEET pic! Your boys really do look a lot alike! Your comment about waiters staring and the bbs cracked me up. Mine are huge, too, but I'm not so comfortable whipping them out in public. The nursing cover actually helps me relax and nurse Lilah peacefully. I'm glad that you are comfortable being right out there--good for you!
AFM: So it figures, my first choice press got my book proposal and sample chapters and now wants to see the whole manuscript. This is super encouraging and exciting, except that the other three chapters need light revising, and the intro and conclusion need rewriting. And I'm functioning (barely) on two hours of sleep at a time. DP is an editor and has offered to help me out with the three chapters in the next few weeks (while we don't have other work-related competing demands), but I'm not sure whether I should jump at this opportunity or tell the editor that I need longer (say, 6 months) in order to protect this precious newborn time with Lilah. It would be a huge relief to get the whole ms out, and then I'd be able to relax later on in the fall when I'm not scrambling to work on it, but I'm feeling protective right now. I've asked a few colleagues for advice, but I'm open to the wise thoughts of this group, as well!
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Well, drat, AmandaH ... That is crappy timing! But congratulations on the interest! Remind me, this isn't your first book, is it? I ask, because if it is, and this is your first choice publisher, then I would plow forward and get them the chapters if and ONLY IF you are confident that you will be proud of what you send them. Exactly how much work would this entail? If we're talking about a couple of hours a day, then okay. If you're talking full, long days on end, then it's likely not realistically possible. The book that I wrote during late pregnancy and early post-partum is so not a part of my reality. I can hardly recall writing and editing it. It was a huge surprise when the books came in the mail. I'd honestly forgotten that I wrote it! It's not my best work. In hindsight, I would've skipped that book entirely. But that was my eighth book, and it was a small, easy one, so would not have been missed from my CV.
I also want to add that with the economy shifting as it is, I'd get a contract signed and an advance paid asap, if I could. The publishing industry is often one of the first to go soft during hard times.
Amy? How are things?
qmama ... DP is really nervous about having a second child at all, being that she is head over heels in love with dd and cannot imagine feeling that immense love for another child. She also loves our little family as it is, and is truly enjoying the sleep that has come since dd started sleeping through the night. Add to that the fact that this next baby is a boy child, and her anxieties have heightened. I don't tell her how it will be, and perhaps she'll have some hard feelings for a while, but I am confident that this baby will find his own unique space in her heart. I have no doubt, to be honest. DP is a spectacular parent (total strangers and neighbourhood shopkeepers comment on it!), and she comes by it naturally. As for the boy factor ... other than getting used to dealing with a penis in the diaper (I hear they pee when the diaper comes off, right, seraf, mizyellow?), it's really a matter of getting to know the individual child. I've been carefully observing boys as of late, and I can't really come up with any generalities except that their slights against each other are far more short lived than when girls get a grudge on. I'm rambling ... time will tell, is the answer.
We have a lot of little boys in our life ... dd's best bud is a boy who is only three days older than she is. I think I'd be more nervous if I didn't know any little guys.
Yellow, Cute picture. I never got comfortable with a nursing cover either. I am much less stare-able, tho.
AmandaHope, congrats on the publisher. I don't know enough about the industry to know what would be expected.
Starling, They have a reputation for doing just that. I have gotten a pee fountain from my daughter, too, tho. All you do is pop a cloth wipe over him or hold him over a potty and you'll be golden without the shower.
Escher, I saw your post elsewhere about flying with a 2 month old. I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't worry about germs any more than on public transportation. Just take an empty water bottle to fill up once you get past security. Nursing makes you thirsty but it's way less drama than trying to take bottles onto a plane. We have a 4 hour trip and a 14 hour trip planned for december. I would fly for the 14 hour trip if I thought I could afford it (haha, plane tickets for 4 cost about as much money as I need to take a month off work, probably not going to happen).
AFM, I might be out of a job next week. I just found out last night. They're talking about putting my patient into a nursing home. I find out next Tuesday.