Any Canadian lesbians use a known donor? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-07-2011, 08:59 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi folks,


Well I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy and it's really setting in that we need to figure out how we plan to move forward on the legal aspects of our son's parentage. We used a known donor so I know that we need to formally have him give up his rights and have my wife take on the rights and responsibilities. Our donor is a dear friend and an all around awesome guy and we have absolutely no concerns about him.


So I'm just wondering for those of you who chose this route - did you use a lawyer to do the second parent adoption? Is it at all possible for us to find the forms and do it ourselves? I don't mind paying if I have to (obviously it's pretty important!) but since there won't be anyone protesting anything it just seems silly to spend a few thousand dollars that I could put to better use.


Also, does anyone know how to best go about filling out the live birth form? Will it be easier down the road if both the donor and I are listed or is it easier if just I am listed?


Thanks in advance for any info you have!!

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#2 of 4 Old 07-07-2011, 10:16 AM
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I haven't done it, but I'd say hire a lawyer. Just in case. In case anything, years from now, when you don't expect it, something happens and you want to be totally sure that everything was filed exactly right. It's not that much money for the peace of mind that you will never have to think about this again. I did my own divorce paperwork, and even now (years later) I idly wonder occasionally if we did it wrong and are somehow still legally married, even though I know it's silly...

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#3 of 4 Old 07-07-2011, 12:07 PM
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We used a KD and we're just in the adoption process right now.  We're in Ontario so this may/may not apply to you. Given that we didn't know what papers to file or how we went the lawyer route (and if anything went wrong we'd already have legal counsel in place).  We were told it will cost us $1500-$2000.


1) Birth registration.  At the time of birth, you complete the online registration for the birth of the baby (it's a 4 in 1 process, so you can also do birth certificate, SIN and child benefits at the same time).  Because we used a known donor, only put the birth mother's name on the registration.  Here's the form -


2) Birth certificates. Order the long form birth certificate in order to proceed with the adoption.  It will take 15 business days from the time of registration to receive this document.  We didn't order the short from birth certificate at this time because once the adoption is complete, we have to amend this paperwork, and re-order the certs with both of our names on them.


3) Second parent adoption. Each of the parties (you, your wife and your donor) will need to retain separate/independent legal counsel for the process and it is your wife who will initiate the adoption process (you and your KD don't need to meet with legal counsel prior to the paperwork being sent to them).  Your wife's lawyer will draw up all of the paperwork and then send it on to your lawyer and your donor's lawyer.  You and your donor meet with your respective lawyers and sign the papers giving consent for your wife to adopt.  There is a 21 day waiting period where any of the three parties can withdraw your consent.  After this time, but prior to the completion of the adoption, any of the three parties can withdraw consent by requesting that to the judge.  At some point in time you get a court date (and I can't remember if this is right or not from our other adoption via CAS, but you do get the option to meet with the judge) and the adoption is finalized.


FWIW you can apparently get all of the paperwork from the courthouse and file on your own.  It's just not easy to find out what paperwork you need and how to fill it out since our families aren't recognized on the form and the court apparently doesn't like too many amendments to their paperwork and has been known to reject the paperwork (according to our lawyer). 


These second parent adoptions are not that common (our lawyer said she does 5 or so a year) and therefore not all lawyers are familiar with the process.  I can let you know which lawyers we used in Ottawa and Toronto if that's helpful (our lawyers apparently work together frequently on these adoptions).

DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

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#4 of 4 Old 07-07-2011, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks so much for the detailed response! I am in Ontario so I will send you a PM about lawyers.

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