What names should our kids call us?? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 23 Old 09-23-2011, 10:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in a lesbian relationship and we're currently going through iui to concieve.. As I will be carrying the child, I will be called Mom or Mommy. My partner's name is Merri, so we were planning on calling her MeMe but she feels as if that name sounds too much like a grandmothers name.

 

Mommy #1 and Mommy #2 is out of the question. We want to raise our child with our own proper names.

 

Any Suggestions??


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#2 of 23 Old 09-24-2011, 04:46 AM
 
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I have carried 2 kids with a previous partner and they called us mama and baba until they got a little older and now they call their mama by her first name.

My partner and I are currently expecting. We are planning on being mama and baba again. I have been Baba for 8 years, so I'm not about to change. This time the kids can't call us by our first names because we both have the same first name.

There have been several threads on this topic if you search the forum.

Also, because it's the weekend response may be slow.

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#3 of 23 Old 09-24-2011, 05:22 AM
 
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my DP and I have a 6 month old son. we plan on letting him decide what he wants to call us... should be interesting. winky.gif

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#4 of 23 Old 09-24-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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We decided that DW would choose the title she wanted.  She chose "mommy" (I'm "mama").  We both felt strongly that it was VERY important in our family for the non-gestational parent to have a parental title that others would recognize as a name for mother--I was going to get the automatic recognition, so we wanted to even the playing field as much as possible.  Other families make different choices that work best for them--this has proven to be the best choice for us :)

 

edited to add:

 

DS (17 months) clearly calls me Mama and DW MommmMommmm (he can't make the "e" sound of Mommy yet)--which is absolutely adorable!

 


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#5 of 23 Old 09-24-2011, 01:38 PM
 
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I chose to be called Mama (I like it better than Mommy) and my DP is Mommy. DD is 20 months old and has distinguished between the two names very adamantly for some time now :)


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#6 of 23 Old 09-25-2011, 12:00 PM
 
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Different things fit for different families, but if you both identify as moms, I'd strongly encourage you to consider giving your partner dibs on her first choice of "mom" type name. For some it can be a hard road to feel really secure in parenthood as a non-bio-mom (some, not all), and nothing beats the feeling of your kid yelling "mama" or "mommy" (or whatever your favorite is) really loud, making your relationship crystal clear to anyone else on the playground. Constantly explaining a non-standard parent name takes work and commitment, more than we realized when we planned names. My wife is "Ima" (hebrew for mom, and we know other kids, even in straight families, who have an Ima) and  I'm "mama." My wife gave birth to our first and it meant a lot to have the "mama" title while finding our footing as a family. My wife is a fabulous "Ima" but it is harder for her than it is for me to navigate new situations and explaining definitely gets old.


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#7 of 23 Old 09-26-2011, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone!!  <3


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#8 of 23 Old 10-01-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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Our kids call us mama and miimii (pronounced MeMe) :)

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#9 of 23 Old 10-02-2011, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know, we're definitely liking the sounds of MeMe, I'm glad to see other people use it, too!!  winky.gif


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#10 of 23 Old 10-12-2011, 12:33 PM
 
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My DP is MeMe to my two daughters. When we have a child of our own she still wants to be called Meme. I on the other hand would like her to be mama, but she said that she doesnt want our child asking shes mama and meme.


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#11 of 23 Old 10-19-2011, 12:20 PM
 
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Another Mama/Mommy pair, here (though, like wishin'&hopin's LO, DD (1) can't yet make the "eeeee" sound of Mommy, so DP is Mommmmmmmmmom).  :-)

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#12 of 23 Old 10-20-2011, 07:19 PM
 
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We're a Mama/Baba pair. :-)


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#13 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 08:08 AM
 
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I have a question for the mommy/mama pairs:

My mother was Mommy when I was little, which became Mom when I was older, and I find it easy to say "my mom always said/did/...." So, to me, mom is a noun that can be used to replace mother in conversations with people unfamiliar with your family structure, where a less "mainstream" (at least in the U.S.) version like Ima, MeMe, even Mama, sounds odd to me in this context (as though they are names rather than nouns?). You could say to your best friend "my ima says..." but you mightn't say that to someone you just met, because they might not know what relationship you are referencing, or it might sound like too childish a name.

I really like Mama, and have considered using it when I have kids (I may be doing it on my own, which would simplify the initial decision). But, I have trouble picturing my teenager or adult child calling me Mama. If I'm the only parent, I would consider Mama->Mom to be a pretty natural progression, but what if you are a two-mother family, what are the "grown-up" versions of your titles. Anyone have any experience with this, or noticed what lesbian couples with older kids around you have done?

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#14 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 08:30 AM
 
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My kids are getting older (6 and 8.5).  Old enough to call me mom.  They don't.  When they say, "My baba said..." if someone doesn't understand they can just ask.  

 

However, when they were really young they didn't get it.  One time a couple of people came to the door and asked my then 3 year old, "Is your mom or dad home?" and he just said no and they left. Like 3 year olds just hang out at home while their parents are away.  So when we go big places like the state fair or something where I worry about getting separated I always remind them that Mom is a word for parent and if they get lost to tell the police that they can't find their mom and what my name is and all that.

 

DP, who is my partner, but not the big kids' mom says they don't correct when people refer to her as their mom.  They just smile.  So I'm sure they get it, but it doesn't come up a lot.


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#15 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 09:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fillefantome View Post

I have a question for the mommy/mama pairs:

My mother was Mommy when I was little, which became Mom when I was older, and I find it easy to say "my mom always said/did/...." So, to me, mom is a noun that can be used to replace mother in conversations with people unfamiliar with your family structure, where a less "mainstream" (at least in the U.S.) version like Ima, MeMe, even Mama, sounds odd to me in this context (as though they are names rather than nouns?). You could say to your best friend "my ima says..." but you mightn't say that to someone you just met, because they might not know what relationship you are referencing, or it might sound like too childish a name.

I really like Mama, and have considered using it when I have kids (I may be doing it on my own, which would simplify the initial decision). But, I have trouble picturing my teenager or adult child calling me Mama. If I'm the only parent, I would consider Mama->Mom to be a pretty natural progression, but what if you are a two-mother family, what are the "grown-up" versions of your titles. Anyone have any experience with this, or noticed what lesbian couples with older kids around you have done?

lurk.gif

my DP and I were just talking about this... I the GP and I would love to leave any form of mom (mama, mommy, mom) for her so I considered baba, she asked what the hell would our 15yo call us then - bab (pronounced bob)? I thought she had a pretty funny point! I can't wait to know what your kiddos call you as they get older, Seraf! I would think it may be weird (to them) to ever call you mom... lol.

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#16 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fillefantome View Post
I really like Mama, and have considered using it when I have kids (I may be doing it on my own, which would simplify the initial decision). But, I have trouble picturing my teenager or adult child calling me Mama. If I'm the only parent, I would consider Mama->Mom to be a pretty natural progression, but what if you are a two-mother family, what are the "grown-up" versions of your titles. Anyone have any experience with this, or noticed what lesbian couples with older kids around you have done?


Well, my daughter's still young, but I hope I'll always be Mama. I know adults who refer to their parent as "My mama said..." or "My mama is going on a trip". It may be a cultural thing depending on what part of the country/world each of us is in.

 


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#17 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 10:25 AM
 
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I think they will eventually call me mom to their friends, but I don't really know.  Being out of the classroom they don't face much pressure to conform.  Occasionally I am called Ba.  I always joked that I would be Bob when they grew up, but Ba works, too.  Of course, Baba is a reference to grandma in some cultures and dad in others, we heard some little boys yelling for their Baba the other day in the grocery store.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by wehrli View Post

 I can't wait to know what your kiddos call you as they get older, Seraf! I would think it may be weird (to them) to ever call you mom... lol.


 


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#18 of 23 Old 10-21-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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DS has recently taken to chanting "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma  ma ma..." a LOT.  DW (mommy) was getting pretty wigged out about the "ma ma" preference.  Then, this morning we both realized that he's chanting "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma..." any time he's hungry, thirsty, cranky, tired, wants help, wants a toy, wants to be read a book, wants me, wants DW, wants a snack, wants to go outside...you get the picture.

 

Sigh.  Toddlers can be SO much fun.

 

I'll be glad when ma ma is no longer the universal term for "I want, I need or I have".  

 

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#19 of 23 Old 10-22-2011, 01:35 PM
 
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Well, as a person who has two stepmoms (both current!) I can say that I just refer to them both as my stepmom—and then differentiate if I feel like I need to. Usually I don’t bother, although sometimes it does come across as though my stepmom is some kind of awesome wonderwoman who has had every possible job on the planet, been to a million places, and raised two kids because I never get around to explaining that I’m talking about two separate people. My guess is that kids with two moms will refer to them both as ‘my mom’ when dealing with strangers (and maybe ‘my other mom’ if the second parent comes up in conversation) and save the explanations or other descriptions and pet names for people who are closer to them. I still call my father ‘daddy’ when talking to him or about him to my family, but I refer to him as my dad when talking to anyone else. Should be interesting to see what they come up with, but I’d be surprised if they get much past elementary school and refer to their parents by (nick)name to strangers.

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#20 of 23 Old 10-25-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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FWIW, I still call my mom Momma.  :-)  (and, when writing to me, she still signs "Momma."

 

So, it's not totally outside the realm of possibility to have an adult child retain Mama as your title! 


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#21 of 23 Old 10-25-2011, 02:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndzies View Post

 

So, it's not totally outside the realm of possibility to have an adult child retain Mama as your title! 

 

Thanks Lyndzies. Your post made me smile. smile.gif
 

 


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#22 of 23 Old 10-25-2011, 03:59 PM
 
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Extremely good points, fille. I have wondered the same thing, but I haven't thought about it in a while due to the distractions of ttc. I thought about what it might be like to use the format used on "The L Word" (Mama B, Mama T), but I wonder if that's too much like "Mom 1 and Mom 2." Also, our initials don't roll off the tongue as well as theirs. I called my mom "Mommy" as a little kid but switched to "Mom" when I was still pretty young - definitely less than 10.

 

With regard to your question about what other people do, my only knowledge of another couple's mom-names is a sad one: the kids called the non-bio mom "auntie," and I believe this was to avoid discrimination/violence when the kids were growing up in the 1970s and 80s. I don't know if the adult kids still call her that. Fortunately, that's not really necessary today.

 

If/when I conceive, I don't know what I and my wife will be called, but I want us both to be Mom! What about using the English "mum"? Seems like a possibility, because you would hear the difference within your family, but outsiders would pretty much hear it as "mom."
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by fillefantome View Post

I have a question for the mommy/mama pairs:
My mother was Mommy when I was little, which became Mom when I was older, and I find it easy to say "my mom always said/did/...." So, to me, mom is a noun that can be used to replace mother in conversations with people unfamiliar with your family structure, where a less "mainstream" (at least in the U.S.) version like Ima, MeMe, even Mama, sounds odd to me in this context (as though they are names rather than nouns?). You could say to your best friend "my ima says..." but you mightn't say that to someone you just met, because they might not know what relationship you are referencing, or it might sound like too childish a name.
I really like Mama, and have considered using it when I have kids (I may be doing it on my own, which would simplify the initial decision). But, I have trouble picturing my teenager or adult child calling me Mama. If I'm the only parent, I would consider Mama->Mom to be a pretty natural progression, but what if you are a two-mother family, what are the "grown-up" versions of your titles. Anyone have any experience with this, or noticed what lesbian couples with older kids around you have done?



 

 


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#23 of 23 Old 10-25-2011, 04:52 PM
 
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I had a young teen at my church with a mommy and mama.  She generally said "mom" in conversation but it was usually clear based on context and if she needed to clarify she would say "my mom" and then the mom's name.  To her moms I would hear them both getting called mom, but once again it was always obvious in context AND I did hear her call them mommy and mama on occasion.  

 

Truth be told, I could never remember who'd given birth to her--which was always a nice reminder to me how little gestation can end up mattering...


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