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Queer Parenting > New here too! (and to the TTC forum world as well)
2mommiesTTC's Avatar 2mommiesTTC 07:36 AM 09-30-2011

Hi everyone. Just taking a look around and hoping for some inspiration.  I'm so glad to have found a forum such as this. (Although I have to say that some of the language and acronyms are a bit confusing. I'm sure I'll figure it all out in time.)


Anyway, here's our partner and I have been trying to conceive for about a year.  We both want to conceive, not necessarily at the same time, but that was on the table for a minute. I'm am trying first b/c I'm a few years older (I'm 36, she's 34) and my time may run out sooner, if it hasn't already, so we agreed that this plan made sense. We started this process about a year ago and go to RHS in Pittsburgh. I have had every test imaginable and everything looks fantastic. I ovulate like clockwork and my follicles are healthy as seen by ultrasound. We are using donor sperm and do IUI's at RHS. The labs that come back show great motility and sperm count, some of the best frozen sperm numbers that our clinic has seen.  With everything looking so good, we were hopeful that we would get pregnant but understood that it might take several tries. Since I ovulate like clockwork and everything looked very good medically otherwise (bloodwork, ultrasound, perfectly clear fallopian tubes, i'm healthy in general, fit, etc etc) we started out without fertility meds.  Unfortunately, after 8 IUI's, the last two with Clomid, I haven't conceived.


I suppose I'm here to find hope again.  Over the course of 8 unsuccessful tries, it's been difficult to remain hopeful. I think if there were  a medical reason for having difficulty conceiving, I could accept it and move on, but there isn't (with the exception of my age, I suppose). This just adds to the frustration and devastation we experience every time I get my period.  It's crushing to think that I may not be able to have a child of my own. But at this point, I don't know if I can continue. I know that we are going to try with my partner, I call her my back-up uterus (gotta find humor in the situation every now and then), but it's still so crushing to think that I will never experience pregnancy or have a child of my own flesh and blood.  I know that our goal is a baby, whether it comes out of her body or mine. I naively thought that we'd each have a child, half-siblings from the same donor, and live happily ever after. The idea of my ideal family is slipping away and that has absolutely broken me.


I'm here to read your stories, to heal, to cope, to find inspiration and maybe even some ideas for what we should do that we aren't already doing. I want to have faith that our doctor is doing everything possible and guiding us accordingly, but I have this small shadow of a doubt that I can't seem to shrug off.


I'll keep on reading your posts. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. 




seraf's Avatar seraf 08:25 AM 09-30-2011

Good morning and welcome.  The TTC thread is full of great women who know lots about this.


I don't think it's hopeless.  I seem to remember that chances for each try are low, but we keep getting pregnant, so it usually works out in the end.  My partner is only 24 and she thought she would get pregnant each time because she's so young.  Each of the first 3 tries was devastating when it didn't work.  


Also, you mentioned great count and motility, but if you're using frozen, I totally advocate changing donors if one isn't working for you.  I had multiple tries with one donor, changed donors and boom, pregnancy.  This time around I think I used 3 different donors before I got pregnant.  If you're not super attached to the donor, that may be something to try.

carmen358's Avatar carmen358 11:20 AM 09-30-2011

I'm a huge advocate of acupuncture and TCM (traditional chinese medicine) for helping TTC. I suggest it to everyone :) Have you thought about trying it?

2mommiesTTC's Avatar 2mommiesTTC 09:32 AM 10-01-2011
Thanks! We tried a different donor for IUI's # 7 and 8. My partner is going to have her first IUI this month with that same donor. We had one left in storage that I'll be signing over to her. So, I guess you can say that not only did we try a different donor, but now we are trying a different uterus!

I'm still on the fence as to whether I want to try again. Believe me, if I were straight and had a male partner (ie, free sperm/free insemination) I'd try and try again. Unfortunately, money is a factor and what little we have left in our savings, I think we should focus on fertility costs for my partner. We've already spent so much on 8 unsuccessful IUI's plus all of the other out of pocket expenses for blood tests, ultrasounds, sonohistograms, etc, that I think it's only fair that we save what is left for her. It truly sucks that money is such an issue.
2mommiesTTC's Avatar 2mommiesTTC 09:37 AM 10-01-2011
@carmen358...Thanks, I have thought about acupuncture and TCM and I'm open to trying it. I recently contacted a local acupuncturist and I'm hoping to schedule an initial appt soon. I'm a little squeamish about needles but I'll suck up my fears.