Queer and Pregnant: October, November and December - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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Queer Parenting > Queer and Pregnant: October, November and December
indigoscot's Avatar indigoscot 01:47 PM 10-13-2011

library - sorry to hear about alice's sleep issues.


fwiw, ds1 co-slept with us until he was around 9 months old.  he basically slept ON dp.  around that time he managed to wriggle off her and fell out of the bed.  after that we decided to try him in the crib.  it took a few nights of him being pissed (not really crying just wailing in frustration because we would not come get him) and then he settled down and slept there just fine.  we had the odd night when he was sick where he slept with us again but that was all.


ds2 co-slept til he was over a year old.  we tried the same crib routine with him and he would.not go for it.  he would bang his head on the side of the crib and really cry and yell and kick his legs all around...it was horrible.  in the end dp and i couldn't do it.  we skipped the crib altogether and he now sleeps in a big boy bed in the same room as ds2.  i say sleeps but most nights he wakes up 2 or 3 times a night and dp (not me, he just gives me a dirty look) either has to rub his back til he goes back to sleep or lay with him.  it's not ideal since she is 7 months pregnant.  we don't know what to do.


ds1 is a fantastic sleeper. in bed by 730pm and sleeps right through unless he has to get up to pee and he does that all by himself.  i hope ds2 gets there sometime soon.


sooo, i would say crib training works for some kids but is terrible for others.


good luck and hang in there!




p.s. we do have "initmate relations"...there is hope!

prettyisa's Avatar prettyisa 02:01 PM 10-13-2011
Starling—Yowch! Getting your head stuck in the wrong place doesn’t sound fun at all—glad they got him out of there!

Escher—I hope you’re feeling better! But it doesn’t sound too likely. Maybe a massage would be good to take your mind off it as a pre-baby pampering type thing?

Sara—sorry about the chocolate! I hope you’re wrong and it’s something much less pleasant (all those beets you’ve been eating?) that’s causing the problem!

Mami—I finally got a chance to look at your kiddos—so cute! I love how they match!

Julie—Yay for full term! And yes, the full moon was really messing with everything this time around. That’s October for you.

Seraf—I made a truly ridiculous flight cap for one of the hounds out of an old leather jacket last year, and I still love it more than almost anything else I think I’ve ever made (certainly anything made in under 20 minutes). Have fun with the harness and booties!

Library—thanks! I like it, too—it’s funny to read what fruit it is supposed to be—DP thinks it’s a crock, since they don’t always seem to go in order or make much sense, but this week all calendars agree on lemon, so I’m just sticking with it. I hope Alice stops giving you so much sleep grief! And herself, for that matter. Why do babies dislike the best thing there is to do on earth, anyway?

Qmama—I love the belly! You’re so bumpy! And I’m sorry about exercise—I know how much you enjoy that normally, so it’s got to be hard to feel so cautious about it. Hopefully the nausea is gone for good, though, and you can ease back into it with no problems.

PF—soon! And yes, from what I see on the horizon, I’ll just take two 2nd tris, please.

AFM—lots going on over here! I’m getting better from being sick—just in time for our mayor to announce budget cuts that basically mean I might be getting laid off at Christmas! Yay! It still has to pass the city council, and I have faith that people will fight for libraries to keep their workers and stay open, but I’m trying to come up with a Plan B in case that doesn’t happen. DP and I met with our doula yesterday which was great—she’s a friend and very experienced and it was all very reassuring. And then this morning I saw a chiropractor about the headaches and back pain and she cracked me all over and then sent me in for a deep tissue massage, which was loverly. I’m looking forward to seeing her regularly to get some of this sorted out.

seraf's Avatar seraf 02:23 PM 10-13-2011

I have a lot more to say later, but I couldn't resist.


Originally Posted by LibraryLady View Post
... I'm worried it means more, like it's a symptom of something (mental illness? I don't know?) Like I said, she used to sleep on her own for a bit but won't any more. ... DP says it's because I've trained her to sleep this way

She doesn't have a mental illness.  She is a girl.  I speak from experience.  Girls are INTENSE.  That's why we love them.  She will grow up to be strong and independent and you will remember this but you will remember the other stuff more.  She isn't afraid to tell you what she needs.  She is doing a damn fine job of being a baby.


I'm a nice girl, but I would be very upset with my partner if she gave me a line like that.  She wants some action, line your sister up for a couple of hours of babysitting for some afternoon delight.  Whatever.  It's not the baby's fault.  The adults are the ones with more flexibility and creativity.  She naps in the swing reliably?  Good time for some cuddles.  A wailing baby does NOT put me in the mood.  A baby who cried until she barfed all over herself actually puts me out of the mood for a few days.  Cleaning up after that (I told you, I had a girl and I never tried to sleep train her in another room.  This is pure carseat experience, if I consented to it happening at the will of a partner, I would be seriously resentful.  Not saying that would happen in your house, just giving my rather passionate opinion.  Take with a grain or 6 of salt) puts me in an even less romantic mood.


Something to try, does she have a lovey?  My kids never did, but it is not a bad idea.  Basically you take a blanket or whatever and hold it whenever you nurse her.  Then she associates happy nursing times with it.  You can basically hold it right against her chest when she nurses.  Then, once she falls asleep, snuggle the blanket up against her before you roll away and she doesn't get that cold, 'mama's moving away from me' feeling and it smells like you and milk.  We like bean bags in our house in the winter.  You can warm them up in the microwave and cuddle them up with a sleeping baby, if they're not too hot.





onemommyonemama's Avatar onemommyonemama 03:03 PM 10-13-2011

Library -

If you want some ideas/reassurance - I like Elizabeth Pantley's 'No Cry Sleep Solution'. I wouldn't say it is what we used exclusively or even that we followed all her ideas. What is great about hte book is that there is tonnes of information about how often a kid at a certain age could sleep, how long, what might be the reasons for waking given their stage of life, and lots and lots of things to try or consider.


- is she often cranky during the day? allergies or intolerance to foods? is she eating any solids? Has it been worse since then?

- do you feed her constantly when lying with her or just when needed? Are you able to turn around or move aside a little in the night, or does she always need to be right near and or with breast in mouth? our DD was like this and the book gave some ideas about sleep associations and how to gently try to change them.


DP and I disagreed often about what to do - it is stressful and exausting. It helped to hear reassuring stories together, to get facts and both be on the same page at least with the information out there. We disagreed about what was right and healthy, what she 'should' be able to do at her age, what we were comfortable with in the realms of crying or fussing. It was hard we couldn't see the future and really know, at that point, what our little one needed and who she was, and how it would all come together.


I'm not looking forward to this again.  I mean some solutions work for some and nto others. some kids just love to sleep right off... and some like constant warmth, breastmilk, and only 2 night time songs sung in a certain order while rocking with head on the left side while you wear a certain sweater with one candle lit with a temperature of 72 degrees.... good grief.


THIS WILL PASS. I echo that. it is rough and I hope you and DP can at least come to some common understanding of needs/etc...


julietea8's Avatar julietea8 04:09 PM 10-13-2011

Qmama... what a great belly!!! Enjoy your food revival. Once I stopped feeling sick, I still found myself with less of an appetite throughout the rest of the pregnancy. But, that's probably because I had to eat mostly protein and veg since I was spilling sugar. 


PF... starving and exhausted is good right now, no? Not too sick I hope.


Library.... good luck with sleeping. I haven't read it yet, but I've heard good things about the "No Cry Sleep Solution." We've got it on the bookshelf and I figure I'll take it down if problems emerge. I've read too much baby prep to be able to dig into another one at this point.


Wehrli... thanks for your sleep input. I'm glad it's improved in your house. I'll miss my DW so much if we don't get any non-baby time together.  


Isa... I love that pic and would love to see them all at the end!


Seraf (and Library).... I think I might hold back on sharing the name. We've been keeping it quiet this long that it feels a little hard to spill it now. But, it's an element of nature and there's a special time for it that ends today. So, we were hoping to be able to name her and say she's was born during the time of the ___. There's another name I love and think is beautiful so perhaps we'll do a last minute switch. I'm looking forward to pics of the booties. 


Sara... that dream is too funny.


AFM: No more contractions this morning. My last centering-group/midwife appointment is tonight, so I'm hoping they can suggest things to get labor rolling. I've been using primrose for weeks and Dr. Christopher's birth prep.... obviously my body is not responsive to large amount of black cohosh. I'm going to do some house repair now and take a long walk. I thought I'd be ready to wait two weeks at this point, but I'm not. I'm quite anxious to meet her. Take care all!


escher's Avatar escher 04:29 PM 10-13-2011
Hi Everyone,

Isa: I'm glad that you're feeling better, but I'm sorry to hear about the possible budget cuts. Are you planning to continue to work after the baby comes? I can't remember what you have said about that. I love your picture! You look terrific. I remember being about that stage and feeling big.

PF: Starving and exhausted sound like good but unpleasant signs. I agree that it gets SO much more fun when people know and you can feel the baby.

Library: I'm sorry about the sleep challenges you're dealing with. It sounds like you're getting lots of good advice and sympathy. I hope that things get easier soon!

QMama: Cute belly! I'm glad that eating is getting easier.

Seraf: I'm lucky that I have a fantastic free public pool not too far from where I live, so I've been going there a lot lately. It feels great while I'm in there, although I can't tell if it is helping in general. I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of your booties! I'm still hoping you're going to have your baby before I have mine.

Sara: That's a hilarious dream. I love that she already has opinions on dresses (at least in your dreams!).

Julietea: Congratulations on reaching your due date! It's great that you're feeling ready now. I hope your little one comes soon!

Mami: Great pictures! I'm sorry that you're dealing with contractions. Stay inside, baby!

AmandaHope: I'm glad that you had such a good time with your BFF. That sounds like a terrific weekend.

AFM: 38 weeks today. It definitely feels like we're getting closer to this baby coming. My mucus plug seems to be starting to come out, and while I know that doesn't mean anything about when the baby will come (I still think I have a couple of weeks), it does make the whole we're-going-to-have-a-baby-soon thing seem a bit more real.
Thanks for the sympathy about my back. It is unfortunate that it makes it uncomfortable to walk, but I am grateful that I can still sit and lie down fairly comfortably.
mami2mami's Avatar mami2mami 06:02 PM 10-13-2011

Julietea8- We hadn't realized that there looks like a hand holding the babys' head until you mentioned it. Good eye! Congratulations on reaching full term, we can only hope we make it that far. Relax your little bundle will be in your arms soon!! We can't wait to see pics of your newest family member.


Smiling- We agree that it is much too soon for our baby to make its presence. We can only hope that if it does come early that it is strong enough to make it in the outside world already. Your dream was hilarious, I guess you might want to hold off on picking pretty pink frilly dresses!! How are you feeling?


Seraf- Yes, contractions are scary and the little one certainly gave us a fright. As far as the Down Syndrome scare we had the anatomy scan and that looked good but we will not really know until the baby is born. The doctor is seeing us weekly to make sure if the baby does have down syndrome it is not under any stress. How are you feeling? You don't have a long way to go. We're curious to know where it is you plan on giving birth?


Isa- Cute belly! We hope everything works out with the new budget cuts our dear mayor has proposed. Losing a job around Christmas would really suck. We laughed because you said you were finally able to see our kiddos. We do not put pictures of them up any where else on the internet, in fact our facebook profile pic is me and the kids at the lake from behind! Glad your sickness is going away!!


Library- We were terrified for a moment that the doctor was going to try to keep me on bed rest at the hospital. Sooo glad that didn't happen. The doctor is definitely taking good care of our little one and if it weren't for DP I would surely be lost! Do not worry about Alice and her sleep patterns, I'm sure it is not a mental issue. When DD was little she did not sleep well either, I would be up all night bouncing her and when I would stop she would cry all over again. Girls are very dramatic and I promise you it will calm down soon. Hang in there!!


QMama- What a great belly shot!! We are hoping that although the contractions are still happening the baby stays put until at least 38 weeks. As far as feeling like you're going to be pregnant forever, I can assure you the time is going to go by faster than you think. I can't believe we're at 32 weeks already, I feel like insem was just yesterday.  How are you feeling? You are more than half way there.


Pleasantly- Things are going ok wih the baby now. I hope your exhaustion is getting better. When do you plan on telling people? It does seem more real when you look down and the only thing you see is belly. I was just telling DP that I can't wait to see my feet and other areas below the belly. Feeling the baby move is great and you'll get there soon.


Escher- Congratulations on 38 weeks!! DP and I faced reality on Monday about the were-going-to-have-a-baby-soon thing. It still doesn't feel real yet. I guess we'll both know how real it is soon. Any labor signs yet?


AFM: We have a doc appt. in the morning to do a stress test. We are hoping all goes well!!

Here is a 32 week belly shot:


KSDoulaMama's Avatar KSDoulaMama 06:16 PM 10-13-2011

Well, I guess it's time for me to show up and announce myself. I can hardly believe it, but I found out two days ago that I am pregnant again- this time as a gestational surrogate for a lovely couple who have been trying for years and years to have a baby. I got a positive HPT this past Tuesday, but my betas are on Sunday and this coming Tuesday. In about 4 weeks or so we'll have our first ultrasound and we can find out how many little beans are in there! (We transferred two very healthy embryos and I would not be surprised if they both stuck.) Here we go again!

starling&diesel's Avatar starling&diesel 07:05 PM 10-13-2011

Welcome, KSdoula!  Congratulations!


Sigh ... I was going to try to attempt personals, and then thread got away from me.   So I'll give it a shot, but no hard feelings if I miss anyone.


Mami ... Cross those legs and chant some heavy duty mantras to keep that little bean cooking in there!  And great photos of your wee'uns!  Thanks for sharing.  Good luck with your stress test.  Keep us posted. 


Seraf ... Looks like H is happy to side lie nurse from the get go ... whoo hoo! 


Library ... DO NOT use sleep as ANY measure of normality when it comes to small children and infants.  Just don't do it.  There is no normal.  There is no solution.  There is no consistency in either the maddening insanity of hard times or the fleeting calm nights of the good times.  Don't read any books.  Don't research on line.  Don't hire a sleep (bullshit) 'expert'.  Your child is unique to the world of sleep.  There is a reason why "Go the *uck to Sleep" is a raging success.  We can all relate.  Many babies have a harder time around seven months, so there's that too.  The only helpful book for me (after I've told you not to read any books) is The Happiest Baby on the Block.  As for 'intimate time' ... come on, now.  Give yourself a break.  When dd was very small, we put her in the bouncy chair while she napped (after nursing to sleep on me) and did the deed with her right there in the room.


Julie ... You are SO close!  If you get desperate, I have the recipe for the mother of all labour cocktails.  Just writing that word makes me want to barf (the midwife had me take it several times when my labour stalled) and you will never want to drink the ingredients ever again, but damn, does it work! 


sara ... I hope you discovered that chocolate is just fine.  You did, right?  


qmom ... As for adding a fourth, it's still early days but so far it's way easier than everyone says it's going to be.  I think the thing to keep in mind is to not push for time.  Give yourself a million years to get things done and get anywhere.  That way you never feel like your rushing, which is fatal to the happiness of any family.  Tag team parenting, which is just fine for the time being.  Getting rid of all expectations.  All of them.  Going with the flow.  Being flexible.  Having a sense of humour.  Never blaming the baby when talking to the older child.  Never say, "I can't cuddle you right now because I'm nursing the baby" but say something like, "I'll cuddle you for sure ... in about five minutes."  That kind of thing.


wehrli ... Thanks for sharing your routine.  I'm always interested and fascinated to find out what works for everyone. 


AmandaH ... Sounds like a great time with your friend! 


escher ... I loved swimming when I was very pregnant!  It was the best feeling ever.  You're so close too!  How exciting that you're going to meet your baby soon!


isa ... that's quite the news about your job!  I hope it all works out for the best.  Great to get things sorted with your doula.  My sister was my doula both times.  She did a great job!  I hope you have a great, supportive experience with your friend.  It is so nice to have a familiar face go through it with you and your partner.  And great pic! 


Shoot, was on a roll, but baby woke up.  Later!

LibraryLady's Avatar LibraryLady 06:24 AM 10-14-2011



I have to rush of in just a moment for breakfast duty/morning assembly but I'm seriously welling up with tears at all the wonderful advice and support.  It's super corny, but I really love you wonderful ones and I feel like I get some of the best input of my life from you. Thank you for all your ideas and reassurances.  AND the greatest part is that after a rock-bottom kind of day, I tried last night just lying in the bed at 7 and feeding her 'til she went to sleep (7:40 when she finally popped off the boob) and sneaking out of the room AND IT WORKED!!!  She slept from then until about 4:30 this morning.  Thank you thank you thank you for helping me feel like I'm not crazy nor is my kiddo.  I love you all. Will write more later xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

seraf's Avatar seraf 07:41 AM 10-14-2011


How did I get 2 pages behind?


Isa, that's a great starter belly.  I can understand why you said you didn't want anything extra in your bra.  Soren is a norse god?  LOL.  I know nothing about the name.  I get random name texts all the time and I decide if I like them and how make-fun-able they are.  *hint, my last name is totally mockable.  My full name is actually mockable to the right teacher, as it turns out.   Job scares suck.  I really hope the people do stand up for their library.  Ours have been making all kinds of cuts, but they are just closed an extra day, rather than closing branches.  How did you sew the leather?  I am worried my machine won't go through it, but I could just be paranoid.


AmandaHope, I'm glad yo hear you had a great time with your friend.  I always know I shouldn't be surprised at how the best friends take our childrens' imperfect behavior in stride and just keep going, but it is a really beautiful thing when it happens and kind of makes you remember why they're such good friends to begin with.


Julie, perhaps you could still give her the name.  Is it always those dates?  Because if it rolls around in the year, she may have a birthday in the middle of it from time to time.  Or you could always say, "She was born after an especially beautiful ______."  Of course, I'm more curious than ever now.  Curious but patient.


Library, Starling is so much more eloquent than I.  She said it very well.  Sad when a co-worker is so mean that you can't even trust their praise or gratitude.  


Wehrli, I'm glad your bragging about his sleep only backfired for a night or 2.  It sounds like things are good again.


Qmama, Glad to hear you're feeling better.  It's amazing how fast everyone's pregnancy is going.  I thought you just got pregnant a couple of days ago and now you're so bumpy and round!  I love how fast it flies.


PF, 3 second trimesters would really really rock.  You are so freaking right about that.  Haha, but could you imagine if your first sign of pregnancy was kicking?  How scary would that be?


Indigo, hi!  How do y'all do taxes?  Or are your kids legally both of yours?  LOL.  I have been thinking about it.  Since both the older kids are legally mine, I just claim them both and give my ex the amount of rebate I get for one kid.  Once Sara gives birth (so not relevant until next year) I'm wondering about head of household.  I mean, since the federal government doesn't recognize us as a family, well, we might as well get paid for it, right?


OMOM, I wouldn't worry too much about sleep with the next baby.  It can go any which way.  Tho I always joked that I would never start over with a newborn once both my kids were sleeping through the night.  I went and did it anyway.


Mami, that's quite a belly you're getting, too.  It's amazing how fast everyone is going.


KS, congrats and welcome!  Are you hoping it's twins or a singleton? A twin pregnancy would be a lot harder, but pretty cool too, right?  I have thought about being a surrogate before and I'm curious about the emotional side of it.  


Starling, yay for nursing and laying down!!  You said some really great things.  I couldn't agree more with the don't blame the baby sentiments.  I really think that helped my family a lot when we added Ms Ari to the mix.  She was a royal PITA, too, but her brother thought the world of her and never really had jealousy.  I'm really hopeful the next 2 babies join the family so smoothly (tho fewer tears on the babies parts would be really sweet).


Escher, you want your baby before November 1 and I want mine after October 31.  That could be tricky math... Losing your mucus plug already?  I want to say my SIL started losing hers almost a month before the baby came.  I don't think I ever lost mine with O, maybe it's still in there.  With Ari I lost it Tuesday and she was born Wednesday.


Doctor appointment was alright.  The kids got stuck going with me and they weren't thrilled with that.  I got GBS tested and they played angry birds on my phone behind the curtain after an hour of waiting.  I asked about knowing which doc would be my doc.  She said I only get assigned to a doc if I'm induced. Otherwise it's whoever is on call.  What a weird system.  Anyway.  She asked if I wanted to be checked since my pants were off anyway.  I think it's neither here nor there, so we went ahead.  I'm 1-2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  Randomly, that was my first internal check in 3 pregnancies outside of labor (with O, I guess, since I was the only one who checked me with A). Otherwise everything is fine.  I filled out the birth plan paper.  She asked if I  knew the signs of labor and I kind of laughed and told her about Ari's birth.  She laughed and said, "Oh we may not even see you then." I agreed that they might just get a phone call.  Sara feels left out because she works on Thursdays, and all my appointments are Thursdays.  


Anyway, as we were on the way to more errands my sister called to invite the kids swimming.  They were thrilled to escape the other appointments and even tho the pool was closed they had a great time playing with her.  She took them to the highest point in Ohio that's not a landfill and then took them mud running, (not really, just drove them through a creek a few times) and fed them ice cream.  My mom randomly invited them to an indoor water park this weekend on the day I work.  They're very happy kids this week.  


Mostly.  Ari, twice this week has gotten all upset with Sara and when I went to talk to her she yelled at me, "I want you to have the baby right now!"  I'm not really sure what that's about, but I can tell she's feeling some stress.  She wants to be able to sit on my lap more easily.  She wants me not to flinch when she touches my belly, I guess.  She wants me to run races with her (I can't, I will pee my pants).  I'm not sure if she's excited or nervous, but I think she wants to get this pregnancy over with.  


Last night was awful.  We decided to sleep in the bed sideways for more room, but it threw us off.  Then every time I woke I was having a contraction.  The ouchy kind.  I'm not sure if the contractions woke me or if I just had a lot of them in my sleep and woke with them coincidentally (both my previous labors were upright because both labors hurt bad when horizontal).  Sara had some uterine discomfort and woke me a couple of times to talk about that.  Then she also woke me up a few times to tell me I was snoring too loud.  Of course I had to pee several times.  And with the contractions, every wake up was crappy.  I was up 10 times last night.  Then I woke at 6:30 and couldn't go back to sleep.  I finally heard my mom awake downstairs and went down to chat with her. 


Where am I planning to have the baby?  I don't seem to be planning anything.  I want the supplies here to do it here since I don't think there's any way in hell I would make it to the hospital if I wanted to.  I'm rather worried about going into labor away from home.  I don't want to have the baby in the car (yeah, I'm thinking some towels and baby blankets in the car are going to be necessary for my peace of mind).  My body is certainly warning me that this labor will be hard and fast.  I want to be ready for whatever I need to do.  If the hospital feels like where I need to be, then that's where I will go.


Speaking of the car, we got the car seat installed.  It's hard to buckle the boosters, just like we expected.  We're going to get creative.  A bunch of the stuff we ordered came in (the milk saver is gigantic.  Nothing discrete about that puppy).  I installed a new toilet seat so I could have the old one for the birthing stool.  Then I decided to plane the bathroom door and chiseled out part of the door frame and moved the strike plate so the door would close properly (old building, lots of settling.  Most of the floors are sloped somehow.  I love it).  Ari and Sara helped.  We have a lot of plans today, so I think nesting is getting a bit more real.  I'm finally starting to want to clean. LOL.  We're going to have plenty of company after the baby so the house needs to be ready.


I think Sara and the kids are shooting "school pictures."  I'm off to play with them.


starling&diesel's Avatar starling&diesel 10:53 AM 10-14-2011

Hey Seraf ... you might think about dropping by your local ambulance station and ask if they have pre-packaged obs kits and if they'll give you one.  We have sterile packages with a few essential goodies in them.  I put one in our car for E because we were three hours up a mountain pass from where we were supposed to give birth.  It was very reassuring to have the kit there. Sorry about your crappy night!  That sounds awful.

AmandaHope's Avatar AmandaHope 01:03 PM 10-14-2011

Whoa, you ladies are busy!


QMama: beautiful belly! 


Library: I see what you're saying about Alice's strong preference for sleeping on you not being a phase.  But I don't think it is any indication of an underlying problem (unless you consider being stubborn a problem ;-).  Like Z (and probably Lilah), Alice sounds like she knows what she wants, needs, and likes and that she has the perseverance to get them whenever possible. This is the struggle of having a strong-willed kid, especially a girl, whom we want as feminist parents to assert herself and voice her opinions but whom we'd also like to cooperate with us more readily. As lesbian moms with girls, I think this struggle is especially intense. I know this struggle well, and it isn't easy.  But it is what these particular girls seem to generate, so I try to choose my battles carefully.  This isn't to say that you should just be ok with whatever sleep pattern she has, but it is to say that changing her patterns is likely to be quite difficult, so you both need to be fully on board and committed before making changes (whether they are minor or dramatic).  Getting to that point will likely take longer for you than for your DP.  Hugs, sister.    Update (since I read your more recent post: YAY for such an incredible night!  I can't believe she goes to sleep so early and sleeps so long.  That's great--hope you enjoyed your time with DP and that you get more soon). 


Isa: Love the belly shot.  You are looking good!


Mami: WOW belly!  Can't wait to see it at full term (and sending you strong wishes for getting to full term...stay in there, little one!).


Seraf: Your night sounds miserable.  For reals. Any chance of getting some rest during the day today?  Yikes.


Isa: Well, jeez.  So sorry to hear about your job anxiety.  What an incredibly wrong-headed way to reduce the city's deficit.  Hang in there. 


Starling: Great reminder about not "blaming" the baby.  I don't think of it that way, but I have been known to say something like... I'll be there once I'm done with the baby, or I will if the baby calms down, etc.  I'm going to rephrase in the future.  As for dtd with a sleeping baby in the room, I'm starting to get over my discomfort with it. I mean hey--she's asleep!  I just have to look the other direction ;-).  So glad you weathering the transition well.  How is your pain? 


KS: Congratulations!  That's very exciting.  Would you tell us about your family and some of your thinking/planning around the surrogacy?  I, too, am curious about the emotional dynamics and have a lot of respect for women who do it. 


Indigo: Interesting to hear how different your two kiddos have been around sleep. 


That's all I've got at the moment--baby pooping herself awake in the swing.





KSDoulaMama's Avatar KSDoulaMama 03:11 PM 10-14-2011

Seraf: I'm stepping in late, but it sounds like you had extremely fast labors before? I would also be nervous about having the baby someplace aside from home or the hospital. I don't have any really great suggestions, but I suppose wherever you are, that's where you'll be and you will make the best of it! What were your previous births like? If you already described that in this thread, just tell me and I'll scroll through and find it, heh heh.


AmandaHope and Seraf and anyone else who is interested: The emotional and logistical process of surrogacy has been at this point complicated to say the least. So far I have no regrets and I am so glad I'm doing this, even if at times it has been rough. The worst part was weaning my 16 month old. (She is still being nursed like crazy by my wife, who induced lactation when G was born.) Hormonally, that was very difficult. I definitely went through a sort of postpartum depression as my hormones balanced out and my daughter and I made new routines in place of nursing during the day when DW is at work. I haven't blogged about that yet, but I intend to do that once I feel up to it. I just made my surrogacy blog public today (now that we have confirmation of pregnancy) and it is here: itsnotminesurrogacyblog.wordpress.com. I've written a bit about the matching process, my emotions around becoming pregnant again, what the transfer was like, etc.

Mizyellow's Avatar Mizyellow 03:16 PM 10-14-2011


seraf- the milk saver may be giant but it is AMAZING. I counted my milk (and this if from no pumping) 2 days ago and I have 234 ounces of milk! I have used somore while working and wine drinking too. That thing is awesome! I am sorry Ari is having a tough time, I hop eit s not a sign of things to come.


Ahope; still waiting for pics....


Library: So glad Alice did well, I have to nurse baby H to sleep in bed every night and sometimes I can leave,, sometimes I have to just lie there. I try to remind myself when he is 13 I will def not be lying next to him and i will probably be sad about it.

 Isa- LOVE the sign idea, super cute.


KSDOula- I am truly impressed that you are beinbg a surrogate, I think that is amazing and can't wait to watch your pregnancy. Are you close with the family you are carrying for?


Starling; how is nursing going?


Ok my neck hurts, gotta go!


AmandaHope's Avatar AmandaHope 05:16 PM 10-14-2011

Ok, MizYellow, since you asked, here is a pic of Lilah in her fancy robotic MamaRoo.  The joke is that this is the one and only time she has smiled in it.  She believes that it is an instrument of torture (much like the car seat) and won't stay in it for more than 3 minutes without crying. At least we'll be able to resell it on Craigslist (which is where we bought it).  Also, I can't believe you have all that milk from the milk saver!?  That is nuts!  So all that milk leaks from the breast you are not nursing on?  I'm in awe.  I don't leak at all.  Not even a drop.  Which I suppose is convenient, but that means that I do have to pump.  IMG_3176.JPG

seraf's Avatar seraf 08:04 PM 10-14-2011
Yellow, that is a ton of milk! Like, almost 30 cups! Yeowza!

Ks, I'll have to check your blog out. Why did you have to wean? My births... Well, let me
Start by saying that both my mom and grandma had 3 hour or shorter labors. With Osha I felt like I really wanted to uc. I was talked into a midwife. Loved my midwives but my labor stopped frequently when people came in the room with me. I had back labor and I was dilated above a 7 for 10 hours of my 16 hour labor. So not too fast. Pushing phase was 20 minutes, tho. 2 1/2 years latter labor with Ari was very different. I had contractions, but I had had a lot of evenings full of contractions. I knew I was in labor but I didn't really think anything was happening. I sent their mama to work, played with O and then took him for a nap time walk in the stroller. I walked and talked and sang joked with a neighbor about being in early labor and was generally fine. When he was asleep I carried him, stroller and all into the house and decided to take a bath. It was August which is the warmest month here. I got in the water and my contractions stopped completely and I was mad at myself for believing I might really be in labor. Their mama decided she was coming home early and I tried to convince her to stop at the store for juice because it was he only thing missing from our birth kit. She refused and came home anyway. She arrived 25 minutes after O fell asleep. I was obviously in labor by then so she called the midwives and then caught Ari less than 20 minutes later. Ari came out all in one push when I was trying not to push. She broke the water as she was born. She was tied in her cord strangely. And the midwives arrived a couple of minutes later, waking Osha as they ran into the house. So it's not that I had an absurdly fast labor, but it wet from idling to blast off in a really short time frame. I never time contractions closer than every 7 minutes with her because I was never uncomfortable enough to think they were a big deal yet. This time around my BH are quite intense, moreso than with Ari's pregnancy. I know this labor could be longer, I know I could have had help come sooner in Ari's labor but then I worry that my labor will just stop likUe it did with Osha's. So this time around I feel like anything could happen, and I'm trying to be ready. I think some part of me wants to be alone and so I will again fail to notice that I'm in labor to make it happen.

AmandaHope, what's does that thing do anyway? For some reason I thought it was a swing before I saw the picture. She is a cutie.

Starling, I will have to look into that. Our regular ambulance service was dismantled so I don't know who the new service is. I probably should know, but I live in a different county than I work in so I only deal with the ambulances from the work county. Yikes. The things I don't know could fill a book.

Why is karaoke so popular? Why do I get to hear it at the bar next door twice a week now?
seraf's Avatar seraf 06:17 AM 10-15-2011
Escher, last night Ari asked if you had your baby yet. I told them you were due 12 days before me and Osha looked excited and asked, "So she might be in labor right now?!?" I said I hadn't heard anything yet but you could have the baby now or as late as when I have the baby and he said, "What if she goes into labor a the same time as you?! What will we do?!?" Sara and I laughed that because you live in a different state it would be quite alright if we both went into labor at the same time. I just thought it was funny. The kids remember you and that you're getting close. 

Oh man, the rabbit, who we thought was a girl just tried to hump my leg. Flipped him over and behold, it's a boy!  I think I'll be making him an appointment Monday to get fixed. 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar KSDoulaMama 04:14 PM 10-15-2011

Seraf: Wow! What a story! Sounds like being prepared and ready for whatever happens and whatever you decide is a good plan. :) I weaned because the RE who we are working with will not do IVF with a surrogate while they are breastfeeding due to prolactin levels and potential for uterine activity. I know there are different schools of thought on this issue, and if it were my own baby I might make a different decision... but as a surrogate I feel like I owe it to them to give them my best shot and be extra cautious if that is what their doctor wants. They are sinking SO much money and energy into this, so might as well do it by the book. On the other side of it, my intended parents also compromised because when I began talking to them, DD was only 9 months old and there is no way in hell I'd stop breastfeeding her that early, even if she was still able to nurse from my wife. I told them (after a lot of thinking) that I'd be willing to stop breastfeeding her at 15 months. That is much longer than they were hoping to wait since they are in their 50's and have already been trying for a baby for many years. But that is what I felt comfortable with and it gave us time to build up a nice big freezer stash of breastmilk, so while DW is at work I feed her pumped milk from the day before and supplement with milk from the freezer. I think we have enough to get us through the entire pregnancy.


Amanda: Lilah is SO adorable!

Originally Posted by Mizyellow View Post


seraf- the milk saver may be giant but it is AMAZING. I counted my milk (and this if from no pumping) 2 days ago and I have 234 ounces of milk! I have used somore while working and wine drinking too. That thing is awesome! I am sorry Ari is having a tough time, I hop eit s not a sign of things to come.


KSDoula- I am truly impressed that you are beinbg a surrogate, I think that is amazing and can't wait to watch your pregnancy. Are you close with the family you are carrying for?


jaw.gif That is a lot of milk. We are pretty close, at this point, with the couple whose baby I'm carrying. They are really wonderful people and we clicked right away- we didn't know each other before we were introduced by one of my former colleagues who was trying to help them find a surrogate. But now we've been in contact since February and we are quite close.



BTW.... I decided to password protect the blog entries. I just wasn't comfortable with having it public since it deals with somewhat personal issues for the baby's parents too. The password is 2012baby. (The blog address is itsnotminesurrogacyblog.wordpress.com)


julietea8's Avatar julietea8 09:46 PM 10-15-2011

Looks like things are beginning. I've had contractions since 1 pm pdt this afternoon--mild to moderate, low back, 20-30 seconds every 5-8 minutes. Headed to bed to see if I can sleep through any of them. The worst part of it so far has been the relaxin bursts to my pelvis... I keep feeling like I'm going to dislocate my femur. Other than that.... off we go. Hope you're all having a lovely weekend.flower.gif



starling&diesel's Avatar starling&diesel 11:18 PM 10-15-2011

Easy labour vibes, Julie!  So exciting! 

smilingsara's Avatar smilingsara 07:04 AM 10-16-2011

woo julie! congrats Hope your labor was quick and just how you wanted it to be! 

seraf's Avatar seraf 07:36 AM 10-16-2011
Julie, what wonderful news to wake up to! Hopefully you're holding your baby right now. Otherwise wishing you an easy and efficient labor.

KS, I'm glad you got a good supply built up for the freezer. What will you do after you give birth? Will you take back up nursing your dd? Or will you donate?

Starling, how are your hands doing? Did all the pain and swelling go away?
KSDoulaMama's Avatar KSDoulaMama 09:41 AM 10-16-2011

Julie, so exciting. Can't wait to hear about your labor and birth and baby!!!


Seraf, after the birth I will be pumping for the surrogate baby. However, I hope to nurse my DD again also if she'll go for it. I have a feeling she'll still be nursing strong from DW at that point, so she might be thrilled that I have so much milk again. If not... oh well, I guess. She'll be two then and I will be okay with that. As long as I have a great milk supply like I did last time, I'll probably be able to pump some extra milk for her to drink in a cup at the very least.


Question: Anyone else have dreams about being in labor and birth? I did when I was pregnant with my DD and I've already had two labor dreams this pregnancy- one was even before my positive test, but it was one of the clues to me that I was pregnant. Really interesting!!!

AmandaHope's Avatar AmandaHope 02:36 PM 10-16-2011

Julie: Thinking of you and hoping that you are resting peacefully with your new little love.  Can't wait to hear about the birth!


KS: I read your blog before you password protected it (but thanks for the password so I can keep up) and found it engaging and insightful.  Thanks for sharing your journey so far.  I've already learned quite a bit about the surrogacy process.  Congrats again on the pregnancy!


AFM: Tomorrow is the big day.  I have to be at work the WHOLE day.  It is my own fault--I am bringing a speaker (one of the most important people in my field who could have significant influence over my career) to campus to give two talks for History and Women's Studies.  (For those who know/care, it is J. Meyerowitz.) I'm having breakfast with her to talk about my own book project at 9:30am, which means that I have to leave home at 8:30am, and I won't get back until around 9pm.  I'm both excited and completely dreading it.  I'm afraid that I'll be spacey and scattered in my conversations with her, especially one-on-one.  And I'm worried about Lilah, who still isn't really taking a bottle.  We've tried everything, including a very strange Adiri breast-shaped bottle that a friend gave us.  She just chews on the nipple and tries to jut it out of her mouth, making her mouth fill up with milk, which she spits out or chokes on.  She seems genuinely not to know how to suck on artificial nipples, and she can't swallow if she won't suck.  My mom arrives tonight, and she and DP will do the best they can tomorrow with the massive collection of bottles/nipples/sippy cups and medicine droppers.  If I must, I could drive home, nurse her, and drive back in the late afternoon.  DP and I have been struggling over this.  I've been worried and wanting her to try all kinds of bottles and nipples to ease my own anxiety, while she feels that she will do her best on Monday and that Lilah will ultimately be fine, even if she has a really rough day.  But I'm going to have to be on campus at least one day/week from now on, so this isn't a one-time problem.  We'll see how it goes--will let you know! 



starling&diesel's Avatar starling&diesel 02:57 PM 10-16-2011

AmandaH ... hug2.gifSounds like a monumental day on several fronts!  Good luck to all involved.

I do think it's harder on the parents than the babe when baby is left with someone she's also attached to.

My money is on the sippy cup or open cup or your dp finger feeding (tried that?). 

I'll be thinking of you!


AmandaHope's Avatar AmandaHope 03:20 PM 10-16-2011

Starling: By finger feeding, you mean putting your finger in the milk and letting her suck on it? Thanks for the hugs and support.  How are you today?  How is your pain?

qmama42's Avatar qmama42 07:31 PM 10-16-2011

Julie--ELV for you and I hope that things are going well! Can't wait to hear how things went!


Starling--Thanks so much for the advice on bringing a second child home. I read DP everything you wrote and we will be mindful about the language we use when negotiating life with a newborn and a 4yo.


Ahope--I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping that Lilah does well with her feeding! Sounds like it's going to be an amazing day for you (and challenging). My best to your DP and Mom.


KS--Thank you for sharing the blog and your story. What a truly amazing gift! I will be sure to follow along with your blog! No pregnancy dreams for me yet and here I am 22 weeks already. I do remember a bizarre dream I had when I was pg with DD--I gave birth to her and she was a bear cub with bright blue doll's eyes. Creepy.



seraf's Avatar seraf 04:40 AM 10-17-2011

Julie, how is life with your sweet new baby?  Do we get to know the name now?


AmandaHope, finger feeding involves a tube to get the milk from a container into the baby while the baby is sucking on a clean finger.  Here's a page on alternate feedings.  They have several articles about fingerfeeding.  Good luck.  Perhaps she'll take the same nipple she took last time.


KS, I think a 2 year old who still nurses would be thrilled to take back up with a very milky mom.  O would nurse from either mom (tho only I had milk) and he went nuts after A was born.  He was 29 months?  He was down to nursing about once a week before her birth and after my milk came in he was asking to nurse more than she was.


Qmama, hi, how are things in your part of the world?


The kids had a great time at the waterpark.  I got some heating ducts repaired under the house in Columbus.  Nothing like being really uncomfortable to help me forget the discomforts of pregnancy. I felt kind of wimpy because my hands are so swollen and sore I can't grip anything tightly.  Including the wire cutters I needed to squeeze hard enough to cut (this stinks at work, too, because I really struggle to open medicine bottles lately, I'm glad I only have 9 more days until I'm off).  Oh well, I got it done.  


As of this morning I've gained 34 pounds.  I guess I'm still right on target, but I plan to gain more than one more pound in the next 3 weeks!


Today I'm taking a pattern and supplies to try the crochet booties with the leather soles.  I finally finished the knit booties but I think I left my camera with my brain, so I will post a picture when I find them both.  They are both so differently shaped that it cracks me up.  I only managed to follow the directions for the second one, but I like the shape of the messed up one more.



LibraryLady's Avatar LibraryLady 08:24 AM 10-17-2011

Hello everyone~  Busy Friday turned into the usual busy weekend so I've missed you all, and exciting news as well ELV Julie!!! Give us the update soon and I hope it went perfectly every step of the way!!!



Thanks to everyone for your good thoughts about Alice and her sleeping.  It was an up and down weekend for sure. Friday night I had my Writer's Group and she and DP were snoozing when I got home, no problems. Saturday night we went to a wedding and my mom came to look after her. Mom came at 5:30 and we left for the wedding. 7:15-ish (I'd just gotten my food from the reception buffet) my phone rings and it's my mom and I can hear Alice shrieking. Mom said she started screaming (not just crying but screaming and gulping for air) the moment I left and had not stopped and it was worrying mom that it'd be bad for her to just scream and scream and scream for hours, so I left the wedding and took a cab home. The moment I picked Alice up out of mom's lap she stopped crying and just went limp from exhaustion in my arms. I lay down with her and she slept pretty soon after that. Last night I lay down with her at 7 and she still wasn't asleep by 8, which is when I fell asleep and we both slept the rest of the night (so I'm well rested today...)  I guess it's just small steps, but it does seem to get better, unless my mom's sitting with her. Poor Grandma Sandy thinks the baby hates her...     You're all right, though~ she's just stubborn and strong willed and independent which is really what I want from my young woman, even if it is driving me nuts right now. 


I'm rushed again today and haven't time for personals until later, but I do have to echo the ASTONISHMENT and ADMIRATION for Miz Yellow and her bounteous milk. Jealous! Good job!!!


More soon~ love to all xoxoxo

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