what do you call your known donor? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 10 Old 10-20-2011, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
elspethpaisley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How do you/your little ones refer to your KD? Do you ever identify him as a "dad"? As "Uncle"? "Bio-dad"? Do you just call him by his first name? Some other term? As my partner and I and our KD think things through and work out our agreements, I'm curious how others have dealt with this.  I would like to figure out how we'll refer to him, in terms of his relationship to our future children. He will not be co-parenting with us, but will be involved in our lives on a regular basis (we all live in intentional community together, so see him just about every day, and everyone in the community will know of our relationship with him). I think it would feel weird to me to identify him as an "uncle" when that's not the actual biological relationship, but it would be nice to have some special title for him that's sort of along those lines. Any suggestions?

elspethpaisley is offline  
#2 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 05:44 AM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We call DDs KD by his first name.  He's a friend who we see several times a year (love the whole family) but isn't involved in daily life.

 

I don't know where you're from, but around here Aunt and Uncle are frequently used for very close friends, despite biology.  I think Dad is more of a social relationship. 


carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#3 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 06:54 AM
 
KSDoulaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 658
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

We call him by his first name or occasionally "Uncle _____." That being said, we call a lot of our close friends uncle and aunt to her. KD and our daughter have only met each other once at this point, though, and since he now lives overseas there isn't much opportunity.


Mama to two, and second-time surrogate. Expecting May 2015.
KSDoulaMama is offline  
#4 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 10:59 AM
 
gumshoegirl007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We didn't come up with an actual name that worked for us until after the baby was born.  DW and I had referred to our KD as the donor daddy throughout the process.  On the day her met her, the day after she was born, we settled on calling him DD.  This is an abbreviation for donor daddy which has now morphed into Dee Dee.  We like it cause it's special and unique and if asked the origins I think it helps those who are close to us understand a bit better. 


DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.

gumshoegirl007 is offline  
#5 of 10 Old 10-28-2011, 09:26 AM
 
RStelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Vermont
Posts: 190
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have been wondering about this too. Him and his partner are both an important part of our family. I liked Dee Dee but I told it to my wife and she said it sounded like a name for a grandma. Maybe a name will just evolve.

 

The thing that I am really having a hard time with is what to call him to other people. Like one time I introduced him as "this is Mike, he gave us sperm". And then I was like, "oh sorry, that sounded rude". 'Sperm donor' doesn't really cover it, but a lot of times people call him the dad, and I definitely don't like that!

RStelle is offline  
#6 of 10 Old 11-08-2011, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
elspethpaisley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks for sharing! I didn't grow up calling close friends Uncle or Aunt, but DP and KD both did, so maybe that's what we'll end up doing after all. I'm sure lots of people (people we live with, who probably should know better...) will be referring to him as the dad, and I imagine it'll be hard to navigate finding an acceptable alternative term that carries the correct social meaning. I also feel that "sperm donor" is pretty clinical and doesn't cover our whole relationship.

elspethpaisley is offline  
#7 of 10 Old 11-10-2011, 05:09 PM
 
quantumleap's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 1,864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

We call our donor, Donor (his name). I don't know if we would have called him that if his name didn't flow so well with donor, but it does. We also sometimes just call him by his name. DD is not quite three, and still doesn't seem to understand the whole concept. It'll be interesting to see how things develop with time.


For greater things are yet to come...

quantumleap is offline  
#8 of 10 Old 12-09-2011, 04:31 PM
 
darthtunaqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We currently call our donor "BD", Baby Daddy.  He wants to be known as Aunty____.  We gave him free reign to pick his title, because we honestly didn't care (if he wanted to be "dad", we would've let him, but he doesn't want to be the parent, he just wants to sugar them up, play with them and hand them back).  


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
darthtunaqueen is offline  
#9 of 10 Old 12-09-2011, 05:03 PM
 
pleasantlyfurious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 555
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We also use uncle - but our KD is DP's brother, so it actually makes sense for our family structure.  We don't usually specify that he's the donor, but are open about it. 


Still madly in stillheart.gif with jb after 10 years and chasing after my precocious toddler jog.gif    

***joy.gif***8***12***16***20***24***28***32***36***40    computergeek2.gif westphillymama.com

pleasantlyfurious is offline  
#10 of 10 Old 12-15-2011, 04:57 PM
 
hippiemombian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't have a KD, but DP and I thought about going that route. We would have called him by his first name.


Working from home Mommy. You can too. Ask me how!joy.gif

 

me loveeyes.gif & she surf.gifpartners.gif  TTC one of these makebabe.gif Proud Mommy to two of these energy.gif

hippiemombian is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off