my partner had our baby on the 2nd. she had to have an emergency c-section and I was not allowed in the room- I'm with my partner's boyfriend, we are poly- since the boyfriend went in. that was very devastating and traumatic for me, not being able to be there when my child was born. then, finally, he came and got me and they had me in the ER with my girlfriend and the baby as they were stitching her up. our little Jasper is the sweetest baby and I couldn't be happier.
getting to the matter of my subject, I am told that 'other mothers' have harder times bonding and having the maternal instinct. and so far, it's been a bit true for me. is there anyone who could help?
I'm sorry you missed the birth, that sounds very hard.
We just had a baby the day before y'all and the beginning is rough. The baby nurses a lot. There have been some threads on this topic, they should be within a page or 2 of the front page, but I'm guessing you have about as much time to go look for them as I do.
So here is what we have been doing so far. I gave birth. When he is sleeping and off the nipple I try to hand him over. He wakes up with her and they either do the bathroom/diaper thing or the quiet alert thing. They are cuddled up together in bed right now. She slings him a lot when we go out. He sleeps in there very well. The carseat stays in the car. He is never out of someone's arms and eyesight -so in the car one of us rides beside him. I can't think of much else at this early stage. He is barely awake yet but I expect songs, stories and baths are soon to follow. I can tell he recognizes my voice, so I'm betting he can recognize hers, too, but can't demonstrate it so easily.
My 2 older children and obviously and thoroughly bonded to their Mama. There was an age when they were uncertain about who was biologically tied to whom. She had a tough time in the beginning when all they did was nurse, but children grow and bond with the people who are there with them. They are well bonded with my current partner despite the fact that she missed years of their lives. I guess what I'm saying is, I think the big emotions are much harder on the moms than the children. I think if you simply parent at every opportunity they will see you as parent. With all the same rights and responsibilities.
Good luck! There are several women on here with much more experience than I have on this subject. Once they chime in you can probably come up with a great plan.