DP and I just had our first child in October. We don't personally know any other couples in the same situation as us and would love to have that support and interaction. How do you go about finding any groups or couples in your area?
I would love for DP to have the support of others that are the non-bio mom, I can't fully understand what and how she feels, so that would be so amazing! Any ideas would be fantastic~thanks!!
If you live someplace where there are actually queer parents you can probably find some.
Look around for mom/baby centered activities like playgroups, yoga classes, library programs, etc. from there you can ask if anyone knows other queer parents. You can try queer groups, too. Ask childbirth educators. It's a small world, if you get your name out there you will hear about other similar families.
If you live in the sticks, like I do, you make some friends online.
Regarding non-bio mom stuff, there are a few non-bio-mom specific resources (a couple private groups) out there I can point you to if you PM me. I would link directly but my understanding is that MDC prefers we not do so. I ended up finding most of my support for such issues online (and even then it was quite a stretch, which is one reason I like to make sure to offer what I do know of when it comes up), but there is a bit more available now.
Have you been able to connect with any other parenting resources (GLBT specific or not?). We found great support and wonderful friends through basically the mainstream baby groups in our area (granted, we're in a large urban area). For GLBT specific community, we've kept our eyes out, and made sure to connect with any families we come across (we're great friends with one two-mom family in our neighborhood who we called when they posted looking for a nanny, and outed themselves on the flyer...a bit forward of us but it worked out great!). We've also connected with other queer families through two queer-friendly religious communities we've belonged to. Organized GLBT parenting groups can be very hard to come by, even in places with a large population base.
Also, not sure exactly which issues your partner is struggling with, but I'd encourage her to consider attending the "regular" parenting groups as well. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I absolutely loved taking our daughter to mom & baby groups. It didn't take long to stop feeling like an outsider (only mom in the room not nursing...only mom without my own birth war story...) and to start feeling like just one more mom. I particularly loved going on my own. That alone did wonders for some of my early insecurity as a non-bio-mom.
Good luck to both of you.
We couldn't find any other queer parents so we ended up starting a group ourselves. It's only got a few members right now but it just started, so I think it will grow as time goes on. We live in a rural area and what we've found is that other queer parents also feel isolated and are really excited to meet us, so don't be afraid to put your selves out there, there are other people who want to meet you as much as you want to meet them. It is hard, though! All of our gay friends are in a different place in their lives than us, and the queer parents we have met are all much older than us. We're going to keep working at it, though!
We used craigslist, a local alternative mama yahoo group, and we contacted our states only major queer social organization and had them put the information on their web site. We were worried about crazies too so we made a separate email address and did all our first few interactions with that, and also we always meet in a public place for now. We are trying to think of more ways to get it out there so if anyone has any ideas let me know!
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