Queer Conceptions - December 2011 - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 210 Old 12-26-2011, 10:44 PM
 
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Anna: That sounds promising!!!  Our first cycle was like that too, apparently since our bodies aren't used to being exposed to the prostaglandins in semen on a regular basis, they can do funny things.  It took a couple cycles for DW to settle into it.  :)

 

Lise: usually I beg DW to just wait it out (she never can), but I agree that the blank white space staring up is pretty daunting...

 

Esenbee: Good luck on your TWW!!!  Here's to hoping for a nice big juice BFP for you guys! 

 

 

 

Our christmas present was a BFN, cramping and lots of spotting (the same spotting that predates any AF) and now my DW is having a relapse of her post-cholecystectomy syndrome (involves crushing abdominal pain because the biliary tree is freaking out and spasming).  She's puked all evening and I've drugged her up *very* well.  Saying we are devastated is an understatement.  I have never cried over a failed cycle yet, but I have bawled about it three times today.  J could hardly get out of bed yesterday morning (after she got up, POAS, discovered it was negative and crawled back under the covers) because she was so sad.  

 

Any advice on this?  Since we are using a KD, we inseminated multiple times per cycle.  We would love to keep him, but if it's not working out we're ready to move on.  How long do we give it with KD, and when should we look at cutting our losses and moving to a fertility clinic?  In BC, we can't use KD in a fertility clinic, they won't do it.  So we either lie (which I *hate* doing, but the fertility clinics don't care what you do), or we give up our KD and move to frozen swimmers with IUI (and probably clomid).  

 

Thanks guys.  I'm drinking the rest of the vodka cocktail my mom made for Christmas dinner last night (my mom is not a drinker and there's probably only 3oz of vodka in a 4L mix!)...  We'll probably miss the January cycle, since we're in Mexico from the 11-25th.  

 

Hope you all had a lovely day yesterday.  Aside from our being very sad, we had a great day with family!  


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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#182 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 12:05 AM
 
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hey Allison,

I am so sad for your sadness at Christmas... I really feel your pain.

And you had such a good vibe and positive omens this cycle, too.  I think you're feeling so much more raw this time because you emotionally committed and believed in your heart that this would be it.

Or that's what I felt from your posts over the past few weeks.

And now to have your DP not only get a BFN but also to be so sick... that's rough.

 

I know I'm a total noob to this, but I would recommend you wait a week or so before you make any big decisions about your KD, how to proceed from here, etc.

I would even suggest putting any big conversations you guys have about it on ice for a week or so. Whatever decisions you make right now would be made while you're in the darkest, deepest, crappiest part of nature's cycle. And nature is amazing. Yes, it sucks to get AF, to be sick and sad, but it's also a new beginning, right? It's a circle, and right now you're at the bottom, but you've already turned the corner and are unerringly on the way back up again... and like winter is at it's worst and most miserable (and rainiest in Vancouver, anyway) at the moment, we're already past the solstice and the sun is on it's way back, even if we can't feel it yet.

So I would suggest that you wait.

This is the cleansing part of the cycle, the making room, getting ready for it all to start again in a few week's time...

Give yourself and your partner time and space, to heal and to grieve and to find your balance again and then make the big decisions.

 

 

I do have some thoughts on using frozen sperm.

 

1. I imagine you know your KD's sperm count (and analysis findings ie. morphology, etc).  Assuming all is well with his sperm, your chances of getting pregnant in any one cycle using fresh sperm is significantly higher than with frozen sperm.  So all things being equal (ie. your insemination timing, your DPs fertility and overall health, etc) your best bet is to stay with fresh.  

There are 4 main reasons:

  • ease of access/ number of inseminations per cycle
  • count/ quality of sperm in sample (up to half of sperm do not survive freezing/thawing)
  • life span of fresh sperm is several DAYS longer than previously-frozen sperm
  • volume of ejaculate per insemination

 

Again, I'm pretty sure you know this, but just in case: 

 

2.  Fertility clinics in Vancouver CAN help you with known-donor frozen sperm, BUT it has to meet Canada's Assisted Human Reproductive Act, which is a pain in the ass.  

There is 1 (yes, ONE) sperm bank in Canada, and it is ReproMed in Toronto.  Your KD has to meet all the same health and quarantine requirements as other anonymous donors, meaning he (and perhaps one of you?) has to fly to Toronto, have all his medical screening tests (re)done, donate (hopefully) several samples over a number of days. That sample is then quarantined for 6 months at which point he is re-tested and the samples are released to you.  Vancouver fertility clinics can then use them to do IUIs or whatever.

 

What's good about that:

  • super safe, protects your health, etc  thumb.gif
  • once you go through that whole pain-in-the-a** procedure, that sperm is yours forever, totally legal in Canada, can be stored indefinitely, and can be used by any fertility clinic you like.  All the paperwork is legit.  You can also use it in future, should you want more children, and your KD is no longer healthy or available, etc etc

 

What sucks about it

  • it costs a lot of money. Flights to Toronto (for at least 1, possibly 2 or 3 people), hotels, etc, plus the costs at ReproMed are extortionate. And no, they won't accept any health tests or sperm analysis tests done anywhere else, and yes, they can charge whatever they want as they have the monopoly. irked.gif
  • the whole process takes about 8 months, mostly due to the 6 month quarantine. 

 

If you guys are thinking that this might be something you might need to rely on in the future, and you can afford it, you might want to get started on it now.  Because waiting 8 months is a long, looooong wait.  If you have the money, and your KD is willing, you might as well put some sperm on ice, no?  Then you can still continue as you are with fresh, at home, which will then of course work immediately since you've just spent a load of money on the frozen. Murphy's law, right? smile.gif

 

 

Plus, if you're considering using another donor's anonymous/or ID release frozen sperm (ie. purchasing from a clinic) your costs will quickly climb up to the costs of using ReproMed.  I believe only Xytex Cryo sperm meets the Canadian standard, so have a look at their shipped prices, plus IUIs at a Vancouver clinic... it adds up fast!

 

 

and finally

 

3. I believe you can have directed-donor sperm frozen at the Seattle Sperm bank.

(I called them up to get more details on this once, but the guy I needed to speak to wasn't in the office that afternoon, and I never followed up...)

 

This sperm will NOT be accepted in Canada, so Vancouver fertility clinics cannot use it to do IUIs or anything else. The Reproductive Health Act forbids it.  I believe (although I'm not sure, you'd have to ask them) that they may be able to ship it (frozen) to your home address to do an at-home IUI yourself (or with the help of a midwife).  If not, you would drive to Seattle to have your IUI done there at the clinic.

 

What's good about it:

  • start-up costs are cheaper! Driving to Seattle is a day trip (or 2 or 3), no hotels, flights, etc etc
  • I believe the wait is shorter as you may be able to opt out of the 6 month quarantine with a directed donor (you'd need to check this)

 

What's bad about it

  • if it turns out that you (or your DP) have fertility issues, you can't get help from a local Vancouver fertility clinic. They can't touch this sperm, and never will be able to help you with it. So in the long run, you may find you have to do MORE travelling going back and forth to Seattle each month, depending on how long it takes you to conceive...
  • if this goes on for a while and you need to have IUIs done in a clinic (rather than having vials shipped to your home) the costs will start to climb up to and possibly above what ReproMed would have cost to start with.
  • laws change, governments come and go, your sperm will be in the US, under US laws, you will be in Canada, etc.  Things could get complicated.  This is what we were told at Genesis clinic in Vancouver anyway. 

 

 

So, you guys have options!!

 

My suggestion would be to wait a week before you decide anything.  Then get a referral from your family doctor to see Dr Beth Taylor at Genesis on W Broadway.

We went to see her back in November and she was lovely, very calm and relaxed, and gave us some tips and sent us off 'to procreate'.  She also said that if nothing had worked after 6 months we should come back and see her and she'd do some more investigations.

So, maybe you guys are at that stage. 

Maybe it would help to have someone new look at your DP, check her blood/ hormone levels again (did you guys have a HSG done originally?), maybe do some extra tests.  Maybe you just need to have someone new say 'yes, everything is good, you're very healthy and able to make a baby' to give you some confidence back so you guys can get pregnant next month (or the one after).

 

 


found the love of my life 13 years ago, kissy.gif married 5 yrs ago, now TTC #1 stillheart.gif

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#183 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 12:48 AM
 
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Anna, did your DP end up testing? Sorry that AF showed up :( And yes, first time, just think of it as practice ;)

 

lisedea, internet cheapies are usually quite sensitive. I got a very dark bfp on 10dpo when I was pregnant with my DD. However, even with a sensitive test, 8DPO is absolutely far too early for the results to be conclusive! Good luck!
 

Welcome to the TWW, esenbee :)
 

invitn: Thanks for the kind words :) And yay for fresh sperm! I hope it makes a difference for you!!

 

 

Allison, sorry your DP and you are having such a hard time :( It's hard. Really, really hard. How many tries have you had with your KD? Have you ever gotten a bfp? We didn't get our KD's sperm analysis done because I got pregnant very easily however, if I wasn't pregnant after 3 tries (with great timing) I would have asked for an analysis. 5 years ago I would have waited 6 tries. Big hugs to you.

 

Afm: Well, I'm having a great cycle...got a positive opk today, all other signs lining up and I can't reach our KD!! I'm terribly disappointed because I'm O'ing right on "schedule" and it would be a great try. He said he was available over the holidays to try for sure but I had told him I was expecting to start trying around the 29th so I'm guessing he's just offline completely until then. He's usually really dependable and super accommodating so this is very unusual indeed. *sigh* I expect I'll O tomorrow...*maybe* the next day....so tomorrow early would still give us a possible shot at it. Everyone, please send my KD "check your email and text messages" vibes please ;)
 

 


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#184 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 02:15 AM
 
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Carmen- I've sent your KD "check your email and text messages" vibes for the past 10 minutes. 

I'm getting 'this mail box is full, please try again later', so I'm guessing others have been vibing, too? winky.gif

Hope he gets the message soon!!!

 

yes, DW tested on the Friday morning, which was, I think 14 DPO?  It was kind of redundant, though, as we already knew.

He period came on a few hours later... no big surprise there. 

 


found the love of my life 13 years ago, kissy.gif married 5 yrs ago, now TTC #1 stillheart.gif

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#185 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 08:54 AM
 
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Just a quick write-in to let you all know that AF is certainly on her way. Tingly AF cramps and temp drop this morning (although not below coverline). gloomy.gif Maybe 2012 will be a better year...and hoping I will feel a bit more positive about this process in the next couple of days!

M (30), D (30)  TTC #1 since October 2010. 13 unsuccessful cycles--no meds (2 m/c). First medicated IUI July 2012: BFN. Second medicated IUI: BFP! Triplets! bigeyes.gif Actual Due Date: May 17...GOAL: April 5th!

 

Sawyer, Elliott, and Miles arrived on March 24th @ 32 weeks & 2 days.

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#186 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 09:01 AM
 
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Well, I did my temp this morning and it was up 98.10 from 96.98 yesterday morning. *BUT* DD and I are both sick with congestion, sore throats and body aches, so it might have been a slight fever... I'm going to be optimistic about it though... So, with a BBT rise, I guess that officially puts me in the TWW.

Desert - Please move me to the TWW?? Thanks!

Sorry to hear about the several BFNs and AF arrivals these past few days. Sending out lots of warm thoughts to everyone!

Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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#187 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 10:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by invitnconceptn View Post

I would love to know if anyone else (besides Desert smile.gif) has gotten pregnant through frozen or shipped fresh sperm.


3 of my 4 kids have come from frozen.  They were 3rd try, 4th and 4th.  All 3 were the first try with a new donor.


carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
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#188 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 10:16 AM
 
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2 of my 2 were with frozen sprem  - IUI in a clinic on Ontario. They were 1st try (partner) and 2nd try (me). They have the same donor.

 

Thinking about each of you - following along and hoping for your new year veggie dance!

 

PS - I also had a really wack and painful period after 1st try. Felt like it might have been chemical or perhaps reaction to sperm? Not sure.

dust.gif


Our family: mommy and DW mama our 5 yr old DD 'Z' and 2.5 yr old DD 'S' and waiting for (March 2015)


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#189 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 11:43 AM
 
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@Anna: we've looked into all of that before, I'm not really interested in spending every penny we have on flying KD to Toronto for sperm harvesting.  He got a semen analysis done last spring before we started all of this (and before we started the legal paperwork), and it was borderline (good morphology, good swimming, adequate semen, count was on the low end of acceptable, he's since done many things to improve it), and we've asked him twice to get it done again, but since his family doc isn't in Vancouver (from up north), he's been told (at walk-ins) that it's something he has to pay for (which is bogus, it's covered by MSP).  Since DW is so sick, we're off to see a doctor (not our doctor, since she *never* has appointments for day-of problems), I'll ask about it again.  

 

DW just had all her hormones checked (after 5 cycles we got antsy and wanted everyone to get checked out), and everything looks OK (she's got a slight imbalance in one of them, but is on a supplement to fix that).  

 

And thanks to you guys for being here, I feel a lot less miserable today (although am sufficiently worried about DW that not being pregnant isn't really at the forefront).

 

Anyways, due to yesterdays barf fest in our house, Christmas hasn't been quite put away yet, so that's on my plan of attack today.  Hope you're all enjoying whatever weather with whatever plans you have for today!


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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#190 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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invitnconceptn, so nice to see your name pop up here!  Thank you for checking in.  I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your cat, especially around the holidays, that's never easy.  Hugs to you.  Best of luck when you are able to continue trying!  

 

Oh Allison, that sounds horrible!  UGH.  I am so sorry your DP is feeling so ill, on top of not being pregnant.  I hope she starts to feel better soon.  Things always look the very worst the day before and the day that AF arrives, that's our experience at least.  I imagine it looks much worse at your house right now because of your DP's illness acting up.  I am thankful that you were able to enjoy your time with family even on such a terrible, heartbreaking day.  My thoughts are with you guys.  

 

Anna - bummer!  I was really hoping you guys would give us some first-timer's luck this cycle!  Oh well.  Second-time lucky is just as good, right?  

 

Carmen, oh no!  I'm thinking really really urgent thoughts to your KD that he check his phone and email!  I really hope you guys can get an insemination in tonight AND tomorrow and again the next day.  

 

Lise - I hate when that temperature takes a dip.  I was never really able to be hopeful after DW's temp dipped while we were waiting to test, as it ALWAYS meant AF was due to arrive any time.  That sucks, I'm so sorry.  2012 is a great year to make AND have a baby, and since you'll certainly conceive in January, you'll get to have a 2012 baby still!  

 

esenbee, I hope you and DD are feeling better soon!  Congratulations on being in the TWW, you've been moved.  

 

Well, as for us, we're having a BLAST up here in northern Arizona.  Yep, still here!  Leaving tomorrow morning, and not really looking forward to getting back to "real life".  Although I guess that isn't really true.  With routine comes a good amount of comfort for me, so I am glad to be getting back to the real world.  But it's just been such a fantastic past five days, I am mourning the end of it.  A few days back, some people were discussing family and how supportive/excited they are about us being queer couples and trying for babies.  I thought it was worth mentioning that while DW's family has always been 100% on board and supportive, my family took some time to come around.  When we first started dating, my parents said some truly hurtful and mean things about my relationship with DW, including but not limited to: the fact that we were just scared little girls clinging to one another in times of uncertainty, that I would never go to heaven because homosexuality is akin to bestiality, my mother was very depressed because I was never going to get married or have babies (!!) and at the time, our bank accounts were linked and they took all the money out of my account, came and got my truck and sold it, and I had to sell my horse because I couldn't pay to support him any longer.  To be fair, I was 18 at the time and had moved away to college that fall and so they did own all those things and help support me at the time, and their message was that I was going to come back home and go to college there and when I refused was when they took all the money and support away.  I imagine it was to help sway me to move back home but I've got my father's stubbornness and I still live in Tucson, and they still live in Phoenix.  Let's see... that was seven years ago.  We were married three years ago and even then, they weren't completely on board.  They came to our reception in Tucson, but did not attend the actual wedding in California.  

 

My point in this whole thing is to show how very far my family has come in its acceptance of myself and DW as a couple and in our desire to have a family of our own.  They now are completely involved in our lives and are thrilled to become grandparents.  This will be their first grandbaby, and it's coming out of my wife instead of me... and they are so, so excited.  I'm in awe of the 180 they've made in the past few years.  So for those of you with less than thrilled families, my advice is just to have some faith and be patient.  I don't think all families will come around, but I do think that given enough chance and time, a lot of them will.  

 

Okay!  Enough of THAT novel.  It's nearing the end of the month, which means its time to choose a new Threadkeeper!  Anybody interested?  Whoever is, I'll PM you the front page list as the month ends.  

 

Here are some pictures from northern Arizona to finish out: 

 

DSC_1714.JPG

Manni plays in the snow in his coat!

 

DSC_1958.JPG

 

DSC_2020.JPG

Family shadow picture!  From left to right: my brother, me, DW, Mom, our dog Manni, Dad

 

 


Mom and Mama to our Ever so clever daughter (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
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#191 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 02:56 PM
 
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Peak on the monitor today! KD is here as I type so will be insem'ing in a few minutes :) I'm afraid I may have O'd already today but we'll see! Slight temp dip today so hopefully it goes up tomorrow and we nailed the timing!

 

eta: love the family photo, desert!


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#192 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 05:16 PM
 
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lise: Ugh, sorry :( I hope 2012 is a better year too.

 

 

Afm: insem went fine, good sample amount and I was able to chill out in bed for 20 minutes or so before my DD got home, ran into the room and jumped on top of me :) I'm fairly confident I O'd today or will shortly so I think this try was it (and may have been too late) but if my temp stays down tomorrow KD will drop by again tomorrow. Lots to do in the next few days, my DD turns 2 on the 30th so we're planning a party for her on the 31st :) And she starts going to daycare 2 days a week in January so we need to make sure we have everything set up for that transition too. Wow, can't believe it's almost 2012!!

 


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#193 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 06:00 PM
 
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Carmen-  Glad to hear KD got back to you in time. It sounds like the timing was good so hopefully this will be it!

 

Lise- Here is the link to my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/380cb7 Sorry to hear about the temperature dip. I hope the positivity you are looking for finds you soon.

 

Desert- Thanks fo sharing your photos with us. It looks like you are all having a great time! I've shared the link to my chart, and will you also put me in the waiting to know section?

 

Anna- Im sorry to hear about your BFN. I've read several times on here that the first time is always good practice to prepare for a BFP on your second try.

 

Esenbee- Congratulations on your first insemination! It sounds like the timing worked out after all!

 

Invitin- Im so sorry to hear about your kitty. I hope you are healing from the loss. Good luck with the new donor.

 

Allison- Im sorry about your BFN and all the sadness and sickness in your house. I hope as the time passes the answers you are looking for come to you.

 

 

 

AFM: Im still unsure of what are plan is, which is really difficult for me because I am such a planner. DW really thinks we need to wait one more cycle and I am having a hard time with it. We both have been so excited and planning this and talking about it for what seems like a really long time. I know I just need to trust her just as I would want her to trust me but it is hard. So for now, we are just waiting to know, waiting for some sort of sign to tell me that she is right and that I need to be patient.

 

 


After years of waiting, DP and I are so excited for the arrival of our baby girl, expected January 15th 2015.
Remebering our Angel Baby, Emery.

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#194 of 210 Old 12-27-2011, 10:58 PM
 
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Lise: I feel your frustration. I hope 2012 is a better year too. Hugs.

Anna: Wow girl, you have alot of knowledge about navigating the health system in your neck of the woods. Thank you for your two cents about the benefits of fresh sperm. I just wish that finding a KD wasn't such a weary process.

Desert: I would be willing to be threadkeeper for January if there are no other takers. My only hesitation is that I feel like a newbie with this blogging business but I am willing to give it a shot.

Carmen: It's so great your KD was able to b reached in the nick of time...like batman swooping in to save the day. Ok. Maybe not like Batman at all. It was a random funny visual that came to mind.

Hopeful: I definitely understand how hard it is to be on the same page with your wife with this process. One of the biggest conflicts between my wife and I had been agreeing on trying each month. I typically saw trying as top priority where as my wife believed that not getting behind on bills was the priority. I was able to see her point of view better after reviewing concrete details. The most important thing was having a plan that worked ultimately for both of us. Sometimes when we find ourselves at a standstill we will both do a pros and cons list of trying v not trying for a given month then compare answers. This exercise always helps us cut through the arguing and go straight to solutions.
Also I think it is difficult to trust the process of trying since there are so many unknowns and always atleast a little frustation. I think it's really easy to doubt decisions. Paraphrasing what a wise woman has said before (krista) as you go along in this process something you would be opposed to one month may be something you may be open to several months down the line. I know that krista said it more succinctly than that but u get my point. Good luck to u and your dw.

Me (37) married my lovely DW (33) May 2010 stillheart.gif  ttc #1 since September 2010. 3 years of ttc has been tough. Currently struggling with some ovulatory issues (follies don't grow quickly - trouble releasing) At a cross roads: go strong on meds or begin to turn over babymaking to DW. This is very...
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#195 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 05:54 AM
 
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invitn--You would be a great threadkeeper! smile.gif If you have any questions throughout the month, I can help you out.

M (30), D (30)  TTC #1 since October 2010. 13 unsuccessful cycles--no meds (2 m/c). First medicated IUI July 2012: BFN. Second medicated IUI: BFP! Triplets! bigeyes.gif Actual Due Date: May 17...GOAL: April 5th!

 

Sawyer, Elliott, and Miles arrived on March 24th @ 32 weeks & 2 days.

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#196 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 08:31 AM
 
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Good morning everyone !

Not a lot of time for personals...but hugs and love Ro the bfn....I know it never gets easier ...

We are still in Az...missing our fur miss tons !
I'm waiting for AF ..started the provera on 25th...
Dp and I arel ooking through donors....weird to pick someone from.a catalog of sorts smile.gif
Desert...my mom.was like yours but not as drastic...but over the last ten yrs, she has finally calmed down and loves my DP .....I'm so glad your fam is supportive and excited!!!

Carmen..fx this cycle is IT !!!!!

Fx to everyone in tww:)

Loving life with our triplet boys born Feb 24th 2013 at 34 weeks biggrinbounce.gif

 

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#197 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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Temp was still down this morning and I had a ton of ewcm so we did another insem a little while ago. Now, hoping my temp takes a flying leap up tomorrow and I can be moved to the tww!

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#198 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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Carmen-fingersx.gif...for you.


Me (29)  in heartbeat.gif with DW (40) 
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby dog2.gif Bella (Yorkie) 
 

Layla Janae 11/22/11 

 

ds2(8mos)placed 08-o3-2012
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#199 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 10:08 PM
 
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Lise: thanks for kudos.

Ok i will be january threadkeeper smile.gif

Cananny: So sorry to hear about the bfn. I really dont think it gets easier seeing a neg preg test when u r so deliberate in your efforts. Good luck finding a donor. It is hard to know for sure if "he" is the one. It is so strange. I've never given guys so much thought until we started looking for a donor. Its weird how when u have the choice to pick the person who is going to supply half of the genetic makeup of your child it is easy to scrutinize every little factor...eye color... Height... Etc.

Carmen: I hope your temps go up tomorrow.


Me (37) married my lovely DW (33) May 2010 stillheart.gif  ttc #1 since September 2010. 3 years of ttc has been tough. Currently struggling with some ovulatory issues (follies don't grow quickly - trouble releasing) At a cross roads: go strong on meds or begin to turn over babymaking to DW. This is very...
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#200 of 210 Old 12-28-2011, 11:10 PM
 
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Ooops it looks like I am too late to claim treadkeeper for the new month I was really looking forward to that treadkeepers luck for january insems.

 

Carmen I am hopeing this is your cyclefingersx.gif

 

 


we welcomed our babyboy.gif on 11/18/12joy.gif

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#201 of 210 Old 12-29-2011, 05:28 AM
 
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I'm sorry to hear about all the disappointments.

 

Carmen -good luck!


Mother to one dd .
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#202 of 210 Old 12-29-2011, 08:33 AM
 
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Hi everyone. I too am sorry to hear about the disappointments of the last week. Good luck to everyone who still has a shot this cycle, and a warm welcome to Hopeful. I am CD 6 and waiting to O. Better luck to all of us in 2012!


babyf.gif... due in late June.

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#203 of 210 Old 12-29-2011, 08:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by invitnconceptn View Post

Lise: thanks for kudos.

Ok i will be january threadkeeper smile.gif

Cananny: So sorry to hear about the bfn. I really dont think it gets easier seeing a neg preg test when u r so deliberate in your efforts. Good luck finding a donor. It is hard to know for sure if "he" is the one. It is so strange. I've never given guys so much thought until we started looking for a donor. Its weird how when u have the choice to pick the person who is going to supply half of the genetic makeup of your child it is easy to scrutinize every little factor...eye color... Height... Etc.

Carmen: I hope your temps go up tomorrow.

Thanks...my bfn was a while ago ....six seven weeks or something.g...but AF has been a stubborn Bitch and I'm having to take meds to make her show up smile.gif last cycle we did fresh ..but no iui..my re thinks with my pcos..an iui might be better....so I'm going to try that....so that's why we have to pick a donor .....dp and I are on fence about wtbk or anon... . .. n....its a 120.00$ difference...that I feel is a bit much....being the vials are 500 already.....

Do you do wtbk or anon? What is everyone's reasoning ?

Loving life with our triplet boys born Feb 24th 2013 at 34 weeks biggrinbounce.gif

 

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#204 of 210 Old 12-29-2011, 09:09 AM
 
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My temp went up today so I think we had perfect timing :) I can officially be moved to the TWW, please! I forgot to mention yesterday that I "lost" half the sample when trying to fill up the syringe...the little rubber stopper thing popped off and the end came out. It was pretty funny but a bit annoying lol

 

Cananny, I know picking a donor is a very personal decision but my 2 cents is that you should absolutely go for a wtbk donor. While you might not care, your future child/children may care very, very much and to deny them the option of learning more about their donor if they choose may cause a lot of heartache for them and your family. Of course, they may not care either but I think it's extremely important to provide people with an option to know where they came from genetically - in fact, I believe it is a person's right to know. In my opinion, it is similar to adoption, and I believe several countries are making closed adoptions illegal (for various reasons).


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#205 of 210 Old 12-29-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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Carmen, GOOD LUCK!!!  :D

 

Anon vs wtbk: well, thankfully the National Lesbian Longitudinal Family Study has a article they published last year about this: http://www.nllfs.org/publications/ (scroll down, it's the 5th or 6th one).  You can make your own informed decision about your own kids.  I'm with Carmen on this one though, I don't feel that it's something I can take away from my kids.  As you can read from the study, most kids don't seem to give a rats ass, but some did.  There was recently a big showdown in BC about an adoption case, where the woman was in her 20's and her file had been ripped up years ago, and she's fighting to end all closed adoptions, as she believes children have the right to information about their biological family.  

 

We're using a KD for *SO* many reasons, but the most important is that we wanted to give our kids the most access to their biological roots as possible.  We really like our donor, he's so awesome and very sweet and will love and adore our kids and that's what sealed the deal for us.  In BC we're not entirely protected, but it's better than some other places.  There's no case law history in BC that awards custody to the donor.  Even though, we did a lot of research and spent a good chunk of money on having legal contracts drawn up (Carmen/Anna/other Vancouver peeps, who did you guys use, out of curiosity).

 

In the end though, you have to make the decision that YOU can live with.  Our families are so colourful and different and awesome (huh hello ZERO PERCENT SEXUAL ABUSED FROM LESBIAN HEADED HOUSEHOLDS!!!) and I think overall we do a great job in raising our kids to be aware of where they come from and how a family is still a family because we say it is, not because of blood relations.  Kudos people, we make better kids.  ;)

 

 

So, quick update:  DW saw our super granola-ey energy sensitive very intuitive RMT yesterday morning.  She says she's pretty sure J conceived, but that her body freaked out (thanks, stupid biliary colic... caused by Christmas) and ditched the pregnancy because it knew that the next few days were going to be very very bad (and they were).  So, I feel much better about this (and also that I'm not completely NUTS).  I ended up giving DW a boatload of narcotics and all kinds of crap to get her pain under control, and I would have NOT DONE SO if she was pregnant, rather we would have spent the night in the ER (oh fun times).  We're also hopping on a plane to Mexico mid-January for 2 weeks, which exposes you to the same amount of radiation as a chest X-Ray, and me being the crazy NICU nurse makes me EXCESSIVELY PARANOID about these kinds of things (it's easy to dismiss stats when you don't see it every day!).  We're missing our January cycle, but I think we need a vacation (and a break).  

 

KD is pleasantly optimistic (he's so awesome), and is happy to do whatever we need done.  

 

Anyways, hope for sticky uteruses for those of you in a TWW!  :D

 

 


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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#206 of 210 Old 12-30-2011, 11:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Allison Graham View Post

Anon vs wtbk: well, thankfully the National Lesbian Longitudinal Family Study has a article they published last year about this: http://www.nllfs.org/publications/ (scroll down, it's the 5th or 6th one).  You can make your own informed decision about your own kids.  I'm with Carmen on this one though, I don't feel that it's something I can take away from my kids.  As you can read from the study, most kids don't seem to give a rats ass, but some did.  There was recently a big showdown in BC about an adoption case, where the woman was in her 20's and her file had been ripped up years ago, and she's fighting to end all closed adoptions, as she believes children have the right to information about their biological family.  

 

We're using a KD for *SO* many reasons, but the most important is that we wanted to give our kids the most access to their biological roots as possible.  We really like our donor, he's so awesome and very sweet and will love and adore our kids and that's what sealed the deal for us.  In BC we're not entirely protected, but it's better than some other places.  There's no case law history in BC that awards custody to the donor.  Even though, we did a lot of research and spent a good chunk of money on having legal contracts drawn up (Carmen/Anna/other Vancouver peeps, who did you guys use, out of curiosity).

 


 

I agree with everything you said there, Allison.

 

Anonymous vs Willing To Be Known:

I also feel very strongly that I don't want to take away my future children's ability to find out about their genetic make-up.  Or maybe it's the other way around: that access to their genetic make-up (and other 'family of origin') is something of value that may one day become important to them.

I know not everyone feels that way, but I do.  We looked at sperm banks for years and years and i just couldn't get comfortable with it. I couldn't move past this feeling that something wasn't right. It added years of waiting and frustration to our journey of starting a family, meaning we've almost run out of time.

But i couldn't get past this.

 

We're also lucky to have found an awesome KD who is willing to participate in the children's lives and provide information about family, etc. We're even going so far as to include his parents in the 'village'.

I realise that may be pushing it a bit for some people, but they're lovely people, and if I was a child I'd love to have them as my grandparents.  So, we're trying.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Allison Graham View Post

In the end though, you have to make the decision that YOU can live with.  Our families are so colourful and different and awesome (huh hello ZERO PERCENT SEXUAL ABUSED FROM LESBIAN HEADED HOUSEHOLDS!!!) and I think overall we do a great job in raising our kids to be aware of where they come from and how a family is still a family because we say it is, not because of blood relations.  Kudos people, we make better kids.  ;)

 

 

 

Also agree with this very much.

Whatever we decide as parents (or parents to be) as long as we make those decisions with a true heart, our children will grow up safe and confident in the knowledge that their parents made the right choices for their family.

 

I really can't say it any better than you did, Allison.

 

 

And yes, we also consulted a lawyer (Larry Kahn of Kahn Zack Erlich Lithwick ).  He charges a fortune. greensad.gif

We saved some cash by writing our own donor contract and showing it to him.  He read it over and said 'this is fine and will hold up in court.  Save your money. I don't need to write one of these for you'... 

We think we will use him to do the Declaration of Parentage when the time comes though, to get both our names on the Birth Certificate. It's a little more expensive than the 2nd Parent Adoption, apparently, but is quicker and done within weeks of the birth.  I suspect a lot of stuff may change for all of us (esp. our KD) after the birth, so I don't want any delays...  

Call me paranoid.

 

Who are you using, Allison?

And carmen, did you do a 2nd Parent adoption for your daughter?

 


found the love of my life 13 years ago, kissy.gif married 5 yrs ago, now TTC #1 stillheart.gif

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#207 of 210 Old 12-31-2011, 08:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNotherThing View Post

 

 

And yes, we also consulted a lawyer (Larry Kahn of Kahn Zack Erlich Lithwick ).  He charges a fortune. greensad.gif

We saved some cash by writing our own donor contract and showing it to him.  He read it over and said 'this is fine and will hold up in court.  Save your money. I don't need to write one of these for you'... 

We think we will use him to do the Declaration of Parentage when the time comes though, to get both our names on the Birth Certificate. It's a little more expensive than the 2nd Parent Adoption, apparently, but is quicker and done within weeks of the birth.  I suspect a lot of stuff may change for all of us (esp. our KD) after the birth, so I don't want any delays...  

Call me paranoid.

 

Who are you using, Allison?

And carmen, did you do a 2nd Parent adoption for your daughter?

 



Just curious, why are you planning on doing a declaration of parentage? The lawyer we consulted (queer lawyer who specialized in queer family law) said it's really only necessary if you are really worried about your KD trying for custody at the beginning....she also said it can sometimes take so long that your adoption will likely be close to being completed (at 6 months) when you receive it. We decided not to do it. Also, both my DP and I are on DD's birth certificate...it asks the sex of the "other parent" on the application. We are planning on doing a 2nd parent adoption but because we don't feel 'threatened' whatsoever by our donor in terms of custody we were going to wait until we have a 2nd child (hopefully!) and then do it together. I also believe you still have to do the adoption even if you do the declaration of parentage in the beginning.

 


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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#208 of 210 Old 12-31-2011, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Happy New Year's Eve, all!  champagne.gif

 

As this year finishes, I'm left feeling very contemplative and thankful.  I am so glad to have known you all and to have had the support of this group.  It's hard to believe that last January is when we decided to start planning out this journey.  I hope you all find yourselves with friends and/or family on this night, celebrating the end of one year and the fresh start that a new year brings.   

 

I've updated the roster and sent it to Invitnconceptn, she will be your Threadkeeper for January.  I'm hoping it'll be okay with everyone if I stick around here, probably mostly lurking but I would like to keep up with you guys.  I don't want to be disrespectful of anyone, so I will avoid discussion of our pregnancy, but I want you all to know that I care about you and I'm looking forward to continue reading about all of your journeys!   

 

Much love to you all.  


Mom and Mama to our Ever so clever daughter (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
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#209 of 210 Old 12-31-2011, 05:08 PM
 
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Hello everyone please join me for January at http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1340469/queer-conceptions-january-2012#post_16808575


Me (37) married my lovely DW (33) May 2010 stillheart.gif  ttc #1 since September 2010. 3 years of ttc has been tough. Currently struggling with some ovulatory issues (follies don't grow quickly - trouble releasing) At a cross roads: go strong on meds or begin to turn over babymaking to DW. This is very...
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#210 of 210 Old 12-31-2011, 05:48 PM
 
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@Anna: we used barbara findlay (she doesn't use capitals in her name), sounds like the same one Carmen used.  She was fabulous, she does several of these KD contracts, so she just sent us a questionnaire and then filled in the blanks on her donor contract and then went over it with us.  Our KD had to have his own representation, but it was all perfectly fine.  :)  We paid for that, I think all in it was about $2500? Ish? Maybe less, I don't really remember (we finished our contract in MAY, and I have the memory of a goldfish).  

 

We found barbara on the Pomegranate Midwives website in the resource section.  She's bad-ass, we will be using her again.  We wrote our donor contract in such a way that it still applies to each child conceived through either of us, so we don't have to repeat the whole process for each kid (AAUGH!).  I don't think we'll be doing the declaration of parentage, unless KD suddenly starts making noise about wanting to be more involved suddenly.  We'll definitely seal our 2nd parent adoption, but by the time our baby is born, the new laws might be around that'll completely eliminate KD as any possible threat to our legal parentage (dunno if you've heard of this?).  It got kinda pushed back when the Liberals totally screwed around and Gordo stepped down, but it's here http://www.ag.gov.bc.ca/legislation/pdf/Family-Law-White-Paper.pdf, it's from 2010 though, so it's actually OVERDUE to pass. :)  But the fancy part that REALLY affects us is this:

 

 

  • Birth mothers should be considered legal parents at the birth of the child, whether or not their eggs were used to conceive the child and that they can give up this parental status in two ways: adoption or surrogacy.

  • The birth mother’s partner, male or female, should be presumed to be the other legal parent, unless it is proven otherwise.

  • A person who donates eggs or sperm for another person’s use should not become a legal parent, even though there is a genetic link to the child. An exception to that general rule is that a person who donates genetic material can agree in advance of the child’s conception to be a legal parent, which means that in certain circumstances, a child can have more than two legal parents. For example, a lesbian couple and a male friend whose sperm is used to conceive a child can agree before the child is conceived that the donor will also be a legal parent. Responses were mixed on whether the pre-conception agreement between a donor and the parents should be sufficient to establish the donor’s status as an additional parent or whether a court declaration should be required. 

 


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
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