Thanks for the thoughts everyone, especially Seraf and Starling and Onemommy. Wow--you all have such strong instincts. I wish I felt as self-assured about parenting as you seem to. I feel like a first-time mom again. Sigh. I guess 9 years really is a long gap. And Z didn't start daycare until she was 18 months, so it was different (though I was a mess then, too, lol). Seraf: she has two "primary caregivers" at daycare: one full-time teacher and one student intern. The teacher is always there; the student is there every afternoon. So she is being passed between two people, but not more than that usually. Starling: I do wonder whether we'll end up with a nanny at home rather than daycare. I want to give the daycare a good try (a month at least) before making that decision. Unfortunately, DP and my in-laws are each up for doing one day a week of childcare, and that's it. DP works part-time and has chronic fatigue, and my in-laws are busy and independent; they are willing to help quite a bit even on their "off" days, but they only want to be tied down one day/week. I don't blame them. I'm willing to work from home (ahem) one day/week, so that leaves two. If the daycare really doesn't work, I'll do what I can to find a nanny for two days/week, but it won't be easy. I think part of my trouble with the AP stuff (ie, cultivating independence through secure attachment) is that she is still so young; I'm not confident that she has developed deep security yet, so it seems odd that anyone would expect her to be able to be more independent. I worry that the daycare stress and separation anxiety will interfere with her still-developing sense of safety and security. I've asked for a consultation with the child development professor who is the official adviser of the daycare to talk about our situation; we'll see how that goes. Thanks again for all your support. This community is such a resource--it is probably saving me and my family money we'd otherwise be spending on therapy ;-).
Oops--babe's up. Welcome, Dandy, and congrats!!
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Welcome to planet and Dandy, glad to see you here!
I don't have very long, the wife is headed to bed and I want to follow her since she's been gone since seven this morning. However, I wanted to post because a couple days ago we took some belly pictures and discovered that DW actually has one! Kind of.
This was taken at the end of the night, after dinner and during the height of the lovely bloat that has joined her life, haha. For this photo she was relaxing her stomach muscles, but not pushing her belly out either. When she tightens up her core it's obviously smaller, but there's still a little something there. She says it's really hard to try to engage her core all the time, but she's kind of doing it all day so her pants fit without being terribly uncomfortable. Once she saw what the pictures looked like that I took, immediately she wondered if maybe there are two in there, but neither of us actually think there are.
We have an appointment Feb. 7th to hear the heartbeat, so we're very excited about that!
Back tomorrow to catch up with you all.
Mom and Mama to our Ever so clever daughter (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
AmandaH: Weighing in a bit late but here is my cents re: attachment parenting experiences. My DP and I were adamant about attachment parenting. DD has slept between us since birth, she fell asleep on one of us every nap and every night for a very long time. She nursed to sleep every single night up until the last few months. We wore her, never let her cry when not in our arms, were very responsive to her, etc. etc....you get the picture. DD was never away from DP or I...ever...until she was about 13 or so months old....and then she was with her 4 aunties for a few hours while DP and I went to a movie. She has never been in childcare (until 2 weeks ago) except for her favourite auntie the past few months 2 days a week - which went amazingly well with NO anxiety at all. The childcare provider now can not stop saying how independent she is. We were actually at a play gym today with some other families and they all kept commenting on how independent and happy DD seems exploring and playing. I really do attribute much of that to the way we have parented her. I also know some of it is likely her personality too. L is quite a bit younger than my DD but you'll get there too :) As others have said, go with your instincts...they are rarely wrong in my (limited) experience parenting. Be confident that you know exactly what is best for your DD....and you will provide her with that without a doubt.
Desert: Cute bump! I already feel like I look 10 weeks pregnant since I still have a bump from DD ;)
Afm: Things are going fine for me. I have bouts of nausea that make me giddy with happiness and then times when I feel "normal" and I have lots of anxiety. My breasts have gotten very sore the past few days and when DD nurses it feels like shards of glass are coming out lol I still don't feel really pregnant but I definitely feel different so I'm just trying to assume that everything is fine. Oh and I feel like a raging, explosive crazy woman at times...that part isn't fun. I have acupuncture again on Tuesday and I'm looking forward to that. I still haven't contacted the midwife team we'd like to have again...I want to wait until after the 7 week u/s. Off to curl up with my cozy, warm DD :)
ahope - I am only starting to see that AP does indeed work as my DD continues to sprout out and surprise me each day. I wouldn't say I have strong instincts. We questioned everything the whole time, and fought alot, and alot of times I didn't really know if pushing for AP was a good idea or not. The other options just didn't feel right. Success stories from others helped me feel hope and see the larger picture. However, I guarentee I will need you and others to remind me of this with DD2. Probably in the first week after she is born... even with my confident little explorer around me each day I have no doubt I will feel lost with this new babe - and her unique needs, etc.
desert - great pic! :)
welcome to dandy and planet! so excited to have you join us!
seraf - looking forward to pics :) any crafting happening these days or things too busy :)? nothing happening here but I'm starting to get the itch again.
qmama - how are you? thinking of you and can't wait to hear about your lo and how thigns are going with you all.
mizy - man your little ones are super cute! I love the peace onesie too.
isa - cool website - thanks for sharing! I love the shirt you chose. I found some rainbow shirts for both DD and DD2 one sale (two for one). They will hopefully fit around pride time and throughout the summer. My mom always dressed my 2 sisters and I alike when we were young... I wasn't the hugest fan and yet find myself all pumped when I find funky thigns that fit both kids. Hrm. Luckily my DD is very choosy with clothes and will hopefully keep my matching contained.
afm - so my little one's head is down. I can tell from the hiccups. I feel movements and elbows and kicks everywhere it seems. I can only assume the space is getting smaller and feet are sometimes up near her head.
We are currently narrowing down our doulas and we have two great ones to choose from. We hope for a home water birth, but I'm trying to stay open to what happens.
My experience supporting DP through a homebirth turned hospital turned emergancy C section makes me more nervous about it all. The beginging of her labour was super peaceful, but then things just weren't happening. DD was posterior, face up, and stuck - so she was not moving down to even the pubic bone. It became very hard. Contractions got crazy and DP stayed in transition for a long time until the c section. we didn't really understand what was happening, and DP just felt something was wrong - which was really frightening for her and for me as well. This was my only experience of natural birth besides to early/active labours I was apart of in Ghana, and it is hard to shake that sequence of events and feel that anything different will happen with this time.
I have a question around weaning :) DP usually feeds DD in the am. She wakes up around 5, and then with BFing would stay in bed mostly asleep until 7 or later. We aren't sure how to remove that feed and try to encourage her to sleep longer. DP does not want to breastfeed anymore, but is cool with being gradual/gentle. But would like to start working on this now. We just have no idea what would work in this situation. The day time and before bed feeds are easier to work with because they don't impact her sleep, and she is awake so able to choose other comforts and is just generally more okay wiht the changes. But in the am she is super sleepy and just really wants that snuggle time. I think it would work if I snuggled her but I'm not all that interested in getting in her twin bed at this stage in the pregnancy. Especially because those hours are some of my best sleep with insomnia.
What worked for you? Is it more likely she will just wake up at 5 and adjust gradually, or are there some things we can try?
wherli - awesome pics! He's adorable! He has such a personality that you can see in his expressions :)
Here are a few of winter happenings around here - DP and DD skating, and wearing their superhero masks :)
Hi Vienna, Planet, and Dandy! Welcome! How are you (or your DPs) all feeling? Vienna—I’m sorry for your previous loss. Hopefully this pregnancy will be easy and reassuring!
Mami—I love her little coat! But I love even more that the snow is gone today…
Carmen—lots of hugs to you. I’m glad you’re feeling a little bit better.
Starling—ugh. Feel better!
Library—glad things went well for Alice and your DP—though it must have been sad to be apart! Did you decide to go home early after all?
Indigo—we’re on a van search, too! Our car just feels small already, and there’s not even a carseat in it yet. I hope your first day back at work goes smoothly!
AHope—so cute! All of you! And I have no good insight on the daycare thing, but I do hope it works out better as time goes on. Also, I don’t think that anything you’re doing is hurting L—there are such narrow constraints that society seems to put us all in for behavior, which is unfortunate. If it feels right to you, and to her, keep doing what you’re doing.
Seraf—what are you doing in DC? Just on a vacation? I wish I got to travel as much as you all do!
Desert—definitely a belly! And it’ll only get bigger!
Wehrli—so, not a snow-angel kind of guy, huh? Looks like he was having fun up until then, though!
OMOM—So cute! oh, and I would have a very hard time not matching them. Which is funny, because when DP tries to (or ‘accidentally’) matches my outfit I make one of us change. Glad you liked the site—and that they were having a sale when I posted it! And I hope that you’re able to find some calm facing this birth. I haven’t seen any in real life yet, so I get to be naïve and optimistic. I’ll send some of that your way…
AFM—it was nesting weekend! Which is good, because last week was thwarted nesting week, where I sat at my computer and made lists of things I was too tired to do by the time I got home from work. So our nursery is now almost only a nursery (there’s one little bin of craft supplies and tools that I’m currently using a lot, and the iron, but no other stuff), every blind in the house has been taken down and either replaced, fixed, or gussied up in some way, we have towel bars and an attached tp holder in the bathroom (we had been using one of those stand ones, which drove me CRAZY), shelves in our bedroom, a clean house, a clean attic, and some recently steam-cleaned baby accessories. Plus every single sheet and towel and blanket has been washed. My poor, poor wife…
And so are the boys!
Thanks for the warm welcomes. Holy crap, pretty isa -- I can't believe you're already at 28 weeks!! Sometimes time inches along, and sometimes it just flies!! I feel like your BFP was just a couple of months ago. That's so exciting.
It's so wonderful to see all the pics of babes up here!
Desert: That bump is awesome!! So cute!
Carmen: Yay for nausea!! I'm glad you're doing well. We had to book our midwife already, because there's a huge baby boom in our area right now. DP knows some women from work who waited until the 8 week mark and then couldn't get in with a team. It felt a bit jinxy to book so freaking early, but it had to be done.
AFM: I just got my beta numbers back: I was 255 on Saturday (13 DPO) and 697 today (15 DPO). I think that's pretty good?
Next step: I'm booked for an early ultrasound on Feb 6. It's so early because we're working with a fertility clinic, so they just want to check everything out.
Oh, EDD is Oct 2 according to the midwife.
Follow our NICU experience: http://adairpickle.wordpress.com/
Prettyisa- Yes..We are so glad the snow is gone!!
Welcome to all the new ladies!
Wehrli- He is a cutie!
afu:We have some kind of bug going through our house. Our two lil one"s and myself been in bed all weekend sooo sick!
Hope all you ladies are doing great. We are loving all these new bfp's
desert- nice belly pic.
Me (29) in with DW (40)
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby Bella (Yorkie)
Layla Janae 11/22/11
Thank you for the warm welcomes! Also, thanks for the clarification on how to figure out my due date. :) I just found it hard to believe that I could be in the middle of my 5th week of pregnancy right now, since I just found out the other day! Amazing! I love it!!!
So, according to the due date calculator I used, my due date is September 30, 2012!
Dandy, we are on the same schedule! Perhaps our babies will be born on or close to the same day. :)
AmandaHope, I love your pictures! Soooo sweet! It sounds to me like you've done an incredible job parenting the way you believe is important. As someone who's worked in several childcare facilities, it's so normal for babies/toddlers to have separation anxiety! I understand the second-guessing (I'm sure I will be doing that a LOT!), but hold onto your truth: you are parenting according to your values. Hope it gets easier with each day!
As for us, my sweet partner and I had been talking about having a kid for over a year, but for the longest time felt so overwhelmed by the possibility. We knew it was possible, of course, but we just had NO clue how to go about it.. We made it to a queer families info session at a local synogague last year, which gave us much hope, inspiration and commitment to really do it! So as soon as last school year ended (I'm a teacher), we dove into our research. At first, we really wanted to use a KD, but unfortunately we don't have any friends that match our requirements. The biggest hurdle was that our donor had to be Mexican, to match my DP. Humorously, all of our male Mexican friends are either in Mexico, had a vasectomy or are transgendered (like my DP). :) So, we opened up to the idea of sperm banks and I'm really glad that we did..
Obviously, we don't *know* our WTBK donor, but we kind of *feel* like we do! He's an artist like us, and we were able to see one of his paintings even. His baby picture looked so much like my partner's brother's baby pics, and we really appreciated everything he had to say in his essays, etc. So, we saved up our pennies and bought a bunch of swimmers! Working with our excellent queer naturopath/midwife, we did two cycles of IUIs. The first cycle, we did one IUI. The second, we did two, and. . . it worked!
I was amazed, but (as I already told the folks over in Queer Conceptions) my partner was like, "Well, we put sperm in you when you were ovulating, so why are you so surprised?" Ha! So romantic, I know! ;)
We are so ridiculously excited and overwhelmed! We went and bought a bunch of books about pregnancy the other day because we didn't know what to do with ourselves. :) We are starting to look for a midwife and have told a few close friends - for support - but are going to TRY to wait to tell all of our real life people until March. It's going to be hard though: I just want to tell everyone, and it's pretty much all I'm thinking about right now! Anyone have any words of wisdom about when to tell people?
Blast! Phone ate my post.
Planet, nice to meet you. People who knew we were trying, we told them when they asked. Everyone else between 8 and 12 weeks mostly.
Wehrli, so big! He looks like so much fun.
Carmen, yay for occasional bouts of reassuring nausea!
AmandaHope, I've never met a baby who wasn't attached to her mama. I think it's pretty hard to screw up if you're putting in effort. Babies thrive in a variety of environments and L will find her groove. It sounds like she does have an opportunity to get comfortable with the caregivers there, so that's cool. Regarding AP, confidence and independence, my kids got hit with the shy stick. I don't blame AP, they are just like I was. Quiet and observe before jumping in. Confidence, my decisions about parenting are not based on attachment. The choices around nursing, cosleeping, babywearing, cloth/EC and responsiveness I make are based on what I believe babies are born expecting. Many are also made on health, convenience, money and the environment. The train of thought that brought me to this point makes it easier for me to stand up for my choices. I don't think they're the only good choices, but they are the best ones for my family.
We are on the way home from Washington DC. My first time on a double decker bus. The driver and u are the only ones awake. It turns out that there was rally against abortion so the visitors had babies on the brain and that's why S got so very much attention. He dislikes being zipped up in the coat as much as he hates the carseat. He loved hanging out with Escher's baby. They cooed and smiled at each other quite a bit. He slept or nursed through most of the museums. He did ok with the potty as we got more used to being on the road. We used 7 diapers the first day and 2 at night. Then 5 and 1, then 2 and 1, but I got pooped on that last day because he peed in the wet bag and then I nursed him with a bare bum. Oops. I think we're going to bust out the undies when we get home.
Planet: I love your story! I'm so happy we're taking this journey together!! Our sperm donor choice was mostly based on personality and those personal letters too. DP and I are both pastey white. I was born and raised in Ireland, and she's your typical Ontario-anglo-french-canadian mix. And we do feel like we know our donor now too. Weird, huh?
That's cool that you're an artist! I'm a PhD student in English Lit. Luckily, there are no noxious fumes that come from the computer, or the library. (Well, sometimes from the library, but I blame the undergrads for that! )
Follow our NICU experience: http://adairpickle.wordpress.com/
wehrli, S is so adorable...he has such a likable face lol I don't know how else to describe it when I see photos of him!
omom, I hope you and your DP are able to have a wonderful birth experience this time around. I would imagine there is no reason to think you won't! As for weaning, I was going to suggest you going to lay with her in the mornings but then read that that would be difficult for you....which I understand. What about if your DP got up with her and rocked her or did something else for a few days...maybe she would get used to not nursing in the morning and start to sleep in longer? My DD doesn't ask to nurse in the mornings at all anymore (we co-sleep) but if she does ask at 5am I just tell her it's not morning yet and the "milkies" are still sleeping and she goes right back to sleep. Cute photos btw!
welcome to this thread, planet :)
seraf, sounds like a fun trip. How far away from DC are you?
I've been waking up so much at night already, sometimes to pee, sometimes I don't know why (must get some skullcap tincture). It takes forever to fall back to sleep. But last night I only woke up once so I feel slightly more rested this morning. My nausea hits around 4 or 5pm which is exactly what happened when I was pregnant with DD. I know "they" say every pregnancy is different but so far there are more similarities than differences at this point. I told my best friend and a close co-worker that I'm pregnant. I decided I'd like some support beyond DP if this doesn't turn out well. 9 days til the u/s! Unfortunately my DP can't be there....which really sucks. Wow, that was a lot of random thoughts smushed together :)
And day 2 of daycare was ok. DP stayed with L most of the day, which went well. L let the caregivers feed her and slept outside in a sled (!) for a little while. She won't poop or sleep in the crib, but when we got home, she was so exhausted (poor babe) that she slept in her crib for a record 3 hours before coming to bed with me. Personals later today...
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .
Ahope- OMG!!! She is adorable with those chubby cheeks!
Me (29) in with DW (40)
DD (12) and DS our special needs baby (4) placed 03-01-10
Our furbaby Bella (Yorkie)
Layla Janae 11/22/11
Hi Everyone - Thank you so much for the welcome and the kind words around my miscarriage. Sorry I disappeared for a couple of days, I am trying to get over a wicked cold. I know that pregnant people get sick more often (immune system goes down so it doesn't attack the baby), but I didn't realize that it would take FOREVER to get over garden variety illnesses. Anyone else have this problem?
After having reservations about this pregnancy and the likelihood that it will continue, I am ready to embrace it now. To paraphrase KGulbransen, I am going to live where I am. And right now I am pregnant. Honestly, if I lose this baby, I think I can handle it from a grief perspective, but the thought of "losing" these few weeks is maddening. I would love some kind of pregnancy credit system.
I really enjoy seeing the pictures of everyone's beautiful families. I am much to private to share my own, but I will gladly look at yours!
I think I said I'd be back later a few days ago, and I guess it's now much, much, much more later! I'm not sure if I'll get to personals beyond what's on this page above. I've been reading and commenting to myself if that counts for anything?
A big welcome to all the newbies! Vienna, Dandy, Planet. May you all have boring and uneventful pregnancies .
AmandaHope - That newest pic of L. is just the cutest. I could smoosh her chubby cheeks. And on that other pic of Z, my goodness she looks like a mini you. I think the angle of the pic must match another one I saw of you, and I had to double look, cause it looked like you 20-some-years younger.
I'm glad that day 2 of daycare worked a bit better and I'm glad you're working with balancing your parenting instinct with the situation at hand. Keep on listening to your gut and ignore those people around you. L. will be happy and attached and hopefully will form some new attachments with her new caregivers.
Carmen - That u/s is right around the corner! I hope that everyday is filled with those delightfully reassuring pregnancy symptoms until the day comes, and then every day after that, too. I'm sure you're pretty pumped when that nausea hits.
Seraf - Undies! I've got to see little S. in underpants. How on earth do you get those for a baby?
Planet - We told a select few people in the early weeks (our parents, our KD, and a handful of friends). We didn't tell the rest of the world until the second trimester.
Mami - Hope you're all feeling better.
Isa - Yay for nesting and a toilet paper holder. I love how pregnancy can inspire you to finally tackle these small tasks (which you avoid because they feel so big) that make a huge difference in your life cause you've put them off for like ever.
OMom - Skating! I so missed skating last year while I was pregnant. I just got the big kids new skates as they had outgrown their old ones and we hit the canal for the first time this past weekend. It was awesome! How old was your DD when she learned to skate? And, I love the superhero masks!
Wehrli - Snow angels! That pic of S. is priceless.
Desert - Baby belly! Whoo hoo.
AFM - Baby A. turned 10 months old today. My goodness time flies. In two short months I'll be back at work. Eegads.
I've been thinking a lot about weaning and just got a LLL book from the library on that topic. I'm just trying to figure out is she's going to need mamamilk while she's in daycare or if I can just nurse her still in the mornings and evening. I'd like to not have her reverse cycle and me become an all-night buffet, but I'd like to still breastfeed and not pump regularly unless I have to. To further complicate matters, I'm going to get a referral to an allergist this week. Turns out she's not only allergic to eggplant, but it looks like the entire nightshade family is off limits. We've also had her dairy free for the past month and she's a lot less restless at night, so maybe a dairy allergy/sensitivity, too? That's going to impact our future feeding plan. Any thoughts/insights on this? I'd really love to hear from Carmen and Starling especially since I think you both took the year long mat leaves with your first kiddos.
Other than that, not much to add right now. Except a photo. Cause pictures are good.
DW and I are moms to two teens (DD 17 and DS 15) adopted through CAS in 2007 and a toddler (DD 2) born at home in March 2011.
Welcome, welcome to all the folks with fresh BFP's! May you indeed having dull, boring and uneventful pregnancies and spectacular and wonderful births!
Gumshoe ... I went back to work at 13 months, and did a little bit of hand pumping on shift (hard to arrange meaningful pumping whilst jumping in and out of ambulances) to relieve the engorgement, and then dd pounced on me when I got home. Honestly, I undid my shirt before I got out of the car, so that she could basically latch on at the door. This did up her night nursing at first, but then it evened out until she night-weaned at 18 months. She ate a tonne of solids though, and had cows milk in a cup if she wanted it during the day. My shifts are super long and I have a commute, so I was gone about 16 hours when I worked. By the way, stunning photo! You are gifted!
Gotta run for a co-op meeting ...
AmandaH ... Love the picture!
Carmen, great to hear that you have some reassuring nausea!
Must dash for now ... xoxo
Gumshoe, that photo is simply breathtaking! Of course, A is gorgeous as always. I can't believe she's already ten months old; I've been following along with you all since before she was born.
Vienna - So glad you are feeling better about your pregnancy!
Omom, your DW and DD are so beautiful!
Wehrli - Like Carmen, I feel like your son has such a beautiful, kindly face! He's so handsome. Good job making such a lovely child, mama!
AHope, okay all the photos of incredibly attractive children are amazing! Your Lilah has such a kissable face. You guys are so cute, plus Z is lovely! She's growing up awfully fast.
Isa - WHOA! That's a crapton of stuff you guys got done this weekend. Could you maybe send some of your motivation over this way? I try to get things accomplished, but it's hard to keep up with the day to day stuff! Hopefully in a couple months after DW's schedule settles down, I'll be able to get some work done on our office and nursery, which is what I'm really chomping at the bit to do.
Seraf - glad to see you guys had fun in DC and that you got to meet up with Escher and her family!
Carmen, that's awesome that you got to tell a friend and a coworker! I assume the news was received well? I hope you continue to feel good and pregnant! Even if that means getting up to pee a bunch during the night.
planet, we told our families pretty much right away and have been telling our close friends since then. I believe it's tradition to tell more people after you hit the second trimester. I think we'll probably bite the bullet and put our announcement on Facebook after we hear the heartbeat on the Doppler, which (fingers crossed!) we have an appointment to do on February 7th. At that point we'll be eleven weeks.
Hi to Mami and Starling! How about some photos of your babies?! How are they?
As for us, things have been busy! We went to Phoenix on Saturday to help my brother move, then DW had to work all day Sunday. The baby belly is hanging around (haha...) and DW is less than pleased to be in the in-between phase where regular clothes don't fit but maternity clothes don't either. My mom has already gone a little crazy on shopping for maternity clothes for her. Luckily, my mom does a pretty good job shopping for clothes for DW! I say that DW is the daughter she never had, since she's never been able to get me to wear cute clothes.
Last night we took a Childbirth Choices class offered by the Birth Center. We had a lot of assumptions about the Birth Center, but hadn't actually heard anyone representing it say the things we assumed were typical client care there. Fortunately, our assumptions were right! Yay! No unnecessary medical interventions, no continuous electronic fetal monitoring, delayed cord clamping, no baby baths unless requested, no laboring timeframe, no limit on the number of people you can have with you in your room. All in all, the care through the midwives at this center is very flexible and versatile. They give everyone a lot of time to voice any questions and explain anything you don't understand. The midwives have privileges at the hospital less than two minutes away, so if for any reason you transfer there the midwives are still in charge of your care. Obviously they wouldn't perform a Cesarean. Anyway, we're incredibly happy to be receiving care at the Birth Center with midwives. Here's hoping we don't risk out by having twins or ending up with a breech baby, or developing gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. But I'm not focusing on risking out!
Hoping you all are well!
Mom and Mama to our Ever so clever daughter (9.1.12)! We have a blog, too!
Delurking! One of my new year's resolutions was to jump in here and post more often (we finally retired our craptastic laptop and got a better computer, which makes it infinitely easier to post than on my phone), but, um... you can see how I'm doing with that! Maybe it will be my February resolution.
But I had to jump in, because Planet, I'm wondering if we have the same donor? My DP is also Mexican, and we found that there were very few Mexican donors - the chances of there being two WTBK Mexican donors who had a painting on file seem slim. CCB # 11610? And congrats! To you as well, Dandy. And everyone else who's gotten a BFP since I last posted (which may be most of you who are currently pregnant, actually).
Amanda - I'm glad daycare day 2 went well. To your earlier question about AP values and daycare - I second and third everyone who's noted that every baby is different. Our little guy loves to cuddle and co-sleep and nurse and be in our arms or the mei tai, but doesn't give a hoot when we leave him at daycare, and barely looks up when we show up to pick him up at the end of the day. He loves it there. He's his own mix of very attached and very independent. (Or, as my MIL proudly said over the holidays, "he's not spoiled! even though you never put him down." sigh.)
As for the rest of you with babes - they're all adorable! Keep those photos coming.
Here's our little guy Alex, who will be six months in a week and a half (!!):
We're having so much fun. In the past week or so, he's starting sitting up by himself (he needs help getting into that position, but then he can hang out for ages without falling over. I think he has more fun with his friends at school and with his toys that way). And we started experimenting with solid foods, BLW-style. He really took to it, and has already tried broccoli, steak, chicken, avocado, apple, pear, banana, sweet potato, and mushrooms. It's so much fun to watch him figure out what to do with food! We also just got back from a long weekend in the midwest to visit my family (just Alex and I; DP didn't have a long weekend). Grandparents went gaga over him, which was awesome.
Okay, back to fun things we cram in between his bedtime and ours, like dishes, refinancing the mortgage, and getting tomorrow's supplies ready for daycare. The days go by too fast!
gumshoe - This is DD's first year skating, she is 3 in May. She skates being held or holding on one of those plastic stands :) she loves it! We tried cross country skiing too and she was into that as well. Last year she was very much agains any strange thigns strapped to her feet. This year she is excited to try anything it seems :) Its a bit of a bummer to be on the sidelines. I miss skating. But it is also great to be the one with the camera capturing it all :)
I REALLY miss the Canal. DW's family is all in Ottawa and she lived there until we got together - it is just hard to get there when it is open. Christmas is too early, March break too late :( When we were dating I was there most weekends and during reading week (was a student back then). I love that you can skate as a mode of transportation... It is how I first explored the city.
I'm hoping to bring both kids (babe on sled) next year. If the weather and timing works out. Enjoy it a little extra for our family this year ! :) (have you ever heard that Stuart Mclean story about Holland - reminds me of the canal).
Planet—we told our parents and a few close friends pretty much right away (plus everyone who knows us from the internets in real life, of course), and then held off until the 12th week for everyone else.
Carmen—I hope you won’t need their support for anything other than picking out fancy new newborn outfits! One day closer to the u/s!
Amanda—she is so beautiful. And I’m glad that day #2 went better!
Vienna—I hope you’re feeling better! I had a cold that lasted FOREVER early on, but since then I’ve been pretty much healthy as a horse. Not sure if it’s luck, pregnancy, or all those flu shot things they made me take, but I’m not complaining!
Gumshoe—that is an awesome picture! And I’m so, so sorry about the nightshade thing. I was afraid of that for her. Good luck finding a solution to the nursing and food issues. Hopefully she’ll grow out of them (and quickly!)
Desert—sounds like the perfect place to have your little one! And I would send my motivation, but it’s only present on weekends, and I have a 3-page single-spaced list to get through! Good luck to your DP on transition clothes—I found that going up a size worked well for a long time (and some of the shirts still work)
Hi Amy! He’s adorable—I love the sweater! It would be funny if you had the same donor—I’m still bummed that 2EZ and I (and you, Wehrli? I forget but I think you might have been the same guy that we used initially, too) aren’t donor-sib-family. I don’t know how I feel about total strangers, but if I knew I had donor-ties to someone that I’ve gotten to know on here I’d be stoked about it! I wonder if I’ll feel differently once the kid is here and I get more protective. Anyone want to chime in on their thoughts about meeting donor-sib families? Would you do it while they’re young, or wait til they’re adults, or nevernevernever?
Lots of changes afoot for me at work—pretty much our entire management team is retiring, since the city has been doing a number on us (though they’ve backed off quite a bit since the beginning). We’re getting a fancy new leader from San Francisco (by way of Seattle, and the Gates Foundation) so I’m kind of curious to see what happens. Of course he won’t start until I’m almost out of here for leave, so I guess I’ll be watching from afar. He’s only 37, too, which is crazy. What have I been doing wrong with my life, anyway?
And so are the boys!
Gumshoe, stunning pic of a stunning li'l girl!
Amy, still love that pic of Alex! great hat, btw...
isa, yes. 2ez and I share a donor. I'm in contact with a handful of others thru BBC and a couple of us have started a secret FB group. my thoughts are, since the donor is not WTBK, then we should keep in touch with donor-sib fams. we (DP and I) DO NOT want to raise them as half-sibs and neither do the families we are in contact with, I think. I do think it's important to keep in touch in case S someday wants contact or if -universe forbid- something genetically medical comes up and it would be helpful to either give the other families heads-up or in case of blood/organ donation would ever be an issue. hopefully it will never be the latter! idk if we will ever meet any of the other fams... but there are a couple of them that are really very close in proximity to us. if nothing else, it'll be good to know them so the kids never meet and fall in love!
congrats to all the "newbies"! hello to all the rest of you... hey, where you at library? you must be busy 'cause you usually poke your head in here often!
more pics of all of your beauties, please!
DS - planned born via 4/4/2011
AmandaHope: omg what a sweet, sweet face!! I'm glad daycare was easier the second day. Child care was a BIG stress for us as well and we didn't even have to deal with it until recently. I hope it continues to go well.
gumshoe: As I said on FB, I was off with DD for 18 months so it was a bit different for me. I didn't bother pumping at all and DD still nursed lots in the evenings and morning and on weekends when I was home. If you're dealing with allergies....I would definitely keep nursing as much as you can. A friend and co-worker came back to work at 15 months and pumped for a couple of months and then didn't and her son still nurses at least once a day at 3 years old! I think it also depends on your child and how "attached" to nursing they are - to some extent. Also, we have never given DD cow's milk, I don't feel it's necessary. However, I have heard that goat's milk is closer to human milk and is less of an allergy issue (for some kids). For allergy testing, we were going to get DD tested (some gasto and skin issues early on) and both our GP and the pediatrician (who specializes in diet/gastro stuff) said the tests would be inconclusive. They said observation and elimination was the best way to deal with it at this age..unless it's a deadly allergy. Perhaps you could just pump for the first couple of months until the allergies get under control and she gets a bit older? My (limited) experience tells me that even if you aren't pumping when you go back to work at 12 months that you *should* be able to continue to nurse in the evenings and on weekends. But of course, there are always exceptions. My point is I don't think this has to be an all or nothing thing in terms of weaning! Good luck! How are you feeling about going back to work otherwise btw??
Hi Amy! Alex is ADORABLE!
isa: The discussions around donor siblings is affecting our family as well...and we used a KD! My KD is getting married this summer and him and his wife are going to TTC right away as far as I know (she asked me for advice on tracking her cycles...how cute is that? lol). I had a strange reaction to finding out they will be having kids quite possibly very soon! I almost felt protective of them (the kids that aren't even born yet...yes, I'm odd). DP and I (and KD and wife) haven't really talked about what that relationship might look like. Some people have said "just treat them like cousins that they see once in awhile" but I wonder if it's better for them to be closer? I dunno.....it has me thinking about this topic a lot though.
And, I'm 6 weeks today! Half way through the first trimester! Another milestone! And I still feel pregnant so that's a relief. This next week can not go by quickly enough....and I hate saying that because I hate wishing my days away!
Back home now (yes, I did cave and come home Sunday night...) and back at work where I'm crazy busy, so I won't be able to catch up much this post, but I did want to say hello. VERY MUCH fun picking award-winning queer books in Dallas (though Dallas itself was a nightmare of awfulness for a convention city, everything from hotel racism to not enough waiters) and hanging out with other librarians. Got lots of books too, woohoo! Spent a goodly amount of time pumping and learned that even when my right breast gives three oz, my left one will never give more than half an oz. WTF!? But I brought a nice supply home for Alice, and didn't dry up at all. Hooray!! The other good news was that yes, Alice slept in her crib without a peep or a problem and she and DP had a very nice weekend. This translated into a big argument and lots of tears and trouble when I got home, since of course now she SHOULD sleep in her crib, right? DP even moved into the guest room since she could just no longer bear the "stress and crowding" of cosleeping. So what the hell do I do now? We've agreed to a compromise, that Alice goes down in her crib, but when she cries at night I bring her into the bed. I'm not completely happy, but I feel like I'm basically given the choice of my cosleeping or my relationship, and while a big part of me wants to say 'Baby wins!' I don't really want to lose everything. We've actually been having a lot of stress and problems since Alice came, not entirely baby related, but probably stirred up by the huge change of life, and are going to seek counselling to try and work stuff out and try and be in the same place about things. Ugh.
Ok, I have to run now (I didn't mean to bring up a whole bunch of crud and then sign off...) I love the photos and wanted to share one book link with you. I bought this book for Alice and would recommend it to any of you or to anyone you know having a kiddo. SO SWEET and using so many different tribal styles.
More later, love to you all xo
commiserating here... I could have written this word for word, replacing Alice with Silas (of course, ). we are really good some days, and some days - not so much. now that S is sleeping in his bed for [up to] half the night, she is complaining about our BF relationship, not in a nasty way; more in a jealous way. basically she can't wait for him to wean. she just admitted to me that she thinks she needs to mourn the loss of her [baby] son. he has never been much of a cuddler and she misses something she never even had. at least we got the closeness through BF... she's pretty happy to cosleep (most nights) part-time to get extra bonding but she can't even snuggle him in the night because she says he pushes her away. so sometimes I feel like she's pushing for "early" weaning, when I want child-led, at least for now. gah. this shit is much harder than we ever expected... we aren't even sure it'll ever be a good idea to have another DC, she is now SURE she DOESN'T want to carry a babe. :cry don't get me wrong, we both love DS with ALL of our hearts but after 10 years together, this little boy has thrown us for a loop. sorry to "hijack" but I feel like you may be the only other person who might be able to relate so closely. if you ever feel like chatting more extensively, feel free to PM me. like we have all the time in the world to do that, hey?! xo
DS - planned born via 4/4/2011
Wehrli~ Biggest hugs. That's it exactly. 'Much harder than we ever expected' hits the nail on the head. We seemed to be in agreement about so many things beforehand, and then when faced with the reality it becomes huge arguments. I won't totally digress, but it doesn't help that DP won't 'fight fair'. I have to keep reminding her that secretly seething about something is not the same as actually bringing it up for discussion. And yes, I think she's jealous not of Alice's attention, but of mine, like won't I stop cuddling that adorable baby and come over and cuddle her. But then (TMI) when we had the bed to ourselves last night she just went to sleep! Um, ok! So I'm looking forward to a neutral third party backing me up sometimes. And until then I'll put Alice down in her crib and hope she starts fussing around 10...
Yikes, Library and wehrli. That sounds REALLY rough. I too was surprised by how much having a child affected my relationship with my DP. But not in the same ways you both describe.
My first reaction is to say (to your DPs) "Stop being a baby! Your child is a baby for SUCH A SHORT TIME! Get over it! Things are going to change so quickly!" But of course I won't say that...oops I already did Seriously though, having been the gestational parent I can't relate 100% to what a non-gestational parent goes through. However, I do strongly feel that this time is so, so, so short in all of your lives. Before long your babies won't be co-sleeping, they won't be nursing, they will likely prefer your DP over you at some point and they absolutely have (and will have) unique and special relationships with both of you. Wanting a partner to stop nursing early because they feel they are losing out on bonding time is just awful.....in my opinion. Nursing isn't just about bonding...it's so, so important for so many health reasons as well and wanting to stop for "social" reasons seems crazy to me. I have a friend who had to formula feed her son....and he is more bonded to his mom than his dad even without the nursing....my point here is that stopping nursing isn't going to automatically create a "stronger bond" with the non gestational parent. Not to mention it seems "cruel" to stop nursing a baby to make someone else "feel better."
Sorry to rant. I honestly don't mean to be unfeeling or insensitive to your DPs. It must be really hard. My DP gets really, really hurt when our DD pushes her away and says "no mommy!" and reaches for me. But we don't force it and she does not ask me to step back from my bond with DD. I don't think it's a one or the other relationship if that makes sense. DP is deeply bonded with DD...we were lucky we were both off for 5 months with her after she was born....but it's in a different way.
Be patient with yourselves and each other. And always remind yourselves that your baby won't be a baby for very long.
I think I'm rambling now and getting all riled up so I'll stop.
Eta: walking across campus to get my lunch I realized my post is fairly bitchy. Sorry again for that tone....And...a tip! Alone time with DP and DD has made their bond even stronger.....try, if you don't already to schedule some consistent time...maybe only once a week where they can be alone for awhile....even for 2 hours.
Wehrli and Library: On Monday night, when L was exhausted from not sleeping at daycare and went to bed in her crib at 7pm, I was going to bed at 10pm and suggested that DP come to bed with me instead of heading (happily enough) to the guest room. She did, and we were just talking and cuddling, which was nice, but when L woke up at 10:30pm as we were drifting off, I was not-so-secretly thrilled. I felt bad for DP and didn't mean to feel gleeful, but I LOVE sleeping with Lilah, and I know that DP and I will have many years of sleeping in the same bed (knock on wood). The intimacy with the babe really can supplant/compete with partner intimacy, and it is really challenging to navigate. DP and I are doing ok right now, but we still have serious tension over how hard it is to parent Lilah, esp. for DP (who was the one who wasn't at all convinced that we should have a second child). She loves Lilah very much, but she struggles quite a bit, and it is very hard for her not to feel pressured and somewhat resentful. I've pushed for therapy, but she doesn't think we need it. This parenting business is HARD WORK. Hugs to you both.
Ok, back to the happy pregnancy stories, y'all! Belly shots, anyone?
Partner of 17 yrs to DP, Mommy to 10-yr-old Z , and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 .