Queer Conceptions: November 2012 - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 267 Old 11-24-2012, 10:29 PM
 
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justice & fille - you have no idea, i have the worst luck with "sensitive" deliveries. one small example: one time i ordered a book about queer families and sperm donors. i specifically had it sent to my office so my teenager wouldn't open the package before i got home. the lady who picks up the mail at my office opened it and put it in my mailbox - even though it was very clearly addressed to me, personally. nothing like coming into work and finding a sperm donor book very obviously hanging out in your mailbox. so you can imagine, i was convinced the follistim was going to show up with lots of embarrassing stickers on it, like "this was ordered by an infertile homo who's trying to get knocked up" maybe with some holographic rainbows and pregnant unicorns on it. even though i have ordered from them before and the stickers were not terrible. they could come up with really embarrassing stickers since my last order. so the "confidential, refrigerate immediately" wasn't bad. i order weird stuff all the time to be delivered to my office (like, eggs of rare breed chickens, which people think is weird for some reason?) my standards for embarrassing packages are low but my anxiety about receiving them is high. 

 

darcy - thanks for the reminder to be patient in this process. it's the hardest part. 

 

welcome, twomommyfamily! I hope you're graduating in jan/feb! are you going to do do a monitoring cycle before you start, or dive right in?  

 

birthday.gifpartytime.gifdrum.gifguitar.gifhappy birthday scorpio!! birthday.gifpartytime.gifdrum.gifguitar.gif

 

I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. Despite our struggles with TTC stuff, I feel so grateful for all the ways I have been fortunate this year. It was a good day to reflect on that and not focus on the things that haven't worked out (yet).  and eat a lot of fauxturkey and carbs! 

 

Also, Fertilty Friend thinks I ovulated this month. I think it kind of looks like i O'd on CD17 or 18, but I got crosshairs on 21. Either way, hopefully I won't have to kickstart the next cycle with prometrium. FX for that. Any chart stalkers want to weigh in? here's my chart.


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#182 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 09:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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fillefantome:

so at the end of November, you start a new thread, copy and paste the first post of this thread and make it the first post of the December thread. As you get updates from folks, you change their status in that post. Does that make sense? It's pretty easy, you just have to check a lot to make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be :)

 

Twomommyfamily: Do you want to be moved to "Waiting to O" for now? Welcome!!! 

mrsandmrs: THANKS! blowkiss.gif

Also, I think it looks like you may have ovulated on 17 or 18 as well... FF makes predictions for me too that I don't always agree with! I am not a chart "expert" but that is what it looks like to me!

 

afm, AF stopped yesterday and I started temping today... We will be inseminating with KD sperm on December 7, 8 or 9, thereabouts. Getting excited. Going to a lesbian baby shower today- couldn't love THAT any more than I do!!


me (28) married to dp (30) + 2 dog fur-kids!  TTC our first baby!  baby.gif

BFP in 2009: still grieving my loss

4 tries so far (two with frozen, two with KD): all BFN

 

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#183 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 09:31 AM
 
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Thanks for the Welcomes!

 

MrsandMrs- Not sure at this point if we will do a monitoring cycle. At that first RE appt she seemed to think we could just get started in January provided that the tests come back okay. We have another meeting with her on January 4th to review the bloodwork and results of the HSG then we will go from there. Would monitoring help to see how everything goes with the clomid and trigger? See if anything else needs to be done?

 

Has anyone else on here done an HSG? Any warnings, info? Mine is scheduled for Christmas Eve, which is lovely. Then I go to a big family dinner and the following morning get on a plane to Boston so hopefully there is no lasting discomfort. 

 

Scorpioma- sure just go ahead and put me in Waiting to O. I'll hang out there for another 6 weeks or so and cheer everyone on from the sidelines! 

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#184 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 11:37 AM
 
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Hi all & happy belated thanksgiving to all the Americans, hope you all had a great time. I've spent the last week photographing 105 dogs for a local competition :)

 

I'm still waiting to hear back from the specialist as I don't think they'll give me clomid for my PCOS as I'm not going through a recognised fertility clinic so I'm trying to think of other options for getting everything regulated. Perhaps Metformin but I'll have to do some more investigating. We were going to try to inseminate last week but for a number of different reasons have had to postpone until next year so will hopefully get everything sorted by then.

 

Friederike - welcome & I'm living on the same side of the world as you & Nosreves in the UK & am using Cryos international as well.

 

I was just wondering if anyone here has problems with tender breasts for a couple of weeks before AF?  I am guessing it's to do with hormones but just noticed how long it's been since starting to chart.

 

Cheers & good luck with making babies in December everyone.

 

 

Liz


Liz (40) 'wife' to Abby (33). together 2001, 'Married' 2004. Fur babies Harvey, Bailey & Evie dog2.gif  & Churchill  cat.gif

 

Second IVF successful, he's here!!!!

DS born 12/4/2012, weight 6lb11 babyboy.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#185 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 12:50 PM
 
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scorpio - I hope you enjoyed a fantastic birthday. Good luck to you as you begin prepping for your next insem. We are on the same cycle this month - I just started temping this morning for what I'm calling my "observation cycle." And oh yes, I will certainly still be around the board during my break - I wouldn't want to miss any good news from you all! 

 

fillefantome - Glad to see you'll be taking over the thread in December. I hear there's something called "thread keeper's luck", and I hope it works out for you! I'd like to put in an early offer to take care of the thread in January since that will be my first cycle back to TTC and I could use all the luck I can get! Regarding your elimination diet - I tried that earlier this year when I, too, was having "intestinal woes". I hear you about the toxins being released, but the more I talk to medical professionals who I trust, the more I'm hearing that there is virtually nothing you can do to prevent implantation during the TWW. It's either going to happen or it's not. You might want to talk to your doctor about your diet if you do get a BFP, but if it is helping you feel better (I know I felt fantastic after mine), I would think that can only mean good things for you and baby. Have you considered getting tested for celiac and/or food allergies/sensitivities? Also, as much as I have a hard time buying into it completely, I do know a few people, myself included, who have had some luck resolving some intestinal issues by following some of the guidelines of the "blood type diet". (could I qualify that a little more?)

 

darcy - Yeah, I am realizing that I had unrealistic expectations about how many cycles this might take. I mean, rationally I knew it could take quite a while, but as is often my experience, knowing and feeling are completely different things. My mother and sister (both straight) each got pregnant very quickly when they started TTC, and my body has always behaved pretty similarly to theirs in all other aspects of general health. So I definitely had a somewhat naive assumption in the back of my mind that it would be super quick for me, too. But of course, it's very different when you're queer. The money question is a tough one - I struggled with it for a while. I think it's different for everyone - I assume there's a wide range of people of who use savings, retirement funds, gifts/loans from family, and/or loans/credit cards. For myself, I've learned that's important to agree on a plan/budget for the next 6-12 months of TTC, and then to let it go. I can't allow myself to reopen the financial debate with every cycle - it's too exhausting. I also learned from pokey that sperm and shipping fees are tax deductible in the US (see this thread), which I look forward to learning more about as I prepare our 2012 returns.

 

m&m - Your "worst case scenario" description of what might have arrived at your door made me laugh out loud!

twomommyfamily - Welcome! wave.gif Sounds like we will be trying around the same time. 

 

lizbian - It's not every cycle for me, but I do frequently have tender breasts for a few days before AF arrives.

 

Lastly, thanks everyone for the kinds words. DW, the pup, and I just arrived home after a fantastic few days visiting with my family. I ordered a copy of the Brill book before I left, which should arrive early this week so that I can soak up some good information during my break. Any recommendations out there for where to buy speculums and/or IUI catheters?


My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#186 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 02:46 PM
 
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Just popping back to weigh in on your chart mrsandmrs, I think I would agree with FF on your O day just based on temping. I didn't see any other indicators there though CM or Opks so that would change things but your temps after 17 aren't higher than all your earlier temps but are almost exactly the same outside of that one dip. Did you have an OPK or look at cervix or CM to give you other info?

And good luck to everyone trying this month. I hope there are lots of December magic babies being made and lots of bfps to ring in the new year!

Me (39)  and DH (FTM 40) and DS 17 months old.  TTC# 2 via KD  

 

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#187 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ughhhh

 

just got back from a baby shower and there was a mom there whose parenting style stressed me out to no end, making my DP and I say things like "are you sure you want kids?" on way home... I know it depends on the baby and your own energy but wow, haha, scary night for me!

 

anyways I'm sure its normal- if I wasn't afraid it might be arrogance!


me (28) married to dp (30) + 2 dog fur-kids!  TTC our first baby!  baby.gif

BFP in 2009: still grieving my loss

4 tries so far (two with frozen, two with KD): all BFN

 

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#188 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 03:47 PM
 
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Scorpio: well, that seems straightforward. I'm in.

Twomommyfamily: welcome! There are a bunch of us taking a break in December, and then starting again in January, so you'll be in good company. And I've heard great things about the HSG upping your chances by "clearing out the pipes." Did your RE have anything to say about your short LP? It seems like the "right" length is a moving target--I've seen some places say anything under 12 days is a problem--and I wonder if your RE thought you were fine (since the bloodwork and HSG are all she's having you do).

mrsandmrs: I would be totally thrilled to get a package with holographic rainbows and pregnant unicorns on it. That would make my day! (Though it might confuse/alarm my coworkers a titch.) I completely feel your pain on the FF crosshairs thing--I'm still convinced that I O'ed on CD17 (and not just because that means a real possibility that the whole babymaking endeavor could have worked), but FF thinks it was CD19. This is a pretty common occurrence for me, since I'm terrible at judging all of the other signs, so FF is generally only working off of my temps, which sometimes isn't enough for a conclusive answer. I usually just wait until my period starts and then go back and jigger the results based on the length of my LP, though this is deeply unscientific.

Lizbian: tender breasts is one of the biggest signs of PMS for me, but I've noticed that some months, it definitely starts right after O, whereas some months, it doesn't start until a couple of days before my period. This month, the month when I would probably obsess over it as a possible sign of pregnancy, I've been taking EPO, which is supposed to reduce tenderness, along with other PMS symptoms, so my normal measuring system (from "ow" to "jesus h christ, my boobs hurt--touch them and die") to is all mucked up. Oh, well, a lesson in the uselessness of obsessing, I suppose.

Sphinxy, I'm definitely hoping for threadkeeper's luck. I'm trying really hard to hold off testing until December, and will be starting the thread the day my period is due. After talking with some friends, and realizing how emotionally unprepared I am to go full elimination diet when TTC (and during the holidays), I've decided to do sort of a backwards version--staying off the caffeine, sugar and alcohol, since I really need to be off those anyway, and then just eliminating one thing at a time. It's not the recommended course, but it means I can actually eat outside of my house during the next month. So, I'm going to start with a few weeks gluten-free (fairly common and easy here), and move on from there. I developed terrible GERD a few years ago, and my gastro did an endoscopy, including checking the intestine for signs of celiac (I don't think they biopsied, but the visual screen was negative). My insurance wouldn't cover the gluten-sensitivity blood tests, which my doctor said had a high rate of false positives, and I didn't have any of the classic symptoms at that point, so I just assumed I was probably in the clear. Ironically, after I decided back in October that I needed to do an elimination diet, things actually got better on the GI front, even though I hadn't actually done anything to change my diet.

AFM: things are going well. Can't believe I have to go back to work tomorrow after a lovely, chill 4-day weekend. I like my job a lot, but it's a bit stressful, so I'll be going from 0-60 tomorrow morning.

Also, just wanted to chime in and say that even though my TTC journey has just begun, I've been lurking on this board for over 5 years now, so there are hundreds of queer folk out there who have helped me get through the waiting to try phase, and I'm thrilled to be actually trying at last with your support!

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#189 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 08:15 PM
 
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fillefantome: Yeah, the RE did not think that they 8-9 day lp was going to be too much of a big deal provided the bloodwork with all the hormone levels comes back looking good. No matter what I will be taking progesterone after we insem so that there is time for implantation. Also I've heard the HSG can boost fertility for the next couple cycles after so I'm kind of happy to do it even though it doesn't sound all that pleasent. Also, like you, I'm excited that my ttc journey is also finally beginning. I've been lurking on this board a while and was so eager to join the conversation. After that meeting with the RE, it finally feels real. Also- I got a clear speculum for free from my ob-gyn when we thought we were going the DIY route.  I think you can find them online from medical supply places for super cheap.

 

Sphinxy: Sounds like there will be a few of us trying in January! Very exciting and I hope we will all welcome some late fall 2013 babies!

 

Scorpioma: I work with some extremely tough kids and very intense parents and on a semi-weekly basis, I wondered if I really want to do this. But here we are. Also one of my close friends, who actually lives right next door, has a parenting style that grates on my nerves with two totally wild kids. But DP and I just try to learn from what we see and consciously plan for what not to do if we are given the chance. Its always a reality check though!

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#190 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 09:04 PM
 
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RE: my chart - thanks for the input, everyone. unfortunately i missed temping on a critical day and I didn't bother with opk's or CM because I'm not actually trying this cycle. My breasts are starting to get sore, so I thought maybe I o'd earlier. 9dpo feels a little early for that for me, but who knows. I don't really recognize my cycle anymore with all the drugs I've been on. My biggest hope was that I would ovulate on my own, and have a cycle less than 35 days, and both seem likely to come true. 

 

two mommy family - i had an hsg about six months ago. i psyched myself out pretty badly and it was not as bad as i expected, by a long shot. i had considerable pain and cramping for about an hour, but other than that, i was fine. i felt kind of silly for taking the whole day off work and getting a painkiller prescription from my doc. i have heard that you can take 1000 mg of tylenol before (or after, of course), and I think that probably would have been adequate for my pain. The mental torture was the worst part. Monitoring seems like, well, some RE's like to do it and some just like to get started. Some of them like to see how your cycle goes without drugs or anything, to decide if or how much you might need. Also, it gives them a chance to do bloodwork thru the cycle (i.e. cycle days 3, 8, 21, etc). I don't know that either method is better. 

 

fille - i would be thrilled to get that package too, if it wouldn't inadvertently out me to people i don't want to be involved in our ttc journey. if it was a care package from a friend, i would be stoked about holographic rainbows and pregnant unicorns! 

 

scorpio! I hope you get a beautiful chart that ends in a BFP for this first month of your new year.   

 

sphinxy - strangely enough, you can get speculums and "tomcat catheters" on amazon. i know some other people have gotten the catheters from vets (they are actually used for tomcats) but if you dont have that kind of relationship with a vet, it might be worth ordering them from someplace online. a friendly midwife might also be willing to help you out, but your mileage may vary. 

 

i guess i'm going to be trying again in december, provided i don't have cysts that knock me out for another month. i guesstimated when i'll get my period and calculated my due date if this next cycle works. (is that jinxy? i hope not.) and it was practically my wife's birthday! since my birthday is very close to our older kid, it would be neat for her to have a kidlet to share cake and parties with. 

 

 

It looks like Darcy, Joy & Fille are in the TWW. Who's testing next? Do any of you have any feelings? 


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#191 of 267 Old 11-25-2012, 09:10 PM
 
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I agree with everyone about how supportive this board and all the lovely folks on it are during this experience!

m&m - glad your package came and was confidential. That's crazy about the book story. I don't know why someone would open something addressed to someone else. I'm not a chart exported, but looking at your chart makes me wonder what your temp would have been on CD20. If it was higher than 97.3, FF may have given you different cross-hairs. You could play around with hypothetical temps for that day to see what happens. Not that I ever do that or anything….

scorpioma - Happy Belated Birthday! So exciting that you're going to try with the fabulous KD this month. And yay for lesbian baby showers! boo for stressful parenting styles. And yes, it is different with your own.

darcy - I know what you mean about the holiday as a good tww distraction! How are you doing? Did you test?

fmorris - good luck on the partner convincing. In my experience, I had to wait three years until we were both "ready" (again).

Twomommyfamily - Welcome! It sounds like you have a great plan! I'm all for just jumping in and doing an insem with a monitoring cycle so as not to spend money on the monitoring without the chance for a bfp. Are you planning on doing progesterone for lpd? My HSG was super easy and didn't have any lasting discomfort. They say you can take OTC pain relievers before/after as needed.

lizbian - best of luck on figuring out the PCOS treatment!

Sphinxy - plastic disposable specula are super easy to buy online and sometimes at adult stores. I bought a medium and then learned that during O time I need a large to properly see/position my cervix. So, then I got a bunch of larges. You can wash and reuse them or just by a bunch. The ones online, including Amazon, sell for about a dollar each if you buy ten. If you just want one or two, let me know and I can pop it in the mail. As for IUI catheters, I got them easily 3 years ago, but now they're all physician only except for the tom-cat ones (sterile but intended for veterinary rather than human use) which are more flexible. We've used and prefer the Zavos one, but if I don't get a BFP this cycle, we'll need to use something else next cycle. I know we can get something similar from a local midwife that does IUIs, perhaps you have someone locally that would be willing to sell you them to do an "ICI."

fille -  I think cutting out the big toxin/sensitivities first is a good way to go. Best of luck on figuring out what makes your system feel better.

pokey and easttowest - I may send you PMs about the hpts. I'm set on opks for the next cycle or two. I also have 1cc syringes I can send to anyone that needs them…

AFM - 5dpo here. I've had two weird dips to my coverline, but also a cold since the day before O. I start Endometrin tonight so I'm not going to try not to worry as much about temps (although I will still temp) and looking for other "signs" as I know progesterone can make you feel pregnant. I'm already debating when to test (early vs holding out until next Sunday 12dpo). We had to get a new stove/oven today and all I could think was "there's about a cycle's worth of money" but I'm going to focus on the positives that we'll have a shiny new appliance to cook yummy food while I'm pregnant.  

 

 


Joy (29), wife to C (28) and dog-momma to Kai (6).
After a ridiculously long break, we resumed ttc (me carrying) with frozen donor sperm, home insem day of O (11/20) = bfp! Wishing for a sticky baby!

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#192 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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fillefantome: great, I am glad you are in for thread keeper! I "broke" the thread keeper's luck last cycle but I doubt you'll need that ... 

so great about the "waiting to try" phase, I totally get that. I am glad we are all here and on this journey together.

 

joy: you seem pretty calm, and that is awesome! 5dpo, you are getting there! and I TOTALLY do the hypothetical temps- ha! we are scientists, us ttc-ers!!

 

To those looking for speculums: I got mine from an online retailer, I just googled it, ha! I got a (steel?) metal one and I sanitize/wash it, and don't have to throw it out. I like it pretty well!

I have no experience with catheters as I have never done IUI at home, just with the midwife, who had her own. I did fine with a medium all the way through my cycle, but joy is right, if you get the disposable ones maybe get one or two of each just in case you have trouble finding your cervix around O time. 

 

twomommyfamily: if you can work around those tough kids/parents, and are still here, that makes me feel much better. I think that this certain mom was urging bad behavior (not consciously, of course) from her daughter by giving her everything she wanted every second of the day, and the little one literally had ONLY sugary meals all day... ugh. it's a good friend of my DP, so I have to see her again in a few days... she was an amazing role  model of calmness when her baby was little but now in the toddler phase it seems like she is out of control. scary stuff!  DP said we will meditate before she comes over... classic DP idea winky.gif

 

many of you are using meds/interventions/tests of different kinds- it's amazing how much is out there. I have not done any intervention yet, but I know if I do I can turn to these boards to ask questions!  if any of you feel like answering, what made you turn to such things? PCOS, unexplained infertility, etc? I want to know in future months, if I cannot get pregnant, what the signs are to turn to RE. Of course I know some couples try with RE from the start out of personal preference, and get testing done in advance as to not waste sperm $$, which makes sense. As we go forward with KD this month, I'm thinking of these things just in case. 

 

headed into Detroit this morning to work- I am interning at a family law court that specializes in domestic violence cases. only 5 more days there over a 2 week period. not bad, I just hate the commute, and it is getting COLD here!

finals coming up... insemination might be right around one. ha! crazy... I do not want to miss a month, though, not now!!

We are looking at December 6, 7, or 8 for insem. We are going to ask KD to do at least 2, possibly 3 days.

 

love to you all :)


me (28) married to dp (30) + 2 dog fur-kids!  TTC our first baby!  baby.gif

BFP in 2009: still grieving my loss

4 tries so far (two with frozen, two with KD): all BFN

 

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#193 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 09:20 AM
 
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hi, Joy!  i'm threadjumping here just to say that you might want to forgo the temping while taking the Endometrium, as progesterone usually makes your temps go up and stay up the whole time you are taking it.  i've learned that most of the fertility meds will screw with your temps that way.  good luck with your TWW and don't let the side effects of the progesterone do your head in too much.  (btw, the cycle where i got my BFP, i had almost no symptoms to speak of.)


Ex-pat gal (40y.o.) in France and her Froggy wife (42y.o.).  Expecting a little (brussel) "sprout"  in Dec 2012 after a year of at-home inseminations and three medicated IUIs in Belgium.  

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#194 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 10:35 AM
 
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twomommyfamily - I had an HSG and it wasn't as bad as googling might make it seem. I only had some cramping when they put the balloon in for a few minutes. When it was done, I was fine. I took some sort of painkiller beforehand and my doctor also gave me valium to calm me down. I think it helped, so if you think you might need it, I would ask. Good luck! Just make sure you find out how much it will cost you first. I didn't ask and was very shocked when I got the bill. That was much more painful than the procedure.



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#195 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 10:47 AM
 
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mrsandmrs, I'm hoping to wait until my period is due before testing, because if I have a chemical pregnancy, I would really rather just not know. (I read too much online and have the "50-75% of fertilized eggs don't make it" figure in my head, so I'm trying to hedge my emotional bets.) In future months, when my KD's travel for the next month is going to need to be scheduled as soon as I know I'm not pregnant in a given month, I'll probably be more likely to test early.

On the other hand, if I weren't afraid of the whole chem preg thing and/or unexpected levels of depression over BFNs, I could see myself becoming the peeonastick lady, doing day-by-day scientific report-outs on test results.

So, I guess we'll see. As far as being pregnant, I definitely have no idea, and vacillate between first-timer optimism and a serious pessimist streak, with only the occasional landing on realistic balance.

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#196 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 11:17 AM
 
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also, regarding the HSG, definitely call around and ask how much they charge. in my area, there were some places that charged $750, some places that charged around $500 and several that were $250. for the exact same procedure! all recommended by my doctor! It was unbelievable. So, definitely ask and be willing to shop around. Also, we got a discount for paying cash at the time of service, so ask if there are any discounts like that. 


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#197 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 01:17 PM
 
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nosreves - thanks for coming and sharing that advice. I'm prepared for my temps to be higher than normal and maybe "look like pg temps." I may stop temping, for the next week, but I wanted to temp today at least to make sure my temp went back up. Actually the high temps/low temps don't stress me out unreasonably, and I'd like to see that these expensive little suckers are doing their jobs (especially since I'm on the lowest dose). Did you do progesterone supplementation? Any side effects? I woke up with a slight headache and a low-backache, perhaps due to the Endometrin. I'm fine with it though as it makes me feel better about doing all I can this cycle.

scorpioma - glad it seems like I'm calm. Like fille, within each day I vacillate between calm (there's nothing I can do), distraction (ooh, hulu, Facebook, a new recipe, a new task around the house, etc), obsession (charting, bodily "signs"), pessimistic (yeah right it won't happen this soon) and optimistic (we had pretty good timing, it could happen!) My wife is great at being reassuring, but I don't share every time I think/feel something related to ttc or it would be a bit ridiculous.

 

I like your question about how we each decided to go the path we're on and I'd love to hear other responses. For us, we chose home IUIs with frozen donor sperm because we found a perfect donor to match my wife but they were only available as washed vials. Once washed there's a lower rate when using them as IVI/ICI, but we weren't interested in starting with a clinic from the get-go. We felt comfortable enough with doing an IUI at home and have done 4 so far without issue. We started ttc in 2009 and basic blood tests and HSG through an OB before two cycles of home IUIs: 1 insem the first cycle and two the second. Then this current cycle. I'm on progesterone supplementation due to some recent short luteal phases, low temps and spotting before full flow. We're planning to move to an RE in January for monitoring and perhaps a trigger, but continue doing IUI at home followed by the Endometrin. We may have been willing to try at home longer, but we have a limited amount of vials and really want to get pregnant as soon as possible to have a shot at a full sib in the future. So our current theoretical progression for this time ttc is: two cycles at home IUI; two cycles monitoring with trigger and home IUI; two cycles with letrozole, trigger and home IUI; and then reassess. We're hoping to avoid multiples, so I think we'd skip injects and go straight to IVF, but since it's all OOP for us, we'll have to see.


Joy (29), wife to C (28) and dog-momma to Kai (6).
After a ridiculously long break, we resumed ttc (me carrying) with frozen donor sperm, home insem day of O (11/20) = bfp! Wishing for a sticky baby!

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#198 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 02:53 PM
 
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Oh my goodness people - I just had five days of this totally zen, "I'm hitting the reset button", "Let's take our time and strategize" business, and now today I've spent way too much time on here and FF, and shopping for DIY supplies on amazon. I found out that I do have access to unwashed vials from the same WTBK donor that we were using for our IUI tries, and then my Brill book arrived early.... 

So now I kind of want to try in December anyway... duh.gif This is such a roller coaster - DW is not going to know what to do with me when she gets home tonight! 

 

Not making any decisions now... off to the gym to for the first time in weeks to see if I can re-center myself. 


My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#199 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 04:27 PM
 
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Joy -- are you taking the progesterone orally or vaginally?  DP and i both were on vaginal progesterone, and boy was that fun (/sarcasm).  some of the side effects i remember were sore breasts, extreme moodiness, night sweats, frequent peeing, heartburn, headaches and exhaustion.  i actually stayed on it until about 12 weeks into my pregnancy.  i've heard that the side effects can be worse if it's taken orally, but i have no experience with it that way.  when i first started posting here, i remember some other graduates of this room calling the vaginal suppositories "spooge pills"....and for good reason.  panty liners are definitely your friend if you are using it that way.  if (maude forbid) you have to move on to medicated/monitored cycles, i'd recommend forgoing the temping completely.  we temped religiously when we were doing unstimulated cycles and going by OPKs/CBFM to detect the surge, but once we moved onto a medicalized approach, it became completely unnecessary (and unreliable.)  btw, even if you just put in one embryo, doing IVF doesn't guarantee that you won't have multiples ;)


Ex-pat gal (40y.o.) in France and her Froggy wife (42y.o.).  Expecting a little (brussel) "sprout"  in Dec 2012 after a year of at-home inseminations and three medicated IUIs in Belgium.  

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#200 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 05:12 PM
 
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Hi All, Happy Monday,

 

Scorpioma- I'm happy you asked about why/how to come to the conclusion of DIY or going with an RE. I look forward to reading more responses. I have Kaiser insurance and it covers 50% of "infertility" treatments. I thought that this was for straight couples only, but one of my coworkers went to the Kaiser infertility clinic and she told me we should go there, she thought they did a great job and she always saw lesbian couples when she went. So when we originally talked about getting pregnant, over a year ago, we decided it would be good to try everything medically possible rather than rely on our own limited knowledge (and limited sperm supply), especially since we had some insurance coverage. I started taking my bbt 9 months ago and as soon as I saw that I have an 8-9 day lp, that confirmed that we had to go to the RE. Just to feel like I covered my bases for the last 8 monrhs I tried vitex and b6. B6 gave me an 11 day lp one month and we totally got our hopes up and thought seriously about DIY at home. The following month I was back down to 9 days and then we also found an amazing (frozen) donor who only had IUI vials available and that sealed the deal. Since the RE emphasized that it helps to pinpoint timing we are going ahead with clomid and triggering with ultrasound monitoring and IUI at the clinic. And definitely progesterone post-IUI for the lpd.

 

I think its all different though if you have a known donor. If we knew someone and had access to unlimited supply, we would definitely have tried a couple cycles at home. Since each vial we buy is worth basically its weight in gold, we feel less experimental.

 

Mrsandmrs & Pokey- The HSG costs us $400 out of pocket. That was after the 50% coverage with Kaiser. Not cheap. And since its Kaiser everything is in-house, we don't get to do any shopping around.

 

Joy & Fille - dust.gifSticky thoughts and baby dust to you! And good luck keeping yourselves distracted!!

 

Sphinxy - what do you think? Will you go for it this month? Exciting!

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#201 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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Okay, folks, I have a question for all (*is keeping herself distracted quite successfully*): what will your baby's last name be? Yours? Your partner's? Both?

I'm curious because, even though I'm single and this should theoretically be a really easy decision, I am torn. My parents got divorced when I was 2, and my mom kept her married name, "W-," so she'd have the same last name as my brother and I. But, I grew up near my mom's family and only saw my dad once or twice a year (we still aren't close at all), so I've always felt like "part of the P- clan," not a "W-" even though "W-" has been my last name my whole life. In fact, I've always thought that if I married someone who was close to their family, I might take their name instead--feminism be damned--just to get rid of my father's name. Of course, I know he would be really upset/offended if I changed it as an adult without the socially-acceptable pretext of "giving up my maiden name" (why I care what he thinks when I don't actually like him is a whole other thread). So, potential baby on the scene, I don't particularly want to pass my father's name on to another generation. My maternal grandma, who I adore, had no brothers, so her maiden name, "G-," didn't get passed on, and in my dream world, my kid would be Baby GmaMaiden instead of Baby MyLast. But, then I would have a different last name than my kid, which causes stupid complications. And again, my dad might be offended/hurt, and I have some hope he might want to bestow some college fund money on a future grandchild (shallow, I know, but he has money and I'm still going to be paying off student loans of my own when my kid starts college). So, what would you do in my situation? Suck it up and stick with my last name (maybe with Grandma's maiden as a middle name)? Go with my grandma's maiden name and stick it to the man (aka, my dad)? Go with my grandma's maiden name AND change my own name to match, double-sticking it to the man? Use both as a hyphenated last name? Use them both as an unhyphenated last name? (Note: both names are short and 1 or 2 syllables so hyphenation wouldn't make a painfully long double-barrel name.)

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#202 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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I will also vote for the HSG ... I had one in may got my Bfp in July !!! It was somewhat un pleasant but not horrible ...
And pokey!!! Ahem we are IRL friends;)

Good luck to everyone !!! Don't give up we were about to be taking a break and got our BFP after 5 medicated cycles!!!!

Loving life with our triplet boys born Feb 24th 2013 at 34 weeks biggrinbounce.gif

 

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#203 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 07:13 PM
 
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Wow this thread is moving fast!

sphinxy - Thanks for the advice. We had some unexpected/unrelated costs come up so our fund has taken a hit. We have to take it one month at a time now so that will be stressful. I did not know about the tax deduction. That is excellent news!

Joy - I am doing okay. I will be testing tomorrow so I will give an update. I started temping over the weekend while I was away since I wouldn't have the cats waking me up. I was still up 2-3 times throughout the night but it's better than nothing. I also started cramping and had a little spotting yesterday morning. I thought for sure I would start my period but nothing since.

me (35) married to dw (28)
TTC#1 with frozen swimmers 
IUI #6 Dec 2013 BFN
IUI #7 Jan 2013 BFP finally but the bean didn't stick
IUI #8 TBD
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#204 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 08:02 PM
 
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twomommy - My insurance said they wouldn't cover any part of my HSG, so it was totally out of pocket. When I read that your HSG was $800 before insurance coverage kicked in, I became even more grateful that one of the nurses at my clinic told me to shop around. Our non-insured cost was lower than that. Talk about sticker shock! Did they warn you it would cost that much beforehand? 

 

sphinxy - Did you talk to your sweetie? Did you decide if you're going to go this time or wait? 

 

darcy - good luck testing tomorrow! keep us posted.goodvibes.gif

 

scorpio - Regarding your question of the path we're on, I used fertility friend and BBT tracking for several (okay, four) years, did a lot of acupuncture, took a lot of TCM herbs and teas and tinctures, and I was never able to pinpoint ovulation reliably, or at all. I don't have PCOS and all my bloodwork and exploratory ultrasounds were fine, so there was never any problem to solve except I just didn't ovulate. Using the DIY route is great if you have a predictable cycle and you can pinpoint your ovulation, assuming you are relatively young and it will be OK with you if it takes 12 months to succeed. (That is a normal period of time to conceive for straight people having "well-timed sex" before "they" recommend seeing a doctor.) i couldn't pinpoint my ovulation, so using frozen sperm at home was out. we talked to a couple of KD candidates, but since i was rarely ovulating, it was not really a feasible route for us. So, we made an appointment with a fertility clinic. We spent the time I was tracking and trying herbs to save money aggressively so when the time came, we wouldn't have to worry about funds. I've reliably ovulated on the drugs my clinic uses. They seem to be more aggressive (as far as amping up the type/dosage of drugs we use quickly) than I would be if I wrote my protocol myself. I mean, I'm only thirty! But we were ready to have a kid four years ago, so I don't mind being aggressive. 

 

fille  - Ahh, last names. What a complicated subject for the modern feminist. My wife and i discussed the issue extensively when we got married and decided we would both take a new name.  It's important to us to have the same last name as each other and the future kids, but neither of us feel like we want to take the other's name. We tried really hard to combine our last names, but it was completely impossible. Our names are also horrible hypenated. I would never want that hypenated name, and I certainly wouldn't do it to an innocent kid. So we just picked something we both love. We haven't gotten around to changing our names legally, but I guess that will be simplified now that my state has suddenly decided to recognize our marriage. If I were in your shoes, I would pick a new name, change it, and give the baby that name. I don't have problems with my family or my wife's, so it's not a personal vendetta or anything. I am kind of fundamentally opposed to the patriarchal name system, and getting a new name of my own choice just seems like the best situation. Anyway, you have to trust your gut a little. What is your future? Do you have professional reasons to change or not change? What sounds the best to you? etc. Good luck navigating that! 


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#205 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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Fille, love the last name question! My parents kept their names and hyphenated them together for me and my brother. I feel pretty strongly about their choice, so kids will be getting my last name. It's the best way to pass on a feminist choice since I get to pass on my mother's name, whereas my wife would only pass on her father's name. But it's still normative because kids will get their father's last name, which happens in almost every situation I know where the mother kept her name. I threaten to double hyphenate, but my wife is keeping an eye on me.

Have you ever thought about changing your name? I would say that hurting someone's feelings and/or hoping for a college fund are bad reasons to pick a name, but they might be valid to you. Everyone has to make her own choices. What about your dad's name as a middle and your grandma's/your new name as the last?
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#206 of 267 Old 11-26-2012, 10:06 PM
 
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nosreves - yep, vaginally. Thankfully it's just the slight headache and backache/cramps today and I have a stock of panty liners (disposables just in case the discharge is a no-no with my cloth). I'm aware that one embie can make multiple babies, but the risk is much, much lower than with injects. Since I have a family history of multiples and know what it takes (professionally) especially in the first years, our plans are based on a risk-reduction.

darcy - i'll be checking in to see your results when you share them. Fingers crossed for you!

Last names: We decided early on that we'd hyphenate. I've had a hyphenated last name since I was a teenager MomLast-Dadlast. For our third anniversary (first married) I legally changed my last name to MomLast-Wifelast. (My wife kept her last name.) Our kids will have that hyphenated name. I know some people think it's a burden, but as someone who's used one for most of my life, it's not a big deal.

 


Joy (29), wife to C (28) and dog-momma to Kai (6).
After a ridiculously long break, we resumed ttc (me carrying) with frozen donor sperm, home insem day of O (11/20) = bfp! Wishing for a sticky baby!

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#207 of 267 Old 11-27-2012, 04:45 AM
 
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Darcy, fingers crossed!

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#208 of 267 Old 11-27-2012, 04:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DP and I both changed our names to MyLastName-DP'sLastName. :)

We love it and both feel included.

 

Darcy! We are sending baby-sticking vibes to you! goodvibes.gif


me (28) married to dp (30) + 2 dog fur-kids!  TTC our first baby!  baby.gif

BFP in 2009: still grieving my loss

4 tries so far (two with frozen, two with KD): all BFN

 

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#209 of 267 Old 11-27-2012, 06:43 AM
 
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twomommy & mrsandmrs - No decisions yet. DW is being fantastic - much more involved than previous months, grabbed the Brill book right away, and has been reminding me to check my cervix daily. We have until Thursday morning I think to schedule a delivery from our bank so we'll probably make our final decision about December today or tomorrow. Honestly, I'm confident that she'll be on board for whatever I want, so it's really more about me deciding whether I'm ready yet to put myself through the "timing gauntlet" again, or whether I need more data to bolster my confidence.

darcy & joy - Fingers still crossed for you - stick, stick, stick!

Regarding last names - DW and I each kept our own last names. I feel very strongly attached to my last name and to passing it on to my children. And while that decision is truly about what I want, I do also feel good about my parents seeing that name passed on. I'm very close to them and I feel our name has a lot of history - some good that I'm proud of, and some bad that I'm proud we have overcome. My only sibling is my sister (both she and her children now have her husband's last name), and my father's only brother had no children, so my kids will be the last chance from our line. After a lot of adversity I kind of feel like my generation and my children's will be a victory for my family, as if out of some really crappy circumstances a few good people made a difference, and now the last people standing will be crunchy queers. DW is attached to her name personally, but not nearly as much when it comes to passing it on. DW also has strong professional reasons for keeping hers. We actually have a "joke" hybrid name that we've used to refer to ourselves for years ("Team [Hybrid]!"), and it eventually got so pervasive that we had to talk about it seriously before ruling it out. While it's come up in conversation, we've never let the preconception that we all "need" to have the same name be a driving factor. We know so many families with a hodgepodge of names for so many reasons that we feel it's quite normalized - the last name will not define us as a family. We've considered lots of options regarding kids and while the conversation is ongoing, I would say it's most likely that we will give them just my last name and potentially use DW's last name as a middle name. If anything, DW has been leaning towards that solution more strongly than I (I was willing to hyphenate), and I believe that DW is sincere when she says that she doesn't have any concerns that the kids will feel any less "hers".

My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#210 of 267 Old 11-27-2012, 08:12 AM
 
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Twomommyfamily -I had an HSG, wasn't too painful and was able to go to work that day with no paid, but I did take it easy.  As for cost, we had quite a frustrating debacle.  When we got there, we were told we could pay up front $380 something for 70% off or we could be billed $1,250 something.  Of course I was like, "Woah! Wait a minute!"  I asked if the $1,250 was including the in network insurance discount.  They said my insurance didn't cover it.  I thought they did since it was a diagnosis of infertility.  They said 95% of insurances do not cover it.  I asked if they even called to check, they said no.  So I asked why and they said it would be a waste of time to call for every procedure since 95% do not cover it and they told me that I could call my insurance and I could have my doctor's office schedule another appointment.  Well, I marched up to my doctor's office and sat down and got on the phone with my insurance company, but they weren't answering and I waited for an hour with their hold advertisements for them to open (early morning appointment).  The insurance lady that answered stated that she didn't know what the procedure was and if it was for diagnosis purposes then she guessed that it would be covered.  So, I went back to the office where the procedure was to be done and told them what my insurance said, and they told me that their techs weren't available anymore and I would have to schedule another day!  So I am standing there at the window, like Are you F***ing kidding me? and the techs walk out of the back, leaving to go to their clinicals.  They are wondering what is going on, and when I tell them, they adjust their schedules so I can have the procedure done.  Very nice ppl!  Receptionists?  NOT nice.  Few weeks later, I get something in the mail that states my insurance isn't covering it, so I send in an email request to my insurance that it should be covered.  Later down the road, got back an explanation of benefits stating that it was paid.  They whole things was just an absolute MESS!


Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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