Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 20 - Mothering Forums

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#571 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 05:37 AM
 
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Dropping in from QC to say congrats on the twins to mrsandmrs and bigfoot. jumpers.gif That's so exciting!

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#572 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 06:13 AM
 
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Mrs & Bigfoot - Congratulations!!!!  That is so exciting!  More multiples!  Wishing you good luck in finding really wonderful care.  What state do you live in that it's illegal to have a twin birth at a birthing center?  (I see that you guys are also in the PNW, so I'm curious).

 

Max - Soon!  Will you be present at the birth?

 

Cananny - Sending you comfort and ease as you anticipate the C-section.. I imagine I would be nervous too; it's totally understandable.  I am thankful that it is such a routine surgery that the docs will know what to do.  And I've heard it's really quick, is that true?  I hope you can find some relief of your anxiety before the time comes.  You are really getting there!

 

AFU, today is my mom's first training day with my sweet, patient DP.  I'll be at work and will be feeling just SO curious the whole time to know how it is going.  In a way, it is a moment of truth...Will she be able to do it?  Or are we gonna have to scramble and find other childcare??? 

 

On the topic of what the "mother" does and what the "father" does, I agree that is total BS.  I don't have the patience for that kind of thinking.  Wylie has a very strong bond with both of us and I don't believe it has a thing to do with sex or gender.  I have read similar sentiments in some baby books about how "fathers" need to be taught to be nurturing and that makes me really sad because that is just not true at ALL in our household, and I hope that is not the case in most families, queer or straight. 


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#573 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 07:23 AM
 
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Originally Posted by planet View Post

  I have read similar sentiments in some baby books about how "fathers" need to be taught to be nurturing and that makes me really sad because that is just not true at ALL in our household, and I hope that is not the case in most families, queer or straight. 

I agree. I think there is a lot of discouraging of nurturing behaviors in little boys and a lack of expectation for some fathers. That said most of the dads I know are totally involved and awesome.

Max, news? We are excited for you.

Bigfoot, I love the cake idea.

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#574 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 07:50 AM
 
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Hey all!  For those of you that aren't following the Queer Conceptions board, I got my BFP last night!


Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
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#575 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 07:52 AM
 
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Wow!  I don't look at MDC for 24 hours and the board explodes!  Congrat's to Bigfoot and Mrs!!!!  I love the cake idea...and think waiting 'till you see heartbeats is probably a good idea (grow beans, grow!).  Max--continuing to think about you and all those who will be ushering your little into the world!  

 

Okay, I think I know what thread is being referred to RE gender roles in parenting (specifically around nursing) and I find the whole thing pretty infuriating (partially b/c I won't be the nursing mama this next go around but I WILL be the stay at home parent...).  And, I feel so much sorrow for the dads in hetero relationships who get the consistent message that their ability to bond/parent is somehow inferior to that of the "mom".  I think the whole thing sets parents up for failure...I know stay at home dads and they've had to work hard to overcome the societal set up/expectations (as have the work out of home moms in those families).  Yeah, nursing is pretty darn important (our son just weaned in September) but it's not everything...and it's not every second of every day...and thank goodness for collaborative parenting!!!  


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#576 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 08:33 AM
 
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planet - We live in Washington. In my preliminary research, it seems like our options are a home birth with a midwife or an OR birth with an OB. I know there are some midwives around the south sound (oly/tacoma) who will do home births with twins, but I don't know if that's the right answer for us. Obviously we have a lot of research to do.

 

max - we're on pins & needles waiting for news from you! i hope everything's going well! 

 

esenbee - i said it on QC but there are never enough dancing veggies. yay!carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifcarrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gif


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#577 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 08:49 AM
 
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mrs-In California we have Licensed Midwives who do homebirths and they are not allowed to work with twin births because they are considered high risk.  Birth centers here are run by LM's usually and are not connected to hospitals so I imagine they have to follow the same guidelines.  Nurse midwives may have different rules but I don't think they can attend twin births at home either.  Perhaps they can in a hospital.  It seems like in some states, birth centers are somehow affiliated with hospitals and nearby so they may have different rules.  I hope you find someone great!

 

Congrats again to esenbee!  biggrinbounce.gif




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#578 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 09:04 AM
 
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Hi Everyone!

Max: It sounds like you are getting very close to holding your baby. I'm so excited for you!

Mrs & Bigfoot: Wow! Twins! How exciting! I think your cake sounds wonderful and hilarious.

Planet: I hope things are going well with your mom and DP!

Esenbee: Congratulations! joy.gif

Seraf: Have you discovered/invented any interesting new recipes lately?

Does anyone have book recommendations for one-year-olds? We could use some new ideas of what to request from the library!

whistling.gifMe, love.gif my wife, blowkiss.gifour son (2.5), and luxlove.gif our daughter (5 months)
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#579 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 09:14 AM
 
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Escher -My two favorite books that I have read to DD from when she was an infant to now, are Good Luck Bear and Thank You Bear by Greg Foley.  He also has Don't Worry Bear, Make a Wish Bear and I Miss You Mouse.


Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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#580 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 10:26 AM
 
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pokey - the only birth center in my town is free-standing and the only midwives who deliver there are LMs. it's a delightful place. i was hoping to deliver there.... until, you know. there are not any birth centers attached to hospitals here. there are just like, the birthing wings of the hospital, which i don't consider to be a "birth center." it's a small town for a capital city. there are LMs in the area who will attend home births of twins, but it is difficult, i assume because of the insurance issues involved in attending high risk home births. i have heard from people who know midwives that do it, but i don't think that's something we're interested in. I guess the next step is to check and see if any of the CNMs would attend a twin birth in a hospital, and then see if we like them. 


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#581 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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Esenbee-yay! My computer isn't letting me send veggies, but I am thinking them at you! Congrats!!

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#582 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 12:26 PM
 
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Essenbee--Congratulations!!!!  We cross posted so I missed your announcement.  

 

Escher--We're Going on a Bear Hunt (huge favorite still); and Tumble Bumble (the same woman who does If You Give a Mouse a Cookie).


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#583 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 01:20 PM
 
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Esenbee, you got several positive tests, didn't you? Big huge congratulations!
Quote:
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Seraf: Have you discovered/invented any interesting new recipes lately?

We still use paper plates. I'm not very adventurous in the kitchen since pregnancy. It took me several months to feel like I had my feet under me after Shay was born, then as soon as I did, we had Soren. I'm a foodie only in my head now. We invited friends for dinner this weekend so I'm motivated to finally make some yummy Ethiopian food I've been trying to make for weeks. Gomen and ingera and berber, oh my!

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#584 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 05:20 PM
 
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seraf -i got 3 super faint positives, a positive that disappeared, another super faint positive, a digital "pregnant", and another super faint positive....

Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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#585 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 05:23 PM
 
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esenbee- more dancing for you: carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gif

planet- Good to see you. We are planning to be at the birth and the first ones to receive the baby.

seraf- I love making eithiopian food. Are you using a cook book? Do you have all the spices? My ex was from ethiopia so I was lucky enough to get some first hand training.

No more news still but we are super ready now.

TTC#1 since Sept, 2009; in heartbeat.gif w DP, + two young dogs. Started adoption process May 2011. adoptionheart-1.gif  Baby boy born on June 18, 2013 and placed with us.babyboy.gif

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#586 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 05:40 PM
 
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How did the first day with your mom go, planet?

Congrats, esenbeejoy.gif

 

And congrats on the twins, mrs!! Wow!

 

Hi escher! Good to see you! We go to the library weekly and usually take out at least a dozen books....it's hard to remember favourites from 1 year. However, dr. seuss is always awesome. Also, at that age we tended to choose books with beautiful art rather than the story itself. Not very helpful, sorry.

 

max, yay for super ready :)

 

Afm: 10 weeks! Wednesdays are my day home with DD so I had a lovely day. I'm officially in maternity pants and definitely look pregnant. Which wouldn't bother me if we were ready to tell people. I've already told a few people I work with and am a bit anxious about that.

 

I didn't hear from anyone when I asked earlier....is it true that you feel movement earlier with subsequent pregnancies?


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#587 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 06:30 PM
 
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Esenbee, 6 positives! That works, too.

Max, I have a lot of spices. I got recipes off the Internet. The only one I've never tried before is the Berber and I had to pick up paprika and fenugreek for that.

Carmen, I want to say I felt movement at 14 weeks with O, 7 weeks with A and 10 or 12 with S? Now I'm like, 7 weeks? What the heck was I talking about? But I remember worrying that she was twins at my first midwife appointment at 7 weeks because I could feel flutters already. I was thinnest at the beginning of her pregnancy, but the uterus was still so low, I just don't know.

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#588 of 912 Old 01-09-2013, 06:31 PM
 
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Hello

 

CONGRATS ESENBEE... WOHOOOOOjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gif

 

Carmen.. 10 weeks.. awesome.. Little bean keep growing

 

 

max.. Any news? How about now? Now? Ok how about now? I bet you are getting a little excited.. does the Birth family live in the bay area?

 

Thank you everyone about the kind words of encouragement re my c section.. I am really trying to be ok with it.. but as you all said its common and the dr has done many c sections..

 

Planet. how was the 1st day back at work? How did Wy do? How did your mom do? How did DP do?

 

AFM.. Oh third trimester anxiety.. THe last 2 days I have not felt the babies move as much as they had been.. so today had a total break down and the dr sent me to L/D to check on them.. They were hard to get on monitors and were not cooperating at all.. they sent me to U/S and they decided to behave.. all three had great HB and were super super active. Baby B fluid is low .. but they said sometimes with multiples that its not that accurate on U/S. .. I have a dr apt friday and we can talk about it there.. All three have anterior placentas.. so the nurse said some days you may not feel as much movement.. I kinda feel silly going in.. but I am glad I did.. Being home all day is making me very aware and I am getting anxiety .. I am going to check out hypno babies and see if It will help me calm down a bit.. We have 6 weeks to go if we go to 34 weeks.. but the reality is they could come as early as 2-3 weeks.. I am not meant to not be working.. I feel so sad that I am not at work.. but i am looking forward to having these babies here with us~ **Just not yet**


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#589 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 07:10 AM
 
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Cananny- The birth family lives in Nevada which is not far away. Keep those babies in there! Is there a project you can do on the computer to keep your mind busy? What about starting a homemade baby book? or some kind of pregnancy photo book?

TTC#1 since Sept, 2009; in heartbeat.gif w DP, + two young dogs. Started adoption process May 2011. adoptionheart-1.gif  Baby boy born on June 18, 2013 and placed with us.babyboy.gif

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#590 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 08:41 AM
 
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Essenbee!  Congratulations!  Awesome for the BFPs!!! I'll admit something ... We are minimalists at our house, and don't keep much around at all, unless it's being used or loved.  But I still have all the positive pee-sticks from BOTH pregnancies!  Ridiculous.  They must fall into the 'love' category.  I remember the first ones for each one ... I tried to wait until morning for the most concentrated pee, but would be lying awake all night and finally give in at about 4am.  

 

Max ... Can't wait to hear your news!

 

Mrs ... WOW!  There really IS something in this water!  Sending you twice the ususal sticking vibes!  Stick to the poles, babies!

 

Cananny ... There is a forum for CS here on MDC.  There's a thread in there about what we'd wished we'd known beforehand ... and it's full of great information and tips.  I'd go hunt it down, but I don't have the time and I hear you're looking for things to get your mind off matters, so you can go hunt it down!  It's a great thread, and a good forum.  It used to be very frowned-upon to talk about c-sections here on MDC, so it's nice to have a space for it now, but still be within the natural parenting community.  We crunchy types still end up getting c-sections now and then!  A piece of advice from a fellow fluffy mama ... the surgery is one thing, and that goes quickly and typically seamlessly, but your incision site after will be a challenge to take care of if it's cozy and damp and warm under a flap of belly.  Be sure to pay very, very close attention to it, to make sure you don't get an infection, yeast or otherwise.  And also surprising ... you may not have full feeling back around your incision site until over a YEAR later.  Mine still feels like it's half-frozen, which is quite normal.  I could go on ... there are lots of other folks here who've had CSs for better or worse, and while I would choose am unmedicated spontaneous vaginal birth (as we paramedics like to refer to them), I have nothing against medically required c-sections.  Whatever gets baby here safely!  Or, in your case, babies!  Mine was a homebirth-turned-hospital-transfer-emergency-section, so I laboured for 24 hours beforehand.  So many ways to end up holding baby in your arms.  Or 'babies.'

 

Escher ... Whoa, books.  We take about 50 out from the library each week.  As a rule, all the Caldecott winning books are great! Blueberries for Sal, Officer Buckler and Gloria, Snowy Day, Make Way for Ducklings ... here is a link to the winners since 1938.

 

Carmen, my dear ... I am holding a very special place in my heart for you as this pregnancy progresses.  I think of you often and send you embryonically fortifying thoughts whenever I think to.  I am so excited for S to have a sibling, and for you and DP to have that new little one in your enchanted lives.


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#591 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 08:45 AM
 
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Question to all, regarding birthing classes.  Did anyone attend/planning on attending any?  I took the Bradley classes with DD's pregnancy (didn't end up with my ideal birth because I went to a horrid OB practice who delivered at the most unfriendly hospital towards natural birth in Louisville).  Should I do classes with this pregnancy?


Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married rainbow1284.gif May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD babygirl.gif (L-4). dog2.gif Billa,  dog2.gif Hurley, dog2.gif Spitfire (Leroy) and cat.gif Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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#592 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 09:35 AM
 
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Question to all, regarding birthing classes.  Did anyone attend/planning on attending any?  I took the Bradley classes with DD's pregnancy (didn't end up with my ideal birth because I went to a horrid OB practice who delivered at the most unfriendly hospital towards natural birth in Louisville).  Should I do classes with this pregnancy?

We did birthing from within for DD's birth and it was awesome - great teacher and small class. We will probably do the weekend refresher class they have for subsequent pregnancies. I had an amazing birth at home but I know it wasn't because of the class wink1.gif

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#593 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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Cananny, good for you for getting the reassurance you need. I totally think avoiding stress is the best thing to do!

Thanks for kind, thoughtful words, starling. Hopefully the next time I see you I'll be nice and plumply pregnant smile.gif I did see your DP recently actually....she just about ran into me in the whole foods parking lot wink1.gif nice new wheels btw!

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#594 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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Oh, and Carmen ... I did feel movement several weeks earlier with H's pregnancy, but I think only because I knew exactly what it was.  

 

Esenbee ... Do you remember the stuff from your Bradley class?  I took a "Birthing Again" class the second time around and frankly it was a waste of time and money.  I'd had a good, natural birth with dd, so I'd been through it the way I wanted too already, and felt equipped the second time around.  The class was not what I needed.  It was very airy-fairy about birth and growing your family and I just wanted a reminder of some of the actual techniques that had helped with labour and such (ie. having your birth partner roll tennis balls at your lower back .... HEAVEN.).


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#595 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 09:57 AM
 
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I still have the book (somewhere around the house!) and I have a take-with-you-to-the-hospital pamphlet guide, but as far as remembering a lot, I don't.  I never got to go through the birthing stages, because I was induced at 2 1/2 weeks early, with a cervadil insert and then pitocin, labored very painfully, unmedicated for 14 hours and still was only .5 dialated.  I couldn't take the pitocin contractions any longer, and they were talking C-section, so I opted for the epidural.  I went from .5 to 9.5 in 30 minutes and she was born 30 minutes later.  Because of being monitored with the belt and having the epidural, I didn't get labor around the room or get to feel what any of the stages were like :(  I am thinking of hiring a doula, but I am painfully shy, so not sure if I will be able to connect with someone, especially because the ones I have found, only offer 2 prenatal visits.  I think I would need more to time to be comfortable with them.


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* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * belly.gif * 36 * !38! * 40 - stork-boy.gifstork-boy.gif EDD 9.5.13

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#596 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 10:31 AM
 
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Esenbee, we took a class before #1. Of the 5 families, only 2 got the birth they hoped for. I took no class before #2. When I was in labor, I called the midwives' office and said something like, "I didn't take a birth class this time and the comfort measures I remember aren't really helping. No, don't come yet, they're not THAT bad, I just don't want 6 more hours of this." She was born half an hour later and the midwives didn't make it. We did take the hospital class pre-Soren.

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#597 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 10:42 AM
 
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Max. Todays goal is to start the baby books.. we bought them and there are things  that I can fill out now.. since each baby has one that should take some time :)  And Nevada is not to far.. Do you have names yet? 

 

Starling.. thank you for that info.. as soon as I am done here I am going to go look for that.. I am worried about the recovery.. I assumed they would do a vertical cut since I am fluffy .. to help with not getting an infection.. my mom was also fluffy and she had 3 c sections .. they cut her vertical and she still has this nice scar.. I dont care if I have a scar.. its kinda like stretch marks.. they tell a story :) I will have to ask the doctor tomorrow what they do for fluffy moms.. but if they do cut me regular.. I do worry about getting an infection.. thank you for those tips...

 

Was the 3rd trimester hard for everyone? Ive read it can be the most emotional time.. I go from being seething mad at DP for saying something I didnt like.. to very chill and relaxed..The last 2 days were awful....and today I am feeling a bit like myself.. These up and down hormones are crazy...I am happy i only have 7 weeks of the 3rd trimester.. 

 

I think I mentioned our new friends who just had triplets ( GGB) a week ago.. they carried to 33 weeks and the 2 girls are already in an open air crib.. it makes us so hopeful our boys will do that well! 


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#598 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 11:56 AM
 
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Hi Everyone,

Esenbee: The Greg Foley books look great, and I don't know them at all. Thanks for the suggestion!

Wishin: We like We're Going on a Bear Hunt too. We'll have to check out Tumble Bumble!

Seraf: With two babies (or is it one baby and one toddler?), I'm impressed that you're still a foodie even in your head! I LOVE Ethiopian food, but the few times I have made it I found it to be quite time consuming. Do you have easy recipes or do you just accept that it takes a while? Can you buy injera around there?

Max: It's exciting that you're going to meet your baby so soon. I bet that you are feeling super ready!

Carmen: Hooray for 10 weeks! When do you plan to start telling more widely?

Cananny: I remember getting scared sometimes in the third trimester when I didn't feel the baby move as much as normal. It was funny after he was born to see how he sometimes just had quieter, sleepier sorts of days. But it is hard when they are inside and you can't see and hear and feel them unless they move.

Starling: My incision site (and one big toe) still feel half-frozen too. It's funny how that lasts. But I completely agree with you that medically necessary cesareans can be wonderful when they bring a baby (or babies!) safely into the world. And thanks for the suggestion of just requesting off the Caldecott list. I hadn't thought of that, but it seems like a fantastic way to get some beautiful picture books!

I just posted over in QC that we're now waiting to O. I kind of can't believe that we're back in this process. We definitely want another child, but having to deal with TTC again seems like a nightmare. Hopefully it won't be too bad this time. We're switching uteri (from me to my wife). Any tips from other people who have done the uterus switch?

whistling.gifMe, love.gif my wife, blowkiss.gifour son (2.5), and luxlove.gif our daughter (5 months)
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#599 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 12:48 PM
 
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Esenbee, YAY!!!! :-) So happy for you!!!  So awesome!!!  Re your question about the birth class, we are fortunate to live in the same town as Penny Simkin, and we were able to take her 7-week natural childbirth class.  Of course, we only were able to attend four sessions because of Wylie coming three weeks early, but we found it very helpful and informative.  I'm not sure if I would do it again or not were we to have a second.  I'm surprised to hear that the doulas you have found only visit two times before the birth!  That doesn't seem like enough!  Our doula was a great friend of ours, and we still met with him I think about five times prenatally to make sure we had time to discuss & plan for everything.

 

Mrs, interesting, I didn't know about those laws.  I'm thankful that there are lots of options for you guys, although that is disappointing that you can't do a birth center delivery with twins.  And you have plenty of time to research, so that's good news. :) I hope you find amazing care that you are happy with!

 

Max, that is amazing that you will be at the birth and the first ones to receive the baby!  Have you been in much communication with the birth mom lately?

 

Seraf, Ethiopian food!  You are making me hungry over here!

 

Cananny, sorry to hear you are experiencing so much anxiety!  You are riding the wave.  The third trimester was fun for me because people could *finally* tell I was pregnant.  I was filled with much anticipation.  I also had waves of anxiety, though, and got really intense edema (swelling) that caused an unfortunate (and unnecessary) concern about pre-eclampsia which thankfully was not happening.  You are doing a great job raising those little babies in there!  Hang in there mama!

 

Thank you for asking how it went with my mom!  My DP is amazingly patient and ended up having a pretty decent day with my mom!  She mostly watched what he did, and held 
Wylie a lot, and got an idea of how much work this little guy is.  She doesn't like how we use snappies for the cloth diapers and wants to buy pins, and there are various other details that she is critical of, but DP just told her, "this is how we do things" and apparently she seemed to roll with it.  She still needs more practice so they are going to have a few more sessions.  But so far so good.  DP thinks it will work out!  


Queer parent on the adventure of a lifetime raising my sweet little guy, born at home in September 2012, with the love of my life by my side!
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#600 of 912 Old 01-10-2013, 01:24 PM
 
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It's pretty typical for a doula to do 2 prenatal visits.  This would be in addition to the initial consultation/interview, but 2 is pretty standard.  Perhaps if you found a doula who also taught refresher childbirth classes or coping strategies, you would have more time to get to know her better.




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