Queer Single Parents by Choice? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 01-16-2013, 07:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, hello!

hearts.gif

Are there any queer solo parents lurking around here?

My every intention is to conceive this year as a "single mother by choice", although that term was coined mostly to describe presumably straight women who couldn't find Mr. Perfect before having to worry, and decided to take matters into their own hands. I just know that I'm disinterested in a nuclear family, and will be a much more confident parent if I am able to place romance in a separate compartment from parenthood. I have a good friend with whom I have a known donor contract and I plan on beginning TTC in the late summer. I don't know any queer folks who are doing what I'm doing with similar intentions, and I don't know anyone (queer or not) who intentionally conceived alone at my age (I'm 25). I have a lot of support from my own amazing, rag-tag community of (mostly childless) queers, as well as my given family (hi mom!), and I'm a long-time infant nanny/doula who just started a business in family support consulting. I know I'm ready ready ready... but I do find that pioneering this particular frontier can get lonely!



I used to post under the name "habitat", about a year ago, so if this all sounds eerily familiar, that may be why. shy.gif
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#2 of 12 Old 01-17-2013, 09:39 AM
 
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Welcome.gifback!  I like your new username.  I know there is at least one other person currently TTC as a single parent in the Queer Conceptions forum.  Plus there are some others who have done it in the past.  I would encourage you to peruse the Queer Conceptions thread and join in if you feel so called.  We have a lot of knowledgeable and suppportive folks around here and I believe some may even live near you.  Good luck!




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#3 of 12 Old 01-17-2013, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Pokey, thanks so much for the reply and the welcome! I will definitely head on over to the Queer Conceptions thread. How comforting to know that there are other queers around here who plan to parent solo! Super exciting.
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#4 of 12 Old 04-10-2013, 08:04 PM
 
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I am. My story is very parallel yours. I am going to be starting insemination attempts this weekend. I am trans, genderqueer, poly and single. I agree fully on the 'wishing my romantic life and (co-)parenting to be separate'. I actually just joined this page to respond to this post it resonated so much. I'd love to know other folks on a similar path through what is culturally such a couple and/or hetero oriented/dominated path. I live in a place where I am not friends with a lot of queers close by, I moved out to a rural community, although I am still close with homos in the cities. There are folks with kids in both places, but I don't know that many single parents, especially queer ones. especially ones who are doing this all this way on purpose. so. hi.
 

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#5 of 12 Old 04-10-2013, 11:49 PM
 
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Seahorse - Welcome.
Come on over to the Queer Conceptions thread if you want. It's a good place to talk about everything.
In my area it is definitely not that unusual anymore to do it on your own. In my queer TTC group one single mom (age 28) just had her baby and another gal just joined and is planning to start this later this year. I see some some great benefits of being a single parent and if I weren't in a relationship I would have done it too, probably at a much young age even.

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#6 of 12 Old 04-11-2013, 06:51 AM
 
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Just wanted to say welcome to the new folks! While I'm now partnered, old, and boring, I started this process as a young(er), single, broke, queer parent by choice. I have found this forum to be a great place of support, both in my single days and now as a family. Welcome, and good luck!
 


A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#7 of 12 Old 09-14-2013, 08:11 PM
 
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yup. me. i am transmasculine and single parenting. i had my babe in march of this year. i'd love to talk to others about all this journey.

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#8 of 12 Old 02-17-2014, 04:55 PM
 
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I'm a queer single parent by choice. My son was born in June. Maybe we could have a dedicated group/thread to chat.
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#9 of 12 Old 02-27-2014, 05:59 PM
 
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I'm a queer, poly, transmasculine-spectrum person planning to single parent - I'm currently 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. I'd love to connect with other folks in a similar boat!

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#10 of 12 Old 02-28-2014, 11:16 AM
 
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I totally support the idea of having a thread for Queer Single Parents by Choice--though I don't know if we have enough folks (yet?) to maintain a good discussion.

I'm still in the "hoping to parent/TTC" camp, but I've already felt often like the mainstream "being/becoming a lesbian parent" resources and discussions are heavily focused on issues that don't apply to me--about legalizing 2-parent family structures or issues around being/supporting a non-gestational parent, dealing with the intercouple emotional stress of TTC, things like that. (That said, I've found this board awesome overall, and highly encourage everyone to join the QC and QPP threads!) And I've definitely found that the Single Parenting board on Mothering isn't really directed at those who doing it "by choice"--lots of talk about custody and dealing with exes (which is great, just not what I need).

Maybe the way to go is for someone to propose a Question of the Day (or Week)? That might help get a discussion started. I'll try to think of one and come back and post again, but if anyone has any ideas in the meantime, I'll just store mine up for the next round.

36, hoping to have a new member of the family in 2015, to join my queer clan: Me , Things 1&2 , my long-distance KD/cheerleader (the guy who's been telling everyone what a great mom I'm going to be) , and the rest of the superheroes and sidekicks .
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#11 of 12 Old 02-28-2014, 11:59 AM
 
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Hi silverbeet! Welcome to Mothering and the Queer Parenting! Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you are feeling well and the next 7 months or so go smoothly.



Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!

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#12 of 12 Old 08-07-2014, 07:32 PM
 
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Hello queer SPCs! I thought I'd bump this thread and see if any other queer single parents by choice are interested in connecting. I'm wondering where other queer single parents by choice are getting their support from. Family of origin? Queer community? Single parent groups? All of the above? Others?
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