Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting--February and March 2013! - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#361 of 539 Old 03-09-2013, 01:06 PM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Steph, that was always my issue, if I don't get to pick, what difference will knowing make? I loved the surprise and the conversations with people who love to guess. My girl is crafty, my oldest boys is sweet and gentle and loves math, S is my only "boy" but most of his friends are still girls. S2 is just a ball of giggles, time will tell.

Bigfoot, the pump is for the mom, so wouldn't you get separate prescriptions anyway? Since you're separate people. We occasionally both pump, but not simultaneously, so one pump works for us both (lol, picturing you both sitting side by side on the couch pumping while rocking a baby makes me giggle, that's what the big brother is for?). I don't know much about nursing multiples, since we both have enough milk for one. I assume if she just feeds them at every feeding, eats, drinks and sleeps (haha) enough she would make as much as they need. I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, but just nursing 1, I made enough for 2 or 3 until I regulated at a few months.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#362 of 539 Old 03-09-2013, 03:32 PM
 
erinTNgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 84
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ok I'm back...sorry it takes me several days to get a chance to sit down and write but I keep up with you guys every day.

 

Thanks for all the welcomes!

 

easttowest- I just feel like it's a boy based on all the theories and the donor has 2 boys already. I feel good other than mild back pain and stetching. How about you guys?

 

pokeyAC- Things are great so far. This is definitely the best trimester thus far 2whistle.gif

 

Tourneymama- That is very interesting about determining the sex of the babies. I may have to post my pics on here just out of curiousity!

 

granite- YAY!!!!! So happy for you!!!

 

esenbee2- That is the coolest announcement I have ever seen! And very original if I do say so myself!

 

knitting - I think your pictures are very sweet shy.gif

 

Congrats on all the new babies! And those peeps that are getting close, too, good luck!

 

AFM: On the name thing, we have six names picked out for each (narrowed down from a list of 40ish...) We actually had several of the same names picked out before we combined them, which made me really happy. We look at the list every few weeks and reevaluate. I don't really have any info on breastfeeding, but I am sure I will need everyone's help in a few months. The hardest part now is finding the perfect baby shower invitation and planning the showers, oh and the best crib...but being a vegan makes it more difficult for sure. Any suggestions on some things I just won't be able to live without I should ask for at the shower??

erinTNgirl is offline  
#363 of 539 Old 03-09-2013, 04:28 PM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Erin, vegan crib?? Is there a meaty crib? I'm picturing a ribcage bassinet now. Amber teething necklaces are cool. Whatever babywearing thing you like best. Socks! Baby food squeezy pouches, all the kids seem to dig them. Sara says paper plates, boppy, lanolin. Milk saver is a pretty cool product if you're leaky. A meal train is awesome if your friends are like that. We registered for car seats, socks, bibs, books, glass bottle sippy lids and musical instruments. People grumbled that we didn't register for enough and then got nothing we registered for besides the car seats and musical toys. Everyone gave them clothes and blankets with stuffed animal heads.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#364 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 06:07 AM
 
prettyisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,483
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
Erin--I'd say to throw sleep sacks on the list, nice wooden hand toys (like the ones from Haba), cloth diaper covers if you plan to use them (no one wants to get the diapers themselves, for some reason, but the covers are close enough to being cute clothes that you might get some takers). If you are worried about what goes into bath stuff put down the brands you'd want to receive. We got SO MUCH BATH STUFF at our showers, and I still have no idea why. Ditto Sara on the animal loveys, for some reason. Honestly, I registered for everything i thought I would want to go out and buy if it wasn't gifted, except for breastfeeding supplies, since those felt too personal for me to receive from my mom's church friends. People will get you what they want anyway. I will say that I don't think we got anything (other than possibly some baby shampoo--I didn't check) that wasn't vegan. Most kids stuff is plastic, cotton, or mixed manmade fibers anyway these days. If you don't use wool, I'd go ahead and put that on the invitation--people who don't get it can just go ahead and assume you're allergic.

Bigfoot--glad to hear the doctor is supportive of you inducing lactation! Now I hope your insurance will step up and provide both pumps!

I usually just said, 'a baby' when people asked what we were having. Maybe it's a strange midwest thing, but that's usually how it was phrased here--'do you know what you're having?' At least there was no need to correct most people on sex v. gender! I had some of the same undesired hangups as Steph about what a girl or boy would be like. Not sure why, exactly, since I split my interests pretty exactly between my parents' hobbies.

Seraf, I hope you are feeling better!

AFM, Edie actually let us sleep last night. For the past week she's been up for hours, either nursing or crying (offering to nurse more didn't help, nor did bringing her to bed, rocking her, etc, etc). I don't know if it's more teeth, or what, but it was miserable for all of us. Last night I convinced her to really nurse the first time she woke up and then, bless her little baby self, she slept until the new 7:30. I feel human again!

She's here!
And so are the boys!
prettyisa is online now  
#365 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 10:08 AM
 
planet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey everyone!

Sphinxy. YES! When people would ask if I was having a boy or a girl, I would often say, "probably, but who knows for sure?"

Cordelia, "boy for now, but who knows." LOVE it, gonna steal that one. Thanks!

Seraf, how are you all settling in?

Bigfoot, you guys are in WA, right? If you qualify for WIC, they will give you a free breast pump if you work 20 + hrs / week. That's how I got my pump, it's pretty awesome! Just so you know.

Afu, Wylie is now 6 months old. What? I can't believe it. Yesterday was my birthday and his half birthday. Turns out he was born on my half birthday. pretty cool, right? He's at a really fun stage right now, laughing and smiling and really aware of the world and people around him. I'll try to post some pics.

Queer parent on the adventure of a lifetime raising my sweet little guy, born at home in September 2012, with the love of my life by my side!
planet is offline  
#366 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 10:13 AM
 
planet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[IMG][IMG]

Queer parent on the adventure of a lifetime raising my sweet little guy, born at home in September 2012, with the love of my life by my side!
planet is offline  
#367 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 10:17 AM
 
planet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 208
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Queer parent on the adventure of a lifetime raising my sweet little guy, born at home in September 2012, with the love of my life by my side!
planet is offline  
#368 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 10:39 AM
 
carmen358's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The beautiful west coast of Canada!
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by erinTNgirl View Post

Ok I'm back...sorry it takes me several days to get a chance to sit down and write but I keep up with you guys every day.

 

Thanks for all the welcomes!

 

easttowest- I just feel like it's a boy based on all the theories and the donor has 2 boys already. I feel good other than mild back pain and stetching. How about you guys?

 

pokeyAC- Things are great so far. This is definitely the best trimester thus far 2whistle.gif

 

Tourneymama- That is very interesting about determining the sex of the babies. I may have to post my pics on here just out of curiousity!

 

granite- YAY!!!!! So happy for you!!!

 

esenbee2- That is the coolest announcement I have ever seen! And very original if I do say so myself!

 

knitting - I think your pictures are very sweet shy.gif

 

Congrats on all the new babies! And those peeps that are getting close, too, good luck!

 

AFM: On the name thing, we have six names picked out for each (narrowed down from a list of 40ish...) We actually had several of the same names picked out before we combined them, which made me really happy. We look at the list every few weeks and reevaluate. I don't really have any info on breastfeeding, but I am sure I will need everyone's help in a few months. The hardest part now is finding the perfect baby shower invitation and planning the showers, oh and the best crib...but being a vegan makes it more difficult for sure. Any suggestions on some things I just won't be able to live without I should ask for at the shower??

 

You probably already have these things on your list but here's my list....

 

  • car seat
  • baby carrier
  • cloth diapers/covers
  • small baby cloths (we used these instead of commercial wipes for a really long time)
  • light blankets
  • blanket/quilt/whatever to lay on the floor to put baby on if you don't want to put him or her on the floor directly
  • lanolin (we used this for a diaper cream/barrier when required too)
  • baby thermometer
  • baby clothes
  • some place to put baby when he/she gets mobile and you need to have a shower or something...we ended up getting a crib around 5 or 6 months so I felt more comfy having a shower without worrying...it converted into a toddler bed which is the only time she slept in it

 

As for toys, I don't really think babies need toys for quite some time...if you aren't interested in having lots of "stuff" I think toys is where you can really cut down. DD used to enjoy playing with a wash cloth ;)

 

We didn't use soap or shampoo at first...just water. We had some dr. bronner's baby soap and some california baby baby soap (which we use for hair washing now) that we would squirt a tiny bit in the tub when she was quite a bit older. She has very sensitive skin so we just avoided it altogether.


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
carmen358 is offline  
#369 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 01:23 PM
 
Skyandtru's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: philadelphia, pa
Posts: 69
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

CONGRATS ON THE BABIES LADIES!!!!


we welcomed our babyboy.gif on 11/18/12joy.gif

Skyandtru is offline  
#370 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 01:27 PM
 
Skyandtru's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: philadelphia, pa
Posts: 69
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

sorry to be a pain about the contest but voting ends soon can you guys please vote for us please http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1374807/motherings-annual-pregnancy-photo-contest-win-a-hushamok-baby-hammock/160 we are post 161-164 thank you guys


we welcomed our babyboy.gif on 11/18/12joy.gif

Skyandtru is offline  
#371 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 03:24 PM
 
starling&diesel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: West Coast, Canada
Posts: 3,827
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)

Erin...

If you're a minimalist and don't want a lot of *stuff*, you can also ask people to contribute to a big ticket item.  For our first child we asked for people to contibute towards the purchase of a bike trailer.  We love the Stokke Tripp Trapp chairs for when baby is ready to sit at the table with you.  We have one for each child, and is the first thing we'll get (from CL, mind) if we are able to adopt the little girl we're trying for.

As for what I really appreciate when baby is newly born:

sling

wrap

healthy, nutritious food that we can easily reheat or put together

carseat 

comfy nursing chair


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
starling&diesel is online now  
#372 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 04:41 PM
 
lisedea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: the middle of northern lake michigan
Posts: 637
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey all! I have been reading along and enjoying all of the pictures.... I have been feeling as though I am in a world of limbo and am having a difficult time connecting to anything outside of my life of eating and sleeping. It really is a strange feeling.

Anyway, I wanted to share what happened to us recently....

Monday: I went in to the hospital because I had been feeling extra pressure on my cervix and my contractions (I have been having them a lot) had become stronger. After monitoring the babies for about an hour and checking my cervix, the doctor on call determined everything was fine.

Tuesday: Broke out into a rash...PUPPS. Uggg. Wanted to give birth soon to get rid of them....ended up regretting that passing thought and felt super guilty for feeling that way...

Thursday: Went to our routine monthly u/s to check baby growth. I was feeling super sick and dizzy almost the entire time...even with repositioning...I have just gotten so big! When the u/s tech got to baby C (last baby checked) his heart rate was up to 205 and his cord blood flow was really hard to measure. By the time she did get a measurement from it, it showed that it was extremely decreased (and possibly transverse). She rechecked his heart rate and it was down--but still slightly elevated. She called the radiologist to check out her measurements and they admitted us immediately. The nurses and doctor on call told us that we would most likely be delivering that night or the following morning/afternoon. The doctor even told me that he thought that even if we made it past that amount of time, I would probably not make it more than a week. The babies were monitored all night long (all heart rates were normal--even baby C) and I was not allowed to eat or drink anything (I could have ice chips) in case I had to go into surgery. Ugg. Miserable. I slept maybe an hour and a half. The next afternoon I had an appointment with my high risk doctor to recheck the blood cord flow. Our primary OB told us that we had two options--either things would look the same and we would stay in the hospital until the cord flow was bad enough to deliver OR it would already look bad and we would deliver that afternoon. When we finally got into our appointment (he was late because the other triplet mom had some serious complications) and they were able to get some good readings of the cord blood flow. Everything was completely normal. Totally shocked all of us (the u/s room was filled with 7 other people not including D and myself). They ended up releasing me and I am BEYOND happy to be home and able to keep these babies in a little longer. We think that the cord reading could have been off for two reasons...either my blood flow was cut off too much and poor baby C was struggling because of it OR the u/s tech didn't get a good reading--the edge of the cord flow rather than a more accurate part. (We have actually had issues with this same u/s tech freaking us out before over nothing...D wants to request never to have her again...we'll see.)

So, now we have a TON of appointments each week to keep an eye on them all to make sure everything is going okay and I am on even stricter bed rest. Better than staying in the hospital though...wink1.gif I am just over 30 weeks and hoping to make it 4 more!!!

M (30), D (30)  TTC #1 since October 2010. 13 unsuccessful cycles--no meds (2 m/c). First medicated IUI July 2012: BFN. Second medicated IUI: BFP! Triplets! bigeyes.gif Actual Due Date: May 17...GOAL: April 5th!

 

Sawyer, Elliott, and Miles arrived on March 24th @ 32 weeks & 2 days.

lisedea is offline  
#373 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 07:24 PM
 
prettyisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,483
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
Lise--that's so scary! Glad you are home and that the babies are doing well! I would definitely say no to that tech again--not worth delivering before you have to just because someone isn't very good at their job. And I'm so, so sorry about the PUPPPS. I got it after delivery, and it was horrible. I hope they can give you something to help--I think I just got some topical cream that helped a little but was still baby safe.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
prettyisa is online now  
#374 of 539 Old 03-10-2013, 11:20 PM
 
bigfoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Lise - how scary! I am with D. Try to avoid that tech. How terrible to freak you out for no reason.


Me (37), DW (31), and our three sons: L, M & O eyesroll.gif twins.gif 
bigfoot is offline  
#375 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 05:03 AM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lise, that's all kinds of scary. I'm glad everything is ok.

And in fine. Thanks for the well wishes. I only felt bad for a out 12 hours. The boys are snotty and cranky again. S, the kids and I are going down home tonight for the first time in a week. I'm curious how he will react. The boys are snotty again, but today they seem pretty chipper.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#376 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 06:57 AM
 
carmen358's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The beautiful west coast of Canada!
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Isa: Hooray for sleep! It makes such a difference....for everyone.

 

Happy birthday and happy half birthday to Wylie, planet! 6 months is a super fun age...enjoy :)

 

lise, that sounds terrifying. I'm so happy you are back at home....hang in there and I hope you make your goal of 34 weeks!

 

 

Afm: I've had such a hard week. DD was admitted into Children's hospital last Sunday for pneumonia and RSV (and her first ear infection). We were there for 6 long days and it was pretty scary for the first little while. She seems pretty much back to 100% now though and we had a fairly "normal" weekend. I was staying at the hospital every night as my DP was sick too...and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep at home anyway. I am pretty run down and even more behind on sleep.

 

Listing our place has been pushed a week or so because we lost so much time last week...but we are slowly getting things over to the house and I feel pretty good about the progress we've made.

 

Baby seems to be doing well. I had a couple of what I'm thinking were braxton hicks when I was in the hospital....a bit freaky this early! I'm also starting to struggle more with anxiety around the baby not making it or being born unhealthy which is really tough.


Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
carmen358 is offline  
#377 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 07:37 AM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs Carmen. When do you get the big ultrasound that measures everything and makes sure she has healthy parts? Have you been eating and drinking enough while away from home? Dehydration makes BH worse. I had BH from the first trimester with all my pregnancies. Just little squeezy contractions. I had big BH all through the third trimester with the last 2. That's how A was accidentally unassisted, I didn't believe it was real labor until half an hour before she was born.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#378 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 08:16 AM
 
outdoorsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Carmen, I totally hear you on the anxiety issue. When I had my fetal survey, I couldn't clearly see fingers one of the hands, but the tech insisted it was fine. I haven't had an ultrasound since. But I figure that since I'm past the major birth-defect testing, it is time to try and say "what will be will be" and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible, because before we know it, it will be over.


babyf.gif... due in late June.

outdoorsy is offline  
#379 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 12:59 PM
 
AmandaHope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,038
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Lise: So scary!  I am hugely relieved that you are home and that your OB figured out that there was a false alarm.  Good reason to insist on repeat testing whenever there is something funny going on. Whew! Sorry about the PUPPS, though. UGH. I can understand your feeling like you're in limbo land. As hard as it is to stay there for another month, I hope you do.  Is there anything any of us can do to help you through this a bit?  

 

Isa: Glad you got a good night's rest!

 

Carmen: SO GLAD that you are both home and safe. I've been glad to follow on FB and that all turned out ok. 

 

Planet: SWEET pics, and happy birthday!

 

Bigfoot: Exciting about the support for lactation induction.  With two babes, I bet that whatever milk you have to offer will be hugely appreciated by everyone involved.  What a gift!

 

I feel like everyone has covered the baby necessities and desirables pretty well.  

 

AFU: Tonight is night 4 of night weaning (according to Dr. Jay Gordon's plan here and using this lovely book for Lilah).  Night 1 was rough (3 hours up and alternating between screaming, fussing, cuddling, and playing), but night 2 was better, and last night was great. Tonight, though, is the big one: the first night with no nursing at all between 11pm-6am.  I'm trying to stay positive and to see it as an opportunity for her to gain some competence and autonomy and for us to allow her some room to grow and express her feelings about the changes she's facing as she transitions from infancy to toddlerhood.  I mostly believe all of that, but I also feel scared and guilty to a lesser extent. Her success last night (crying for 10 seconds and then going right back to sleep after I told her that the "milkies are sleeping") leads me to believe that she can do it, so off we go!  Thoughts of strength and sleep are most appreciated! love.gif


Partner rainbow1284.gif of 17 yrs to DP,  Mommy to 10-yr-old Z blowkiss.gif, and Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11 luxlove.gif.

AmandaHope is offline  
#380 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
pokeyac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 3,458
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)

Good luck putting the milkies to sleep, Amanda!  That does sound tough.

 

Carmen-I'm glad DD is feeling better and you are getting moved.  I'm sorry you are having anxiety.  I think that's totally normal given your past.  I listened to a pregnancy meditation that told you to listen to all those negative voices and thank them for sharing their thoughts and then move on.  I think about these things too.  Yesterday I was thinking about it and I told myself that with every day the baby is in my belly, the chance that something will go wrong decreases, and the chances that he will be born healthy increase.  We all know things can happen, but I try not to focus on it.

 

lise-I'm so glad everything turned out to be fine!  That would definitely be scary, though.  I have to agree about not using that tech anymore.  You don't need the extra stress.  I'm sorry about the PUPPS too.  I hope you can get it under control and go through the next few weeks without too much trouble.

 

Happy Birthday(s), Planet!  

 

prettyisa-I hope the sleeping trend continues!

 

seraf-I'm glad you are feeling fine.  I hope the boys feel better soon.

 

wave.gif erin and outdoorsy!

 

bigfoot-Good luck with your induction protocol.  It sounds tough but amazing.

 

AFM-I'm doing fine.  I'm starting to feel more pregnant these days.  I can tell the baby is getting bigger.  I've been craving sweets but trying not to overdo it.  It's not good for me or my teeth.  I have my GTT coming up and I really want to pass it.  I'm trying to balance things out with protein.  DW made me beans and rice for my snack this week.  I had a small emotional breakdown the other day.  We were having a disagreement about the baby shower and I started crying.  I was feeling sorry for myself and upset with DW. I got over it, but it kinda sucked.  We tried to go shopping to look at convertible carseat options, but we got overwhelmed and left.  We also tried to figure out how to fold the stroller we selected and were completely stumped.  Then we saw some lesbians in the parking lot with the same one getting into their car.  We sat there nonchalantly and watched them fold it up.  Turns out we were trying to do it completely backwards.  Oh well!  Sunday we had brunch with friends of friends who are expecting a baby a month before us.  They were really cool, but it made me feel like I am unprepared.  They already did a hypnobirthing class and they have toured daycares and picked one.  Another friend takes their child there and it's apparently totally amazing.  They have psychologists and experienced child development experts who observe and work with the children.  However, it would cost about $2200 a month which is just way too expensive.  Then there's that little voice in my head that is like, "Am I a bad parent if I have to go with a cheaper daycare?  Isn't it worth having the best for my baby"?  Uggh!  Isn't it too soon for the competitive BS to start?   Babies mostly need TLC, right?  Anyway, I organized my childcare info yesterday so I can start contacting people. 




Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!

Check out our User Agreement.
pokeyac is offline  
#381 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 05:15 PM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Pokey, holy crap, I support a family of 6 on less than that daycare costs. Feeling overwhelmed, unprepared and emotional are no fun at all. Hopefully you feel better soon.

AmandaHope, I'm sure she's excited for her opportunity to gain autonomy. Having more rested and happy moms will probably be the benefit she actually notices. Good luck. You know I'm cheering for you, even at 3 AM.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#382 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 05:22 PM
 
KnittingTigers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,699
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Pokey, that is some hella pricey daycare! Even when we lived in DC (which ranks in the top 3 for most expensive cities), our daycare costs were about $1,500 at a very well-run Bright Horizons center. Here in the south, centers are much cheaper (like $700-$800). No shame at all in not wanting (or not being able!) to pay that much. We've had friends who've found nanny shares to be a more affordable way to get great care. I hope you find something that works well for you guys. We've had lots of different situations over the past 4.5 years, and they all have their pros and cons.

Amanda, good luck tonight!!

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

KnittingTigers is offline  
#383 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 05:43 PM
 
prettyisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,483
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 13 Post(s)
Carmen—Big, big hugs to you, and your whole family. That sounds horrible all around. I can totally understand your anxiety about the baby—I had a lot, too, and that was without any of your history. I think there's nothing you can really do but keep having faith and hope that everything will turn out well. Are you feeling much movement? Maybe that will be reassuring when there is lots of squirming around to remind you that things are going the way they should.

Ahope—glad it's getting better than that first night! And good luck tonight—I'm sure she'll get it soon if not tonight. And I'm sure that a month from now you'll feel better-rested than you have in a very, very long time.

Pokey—wow. Just, wow. That's more than twice what we are paying for daycare (in a city!) and we love the place we're using. I would suggest looking into some of the local parent lists in the city and seeing if anyone has recommendations for home daycares. That's how I found the one we are at, and I can honestly say I think it's a better environment for my kid than the more expensive centers I looked at, based on her personality (she really, REALLY likes being mixed in with the older kids, which she wouldn't have gotten at the centers we looked at). And all you need to worry about for quite some time, in my opinion, is caregivers that love your child and keep them safe, happy, and busy.

Thanks for the support, everyone! We are more or less following Amanda into nightweaning. It's been a difficult decision, but our doctor suggested it at her last checkup, and it suddenly feels like the right time for us—we're exhausted with the up 3-4 times a night stuff, we can't comfortably co-sleep, and we have hit a phase where nothing seems to make her happy when she wakes up at night, including nursing. Last night she had a hard time going down (the time change kind of messed up her nap schedule) but then when she woke up in the middle of the night DP just went and soothed her instead of bringing her to nurse and she went back to sleep until morning. I'm hoping that we can keep it up. I'm also planning her first birthday party—have any of you got birthday traditions that you try to keep every year for your kids? Other than picking a box of whatever sugar-bomb cereal we wanted, my family didn't really have any, but I'd love ideas for starting some!

She's here!
And so are the boys!
prettyisa is online now  
#384 of 539 Old 03-11-2013, 07:45 PM
 
carmen358's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The beautiful west coast of Canada!
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, everyone. I think part of it is that I'm emotionally spent and I get more anxious when I'm overtired. We go for th anatomy scan in just over 2 weeks...I'll be 21 weeks then. Yes, I am feeling lots of movement but I analyze the hell out of it and somehow talk myself into believing it's not enough or it's too low still and other irrational things. Your words of encouragement help and I'll just keep truckin' along. I have a midwife appt the day before the u/s so at least I can hopefully hear the heartbeat before going into the scan.

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
carmen358 is offline  
#385 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 04:03 AM
 
seraf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: in transition in ohio
Posts: 4,979
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Isa, hopefully nightweaning is a smooth non-event.

Carmen, hugs again. I was in nursing school all through my second pregnancy and had terrible anxiety, to the point where looking back medication would have really improved my quality of life. I was usually able to calm myself about the pregnancy related stuff (well, until I fell. I thought A had brain damage from the fall until she was a year old) most of the time by touching the baby under the bump and telling her my hopes for her. I'm glad you're able to talk about it on some at least some level with other adults. Hugs again.

carrot.gifbroc1.gifbanana.gifbanana.gif 10, 8, 1 & 1
seraf is offline  
#386 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 08:54 AM
 
outdoorsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Posts: 378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Carmen, my baby's movements seemed very low, too! I am just starting to notice a few higher movements, and I'm at 24 weeks.


babyf.gif... due in late June.

outdoorsy is offline  
#387 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 09:39 AM
 
carmen358's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The beautiful west coast of Canada!
Posts: 3,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Eep, seraf. I feel like the anxiety I'm feeling is quite manageable still at this point. I do try and so something similar to what you suggested....I try and lay or sit still and really emotionally connect with the baby. That seems to help...thanks for the reminder to keep doing it more often.

Thanks, outdoorsy, I don't remember where I felt movement early on with DD so it's nice to hear your experience!

In other news, I leave for Japan in 3 1/2 weeks! I'll be gone for 10 days. DD was telling DP on Sunday night that she's going to miss me a lot....any tips on how we should work the airport goodbyes? DP thinks they should just drop me off and not come in...I sort of agree.

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
carmen358 is offline  
#388 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 11:26 AM
 
darthtunaqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Threadcrashing: when I drop DW off at the airport when she goes to see her dad, I don't come in, I just swing through International Departures and let her out of the car.  It also helps that she's usually flying at 6am, so we're there at 4:30 in the morning and I just want to go back to bed!!  :)


Me (29) and DW (32).  Taking a long break from TTC, back at it sometime in 2015/2016.  2 fur babies cat.gif cat.gif, Mustang and Anastasia.
darthtunaqueen is offline  
#389 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
pokeyac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 3,458
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)

Thanks everyone for making me feel like I am not crazy.  That daycare is way too expensive!  It's hard because we live in such an expensive area, and I don't really make all that much money.  I have debt I am still paying off from years in lower-paying jobs, but I don't want to have to explain my financial situation to others.  I'm in much better shape than I was, but we can't go into debt to pay for daycare.  I'm sure it's lovely, but there are lovely places that cost half as much.  I have referrals from the local referral agency and recommendations from the local parenting board that I have combined.  I just need to start contacting them.  Several are around $1100.  That is more doable.  My company has a daycare spending account I can use where they take the $ out of my paycheck pre-tax so I would save some money.   But I just looked at it and it seems the max is $5000 per year.  Hmm.  I assume you would have to use a licensed daycare or a nanny who is paying taxes to be able to use this since it is an IRS thing.  More research to do...




Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!

Check out our User Agreement.
pokeyac is offline  
#390 of 539 Old 03-12-2013, 12:09 PM
 
KnittingTigers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,699
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeyAC View Post

Thanks everyone for making me feel like I am not crazy.  That daycare is way too expensive!  It's hard because we live in such an expensive area, and I don't really make all that much money.  I have debt I am still paying off from years in lower-paying jobs, but I don't want to have to explain my financial situation to others.  I'm in much better shape than I was, but we can't go into debt to pay for daycare.  I'm sure it's lovely, but there are lovely places that cost half as much.  I have referrals from the local referral agency and recommendations from the local parenting board that I have combined.  I just need to start contacting them.  Several are around $1100.  That is more doable.  My company has a daycare spending account I can use where they take the $ out of my paycheck pre-tax so I would save some money.   But I just looked at it and it seems the max is $5000 per year.  Hmm.  I assume you would have to use a licensed daycare or a nanny who is paying taxes to be able to use this since it is an IRS thing.  More research to do...


Yup, $5,000 is the max you put in your FSA each year. Definitely do it, though be warned, only the person who will claim the child as a dependent for tax purposes can take out an FSA for the child's daycare. So, if you're going to claim the baby, by all means take out an FSA. However, if it makes more sense for your wife to claim the child, then your wife needs to be the one to take out the FSA (if she has that option at her workplace). Even same-sex marriages that are recognized at a state level are not recognized for federal purposes (sorry, I know we all know this, just want to make sure I'm being clear), so even if you've done your second parent adoption, etc., only one of you is going to be able to claim the child as a deduction. It totally sucks. Everyone's tax situation is different, but figuring out ahead of time who will take the deduction will allow you to figure out who should take out the FSA, etc. We got burned really badly on this one year, when DP took out an FSA for DD's daycare, and we realized too late that I should have done it, since I made more money, and would have benefited more from the tax break.

 

Even for couples who are straight married, only one of you can take out an FSA- the $5,000 is a per-family limit (which is, of course, way too low!).

 

And yes, in order to get reimbursed from your FSA, you will need to provide a tax-id number for your childcare provider, so your daycare must be licensed, or your nanny must be willing to report the taxes.


A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

KnittingTigers is offline  
Reply

Tags
Pregnancy , Pregnancy Birth Books , Pregnancy Week By Week , Pregnancy Wishes Ivf Dreams A Story Lessons About Life Love Infertility

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off