It's been weeks!
QOTD--How do you all deal with the holidays? This year was pretty crazy. We traveled cross country to see our families and celebrate C's first xmas with them. It was flying and a lot of driving. It was wonderful to spend time with our families and C. They love him very much. He was really cute with his cousins. We experienced a lot of generosity that was sweet but a little overwhelming. People we have never met bought gifts for the babe. We received 4 electronic puppies! 4! It's not something we would get for him and not something we mentioned to people when they asked what he could use, but he loves them. We returned 2 of them, one of each brand. It's made us think more about what kind of toys we would like him to have.
And so are the boys!
We started out saying NO GIFTS PLEASE, way back at the baby shower. I'd rather say that than lay out the parameters of what's okay in our house. When people insisted, we said we were saving up for a bike carrier and would love help with that.
Later, when people insisted (and many did), it usually came along with the question, "What would you like for the baby/kids?"
We'd tell them that we like books, art supplies, experiences, and contributions to their educational fund. If they keep pushing, we say our place is really small and we just don't have room for a lot of toys.
Then if they STILL give us something usefless/branded/ugly/toxic, we move it along without even opening it up.
Now, five years into this gig, most of our friends and family are totally on board.
It took a LOT of repeating ourselves and demonstrating by example ('No gift' requests for birthdays too) that we mean business when it comes to simple living.
Ultimately though, it's okay to accept the gift and say thank you and then move it on to a better home. We do that a lot. The "thank you" is genuine, because we know that people give with good intentions, but just miss the mark. We always find a good home for the toys/cothes that aren't wanted/appreciated in our home.
Late but QOTD re: friends with no kids. My group of best friends were amazing with S and things didn't change that much. However, as she got older and I got pregnant again it has been pretty much the same story as starling describes. I feel a great sense of loss around it but I'm building a new community and feeling more hopeful we can make new connections.
Gifts! Ahhhh! I get frustrated but mostly do a combo of passing things along before S spots it or just not stressing about it. I'm not always successful on the not stressing part It drives me crazy when people ask then buy whatever they want anyway lol We normally say books and art supplies, lego this year. I would like to start no gifts next year for birthday parties with friends. A few kids have had "twoonie parties" which is a cute idea too. Then donate to charity and/or buy one thing of child's choice.
I've been struggling a lot with what appears to be pretty severe post partum depression. It's been very, very hard but I've contacted a local ppd organization and I'm seeking help. I'm looking forward to feeling better. I've never been depressed before.
L is growing so quickly and slept like crap since just before 4 months until the past few days when he appears to be back to his pre sleep regression rock star sleeping pattern. He's so lovely and sweet and really just hates to be put down most days. S turned 4 on the 30th which seems so grown up! She's going through a hard time lately for various reasons. Some due to my depression I would imagine. Overall we're doing pretty good though
Carmen-How is your PPD treatment going? I hope you are feeling a little better and more supported.
AFU-C is 7 1/2 months now and he just started crawling the other day. He is all about the cat's food so we need to figure out where to put it so it's out of reach. He has 1 tooth with another one peeking out. There are 3 more that are working their way out. Life has been busy but good.
QOTD--For those of you in the US, how are you doing your taxes this year? With the recent Supreme Court rulings, we are able to file our taxes as married this year. I'm not sure if we should file jointly or separately. My wife makes a good bit more money than I do. We have a new deduction with the baby, but we also have to pay income tax on the paid family leave we received from the State. It bums me out that we received a great benefit to bond with our baby and now we have to pay for it. I think we are going to consult with an accountant.
Taxes: I use TurboTax, and it will recommend which way to file and show what the difference will be. I don't know yet what will make sense for us!
Pokey: Congratulations on the crawling!
Me (S-26), DSp (B-29) married May 21, 2010 in Connecticut. DD (L-4). Billa, Hurley, Spitfire (Leroy) and Nollie too!
* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 * * * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * * 36 * !38! * 40 - EDD 9.5.13
Thanks for your responses, everyone! It's been kind of quiet around here lately. What's new with you?
Other than that, my house is a pit, but it's sunny out and even kind of warm, so things are looking up!
And so are the boys!
Isa!! Congratulations!! :) So exciting. And hi, everyone! I haven't been on here in a while, but I was missing you.
Loving stepmom to daughters aged 13 and 17. Naturally birthed my littlest one 6/21/13.
LOVE makes a family. Genderqueer breastfeeding, cosleeping, attachment parenting Mama
M/C 2/10 ~Ahti Pan, forever in my heart.
In also happy news, my wife's parents seem transformed by having a grandchild! They have always been surface level supportive of our relationship, but seemed mostly closeted like not telling people about us/our family, our marriage last year, etc. But their first grandchild (non bio for them) seems to have softened their hearts and they are spreading the word like crazy! I wasn't expecting it, but hoped they would come around. Mostly I am just very happy for my wife because she feels so validated right now and proud her parents are treating our son just as she was hoping they would. Yay!
AFM--two funny things from this weekend: E an I got on several elevators and each time E proudly announced that we were going to ride the 'alligator', which sounds much more adventurous! And then last night my dad and stepmom were visiting us, and E took them both by the hand into her room, closed the door, and proceeded to have a party for almost an hour. Whenever they'd try to open the door to see if we were worried about her she would climb over my dad, say, 'excuse me grandpa Rick,' and slam the door so they could keep playing. It was the first time she's ever wanted to have her friends over without all those pesky mamas getting in the way.
And so are the boys!
isa-That's so cute! It's amazing how they grow up and learn new things.
gamitzer-I'm glad your in-laws are coming around. My MIL got off to a rough start because our son is not biologically related to my wife. She thought we should adopt instead so that our child wouldn't be related to either of us. I knew she would come around, and she did. Now, she can't get enough of that baby and is sad we live far away. When I was on maternity leave, I sent her a picture of him every day.
Isa! Boys rock! Congratulations!
Gametzer, congratulations! My kids sure got more I dependent with each new baby, but we kept special routines like bedtime. Once the little guy gets to be 4ish months old, the older guy will never know so much love. Babies and toddlers worship their bigs.
hi queer parenting folks,
my lovely little babe is just about a month old, and for the past few days she has been screaming and screaming during her diaper changes/clothing changes. did this happen to anyone else? what did you do? my dp and i have been talking her through what we're doing and/or singing, and try to stay super calm...but nothing has been working consistently. what really worries me us that she seems to be teaching herself to scream whenever she's a bit uncomfortable. so, if she screams because she doesn't like to lay on her back/be naked/be cold, she should also scream if she's a little hungry, a little tired, etc. she's such a calm and happy baby generally. it's hard to see her getting so upset so many times a day.
thanks in advance for any suggestions.