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Old 06-10-2013, 11:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wishin'&hopin' View Post

I LOVE the question list!

Okay, so, armed with more info, I would try the following, with the caveat that I have no idea what will work, but this is what I'd try:

 

  • Nature's Calm or Rescue Remedy Sleep.  I'd use both.  I find the magnesium in the Nature's Calm helps SO much with growing pains and restless kids.  You could also add epson salts to his bath at bedtime.
  • Later bedtime, by an hour or more, even.  I'd aim for lights out at 8pm.  You could use that extra hour to take him out on his bike or let him dance his sillies out.  He'll likely wake at the same time as he does now, but hopefully after actually having slept better.  We've had to say goodbye to our long evenings alone with each other.  Kids go to sleep around 830pm here, both of them, and wake around 7-730am.  Sigh.
  • Or add back in the nap.  This worked for friends.  Would NEVER work for us though.  They added back in a short nap, and their kid's bedtime went so much better.  This was from about 4yo for a few months only.  You never know!
  • More physical activity throughout the day.  If this is truly accomplished, it will knock him out.  Like, 2-3 hours at the park would be ideal. What about having a sitter take him to the park and wearing him out before supper? 
  • No chocolate.  If H has chocolate at any point in the day, he sleeps like crap.  
  • No refined sugar after ... what, lunch, maybe?  I really notice that if we have a sugary treat in the afternoon, bedtime is that much harder.  We don't offer dessert after dinner except for fruit, or perhaps 1 homemade cookie.  Any treats are had waay earlier.
  • No liquids (except a sip or two) after dinner, and not that much at dinner either.  I find E is restless if she has to go pee.  She'll wake, or toss and turn, or cry out, but it's not so much that she gets up and asks to go.  It's just enough that she can't sleep deeply.
  • I'd also consider taking him to the bathroom when you go to bed.  Do you think he'd stay half asleep?  This worked for a while when E was more restless at night (as mentioned above).
  • What about someone in his room with him for a bit?  When he wakes, do you go to him or does he come to you?  If you go to him, you could try a mattress on the floor beside him for a few nights and see if you can get him back to sleep more easily that way?
  • What about giving him a little ipod or cd player and a couple of soothing stories that he could turn on and listen to in the dark when he wakes up?  The George Winston / Meryl Streep "Velveteen Rabbit" is stunningly beautiful and very mellow.  
  • Another approach would be to let him do whatever he wants to at night, within his room.  If he wants to play, then rock on.  I imagine that this wouldn't last that long.  His fatigue during the day would catch up to him and would perhaps reset his inner clock.  This wouldn't work for E, but I could imagine it working for H.  They're totally different kids.
  • Also, you might consider removing the black out blinds ... totally radical, I know, but if he can learn to sleep without absolute darkness, traveling will be easier.  You could also use the traveling to nix the blackout situation.   This might be your chance to totally switch it up and make it work in your favour, seeing as you're having to deal with it anyway right now.

 

Good luck!  


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Old 06-10-2013, 11:41 AM
 
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Thank you Starling!  We would actually love a later bedtime, but when we've experimented with it in the past he started waking up at 4:30am.  Sigh.  I've been offering the potty if he wakes at night, but he refuses (he actually usually holds it until after breakfast, and refuses to go before...seriously!).  When we go to visit family (long car trip) we will be letting him do more setting of his own bedtime (probably 8-9ish) because he will probably nap in the car.  We are hoping the vacation will wear him out AND reset him.  And, maybe we'll be able to stick to a slightly later bedtime when we return (which would be a bonus!).


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Old 06-11-2013, 06:09 AM
 
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Sooo, update on the trials and tribulations of sleep at our house ;)  

 

H was exhausted so tucked in by 6:30pm...it is now 7am and he is still asleep (I suspect that he's catching up on rest and will sleep until 8ish).

 

The changes we made

-moved him into the twin bed in his room (we'd been finding him awake in it in the morning) and turned his toddler bed into where we "read stories" (trying to separate activities that aren't sleep from the bed where he sleeps)

-invited him to tuck in his stuffed animals into the toddler bed, asked him to "tell them what they need to do and tuck them in".  Unprompted he said, "sleep all night, night night"

-He woke up with an asthma attack and needed to be treated at 11:30pm (this is unusual for him, but associated with his pollen allergies--I thought we were past the peak of the season, but apparently he still needs his allergy med's), I took him to the potty and tucked him back in.  Went back to sleep promptly.  

 

Sooo, we'll stick to what we did last night and see what happens (until the baby was born, he was sleeping a solid 11-13 hours a night for about a year).  I hope this gets better quickly!  

 

Apart from sleep regression, as he's gotten progressively more exhausted, his language has regressed--we've lost initial p's, b's and m's again.  Hope they come back quickly!

 

ETA, we've decided to not mention sleep at all during the day...


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Old 06-11-2013, 10:09 AM
 
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Wishin: It sounds like you had a great night last night! I hope that is the start of a trend of much better sleep for everyone.

I'm trying to think of a QOTD, but I can't come up with anything interesting. Anyone have one?

No real news from us. Pregnancy going well (16 weeks already!), and our little guy continues to be busy busy exploring everything he can see or get his hands on. Any favorite books about construction vehicles?

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Old 06-11-2013, 01:30 PM
 
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QOTD--I've got one! How do you decide how much time to devote to kid-friendly things (like dance classes, swim lessons, etc) and how much to just play at home? We don't have Edie enrolled in any classes (except for whatever they get up to at daycare) and although I don't know how we'd squeeze something like that in I don't want her to miss out on it if it's important. If you've got older kids, when did you start getting more into organized activities?

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Old 06-11-2013, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Escher, Tana Hoban's Construction Zone was a big hit in our house.

Wishin, yay!!!

AOTD: I think those classes are for the parent's sanity at this age. Your daycare probably provides all kinds of stimulation and socialization.

For us, my kids have had a SAHP all their lives. They went to weekly playgroup/new parents group. When O became mobile we added in a museum. When I started watching other kids, we had a destination every day of the week. When we lived in the country, that wasn't practical. Well, we got out every day, but just to the yard. The big kids do activities 1-2 times a week now. The one who went out every day is the most introverted, so I don't think the socialization beat out the genetics in the long run. The babies are in no regular classes or anything. We used to go to story time and hang out with friends once a week. We go out in the yard daily, parks often, errands, zoo, museums. They like to get out of the house and the more they're out, the less I have to clean.

We have been traveling and EC went out the window. The boys have been peeing willy nilly. We had a pack of sposies and figured we might as well use them for the car ride home. S got a rash today at the top of his cheeks. What the heck? He had no problems wearing them overnight but sunlight plus diapers is a problem?

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Old 06-12-2013, 10:38 AM
 
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AOTD:

When we were new parents we were very gung ho about doing stuff.  Baby time at the library, mom & babe drop ins, etc.

Now, not so much.

E goes to one structured thing a week, which is an art & literature class.  Were we not on scholarship there, we wouldn't be going.  

We do lots though, just not in the style of 'need to be here at this specific time to do this specific thing.'

We spend LOTS of time at our local park.  Hours per day, truly.

We go to the library once a week and sign out 50+ books each time.

We have a membership to Science World and the biodiversity museum.

We have a homeschool park day on Fridays, and/or a girls science club on Fridays.  (We rarely actually get to these)

We go camping a lot.

We do a lot of crafts and construction and mucking around at home.

We do a LOT of bug collecting/research/exploring, etc.

But as for structured stuff?  Just that one thing on Monday mornings.  And thankfully that ends next week!

Then it's going to be music festival season!  WHOO HOO!  Bring on the tie-dye!


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Old 06-12-2013, 10:30 PM
 
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AOTD: We have had DD in Music Together classes since she was about 8 or 9 months old - it's a weekly class with no classes in the summer - it's very unstructured for the most part and she's always really loved it. We took the last term off though as she lost interest a bit we thought. She's since asked to go back so we may start up again in the fall. We did swimming lessons one spring and one winter when she was around 18months - 2 - once a week - other than teaching us some water safety with babies/toddlers I didn't think my DD liked it all that much - she LOVES swimming but I don't think she needed classes at that age. My DP and I both \like doing classes with her for things we don't feel like we do at home that much but we limit it to once or sometimes twice a week as we love and cherish the more unstructured fun days puttering around home (and now in our new yard), parks, the beach, visiting friends, weekly library visits, etc. She goes to daycare twice a week and they do a field trip every day! So she goes to lots of fun places like science world, plays, parks, beaches, museums, farms, etc. Since January my DP has been taking her to a "creative dance" class once a week at a place called Arts Umbrella...it's a pretty fabulous place and it's the first class she's taken that isn't parent participation. She adores it. We may start that up again soon too. I also don't want to neglect sports either. I loved team sports as a kid so if she shows interest as she gets older we'd consider that too.

 

Reading that it sounds like we have a lot going on in terms of scheduled classes but really it's a once a week thing - we've just tried a few things over the past couple of years or so.


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Old 06-13-2013, 10:38 AM
 
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AOTD: We have done various classes and activities, but I don't think they are important, just fun. I enjoyed baby yoga with our son, my wife liked baby music with him, and we've both enjoyed being involved in playgroups. But like Seraf said, I think it is more for parent sanity than child enrichment at this stage.

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Old 06-13-2013, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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On the other hand, I heard something recently about idea of wealthy parents having smarter children because they provide more stimulation.  I can't find it anywhere now. In my search, I found all kinds of fun stuff about the difference in the number of words children are exposed to at different income levels and how having siblings affects their intelligence. My oldest does seem to be the smartest, he has the benefit of being the oldest, he had the most outside stimulation the first few years, his donor had the highest test scores. So I don't know how to tell which factor had the greatest influence. LOL, at the same time, I probably have a kind of jaded, "I've seen that trick before" attitude with the younger kids.  The babies seem more like adorable puppies than supergenuises. I should probably talk to them more.


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Old 06-13-2013, 11:39 AM
 
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....more like adorable puppies than supergenuises. I should probably talk to them more.

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Old 06-13-2013, 03:22 PM
 
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Good to know it's mostly for parents at this point--I think we kind of feel like we'd rather go see our friends and train her to be really good at restaurants (she is excellent!) at this point since eventually we'll spend all of our time pretending to be interested in little kids softball tournaments.

Seraf--I've also heard that the oldest child tends to be smarter because they get the extra buildup of minerals and vitamins that women start storing at puberty--subsequent kids only get whatever can be restored between pregnancies. My guess is it's a lot of hooey, though the vocab thing seems to have some merit (it's easier to learn words if you're used to hearing a lot of them).

Supergenius puppies!

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Old 06-13-2013, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Escher, thanks and ditto.

 

Isa, I've heard that idea as well.  I wonder about it.  Many of us who switch uteri would technically have two firstborns.  I see some first traits with S2, but again, it's hard to tease out nurture vs nature.  DP spoke in sentences at his age, so the fact that he's nearly as verbal as S makes him less verbal than her but way more verbal than him. There is a huge language difference at our house from O's infancy/toddlerhood. I was a word nerd back then and now any average 7 year old can understand me, so there's definitely a quality difference. The babies are exposed to a lot of words, but many come from the mouths of kids, too. S2 uses the same mispronunciations and skewed definitions of words as S, because he hears them constantly. Oh, and one frequently referenced study showed that kids adopted from higher socio-economic families to lower ones performed as well on IQ tests as kids adopted from lower socio-economic families to higher ones. Or something like that.


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Old 06-13-2013, 06:11 PM
 
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Yeah, my feeling is that it probably all comes out in the wash--if you have a smart kid you have a million reasons for what you did right. If you have a dumb one, there are a million reasons why it wasn't your fault. I feel like the nature v. nurture v. birth order v. diet v. everything else is a lot more complicated than we like to tell ourselves it is. It all has an impact, but I'm not sure that it's always so easy to tell exactly what one thing is making the difference, you know?

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Old 06-13-2013, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Isa, I totally agree. I also think there's only so much we can do. 

 

QOTD: Do you shave your legs or underarms? What reason do you give when young children ask?


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Old 06-13-2013, 10:01 PM
 
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QOTD: Do you shave your legs or underarms? What reason do you give when young children ask?

 

Yep, I do. DD has asked what I'm doing and why...I tell her I like to do it and I like the way it feels.


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Old 06-14-2013, 05:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AOTD, I do underarms so I don't have to wear deodorant. A asked why I shaved my legs recently and I said because I was planning to wear shorts. I've had many little girls comment when I didn't shave, but never boys. Hmmmm.

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Old 06-14-2013, 07:39 AM
 
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QOTD - An interesting issue. I went through a time from maybe 17-21 or so when I didn't shave, or mostly didn't, for feminist reasons. But after a while, if I went to the odd pool party or some place where I felt too self-conscious to be unshaven, I might shave. I eventually started shaving again because I decided to accept that we can't separate ourselves completely from our culture, and I wanted to feel reasonably attractive and accepted in American culture, such as it is. I wanted to feel like less of an outsider and be more relaxed about making new friends. Nowadays I shave all the time (including bikini line because we do a lot of swimming). Sometimes I let my leg hair go a week or so in the winter, but I find it causes a lot less irritation to shave sensitive areas all the time than to start and stop.


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Old 06-14-2013, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know I'm missing some people.  Who all have I neglected to add to the list? 

Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Have a baby, toddler or kid? Want to talk about all things related to parenting within your queer family? Welcome.

Expectant parents

Cocobird
Escher
Wishin'&hopin'
Carmen358
Mrs&mrs

New parents with babies

CaNanny
Planet

Parents of little kids aged 1-4

Escher
Seraf
OneMommyOneMama
CI Mama
Wishin'&hopin'
Carmen358
Heart-n-bones
Staling&Diesel

Parents of big kids aged 5-12

Cocobird
Seraf
TaviPDX

Parents of teens aged 13-19

Cocobird
Mrs&mrs

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Old 06-14-2013, 09:28 PM
 
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seraf -I posted yesterday, but my phone lost it!  greensad.gif

I don't know how I missed this thread!  but saw it mentioned when looking back through posts on QP&P and thought I would come check it out..

Add me - to Expecting category and Big Kids category?  Thanks!


**I have a questions for everyone who CD's -(I know this has probably been gone over a thousand times before, sorry!) Has anyone tried Econobum's prefolds?  How do they compare to Hemp Babies little/bigger weeds, flat weeds, diaper doubler, and raw silk liner?  I think I decided to go with Econobum covers (I like the price (needing to buy for two...) and I prefer the no frills, plain white with color edge), but as for what goes inside...  I would like to go with the cheaper option of just using the Econobum prefolds (less expensive) but would it be worth the cost (X's 2) to go with the hemp?  (I like the idea of a more natural fiber and heard they were ?better and lasted longer?)  Also, I am not much of a laundry person and loads sometimes get few and far between, so I am trying to be realistic about what I can handle in regards to CDing with time management with twins.  SO, would spacing laundry out to once a week be okay with keeping them clean???  I would buy enough for 8 days X's 2.  Would that get too expensive?  160 prefolds, lol....  okay, so maybe I answered my own question...  $350 for new Econobum prefolds, less on going with the hemp option.....  would that kind of cost justify spacing laundry out when I already have so much going on???  How many covers do I need a day for 1 baby?

AOTD -I don't think DD has ever asked why I shave.  I don't think I have ever done it in the rare times that we shower together or any other time within her viewing.  I rarely shave my legs anyway because I am fortunate enough to have SLOOOOW growing hair and it's practically clear color on my legs...
**
Edited because I can't do simple math, lol

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Old 06-14-2013, 09:41 PM
 
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seraf -I posted yesterday, but my phone lost it!  :(

 

I don't know how I missed this thread!  but saw it mentioned when looking back through posts on QP&P and thought I would come check it out..

 

Add me - to Expecting category and Big Kids category?  Thanks!

 

 

**I have a questions for everyone who CD's -(I know this has probably been gone over a thousand times before, sorry!) Has anyone tried Econobum's prefolds?  How do they compare to Hemp Babies little/bigger weeds, flat weeds, diaper doubler, and raw silk liner?  I think I decided to go with Econobum covers (I like the price (needing to buy for two...) and I prefer the no frills, plain white with color edge), but as for what goes inside...  I would like to go with the cheaper option of just using the Econobum prefolds (less expensive) but would it be worth the cost (X's 2) to go with the hemp?  (I like the idea of a more natural fiber and heard they were ?better and lasted longer?)  Also, I am not much of a laundry person and loads sometimes get few and far between, so I am trying to be realistic about what I can handle in regards to CDing with time management with twins.  SO, would spacing laundry out to once a week be okay with keeping them clean???  I would buy enough for 8 days X's 2.  Would that get too expensive?  160 prefolds, lol....  okay, so maybe I answered my own question...  $960 for new Econobum prefolds, less on going with the hemp option.....  would that kind of cost justify spacing laundry out when I already have so much going on???  How many covers do I need a day for 1 baby?

 

AOTD -I don't think DD has ever asked why I shave.  I don't think I have ever done it in the rare times that we shower together or any other time within her viewing.  I rarely shave my legs anyway because I am fortunate enough to have SLOOOOW growing hair and it's practically clear color on my legs...

 

We bought one econobum cover and prefold. The prefold was fine but I didn't care for the cover - it was an odd fit on my DD. Have you looked at the flip covers? I loved them.


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Old 06-15-2013, 06:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've never tried those, but I I will bring up the laundry spacing.  If you're doing laundry at home, you probably won't be able to fit that many diapers in a single load. Obviously the services go a week between washings, so there must be a way to get them clean. With baby clothes and diapers, I had a full load of laundry every day for several months. We do EC, so we change more often than average, so we probably have more diapers in a day. I'll count later and tell you how many diapers I can fit in my washer. I have a feeling 50 is about the limit.


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Old 06-15-2013, 08:46 AM
 
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Um, not to freak you out, Essenbee, but we're washing dipes every day. Partially because we don't have a million, but I don't think we could go more than 36-48 hours without filling the diaper pail.

Seraf, can you add me? One big kid (almost 5), two littles.

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Old 06-15-2013, 09:10 AM
 
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Seraf--put me in the 1-4, please!

AOTD--I shave both, with fair regularity (less in winter, more in summer). I don't like how I look or feel when I don't, which is tied to what outdoorsy was saying.

ETA--I haven't been asked why yet, but I expect I'll give a pretty similar answer to the question of why men usually don't wear skirts, or that women are expected to cross their legs in certain ways, etc. I remember being in middle school and wanting so badly to be allowed to shave my legs. Funny what things seem important markers of adulthood...

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Old 06-15-2013, 02:53 PM
 
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Um, not to freak you out, Essenbee, but we're washing dipes every day. Partially because we don't have a million, but I don't think we could go more than 36-48 hours without filling the diaper pail.

Seraf, can you add me? One big kid (almost 5), two littles.

 

We washed them every 2 days with only one kiddo early on.


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Old 06-15-2013, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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S+B, I remembered that I don't actually have prefolds anymore. I checked out this old thread, where I wrote that I can only fit 2 days worth of diapers in my washer. The boys were 6 and 12 months then.  They were using fewer diapers in a day than smaller babies, but they were larger diapers. I also think there is less stink washing every other day. 

 

Also, on the trip home where we put both boys in sposies for a day, we used more than half a pack. That was $6 for a single day of diapering.  Wowza. I'm so happy that I don't have to spend that much on something that I'm just going to throw away.

 

Isa, why don't men usually wear skirts? We know several men who wear skirts in the summer. This morning I was asked, "Why do some people wear a bra?"


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Old 06-15-2013, 03:54 PM
 
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Diapers: When our little guy was a newborn, we used a diaper service and went through 100 to 120 prefolds a week. Like Seraf we were ECing (which in the early days basically meant for us just being very responsive to wet diapers and changing them quickly), so maybe we went through more diapers than an average person would. When our little guy was a few months old and we started washing our own flats, we did laundry every day, and we had a full load every day between diapers and other clothes. We had four dozen diapers and that was enough for two days but not three.

AOTD: I don't think I've ever been asked by a kid why I shave, and I don't know what I would say. I've been thinking a lot about shaving lately. For years I've shaved my armpits but not my legs, but I'm really questioning if that is the right choice for me. I was raised with the idea that women shouldn't shave because it was a stupid unnecessary tradition, and while I sort of agree with that I just don't feel that personally comfortable with unshaved legs. I find myself choosing sometimes to wear pants instead of shorts on hot days because I don't want to deal with people noticing my unshaved legs. And that seems pretty crazy. So I'm thinking about starting to shave my legs. But even though Snopes says it isn't true, I worry that if I start shaving the hair will grow back thicker and darker and then I'll regret having shaved it. Anyway, clearly this QOTD was right in line with something I've been thinking about lately.

Here is a new QOTD: How much do you arrange your schedule around your child(ren)'s naps? Do you think it is important for your kid(s) to have regular naps? Is it important to you that they happen at a regular time or place?

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Old 06-15-2013, 04:59 PM
 
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This morning I was asked, "Why do some people wear a bra?"

 

My DD has asked me that several times. I tell her that my breasts are too heavy - I need some help carrying them! Which is certainly true for me during pregnancy lol


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Old 06-15-2013, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Carmen, I told DD the same thing. I really wear one so the babies don't pinch me through my shirt.

 

Escher, I agree with Snopes. I have fairly light leg hair and I only shave once or twice a monthish through the summer and not at all in the winter. When I was a teen and shaved daily, It still never came in thicker or darker, but stubble is stubbly, so it has a different feel than either hairy or shaved legs. Back in the day when I didn't shave at all, I was occasionally asked, by women with hairy legs, if I shaved. They couldn't tell I had long leg hair, so I missed out on the feminist points anyway (I feel self-concous around friends who do and friends who don't when I'm hairy but only half as many when I shave. LOL). I've also had young children ask, but mostly they were the children of aformentioned friends with hairy legs. DD also asks because she has moms on both sides.  Mayim Bialik (actress and author of Beyond the Sling) doesn't shave, either.

 

AOTD: Our boys wake and sleep at different times, If I felt attached to naps happening in one place, I would never leave the house.  Some days their afternoon naps overlap but they regularly nap in transit. They want to nurse or sleep around 10:30, 1 and 5. The 10:30 and 5 naps are short, so we frequently plan travel at those times, hoping they will sleep in the car, but a little milk will usually pick them back up if they don't. By they, I mean S2 usually naps and S usually nurses, but sometimes takes a catnap. Lately they've both decided they want a 7PM nap and wake right at the big kids' bedtime, so I've been intentionally keeping them up at until 8ish.


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Old 06-15-2013, 09:09 PM
 
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Esenbee--we did laundry every day or other day with prefolds, and virtually never went through more than three covers (usually only one that we would change every day, but even then it was just because it seemed like a good idea, not because it was soiled or anything). I never do laundry usually, and I was pleased to discover that when the baby was young it didn't bother me at all to go down and put a load in while she was napping or even just if she was quietly amusing herself. Now that she's older and we're in sposies again we are back to never doing laundry, though we're thinking of switching back again, at least part time. I personally wouldn't want to let them sit for a week (the diaper services are using much hotter water than home washing machines have, from what I read), but you might find that you don't mind getting into a more regular routine--having two new babies is going to change so many of your usual routines anyway, what's one more? Besides, you'll either be doing laundry or taking out trash.

Escher--Go for it! Once it starts growing in it looks just like it always does when it's long.

Seraf--some men do (obviously). But I don't know very many at all who will wear a skirt because it crosses gender norms that run pretty deep. Even guys who are totally unconcerned with mainstream ideals of masculinity don't seem to wear them in my experience (unless it's a kilt, but even those are rare). I'm with Carmen on the bra thing, and the fact that I don't like my breasts flopping all over the place when I'm moving--I would prefer to have them strapped down so I can move (or run!) without thinking about them.

AOTD--we try to be somewhat respectful of nap and bedtimes, but sometimes things come up. And we do try pretty often to have naptime fall on a drive someplace, so we can use the time to get where we're going and have a rested baby once we're there. She's on a schedule with daycare, and turns into a screaming pumpkin at her bedtime, so we more or less stick to that timing.

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