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seraf 05-05-2013 08:53 AM

Have a baby, toddler or kid? Want to talk about all things related to parenting within your queer family? Welcome.

Expectant parents

New parents with babies

Splashing puddle
New n young

Parents of little kids aged 1-4

CI Mama

Parents of big kids aged 5-12


Parents of teens aged 13-19


seraf 05-05-2013 08:55 AM

Hi, I'm Seraf. My partner and I have 4 kids from 1-10. We live in Ohio where we are getting ready for the warm weather.

QOTD: What are your outdoor plans for the month of May?

CocoBird 05-05-2013 10:04 AM

Hi! I'm Coco. My wife and I have two daughters, ages 10 and 15, and are expecting another. smile.gif I mostly come to this forum about pregnancy stuff right now, but I figured I'd join in here as well. I have been a part of the family since the girls were 6 and 11. The youngest and I have a wonderful relationship, she totally considers me her other mama. The oldest has not ever accepted me. That has been very, very challenging. She has many of her own struggles, and has had a lot of adults walk in and OUT of her life. My wife believes that her issue with me is mainly that she doesn't believe I will stick around. She also struggles with some homophobia/embarrassment about us being queer. She just wants to be a "normal" family. Someday I think she will realize that there is no normal, and I hope she will realize that she is lucky to have both us us who care so much about her and take good care of her. Maybe someday...


We just bought some tennis rackets from Goodwill, and are planning on taking the girls over to the tennis courts across the street! Just for fun. None of us are actual tennis players. Also hoping to take some bike rides to the ice cream shop, although I better be careful with how off my balance has been recently (being preggers). Hopefully will get some short hikes in as well. We've been going to the Saturday Market lately (which is quite busy, but really, really fun--awesome handmade stuff being sold everywhere, the farmer's market there too, and always fun music and performers--I love this town). We have a neighborhood pool that we are all totally ready to go to, but I don't think they will open it until June.

cananny 05-05-2013 11:33 PM



Cananny here.. my wife and I are new parents to 10 week old triplet boys.. we are busy but are loving every moment of it :)


We have started getting out more and more and love getting the boys out.. we have a play date with a group of queer parents in 2 weeks at a park.. thats our only set plan so far 

seraf 05-06-2013 05:46 AM

Hi Coco! Tennis and bike rides sound like fun.
Someday I think she will realize that there is no normal, and I hope she will realize that she is lucky to have both us us who care so much about her and take good care of her.

I remember thinking my family was freakish at that age (well, 12-15). Hopefully she will come around soon. Blended family dynamics are so much more complicated. Do your girls have another parent in their lives?

CaNanny, how is getting out with those boys logistically? Are you tripple strollering it? Do you have to pack a change of clothes, diapers and food for a quick trip to the store?

Any ideas for how to organize families at the top? Age of oldest? Age of youngest? Alphabetical? Something better?

AOTD: plans so far just involve the park and the yard. I would like to plant the garden this month. We have a few travel plans for June.

QOTD: Do you have any pets? How do they do with the kids or the kids do with them?

escher 05-06-2013 06:21 AM

Hi Everyone,

I don't know if I can keep up with this thread too, but I'll try.

My wife and I have a 18-month-old son and we're expecting another baby in November.

Old QOTD: I'm hoping that we're going to be able to start having regular picnics in May!

New QOTD: We do not have any pets. We wish that we had a cat.

Coco: I'm sorry that things are so challenging with your oldest. I made my stepfather's life pretty difficult when I was her age, so I have sympathy for how hard it is to gain a new parent when you're a pre-teen or teen. As a parent now I can't imagine how hard it is to be trying to parent a child who won't accept you. It sounds like a hard situation.

Cananny: I'm so impressed that you're already able to do things like playdates at the park!

Seraf: I vote organize by age of oldest, but I think whatever you want to do is fine. You could organize by date people joined MDC. lol.gif

planet 05-06-2013 07:39 AM

Hey y'all!

Thanks for starting this new thread! We'll see if it is any easier to keep up. :-)

My partner and I have an almost 8 month old who LOVES to be outside. Add a fussy newborn e spent a lot of time walking around through the neighborhood with him in a carrier on cold, rainy, dark nights just to keep him calm/help him sleep. I am so glad that he is through that stage, and that the days are long, light filled, and warm now! It makes being out much more fun!! We go on walks and to the nearby parks quite a bit. I wanted to take him to the lake yesterday but he was a cranky pants (teething???) And had complicated nap needs. Maybe next weekend!

CocoBird 05-06-2013 08:40 AM

Seraf-- I like having this as a separate thread!


The girls do not have another parent in their lives anymore. It is a bit complicated. Their biological dad was around when the oldest was little, so for a few years, on and off, he was really an active dad for her. Not a good situation, though, he was awful to her mom. He never was around with our youngest--he left before she was born. After that, they saw him maybe one day a year because my wife made it happen, but that didn't always go well and they didn't always want to go. He is an addict and alcoholic and hasn't been able to get clean. He has been using heroin and meth over the past few years, so they haven't been allowed to see him in a few years. Our oldest daughter has expressed being sad that she can't see him, otherwise makes jokes about him (telling her friends he's a "fatty", etc.) I think she just doesn't know how to deal with her feelings around it. Our youngest daughter seemed relieved when they didn't have to visit him anymore, but I think it is confusing to her. She has gone back and forth on whether or not he is her "dad" because he never acted as a dad to her, but her big sister calls him their dad. It's a sad situation. And there were other partners before me--one that our oldest daughter actually called "Mom" for a while. But that was a bad relationship, too, and when she left it affected my wife really intensely, and they didn't keep contact. Other partners were not great relationships, but not so dramatic. So, our oldest daughter has seen a lot of adults walk in and out of her life without seeming to care. I wish she knew how much I do care, and that I am sticking around for good, no matter what. She has told my wife that she thinks if she keeps being so mean to me I will leave. I told my wife she should tell her that if I were going to leave because of how she treats me, I would have left a LONG time ago! Ha.

escher-- how are things with you and your step-dad now? Is there hope for the future?


QOTD-- We have two small dogs (Buddha: brussels griffon/poodle mix, Fancy: brussels griffon/yorkie mix) and a cat (wonderful orange kitty). They all get along swell with each other and with the kids. We'll see how they do with the baby when she comes.........

seraf 05-06-2013 09:50 AM

Escher, thanks for trying to keep up, I wouldn't be offended if you just jumped in when you could. I can't see when people joined, so that would be hard for me.

Planet, our babies love the outside, too. They will practically jump out of my arms if I walk by a door.

Coco, that's very hard. Our kids feel like they have 4 moms, but the oldest was 4-5 when his step-moms came into his life. I've had plenty of step parents, and I think it's hard to accept someone new after the age of about 7, especially after watching a parent choose crappy partners in the past. I wish I had some good resources for you, I think patience is your friend.

AOTD: we have a rabbit, a spider and a turtle. The bunny is into the babies but the little guy is terrified of him. I take care of all the creatures except the spider.

CocoBird 05-06-2013 10:00 AM

oh yeah, we also have a beta fish and currently some tadpoles!

onemommyonemama 05-06-2013 10:33 AM

seraf - thanks for this space :) Z is 4, S is 1 - are they little kids? :) Please add me! wave.gif

TaviPDX 05-06-2013 10:50 AM

Hi, I'm Tavi and I used to be on here as NikkiTwist. I am queer femme identified with three children. I have an eleven year old son who my former partner carried, my daughter who is also eleven and my five year old son. I'm currently separated from Lee but we're starting counseling and hoping to work things out. We live in Portland, OR and I'm a full time student (yikes).

escher 05-06-2013 11:05 AM

I like your categories, Seraf!

Coco: My mom and stepdad got divorced, so I don't know if we would ever have gotten along. I think probably we would have.

Planet: What is your baby's nap schedule? It's always interesting to me to hear about how other babies and families make naps work.

seraf 05-06-2013 12:03 PM

Omom, I think little kids until school age.

Tavi, nice to meet you.

CI Mama 05-06-2013 12:58 PM

My partner & I are parents to a 4.5 year old daughter, and we're not planning to have more kids. We are perfect as a threesome!


We are "between pets"...our ancient cat died last week, and now DD wants a dog! So does my partner. I'm a bit overwhelmed by the thought of bringing another sentient being into our lives, but I realize I'm outnumbered, so I'll come around!


My big plan for May is to get ready to bike everywhere. We've been car-free for about 2 years, and so we have been very bicycle-oriented for awhile. Our DD has outgrown the Burley trailer that we used to have, but she's not quite mature enough for a tagalong or similar bike trailer. So we bought a Wee-hoo (see it here: but we are having some issues getting it to attach properly on our bikes. There is probably a simple solution, we just haven't found it yet. We're still exploring all the complicated ways to make it happen. winky.gif


Thanks for starting the thread, seraf!

planet 05-06-2013 04:04 PM

Escher, he doesn't really have a nap schedule, but he does have somewhat of a routine. His first nap is the most predictable, he gets tired about an hour and a half after morning wake up (which is usually around 6-7am). He naps then for anywhere from 30 mins to 2.5 hrs (that is obviously our preference!). for the past few months, he's been napping sort of predictably, about every two hours (3 naps/day). As of this least week, though, things seem to be changing. He's starting to be able to stay up for longer periods towards the end of the day, but we're trying to figure out what the deal is. It's more fun when he can be awake l longer during dinnertime, but then he's pretty much a wreck by bedtime! It just seems like he's constantly changing his sleep needs!

wishin'&hopin' 05-06-2013 05:34 PM

Mama to our DS (a newly turned 3) and anticipating the birth (I'm the NGP this time) of our second son any day now!  


DS dropped all naps about a year will be interesting going back into arranging lives around naps.  When he was around 9 months or so he napped 5 hours a day (2 in the am, 3 in the pm--probably to make up for being up every hour and a half ALL night).  His overall sleep got better when he went down to one nap (at 11/12 months).  


DS is a sensitive kiddo and we are a bit worried about regression stuff (which we expect to happen) with his brother's birth.  Suggestions from BTDT parents of more than one?




QOTD--we have two cats, our elder calico stateswoman and our funny 3 year old boy cat (he fetches).

carmen358 05-07-2013 06:41 AM

Wow, this thread has exploded already! DP and I fit under parents of a little kids :) DD is 3 and we have one on the way.


And QOTD, we have 2 cats, a 4 year old female, Frida and a 10 month old male, Nelson. 

seraf 05-07-2013 03:06 PM

CI Mama, I'm interested to hear how the bike goes. My big excitement about moving to the city is the ability to get around by bike. We don't have a great setup yet, tho both big kids can ride now.

Wishin, we didn't have much regression until the 4th. My oldest gave up napping the day his sister was born (during a nap) but he was caught up in the excitement and a fairly happy camper. He actually started using the toilet independently right after her birth. He had needed help with his clothes until then.
All my babies have been involved in big kid play from the first week. Whether they "played" dress up, chase, hide and seek or anything. I think the fact that the third trimester slowed me down so much helped the kids have low expectations for my energy post partum. #4 was harder for #2 because he came right on the heels of #3 and I was the NGP and had a lot of responsibility for the household and keeping EVERYONE fed and I couldn't handle it gracefully for several months. Hopefully that aspect is smoother for you.

wishin'&hopin' 05-07-2013 05:08 PM

Seraf--I was feeling all cocky about the web of support we have, UNTIL I tried to get one of the three colleagues who had volunteered to cover for me to actually do so (this coming week).  Suddenly, none of them were available and the place I serve has been left scrambling AFTER I had reassured them that I had coverage.  This has made me really anxious about the folks who have volunteered to be with/take care of our son.  I am REALLY hoping that DW goes into labor tonight (she's upstairs where she's been lying down dealing with "flu like" symptoms and cramps) and that we can leave for the hospital AFTER DS wakes up in the morning, hand him off to a friend who will have him tomorrow if we are at the hospital, have the baby mid-dayish, come home to tuck DS in, go back to the hospital and all go home in the morning.  Hmph, from my lips to Gd's ears...but, one can hope!

seraf 05-07-2013 06:00 PM

Wishin, good luck for a baby tomorrow! I'm sorry your colleagues all flaked on you.

heart-n-bones 05-08-2013 03:53 AM

Hey y'all!

Put me down under parenting a little child. My daughter just turned 4. We also just started trying for a second child.

QOTD - we have a good mess of critters around our house. A border collie/springer spaniel dog, 1 cat, 1 rabbit, 2 chickens, and 24 or so Tilapia. The tilapia are being raised for food, not pets, but it's taking them way longer to get big enough than we expected.

seraf 05-08-2013 07:12 AM

Heart, welcome! What does your talapia setup look like?

Self-serving question, how long does night yelling last, as a developmental thing? Our smallest, who just turned 1, has been yelling "Ball! Ball! BALL!" In his sleep many times every night for the past week (I'm pretty sure he's saying ball and not calling for me). It's waking us all up. I don't remember the other kids doing that. They're all sleep talkers now but I have more memories of them practicing physical skills at night. Oh, this kid is totally throwing me for a loop, but does anyone have experience with a baby biting one mom while nursing but not the other?

QOTD: What do you do for fun? Individually and as a family. Games, sports, hobbies?

CI Mama 05-08-2013 08:59 AM

heart-n-bones: do tell more about your tilapia set-up! My partner's dream is to do aquaponic farming in our basement. I keep reminding her that we have to clean the basement first. smile.gif


QOTD: My partner and I each have our own creative activity (and "sacred time" during the week). My passion is contact improvisation & I have a weekly jam on Sunday afternoons that is my lifeline. DP does African drumming and she gets Wednesday nights for practice with her drumming group. They are starting to get regular gigs, so that is fun for all of us!

heart-n-bones 05-08-2013 09:44 AM

The tilapia are in an aquaponic system.  It was on the front porch, but we moved them inside for the winter.  It's actually a rain barrel cut into 2 pieces.  2/3 is the fish tank, 1/3 is the grow bed.  It sits next to our very sunny front window.  It's really too cold for the fish to grow.  So they've been holding steady at about 2 inches for months now.  We're hoping once the nighttime temps stay above mid 50's we can move them back outside and they'll start growing.  CI Mama tell you're partner that depending on the type of fish you want to raise, the basement might not work.  Tilapia, for instance, are tropical fish and really need a temp above the 70's, which can be challenging in a basement.  And, you also need a source of light for the plants - to make the whole aquaponics system work.     


QOTD - I do triathlons for fun.  I just did my first Ironman in March.  Taking a little break from triathlon now to try having another baby.  But I'll be itching to do another one once baby making is done.

starling&diesel 05-08-2013 01:48 PM

Hi all ...

Not sure that I can keep up with another thread when I can't seem to keep up with the other one.  We had it separate before, right?  Ah well, I'll give it a try.

We have two children; a 4yo and an 19 month old.  


QOTD #1: We're outside every blessed day!  Either at the park or playground or beach.  Love this spring weather!  We only come home for the little one's nap time, and then we go out again.  I think we'll go camping before the month is out.  I've been biking everywhere with the kids in the trailer.  And walking in our very walkable neighbourhood with the kids on their bikes.  E rides her run bike or scooter, and I 'steer' (or attempt to) the baby on his tricycle.  He is a LARGE and very physically adept child!


QOTD #2:  We have a very agreeable cat, and an even more agreeable dog.  The cat came first, before the kids.  We had two big geriatric dogs when E was born, but they died by the time she was 5 months old or so.  We got a cockapoo puppy when E was eight months old.  They are best friends.  The dog pines when E isn't home, and they are attached at the hip when she is home.  The cat has fallen in love with H and follows him around and sleeps with him during nap time.  H loves being the one to let the cat in and out.  That's probably why the cat loves him best.  


QOTD #3:  Neither of our kids have been night screamers.  Not so far, anyway.


QOTD #4: Travel! Camping!  Outdoor festivals! More travel!  

pokeyac 05-08-2013 03:09 PM

Sorry to back up a little, but do you sage queer parents have any tips for getting your pets used to a new baby?  We have a cat who is 13 and he isn't aggressive, he's not too bright sometimes, but he needs lots of attention at certain times.  He will cry and cry when he wants love. 

carmen358 05-08-2013 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by seraf View Post

QOTD: What do you do for fun? Individually and as a family. Games, sports, hobbies?


Depends on the weather. If it's not raining we get outside as much as possible. Parks, beaches, playgrounds....and lately our new yard! DP and I used to play ball hockey with a group of 4 friends most weekends in the spring and summer but one couple bought a cabin and we don't play anymore. We love having people over for dinner or just to visit. Markets and live music. We all love swimming and camping so try and do that lots too.

carmen358 05-08-2013 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by pokeyAC View Post

Sorry to back up a little, but do you sage queer parents have any tips for getting your pets used to a new baby?  We have a cat who is 13 and he isn't aggressive, he's not too bright sometimes, but he needs lots of attention at certain times.  He will cry and cry when he wants love. 


We had a really affectionate 12 year old cat when DD was born. She was like a dog in that she loved to be with people ALL the time, loved to be carried around, etc. She wasn't aggressive at all either. She did fine with the baby....lots of room for cuddles with kitty and baby at the same time or we'd take turns :)

TaviPDX 05-08-2013 10:05 PM

DP and I got a puppy back in December. She's a Lhasa Apso Poodle mix (and amazing) but hasn't really bonded with any of the kids... though I suppose she prefers my daughter to either of the boys. She really just likes me and my partner and seems much happier when she gets time with either of us, alone. She's fine with the kids.. she just ignores them mostly. I'm sad that it's like that.. my last dog was amazing with my children and I have such great memories of growing up with my family dogs but the kids don't seem super bothered by it.

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