Using known donor that lives with me..birth certificate, welfare, laws to be aware of? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 06-11-2013, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
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I am so confused. My "donor" is my best friend & we live together &plan to co parent. Many things we keep separate about our lives, like finances, which we are both very limited on. So,as i think about giving birth in a month, i am confused about what other peoples reactions will be. Theres so much I am ignorant to. We cant figure out if putting him on birth certificate will invite discrimination from welfare which i plan to apply for. I called welfare but got even more confused. If he puts his name, does that automatically make him the father in the same way as if he were not a donor? Its just not others busniess about him being the donor, but they will ask questions & make assumptions i think. Especially when applying for welfare, they seem to want to group our money together. I just want the baby to have him as a legal parent in case of emergencies ect.....i am really not very aware.of how it works though.
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#2 of 10 Old 06-11-2013, 05:43 PM
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I'm not sure all the legalities where you are, but in order to just apply for WIC, we have to list anyone in the household- so I would imagine it wouldn't even matter if he was on the birth certificate, you are going to have to include his finances when you apply for any kind of aid, because he is in the household.  But you should check for your state (and maybe even federal).  Good luck with the birth of your baby!

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#3 of 10 Old 06-11-2013, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
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I want to check for my state&federal..but i just don't understand..i just look things up randomly. It seems like there's a very fuzzy area of known donor and co parenting with no straight forward answer. So overwhelming, i wish this made more sense.
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#4 of 10 Old 06-11-2013, 05:53 PM
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Forum crashing ... Welfare, etc. probably aren't going to care about your sexual orientation or about how exactly his DNA made its way to yours to create the baby. All they'll see is that you live with your baby's biological father and are raising the baby together. So his income may get counted, depending on how your state does such calculations. If you put him on the birth certificate you can probably count on getting treated like any other unmarried mother living with the baby's father--however that happens to work in your area. The other alternative would be to keep his name off the birth certificate and list him as an emergency contact in appropriate places, although just having him in the same household can make a difference for some things too, as noted above. You didn't mention a same-sex partner. If you have one, or if you get one in the future, and she wants to adopt your child, having him on the birth certificate would probably complicate matters, but I don't know a lot about that. 

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#5 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 09:56 AM
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From what I read about Kentucky's guidelines on food stamps for whose incomes to count, if you buy amd prepare meals together, then you need to include those incomes. It did mention that for some household member s, such as if you are married, the incomes need to be combined regardless of buying or preparing meals together. Did not specifically say mother and father, but it could include it in that exception.

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#6 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 10:18 AM
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This may be a stupid question but... if he is the baby's biological father, and you plan to co-parent, and you want him to have legal status in case of emergencies, in what way is he not the father? Is he planning to pay for any of the baby's expenses, even if you keep your finances separate? If so, it wouldn't be fair to apply for aid and not include him as though you were paying for everything alone.

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#7 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 10:21 AM
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In CA if you put the the biological father's name on the birth certificate then that gives him certain parental rights and responsibilities.  If you apply for assistance - WIC, housing aid, childcare aid, etc, the state will go after the father named on the birth certificate to get him to pay child support.


If you do not want to share parental rights with this person, consider signing legal papers that allows him to act as a guardian in an emergency, but do not name him as a parent.


As an adoptive parent (open adoption), only my and my husband's names are on the birth certificate.  Neither of the bio parents names appear there, even though we have one as an emergency contact on dd's school emergency form.

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#8 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 10:46 AM
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A known donor who intends to co-parent isn't in a fuzzy area, he's a father. 


Given that you share a household as well as a child, you should expect welfare to include his income when considering whether you qualify for benefits.

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#9 of 10 Old 06-12-2013, 11:33 AM
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I agree with several posters. If you're co-parenting, he is a parent. Typically he-parents are fathers. Things would be murkier if there was another person parenting. For food stamps, regardless of family status, people who prepare food together are a family in Ohio.  My family is a family of 2 and a family of 4 for medical purposes.  For TANF, I believe they will pursue child support or include his income if you go for that one in the US.

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#10 of 10 Old 06-13-2013, 07:42 PM
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For food stamps, medical, and cash his income counts because he is the father. To not include his info and his biological relationship to the child leaves you open to being charged with welfare fraud.
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