blending queer families - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 07-25-2013, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My partner and I have talked about moving in together with our three boys for a while now.  Doing so means one of us must give up our safety zone or owned home and take an enormous leap of faith.  Well I am the one to move bc she runs her daycare out of her house, and I am struggling with it.  My children seem thrilled and excited though honest with their feelings about their new younger step brother.  How do we as parents make this a transition that is not traumatic and or overwhelming for any of us.  We parent very different but we learn from each other as well.  Any advice on how to help be a healthy and fun and honest change for our three boys and us would be great.  

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#2 of 3 Old 07-26-2013, 07:09 AM
 
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Congrats on taking a big step! My only advice comes from having been a stepkid--but I would say that the best thing my stepparents did was to leave all major discipline and decisions to my parents. They were there as concerned adults in my life, and they would reinforce their personal boundaries the same way you would with a friend (ie: you can't make a huge mess and leave it because that makes it hard for me to make dinner) but when it came to big issues (grades, staying out too late, money) it was a conversation for me and my actual parent, and they let us talk it out instead of getting too involved. I think it depends a lot on the age of the kids, but in my case, I have a great relationship with both of my stepmoms, and i think it's because they always made it clear that they were there to be a partner to my parent, and a part of my life, but not to control me. That and being fair to everyone regardless of whose kid they are, and I think you'll do well!

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#3 of 3 Old 08-25-2013, 09:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I appreciate your words bc my partner and I vary big time on the education piece and she really thinks she should have a say in where they attend school and I really think our views on that subject are so opposite it would be a disaster for us to come together on that subject.  while I am into Waldorf she is into a vigorous education for her much younger son and that is fine with me, she just struggles with my choices I think.  To her benefit I think she is thinking about driving and how that whole scenario would play into making our lives more complicated.  I try to see her point of view on it however in the end they are my kids and I get to make that choice with their other parent not her.

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