Relationship Help? How to maintain one when you are a full-time single mama - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 12-18-2013, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I met my girlfriend almost a year ago. My son was seven at the time and his dad lives 16 hours away. I am a freelance photographer and I homeschool my child, so my life is REEEEEEEEEEALLLLLY hectic. I have him 24/7, with the exception of one week in the fall, a week at Christmas, a week in the spring and six weeks in the summer. We have a fantastic (but busy) community and the only family member I can rely on to keep DH occasionally is my sister but she's super busy with her own family. GF and I hit it off when we met and I was (am) madly attracted to her, but at the time I felt like I shouldn't be dating. We got to know each other over the course of a few months and she kept gently trying to let me know that she wanted this, that she was ready to take on our crazy lives, etc, etc, etc. Fast forward almost a year and we have been dating solid for about eight months now. My DH ADORES her. I was in a relationship for 4 years prior to this and he never, EVER bonded with my ex the way he does GF. I love her like crazy, life is amazing between the three of us...most of the time. On occasion, she gets into these moods where she is super whiny, needy and selfish. I know that she mourns the fact that she couldn't have a "normal" courtship with me but I warned her coming into this.

 

How do you do it? I have only been in one relationship since I had DS 8 years ago and that ex was so self absorbed that the only thing he needed was himself. I feel like I try very hard to make sure she knows how amazing she is, how much we love her and how much we appreciate her. How do you balance a relationship with someone new to parenting, with being a full time mama, homeschooling, running a business, whatever else it is that you all do??? I feel like I'm pulled in so many directions I can't see straight!!

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#2 of 4 Old 12-28-2013, 06:05 PM
 
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It looks like your post might have been missed, so I'm bumping it up for attention. :bump: Anyone have suggestions to share?


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#3 of 4 Old 12-28-2013, 06:42 PM
 
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Hi,

I don't have any experience, so maybe this isn't helpful, but is there a way for you to build in some couple time for the two of you with some regularity? I know that my DP and I need to have regular date nights (usually we can get friends to babysit for a couple hours, but hiring someone if we need to) and occasional away breaks. Could another family member come in for a few days so you two can get a vacation? Or could you go to where they are and leave your child and then visit something nearby? We're planning a trip like that in a few months--a couple days with my MIL, and then we'll leave our kid with her for a couple more so we can have a little escape. That might help her feel like you're her main focus for a little bit. I can see how it might get overwhelming sometimes to have those kind of constant childcare responsibilities if you're not used to it, so maybe a couple days once or twice a year and a date every month would give her more of the courtship feeling you're talking about? Good luck! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but that you've found someone who can handle it!

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#4 of 4 Old 12-31-2013, 10:22 PM
 
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What do you imagine when you imagine the future of your relationship with her? If I were dating someone for 8 months, I might be thinking about the future and wondering how i really fit into their lives. People are busy, but in order to build a romantic relationship, you have to put in time and energy. It sounds like she is fitting herself into your life. At what point is she a primary part of your life? I married a woman who was a single mom. Both of our lives changed dramatically to make room for our relationship. It was a lot of work, took a lot of communication and sacrifice and compromise, but I think it's worked out well for us. We've been married for 5.5 years now.

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