Queer, Pregnant & Parenting January, February & March 2014 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 158 Old 01-02-2014, 08:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting folks!



Welcome to the new year and the thread for January, February and March 2014.



If you want to be added, just post in bold with your due date. Also, if you have recently had your babe(s), please chime in with the name and birth date in bold. If your information is not correct or has changed, please also post in bold so that I can get it corrected!!



Pregnant - Due Dates



March 2014

Madronedw, EDD 3/9/14

JenMostOften & justrose13 (formerly wehrli), EDD 3/13/14





April 2014

Hallerm EDD 4/18/14



Beastie EDD 4/30/14







July 2014

Redrock, EDD 7/7/14

PrettyIsa EDD 7/10/14



Sevie EDD 7/13/14



 



August 2014



Friederike EDD 8/6/14




  •  



October 2014


lea2012 EDD 10/13/14


lblueridgemama EDD 10/22/14


 


November 2014



pookafaye EDD 11/11/14



jam51212 EDD 11/23/14



 



 





Graduates



 



Lizbian, Noah born 4/12/14



 



BreadandCoffee, girl born 2/22/14



 



Gamitzer, Benjamin born 2/17/14





Sotohana, Olivia born 11/16/2013



Baby.fatty, Freddie born 11/30/2013



Escher, girl, born 11/25/2013



AMT1015, Emmitt, born 11/18/2013



Granite, boy, born 11/14//2013



Sphinxy, boy, born 10/10/2013



MrsandMrs & Bigfoot, twin boys (O & M), born 8/13/13



Esenbee, twin boys, born 8/11/13



Carmen358, London, born 7/26/13



Outdoorsy, baby boy, born 7/3/13



erinTNgirl, Saxon Nash, born 6/28/13



Tourneymama, Anakin, born 6/27/13



PokeyAC, Charlie, born 6/26/13



CocoBird, Amadora Charlotte, born 6/21/13



MaxK, Aiden, born 6/18/13



easttowest, Nathaniel, born 6/18/13



Cordelia15, baby girl, born 6/11/13



wishin'&hopin', baby boy, born 5/12/13



SplashingPuddle, baby girl, born 5/2/13



KnittingTigers, Theron River & Jane Sofia, born 4/27/13



lisedea, Sawyer, Elliott, & Miles, born 3/24/13



Cananny, August, Gage & Finn, born 2/24/13



KateAdele, baby girl, born 12/12



Nosreves, Elio Sol, 12/5/12 - 12/6/12



MidwifeStephPDX, Lucie Rain, born 10/25/12



Planet, Wylie Blue, born 9/9/12



DesertSunsets, Everleigh Jane, born 9/1/12



dandylez, Adair Seamus, born 6/28/12



KSDoulaMama, surro-babe, born 6/27/12



SwtRainbowBrite, Riley Sophia, born 6/25/12



PleasantlyFurious, Zoe Aurora, born 6/22/12



SmilingSara & Seraf, Soren Dare, born 5/2/12



PrettyIsa, Edith Josephine, born 4/18/12



Ad Astra, boy/girl twins, born 4/11/12



Onemommyonemama, Sage S., born 3/21/12



Qmama42, baby girl, born 1/18/12



Indigo, baby girl A, born 1/8/12



CrystalPerez, Cohen Anthony, born 12/12/11



glassesgirlnj, Annamaria Sigyn Estelle, born 11/28/11



Mami2mami, Layla Janae, born 11/22/11



DAWNMP1, Raya Sylvan, born 11/10/11



2ezforyou, Jagger Stone, born 11/2/11



Seraf & SmilingSara, Shay Brock, born 11/1/11



Escher, baby boy, born 10/24/11



Julietea, Rowan Kathryn, born 10/16/11



Starling&Diesel, Hawksley Solace, born 10/2/11



AmyPDX, Alexander Cole, born 8/7/11



AmandaHope, Lilah Nyx, born 7/24/11



Pigirl, baby boy, born 7/22/11



Mizyellow, Harrison, born 7/20/11



Painefaria, Keegan, born 5/23/11



Cejae, Emmerson & Parker, born 5/22/11



Imogenlily, Soloman Dov, born 5/3/11



2HappyMamas, baby, born 4/16/11



Bttrflygypsy, Elliot Graham, born 4/15/11



LibraryLady, Alice Meredith, born 4/8/11



Wehrli & jenmostoften, Silas Scott, born 4/4/11



Gumshoegirl007, Addison Alexis Réal, born 3/24/11



Beastie, Esther, born 3/13/11



Burg, Reed Kylie, born 2/05/11



Korey, baby girl T, born 1/30/11



Coco99, Chloe & Charlie, born 1/30/11



Abeecharmer, twin girls, born 1/10/11



Recovering from Losses, Held in Our Hearts



MaxK



NZmumof2



TineyDreams



nosreves



Kgulbransen



Fivegrandbaby



Jam51212



 



Sandiegongp

 


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#2 of 158 Old 01-02-2014, 09:36 AM
 
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Hi Redrock, thanks for opening a new thread. My EDD is August 6.

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#3 of 158 Old 01-02-2014, 06:51 PM
 
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Thanks for the new thread.

My EDD is July 13
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#4 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 06:42 AM
 
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Yay, thanks! I'm totally in denial that I'm next. Gulp! Feeling good, though. Congrats on all the new BFPs!

Mama (non-bio) to REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifmy little man (6), and mama (bio) to babyboy.gif my tiny man (2/14)
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#5 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 08:17 AM
 
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So to get the shiny new thread started I have a question to you more experienced people out there.

Did/do you document your conception and pregnancy story for your future kid and if yes, what did you do? Any ideas for cute little keepsakes?

We are at 10 weeks and my little Iphone app tells me I should have started taking belly pictures a month ago. Did you know that they sell little photo session kits that come with a blackbord and chalk and themed stickers that let you take weekly belly pics? Well, we only just finished our wedding album from last September yesterday evening and after some complaints a christmas finally mailed out some wedding pics to our older relatives who didn't know what a dropbox link means. So usually we are not very good at documenting our life. But I remember as an older kid and teenager loving the very extensive baby album my mom made for me. Most of the album was after birth though. I feel like with the added factor of donor conception we should put some special effort into documenting our childs story. So how do you do that? Do you journal about your pregnancy? I doubt my kid will want to know about my nausea, weight gain and nipple pain, but we could write a bit about our excitement. We have a photo of the embryos and two US pictures so far. Would you put the embryo pic in, even though we don't know which one of the two was the one that developed? I am thinking it might be weird for a kid to think that there was another one, who didn't make it? What do you think about including the info about the donor? We have baby pictures, a family profile, hobbies and interests, a personal letter and an EQ test plus an audio file. It is all somewhat private info that I kinda feel belongs to the child though, so if we put that in we'll have to limit who looks at the book. Or maybe we shouldn't and just normalize the whole affair. I am probably way overthinking this.

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#6 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 08:55 AM
 
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Fried--my last pregnancy was the only time in my life I've taken regular pictures. We have them of me from weeks 0 (when I got my period, I believe) through 42 (E's at 6 days old). She had the grace to arrive the day after our weekly belly shots, so there's no lack of continuity, which still amazes me. This time we took one picture before the transfer and I hated how bloated I looked and we stopped. We'll have to do at least a few sporadic ones throughout, but nothing regular. We also did a big maternity shoot, which I'd like to do again, and incorporate E this time. I made a whole pregnancy photobook, but the truth is that it's more for me and my wife to remember the whole thing, and how we were feeling than it is for DD, who is unlikely to care too much, I don't think. I remember being mortified by pictures of my mom pregnant with me when I was a kid. Definitely include embryo pics, though! E was one of the two from last time and I think it's really cool to have baby pics that go back that far! We didn't include any donor info in the photobook (mostly because there aren't words in there) but there are plenty of sperm tank pictures from early on, and I made some, um, 'conceptual art' with the vials that didn't work, so I feel like she'll know that part pretty well. I also have a blog, which has some history of how I was feeling/what we were doing, etc. If you want to do more of a scrapbook, there are some nice personalized ones on Etsy, or Mombian just put up a post with a couple more: http://www.mombian.com/2014/01/02/two-new-sources-for-lgbt-friendly-baby-books/. We put about two things in the (thankfully cheaper) one we bought and then realized that we're not baby book people. I think whatever you do will be nice for the little bean--I've never been sad to not have a baby book, but I love the cross stitch that someone made for me.

AFM--bleh. Second trimester is here but doesn't feel like it, and I've got a little sciatica. It's also super snowy out, so I'm afraid of falling, even though my balance isn't really that far off yet. I guess spring just feels like a loooong way away at the moment. greensad.gif

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#7 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 11:09 AM
 
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thanks for the new thread Redrock! Beastie's also due April/Early May but I'll have to check the exact date.

 

Fried - re birth stories my friend gave me a 'bump to birthday' journal for us to write, put pics & scans in etc. We update it every week along with a bump photo. Will also probably put together a photo book when he's little which I'm used to, as a photographer! ps that's pretty quick on your wedding album!

 

Sevie - welcome!!!!


Liz (40) 'wife' to Abby (33). together 2001, 'Married' 2004. Fur babies Harvey, Bailey & Evie dog2.gif  & Churchill  cat.gif

 

Second IVF successful, he's here!!!!

DS born 12/4/2012, weight 6lb11 babyboy.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#8 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 12:05 PM
 
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Hi, everybody!  Okay, I'm feeling more comfortable posting now after our second ultrasound this morning.  This time we actually saw the little baby!  The first u/s was at 6 weeks and we saw the sac and heartbeat but the fetal pole was measured at 5mm even though we couldn't really see anything.  This time at 8 weeks we could really see that little guy (girl?) in there!  We saw the heartbeat again and limb nubs and the yolk sac and I think a brain forming?  Baby's now 16mm.  Just lots of cool stuff.  So, yeah, I'm ready to join this group for real, and if something awful happens, we'll go back to Queer Conceptions, but I think I'm done being cautious and straddling both groups :)  Our nurse today told us we can now be "cautiously optimistic," which sounds great to me!

 

Our EDD is August 15, 2014, and lady is having minor symptoms: emotions, fatigue, twinges, and a teeny bit of nausea.  

 

We have a pregnancy journal and took a 5 weeks picture but then totally dropped the ball.  So, we want to document, but need to get on that!  We have the little vial and our donor's profile had an adult and a baby picture, so we'll order copies when we give birth.  I think we'll probably talk about when to share each piece of info with our child about the donor.  My cousin was adopted, and I like how they dealt with talking about adoption with him.  I remember when he was six reading him a children's book about families like his--I definitely want to start the vocabulary and the conversation early, but maybe wait to share the entire profile.  Our donor is ID disclosure once our child is 18, and I just found out he has 7 confirmed boy donor offspring and 7 girls!  

 

Happy new year, everybody!  


partners.gif me (30), wifey (35, will carry), three IUIs with FDS, all BFNs, 4th IUI w/ clomid, trigger, and progesterone: BFP, m/c at 9.5 weeks, d&c.  5th IUI BFN.
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#9 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good question fried. We started taking weekly pictures at 7 weeks I think. We are taking the pics at the pond by our house. I thought it would be neat to have the seasons changing in the background as well as my belly. So far it's a lot of snow haha. 

 

I bought a pregnancy journal too. DW said it wasn't her thing, but I'm not a good journaler so I like the question prompts. If it were up to me to just write to our baby, I would probably way overshare about nausea, cervix checks, etc. 

 

We will do some kind of baby book too although we haven't started or looked into it yet. We saved the vial and syringe from the insemination and the info sheet from the bank about that specific vial. Kid might think it's weird or cool. I think I'd like to include the donor's photo and bio as well. We are pretty open about our donor and most people we know fairly well have seen his picture already. I all for normalizing. It feels normal to us, so it wouldn't feel right to us to act like it's a big secret. But that's just us. Other folks are very protective of the donor and only want their kids to share what they feel comfortable with when they get older. 

 

AFM: We finally got to hear the heartbeat at our midwife appt last night. It was great. She went on an on about how it might take her a while to find it and not to get nervous and then it was there as soon as she put the doppler on. It was a lot lower than the first appt at 130ish and then 150ish after a minute. Has anyone heard of the Pink Kit Method? Our midwife is in love with it. It sounds great coming from her. I think we'll give it a try. 


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#10 of 158 Old 01-03-2014, 12:50 PM
 
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Sandie--yay for seeing the little bean! They're like cute little gummy bears, I think.

Redrock--and yay for hearing the heartbeat! I haven't heard of the Pink Kit, but the website really turns me off. Especially the insinuation that there's a way to be a 'skilled' or 'unskilled' birther. The first time through you're going to be unskilled. I can't say that I'm expecting to be 'skilled' the second time through, either. That bugs me because it seems to be capitalizing on fears that reinforce the idea that there's supposedly right and wrong way to do it. Like Soto's experience of being afraid that her natural reactions might be wrong or embarrassing somehow when that's just how she (and lots and lots of other women) give birth. But I haven't seen the actual thing, just the website, so maybe there's some really great stuff in there.

How about a QOTD? Anyone made any good resolutions/made plans for self-improvement in 2014? I'm going to try to stop swearing so much. It's like I'm a sailor on shore leave over here, and E has gotten to the point where you can have real conversations with her and she'll repeat almost anything back, so I need to cut it out. She hasn't sworn yet, but it's only a matter of time. Actually, she has her own swear word, which is funny. It sounds like a combination of 'not' and 'mine' and 'but'. She says it when she's really mad, and other people have noticed it, too. But it's not a real curse, thankfully.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#11 of 158 Old 01-04-2014, 11:02 AM
 
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Fried--I don't think there's any best way to document, it's entirely about what you want, and what you choose for your child (since she/he can't make her preference known now).  For me, once I actually grew enough of a belly for it to be visible wearing tight clothing, I took a couple of photos specifically to send to my mom, an aunt, and my partner's family (all of whom live across the country).  They've all seen a pretty boring and standard 28 week and 32 week belly image, and my mom has another from around 25 weeks.  But, for my dp and me (and the eventual babe), I am much more interested in having one really lovely photo of me pregnant, taken in our real, lived, context (rather than me standing sideways on the bench at our kitchen table).  We'll also try to get a good one of dp and me--but that will have to be more posed since we'll take it ourselves.  Other than that, I am writing down some random details I don't want to forget about the time I have been growing this baby, because it's so hard to know what I'll forget over time.  So, I want to be sure we remember, say, how excessively many apples I have eaten, and the way she always wiggles around afterward.  For me, that is a really big part of her story, to be able to say, you have always really, really loved apples.  As far as conception documentation goes, we haven't done anything.  We never saw a photo or listened to an audio sample.  We chose our wtbk donor from a simple profile and gossipy conversation with the head of the very small lab we used.  We are very candid about having used a donor (which seems obvious anyway) but details beyond the basic way we chose who we chose (which feels like our story) aren't anyone's business at this point.  For us, we want our baby/child to know the details of her story before everybody else does.  I don't feel any more obligated or compelled to explain or share simply because the way we made a baby is seen by some as unconventional.    

 

prettyisa--I haven't made any resolutions, but I laughed about E's personalized expletive!  In case it helps, my best friends' child was around swearing at home, and it really helped develop his understanding of using words appropriately and altering his speaking style according to the situation.

 

redrock--Congrats on hearing the heartbeat!  I'll never tire of that sound.

 

gamitzer--Wow, I can't believe you're next either.  How are you feeling?  

 

welcome sandie and sevie, and hello to everybody else!

 

afm--I'm divided right now between being so excited to meet this baby in a month or so, feeling really unready for her to not be moving around inside of me anymore, and sad about the loss of my family being only dp and me.  It's so funny how any type of change, no matter how positive, still comes with the loss of something else as well.  My dp tried on her ergo yesterday for the first time, and with the infant insert inside, it really looked like she had a baby on her.  She was tap-rubbing where the baby's bum will be, and it made me even more excited to get to see her be a parent.  


 

 

 

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#12 of 158 Old 01-04-2014, 11:26 AM
 
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B&C-- that does make me feel better about the swearing! I would suggest that if you have a friend with a good camera, an informal maternity shoot can be really fun. That's what we did, and although I did it up a little with costume changes and props, most of the time we were just being silly and hanging out with our friend. The best ones from the shoot were just in normal clothes, unposed.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#13 of 158 Old 01-05-2014, 02:10 AM
 
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redrock, Beastie's EDD  is 4-30-14 :)

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Liz (40) 'wife' to Abby (33). together 2001, 'Married' 2004. Fur babies Harvey, Bailey & Evie dog2.gif  & Churchill  cat.gif

 

Second IVF successful, he's here!!!!

DS born 12/4/2012, weight 6lb11 babyboy.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IVF 31st July 2013 12 eggs retrieved, 2 morula (nearly blasts) transferred 5th August,...

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#14 of 158 Old 01-07-2014, 08:12 PM
 
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Wow, you are all so productive!  I have a handful of pics from the pregnancy so far and have to remember to take them every so often.  Before DS was born, I had a blog, took pics of EVERYthing, and updated things all the time.  I'm totally slacking this time around.  I think I finally started showing a lot this past week, and I've noticed that I bump into every chair and table I try to slink between.  Oops.  I really respect you, B & C, for wanting to hang onto that kicking in the belly!  This dude likes to kick me to sleep and kick me awake-ouch!  I keep waiting for the belly space to get too tight for him to make any big, strong movements, but he seems to still have a lot of room.

 

I absolutely love how excited my wife and DS are about this baby!  It makes my sappy pregnant self all teary.  I get unsolicited belly rubs from them all the time, and they both randomly put their face to my belly to talk to the baby at least once a day.  They are making me feel so special, and  I just might miss that extra attention!

 

QOTD: What transitions to your space are you needing to/hoping to make for the baby?  More importantly, do you think you will actually get it done? ;)


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#15 of 158 Old 01-08-2014, 02:08 AM
 
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gamitzer- that's super cute about DW and DS and how excited they are. Not too long for you to go now! The main transition we're making short term is to turn the second bedroom into a nursery. We had a bit of time off over Christmas to get that done as we're pretty busy between now & April. Later this year we're going to extend the house which is going to be a nightmare with 3 dogs, a cat and a baby but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!!!! Also buying stairgates to stop the dogs getting everywhere so we're happier about separate 'space' for the baby.

 

Here's the nursery all finished :)

 

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Liz (40) 'wife' to Abby (33). together 2001, 'Married' 2004. Fur babies Harvey, Bailey & Evie dog2.gif  & Churchill  cat.gif

 

Second IVF successful, he's here!!!!

DS born 12/4/2012, weight 6lb11 babyboy.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IVF 31st July 2013 12 eggs retrieved, 2 morula (nearly blasts) transferred 5th August,...

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#16 of 158 Old 01-08-2014, 07:19 AM
 
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Oh, Liz! It's so CUTE! I love the little elephant watching over the crib!

Gamitzer--apparently the second time around there's a lot more room in there, so it's like a big swimming pool for longer.

As for the QOTD: Ha. We are trying to restart the remodeling project that got derailed due to some financial issues last fall. My MIL has offered to help bridge the gap, and our neighborhood has been getting really hot, so if everything goes well our appraisal should be a little better and we'll be good to go (if our builder is still available. If not, who knows?). We're on the second story of a 2-flat (we rent out downstairs) and will be extending the kitchen by about 7 feet, adding a deck and stairs to the garden off of the back of the kitchen, fixing the stairs that lead to the attic so they're nice, conditioned space, and completely finishing the unfinished attic to add three bedrooms, a bathroom, and a laundry closet (be still, my heart! not dragging it down three flights of stairs will be LIFE CHANGING). This freaks us both out completely, but there's no room in our tiny apartment for two more babies, and it costs about the same to do all of this as it would to buy a single-family fixer upper in our neighborhood with enough space, so we figured it's better to keep the rental income and get the space we want instead of starting over somewhere else and still having to do a lot of work on top of it.

She's here!
And so are the boys!
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#17 of 158 Old 01-09-2014, 03:22 AM
 
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Liz, that little room is so cute. You put a lot of work into it.

 

QOTD: We'll turn the guest room into a kids room which means repainting it and adding some decorations. DW paints and we already have some cute framed animals and flowers for the wall. It is going to be bright green and white. Then reorganizing our music room and living room to fit all the stuff that is currently in the guest room. We will keep the couch that is in there (an expensive  Ikea one that turns into a queen size bed) because we both will probably want to escape from the bedroom at times, add an Ikea crib, a bookshelf and a big drawer. More won't fit. We also have to deal with the staircase which looks like this. The sides are wide open, so any kid under the age of 6 could fall through. I am thinking about sewing fabric scares and tying those in between the rails and blocking the bottom with a gate. 

 

Afm - we had baby TV again today. I was a nervous wreck for the last couple of days and in my head had already rehearsed scenarios for a miscarriage. But instead our little was moving around like crazy, waving her little arms at us. Baby is perfectly developed and all my blood tests were fine. I am toxmoplasmosis negative even with a cat and garden, so I'll have to be a bit careful there. I just now ordered a small fetal doppler (Sonoline B) to calm my nerves in between appointments.

I also told my co-workers. On monday two of my colleguages announced they would also be leaving (one is preggo, the other had a baby a while ago and wants to start sth. new) and now me. Our team is only 5 people, so to replace 3 of us, even for a while, will be tough because we need people who are able to teach certain classes. Thankfully my pregnancy alligns perfectly with the university schedule, very clever baby we have here. So I will be teaching a M.A. class until July which is the end of the spring semester, then take maternity leave until April where our spring semester starts again and my wife will take the rest of the parental leave until October. It feels really good to have a plan to look forward to. Right now we're also planning a short stay in Brussels, Belgium. DW has to work there for the month of February and I will be taking one week of vacation to visit her, hang out in the city and explore together in the evenings.


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#18 of 158 Old 01-13-2014, 08:16 AM
 
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prettyisa--having a friend take photos is a really good idea, and i'm glad the swearing anecdote helped a bit!  your house remodel sounds incredible and pretty overwhelming.  will there be any parts of the house that stay intact while the renovation is happening?  are you trying to have it all done by the time the babies are born?  

 

gamitzer--you are getting very close to baby time!  i can't imagine just beginning to look pregnant at this point...i feel like i've been hauling a belly around and bumping into things for months!  

 

lizbian--your baby room looks super cozy.  are the animals and flowers painted on?  decals?  i love to see other people's nursery spaces (and living spaces, period, really).

 

Friederike--your work and leave schedule sounds really ideal.  i also found the first trimester really panic-inducing, and was always shocked and relieved to see the embryo/fetus on an ultrasound, or hear her on a doppler.  once i moved past the first trimester and everything was still going well, i was able to relax and enjoy everything more, and to be okay with knowing we would most likely end up with a live baby.  honestly, now at 34 weeks, i'm more incredulous that my big belly and the movements within mean an almost fully grown baby is inside, and will be coming out into the world where she'll be an actual person.  

 

qotd--my dp and i have been slowly changing things around and setting everything up for the baby, and it mostly feels like we have odds and ends left to finish before she's born.  we made a little l-shaped nursery area in our upstairs loft, and moved our bed so my side (where the baby will be sleeping) is against a wall.  there are a handful of stains on our upstairs carpet from knocking over cups of coffee, and i want to pull out the carpet shampooer to get them out.  the biggest project left is blocking the very un-babyproof railing and stairs in our loft.  we have considered using fabric like you, Fried, and actually are thinking about covering large cardboard panels with fabric so the edges don't sag.  whatever we do is going to really impact the feel of our space and the natural light, which is why we've been putting it off.  i'm leaning toward waiting until the baby is getting close to mobility to make the change.  i'll post some photos later and see if anyone has other ideas/suggestions.

 

afm--i just finished reading the womanly art of breastfeeding and it stressed me out more than any other parenting or birth book i have ever read.  suddenly it sounded like i'd never go anywhere or do anything ever again without having a baby/toddler attached to my breast.  i certainly don't feel obligated to follow every suggestion made in the book, but i do plan (and hope) to breastfeed exclusively, and was unprepared for their suggestion to breastfeed on demand pretty much indefinitely.  otherwise, i feel awesome and am going in for my gbs screening toward the end of the week.      


 

 

 

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#19 of 158 Old 01-13-2014, 12:02 PM
 
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OMG, we just heard our baby's heartbeat with our doppler for the first time. It is such an amazing sound!

Breadandcoffee, that book sounds stressful. I am only talking from a theoretical point of view of course, so I might feel differently once our baby is here, but I found that sometimes those great crunchy, attachment-parenting books demand too much from the parents. I sometimes feel like moms limits (patience, sleep, touch) are not taken into account enough. I hope we'll be able to listen and respond to our babes' needs as much as possible, but also make sure we invest some energy into self-care. That should make us better parents, shouldn't it? I am pretty certain that after a while as the babies stomach gets bigger you should be able to influence their feeding a bit. I have also seen my two sisters breastfeed successfully for at least a year or more with frequent but reasonably short feedings, so they were able to do stuff without having a baby attached to their breast at all times.

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#20 of 158 Old 01-13-2014, 12:33 PM
 
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B&C--most of our level and all of our tenants' will be left alone, but it's still going to be a mess. We're hoping it gets done before they need to be in their own room, which probably buys us most of the summer. smile.gif

Also, about breastfeeding--on-demand isn't as bad as it sounds, since usually they get onto a schedule and you can guess when they're likely to be hungry. I got really good at public nursing (I used a cover, since I'm modest about that kind of stuff, but plenty of people are fine without) and never got any kind of comments about it under any circumstances. Lots of moms pump before going out in public and give their kid a bottle of expressed milk, especially if they're somewhere fancy, or have a babysitter or partner do it. It's really doable. I will add the caveat that I stopped nursing E around a year (we both were ok with that timing) so I've never dealt with a toddler, but the thing is that if you get to that point you can reason with them. It's perfectly possible to explain that they need to wait for a little bit or eat something else because right now isn't a good time. If you want to breastfeed, my advice is to try it and do your best, but don't beat yourself up if it's harder or different than you expected. I had an easy time of it with E, but I have lots of friends who ran into roadblocks of all sorts--some overcame them and continued to nurse, others decided that it was best for their family to use formula and focus on other things. You absolutely cannot tell by looking at their children which moms chose which path. That said, it really is cheaper and easier (by far) than dealing with formula and bottles, so I'd recommend it, if you can get things working in a way that works for you!

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#21 of 158 Old 01-13-2014, 02:11 PM
 
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friederike, that is amazing. congrats on the heartbeat. that is such an incredible feeling. 

 

B&c good luck on your screening ! i hope your results are good.

 

re: womanly art of breastfeeding & breastfeeding on demand. i didnt read that book until after my babies were born. i have been really hard on myself for spending so much time reading about birth and not enough time preparing for breastfeeding (i took one class and like, skimmed a couple books.) if breastfeeding is important to you but you've never done it before, there's a chance the first couple weeks of your baby's life are going to be bewildering and potentially really challenging. some of those books make breastfeeding sound like a perfectly simple natural thing until you get mastitis or something, which - don't get me wrong, it is totally natural and perfect, but it was hardly simple for me. the first 8 weeks were non-stop craziness. first you dont have enough milk (colustrum) then your milk comes in and it seems like you have too much. the baby is trying to figure things out and sometimes doesnt nurse very effectively. some of them have a terrible latch and you have to teach them out to do it. you sleep in puddles of breastmilk. your nipples hurt all the time. it's just so bizarre. 

 

you spend the first 6 weeks establishing your supply. this is a critical time because later, if you get sick or your baby gets sick or you go back to work or really, anything, your supply can get totally jacked up, but you can usually get back to the level you are at when you were 6 weeks postpartum. anyway, this rambling comment is to say that you wont have a baby attached to your boob forever, but feeding on demand in the first six weeks (at least, but longer is great) can greatly help and simplify the rest of your breastfeeding relationship. i tried really hard to guide my babies into a "every 2-3 hours" schedule because we had a lot of family around and, honestly, people like my mom wanted to hold babies so bad it made me feel guilty for needing to nurse them more than that. I am still really bitter about that. It was the wrong thing. I should have nursed them all day and all night if that's what they wanted. It feels like forever, but it's a very short period of time in the big scheme of things. and they both switched over to a 2-3 hour schedule on their own, around 8 weeks. 

 

my twins are five months old today and breastfeeding still blows my mind on a daily basis. i look at them and it's like, here are 30 lbs of human. i grew them with something that dribbles out of my boobs. wtf. being a human is crazy. 


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#22 of 158 Old 01-13-2014, 07:21 PM
 
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wow, thanks for all of the breastfeeding responses!

 

mrs&mrs--i'm totally on board with feeding on demand for the first couple of months, and it makes sense to me that the relationship and supply are established then.  i was actually thinking about you and granite when i was reading about the first weeks and months, since i remembered both of you writing about the way visitors had impacted that time.  but, i also know that at some point, i'm going to need/want for the baby to not be eating for excessively long periods close together during the day, and for sure, i eventually do plan to night wean (likely not until after at least the first year).  on one hand, i really appreciated the book's use of the term partner (it is the only non-lesbain pregnancy book i have read that explicitly talked about various possible partners, and often used "she"), and i thought the explanation that the non-breastfeeding partner teaches the baby that love is not always connected with food was rad.  BUT, i really got hung up on the way the book seemed to obligate nursing parents to always comfort with nursing for years and years and years, and wondered why the/a parent who nurses can't also choose to comfort in other ways.  

 

anyway, thanks for the comprehensive feedback, and i imagine it really is amazing to think about having grown 30 pounds of human!  whoa!

 

prettyisa--that's good that you'll still have a big chunk of living space that is left alone.  my cousin and his wife bought a fixer upper house while she was pregnant, and now with a six month old they still don't have a single room that is finished.  and, as far as breastfeeding goes, this was the first book that caused me to worry about messing things up with the babe by not being aligned with some of the suggestions.  normally, i easily pull ideas i like, and reject those i don't, and figure out a way that works best for me--which is why i was so thrown off by my reaction to the book.  not feeling guilty is always, always awesome advice.

 

Friederike--you are right on about most attachment-parenting books, and the overarching disregard for limits on patience, sleep and touch.  i especially know i will need to incorporate sleep and touch limits eventually.  it's hard to plan for from this perspective, because i don't know my actual baby yet, and so much of whether eating and sleep and space are easy for me or hard will depend on her personality.  

 

afm--here's a photo of the "nursery" and another of the railing along the loft and stairs leading to the first floor.  you can see the bed (and dog) tucked into the corner beyond the L of the nursery area.  we have all of the baby's smallest clothing in the shelf that comes out from the wall, as well as diapers and some other odds and ends.  the shelves attached to the wall are where we have books and toys and blankets stored for now, and where we'll keep her toys as she gets bigger.  

 

any ideas about (frugally) babyproofing the railing?

 

 


 

 

 

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#23 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 05:57 AM
 
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Hmm..how strong is the wire that's up there now? I'd be very inclined to put panels of plywood (probably covered in fabric instead of painted, so it's softer) and bolt them to the poles. Kids can be taught not to lean on things, but anything that wasn't solid would make me very nervous. I'm jealous of all that space! And I love your basket collection! You're right that so much depends on personality. E basically night weaned at 3 months, with a few minor regressions at various times (mostly teething). You'll find your way, though, and all of this stuff is a lot easier once you're dealing with an actual person and not an abstraction. Which is what I keep telling myself and DP because we have been freaking ourselves out about adding two babies to our mix when we feel pretty stretched right now with just one.

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#24 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 09:22 AM
 
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b&c - i do a lot of comforting that is not nursing related, but i can tell you, those babies can smell my boobs from like 30 feet away, and sometimes that is all they want. it's not forever, though. i'm 5 months in and i almost never have to comfort nurse if it's not a convenient time for me. they are in no way shape or form nightweaned, though. since im at work during the day, they tend to eat a lot more in the evenings and overnight. cest la vie. you will find your own rhythm. the book is good information to have. knowledge is power. but no one is going to question you about whether you are following the womanly art's instructions to the T. in fact, most people will mostly just be impressed that you are breastfeeding.

 

your lil nursery is so cute. i'm with isa - plywood walls might be the best solution. i'd be inclined to leave the woodgrain, though, and finish the wood with something kid-safe. apartment therapy may have already addressed this issue, have you looked there?


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#25 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like I have been absent for a while. My step mom passed away last Tuesday and I am really battling to get back to "normal life" and  trying not to let myself fall into too deep of a depression while still allowing myself to grieve. 

 

Liz: What a cute nursery, such a cozy little space. 

 

Isa: Wow what a big and exciting project! We are planning to excavate our basement and finish it in a year or two. The extra space will be so nice. 

 

b&c: Just a thought, because I'd also hate giving up the feel and natural light, You don't necessarily have to do it right away. Baby won't be mobile for sometime. You could always put it off until baby is a bit older? Nevermind I just read that is what you are leaning towards doing. In that case I totally agree! :) 

 

fried:  Such a great sound isn't it? I can't wait to go back and hear it again. I'm still not sure if I can feel Bubbles moving yet or not so it's nice reassurance and like whoa there really is a growing human in there. 

 

QOTD on space: We need to move our "office" to the basement so that we can use the spare room for the baby. It will be sleeping in our room for who knows how long (we aren't buying a crib) but we want a dresser and some other things for the baby in there. We (I) am going to paint a mural in the room, which I really should start soon. We also have a few house projects to finish up, nothing too overwhelming though. 

 

on breastfeeding: I hadn't planned on reading any books, now I wonder if I should. DW and I have talked quite a bit about her inducing lactation to minimize the, one parent is the comforting food source issue, but she seems hesitant so I don't think she will. I'm really looking forward to breastfeeding. I'll be pumping a lot since I will be back at work somewhere 8-12 weeks after baby is born, but it's one of the things that I'm really excited about. Am I weird?  Any other book recommendations? 


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#26 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 01:24 PM
 
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If you plan on breastfeeding, I definitely recommend taking a class and/or reading. I read Breastfeeding Made Simple because an LC friend recommended it. It didn't have all the answers but I kept it by my side for weeks after baby was born so I could look things up. I haven't read the LLL book yet, but I am thinking about it for my own edification. I have trained as a doula and taken breastfeeding classes and I took one for myself while I was pregnant and I still had a lot of questions. The more you know beforehand, the less you have to learn in the moment. If you're not into reading, those books can be great references too. Also, make sure you have contact info for an LC somewhere handy in case you need it. Also, if you plan on pumping, don't start too early because you can cause an oversupply and that's not good. Breastfeeding is pretty great once you and the baby get the hang of it.



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#27 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 02:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsandmrs View Post

my twins are five months old today and breastfeeding still blows my mind on a daily basis. i look at them and it's like, here are 30 lbs of human. i grew them with something that dribbles out of my boobs. wtf. being a human is crazy. 


 



Totally! I just said something to my wife the other day about how weird it is that our baby sucks on my boob and food comes out and that's all he needs. Crazy! And amazing.


Great nurseries!



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#28 of 158 Old 01-14-2014, 07:12 PM
 
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Redrock--I'm so sorry about your stepmom. The only book I have, which I found helpful, is the Nursing Mother's Companion. But what really helped me was the breastfeeding class at the hospital, and their excellent LCs and attention to breastfeeding moms. Not only did the LC come by the day after E was born to check in and give some really helpful tips, one of my delivery nurses was also trained as an LC, so she was with me in the room the first two times E ate (once immediately after delivery and then again a couple hours later) and was able to really get me off on the right foot. Talk to whoever is helping you deliver about getting that support early--I think it made a big difference in our technique and in my confidence. DP thought about inducing lactation but decided not to--It has made zero difference in her ability to soothe the baby, and I think sometimes it's actually easier to have one parent who doesn't smell like dinner and can just be calming instead. Thought it would have been nice in the middle of the night to trade off...

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#29 of 158 Old 01-15-2014, 01:00 AM
 
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Redrock - I am very sorry about your step mom.

I am curious, what a breastfeeding class looks like? Can you attend it beforehand or after birth with your nursling?
I don't think we have those here, or at least I never heard of it, only normal birthing classes that also cover nursing and basic infant care. I thought I would just let my midwife help me if the need arises. health insurance here covers up to twice daily home visits for 8 weeks after birth, so I thought the midwife will probably notice and help with any issues we might get with breastfeeding.
By the way, I found out, we have a male midwife here in town. The guy has been facing lots of controversy for his job choice, but I think it is pretty cool if he does what he really wants to do. He specializes in women with paraplegia and other physical handicaps, so he is associated with the university hospital, that I am going to avoid at all costs, but I would totally use a guy midwife.

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#30 of 158 Old 01-15-2014, 10:01 AM
 
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That's interesting that you get home visits after birth, Friederike. That is not standard here. If you have a homebirth, the midwife will usually do a few home visits in the first 6 weeks after birth, but if you have your birth with a doctor or in a hospital, the standard is one postpartum check up at 6 weeks unless you have a c-section or something. They will also check the weight of the baby on day 3 or 4 to make sure they are not still losing weight and arent' jaundiced. Maternal healthcare here is not what it should be. We spend more money than anyone else on healthcare but we have higher rates of infant mortality and maternal morbidity than we should. We had to go back to the hospital on day 3 to check C's weight. The great part was we met with a nurse who was also a lactation consultant so she had me feed him while she helped and offered tips. That was very helpful, but it would have been better if I could have done it in the comfort of my own home. I attended a breastfeeding class before birth. We talked about how lactation works, how to get your supply established, things like that. Some classes have you practice positions with a baby doll. After you have your baby La Leche League meetings are the best place to take your nursling to nurse with other women and get advice from the leader and other women. If you take a childbirth class that includes a good session on nursing, you may not need an extra class. My childbirth class did not cover nursing, but my healthcare system also offered a free class on breastfeeding so I did both. I have attended other childbirth classes that did include nursing info.



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