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#1 of 8 Old 02-24-2014, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is my first post!
My partner and I are trying to get pregnant. A close friend of mine agreed to "give his sperm" to us. We are going to try the process at home but I just have a few questions maybe someone can help me with...
1. Here in Maryland will I be able to put my partners name on the birth certificate?
2. Are there any thing we need to know for home insemination?
3. How will we be able to insure the donor will have no parental rights with the child?
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#2 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 10:21 AM
 
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From what I've read if you go through the extra hassle of having him deposit it at a bank or fertility clinic and then get inseminated there it removes any parental connection, but you'd want to confirm it. Barring that I would get a lawyer that has done this before to draw up a contract for all of you to sign to protect him (like from child support claims) and you (from parenting claims). Its very exciting, good luck!!

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#3 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 11:01 AM
 
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Hello NiseNise! I moved your thread to the Queer Parenting forum where I think you will get more responses.

That's wonderful you found a donor who can provide fresh swimmers. It's usually easier to get pregnant with fresh because it lives in the body for several days waiting for the egg.

1. Are you legally married in Maryland? If you are, you should be able to put both of your names on the birth certificate. If you do not have a legally recongized relationship, my guess would be that you can't put your names on it.

2. Home insems are pretty straighforward. I have not done this myself so I'm sure others will have more info. You can use a needleless syringe and just put the swimmers near the cervix. Don't use a speculum because you will pull some out when you remove it. Have you been tracking your cycles?

3. Many people working with a known donor draw up a contract beforehand. An attorney can help you write something up. It may not be legally binding though. Open communication with your donor is key. After the child is born, you will need to do a second parent or step-parent adoption so that the donor's rights are terminated and your partner is officially a legal parent. Second parent adoptions are necessary even if you are married and both on the birth certificate because not all states will recognize your marriage.

NCLR has some info on their website and a legal hotline you can call. http://www.nclrights.org/legal-help-resources/


Feel free to join the Queer Conceptions thread for support during your TTC journey. Good luck!



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#4 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 08:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hallerm, we were thinking about the contract idea thank you!

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#5 of 8 Old 02-25-2014, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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PokeyAC ,
Thank you!
Yes we are legally married here in Maryland, but I didn't realize she would still need to adopt..do you know if it's a long and hard process? Or is it easier since we are married?
I have been tracking my cycles and downloaded apps to track my ovulation. I'm looking forward to trying this out sometime in April.
We have thought about the contract idea and getting lawyer advice so it seems like we may be on the right track.

Thanks we are so excited!

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#6 of 8 Old 02-26-2014, 06:55 AM
 
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Hi! I'm in Illinois, so YMMV, but getting a second parent adoption here was very easy--you should look into whether Maryland requires things like home visits and whatnot for second parent adoptions. Here it's a lot faster, easier, and cheaper than getting certified to do a regular adoption, because they don't require any kind of certification that you offer an optimal home environment (since your kid already lives in your home). Good luck!

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#7 of 8 Old 02-26-2014, 09:46 AM
 
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California also requires a home visit by a social worker, but I have heard it is a relatively easy process. We haven't gotten started on ours yet because we are procrastinators or something like that. smile.gif



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#8 of 8 Old 02-26-2014, 10:49 AM
 
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Our second parent adoption was pretty easy (in WA). it was annoying to go through it, irritating to spend so much money (which you used to get back on taxes, but now we no longer qualify for the adoption credit because the government recognizes our marriage), but it was a nice and affirming process for our family. It made me feel really good about the intention that we had set forth when we started on this road. We did have to have a social worker visit our home, but really she had met us while we were pregnant and was so excited to meet our twins on the outside. She didn't see their bedroom or measure doorways or anything. It is ultimately "just" paperwork but it can be sort of emotional and fulfilling. Although maybe not, YMMV. 

 

Good luck! 


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