unmarried second parent adoption in NYS - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 05-01-2014, 11:24 AM - Thread Starter
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hey all, I am a long time lurker on mdc but this is my first post. my g and I are planning to try to have a kid together, which i would carry, sometime in the next year or two. we live in NYS and I am wondering about the impact of gay marriage on our situation, since we really really don't want to get married, but I really obviously want her parental rights to be secure, as secure as they would be for an unmarried straight parental couple.

to be clear, we have been together 7 years at this point and have merged our lives, but we both just are not into the institution of marriage, for many reasons (no dis to anyone who is into it), and while we are glad that those who want to get married can do so, I worry about the expectations and pressure this will put on us as parents, and the possible legal ramifications for my g as the NGP. do you know if we could still list her on the birth certificate or if being unmarried would have any effect on a 2nd parent adoption or on us both being legally considered parents?

thanks so much for any insight you can offer! we are in New York, but I'm curious about how this might work in other states as well.
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#2 of 2 Old 05-05-2014, 05:10 PM
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Welcome to Mothering and Queer Parenting saturnreturn! That's very exciting that you are planning a child together. Good luck! Without a legal relationship such as marriage or a domestic partnership, I don't think you would be able to list your girlfriend as a parent on the birth certificate without a biological relationship. I would check with NCLR for more info.

I would imagine you could still do an adoption, but I'm not sure if not being married would make a huge difference. Before gay marriage was legal in NY, couples could adopt children together, right? The upside is that if you adopt a partner's child and you are not legally married, you can get a tax credit for the adoption expenses. You don't get the credit if you are married. Which sucks for those of us whose marriages are now recognized and still need to do the adoption.

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