Hi fillefantome - I hope it is dark tomorrow tooo!! I used the FRER back when I first started, but that got expensive real fast! For IUI#6 I ordered a 100 pack of the wondfos, and can you believe I went through them all? I also got very depressed (I had been holding it together really well up to that point, even after my chemical on try #2
), but the testing just gave me an anxiety I hadn't ever really had about anything before. After #7
failed, I took 2 months off, went to San Diego, had fun, just relaxed and watched tv mostly hah. I needed the mental break. Funny, this time around I lined it all up just the way I wanted, but I didn't seem hopeful at all despite that, and sure enough here it is. (I hope anyway).
I think I needed to get to that point... of sort of giving up hope even though I wasn't giving up. I have said I would be willing to keep trying until I just didn't want to try anymore. First I thought that would be 10 tries, didn't actually think I would need more than 3 or 4 (because I swore I would just be that special)!! But here I am on try #8
, and now I am thinking.. ok.. I will do 3 tries in a row, then mini trip somewhere until I run out of time or money hah.
I think its ok to be negative, I think it is good to accept and experience whatever emotion we have at the time. I have been more blah rather than negative this cycle. I even scheduled a copolscopy (sp?) (nothing serious btw) for next week since I was so sure I was out this cycle anyhow. You would think I would be super giddy and excited right now... I did smile when my neighbor said she thought it might be a very faint positive and that I wasn't imagining it.. but that was it. Besides, I already was on top of the moon once, and that didn't work out. I will get happy I think if I can manage a dark line. Then make it to a scan, then make it to the first trimester, etc, etc.
Oh, and I changed my view on pregnant women and babies. I think they send some sort of pheromones out to prime all the women around them for babies... so I now embrace being around them all, hope that they can somehow positively affect my hormones!! In fact, just before my IUI this month (like the hour before), I went to my friend to hold, feed and smell her 1 month old baby.. I told her my crazy idea and she thought it was great. Then it turned out my midwife's assistant was prego (they were afraid I would be sad if they told me earlier) so I got her pheromones while we did the deed too! Who knows if it works, but hey, it happens in nature, I sort of think our animal instinct can and does take over sometime.
I just want my little happy family. I like your signature, I have 2 dogs and a bird as my crazy family right now
I know a baby on my own will not be a piece of cake, but I think I would really enjoy the experience and think I will be a pretty neato mom!
mamaetmaman - I think I am one day behind you (today I am 12 dpo, I am guessing yours would = 13 dpo). Once my line is visible to everyone without xray vision requirements, I will let my midwife know so she can schedule my labs. That would be really cool. We actually skipped HCG the last time.. but of course I am not doing the same procedure as you, so it wasn't as critical. I might even skip them this time again. 6 week scan on the other hand, that is a nice thought.
easttowest - do you mind telling me what you and your wife's ages are? If this little egg hatches, I will be 39 by the delivery date. I am up in the air about a second, and with only 2 vials it means I might have to resort to more drastic measures (doing unmedicated iui right now). I get a little overwhelmed with the thought of it all, but I at least like knowing I have the option in case I decide I am all in for another.
dani - once I made the decision and actually did the "deed" for my first cycle, I had no idea of course what the outcome would be, but it didn't matter. I think that biggest obstacle was deciding to start.. I was so excited and smiling, you couldn't get me off my cloud
That was a happy day for me. Wishing you lots of luck
lea - you are almost there!! omg so happy for you. Early congratulations
wow... did I write a book or what!! Maybe I am a bit more excited than I realize
Just did 3 more POAS... still super faint. hah.. i love wondfos.