Single lesbian mothers...are you out there? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-24-2005, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a single lesbian mom. I have 3 kids from a marriage to a man. We divorced a few years ago.
I have such a hard time finding others in similar situations. Either they are lesbian women with GROWN kids (once married to a man) OR they are coupled lesbians who have had a baby together.
I have lots and lots of straight mom friends (most of whom are married) and they are wonderful, but I'd love to have some contact with other single lesbian moms. Not that the parenting is all that different, but, the rest of my life is KWIM?
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Old 02-25-2005, 02:14 AM
 
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shhhh! Were all hiding in the closet with the door nailed shut! lol

Seriously?
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Old 02-25-2005, 02:34 AM
 
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I am bi, here and queer! (I'm a poet and I don't know it)
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Old 02-25-2005, 03:21 AM
 
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Hi! Guerillamama pointed me your way. I am queer (mostly lesbian), coparenting with a gay man. Nice to meet ya!
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Old 02-25-2005, 05:02 AM
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Hi!! I'm bi and single. Dd's bio father is completely out of the picture (never been involved with dd's life, at all) and I have been dating a woman - since about, oh, november-y? early december? we've known each other for four years and just got together now.

My girl is wonderful with my dd, she occasionally babysits when I have to work evenings and my mother isn't available. We're completely out as a couple to all of our mutual friends/coworkers/housemates, and to my family and her brother and his dp, but she is closeted to her parents.
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Old 02-25-2005, 08:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ooooh Yeah!!!!!
I do have some peeps!
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Old 02-28-2005, 04:32 PM
 
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Hi

I'm single. I have no queer friends, but the friends that I do have are actually really supportive of me. They'd like to hook me up with someone, but don't know of anyone. I might have a date soon, just got an email from her today actually. So that is pretty exciting.

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Old 03-03-2005, 01:07 AM
 
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I am wondering what made you decide that you were lesbian after you had a baby with a man?


i am wondering b/c it has been on my mind a lot lately.

I am not trying to judge anyone, just wondering if i may be.

Allyn birthmom to S 3/12/03, placed in open adoption 4/06, married to W 6/22/07, mama to H 2/5/08, mama to M 8/26/12.
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Old 03-03-2005, 01:44 AM
 
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Ok... wow. It is an intense question for me and one I have kinda been shoving down.

I don't know what my label is. I think I'll PM you...

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Old 03-03-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by savannahmomi
I am wondering what made you decide that you were lesbian after you had a baby with a man?


i am wondering b/c it has been on my mind a lot lately.

I am not trying to judge anyone, just wondering if i may be.
A lot of people have a really hard time accepting there gay and continue to have hetro relationships even though there not really happy with them so its not surprising that a baby comes out of it. Plus its quite common for lesbians to get pregnant either by sex with a male for through AI using a known donor. I personally detest sex with men, as in I become violently ill after doing so but I still have a child from one. (happy to say i'll never have sex with a man again either :Puke )

Seriously?
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Old 03-03-2005, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by savannahmomi
I am wondering what made you decide that you were lesbian after you had a baby with a man?


.
For me, I didn't "decide I was a lesbian" I've ALWAYS been more attracted to females than to males.
I was always "one of the guys" and ended up dating them...I don't think when I was younger I had a full understanding that I was gay..I was sexually attracted to women, but had more fun with guys, and could understand them better. So I married one.(I was only 21 at the time).
Over time I began to come into my own, and eventually get a full understanding of how I was feeling. So...I "came out" to my husband- the rest is history...or herstory as the case may be

Understand this is a VERY shortend version of a loonngg story. There is so much more to it, that I'm always happy to share, but I didn't want to write a whole novel here right now! :LOL
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Old 03-10-2005, 05:06 AM
 
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OOOOH I completely relate. I feel like I am the only one out there like this too. It is almost impossible to meet other lesbians who are willing to forgo the lez bar scene for the more domesticated lifestyle. I feel like once they find out I have a 3 yo and a 16 month old they either think it is weird and I must not be really gay or that that means no fun or who knows what goes through their head. But anyway they arent interested. And I find it even harder to "come out" feeling so alone in this situation.

I am so glad someone pointed out that you CAN be with a man for a long time, have kids but just scared to "come out" even though you are horrified at the thought of sex with a man and have never felt right in your relationships with them. This was me all the way around. My kids dad knew this, I guess all of them did after you end up trying to explain why you are repulsed by (intimacy with) them not wanting to completely hurt them.

So Im out here too. I guess its just harder to meet people like us cuz we are home with the kidlets.

Yea! Im so glad there are more of us!


feel free to im me (im invisable)
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Old 03-10-2005, 05:22 AM
 
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hello, I am Elizabeth. I just wanted to say that I go to a differnet parenting site it is for bi moms. www.bimamas.net. very nice ladies there.
I ve never really said I was bi on mothering but I guess I am OUT!! :LOL

mama to Alex 20 Briana 16 Cory 10 and Jade 3Tubes tied and regret it
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Old 03-10-2005, 01:08 PM
 
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I came up with this funny phrase.... You know how some are *Born Again Christians*?

Well, how about *Born Again Lesbians*?

And I think there are a lot of lesbian mom's out there, it just isn't so easy to find them since we are hanging out at home with the kids.

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Old 03-10-2005, 01:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wemoon

And I think there are a lot of lesbian mom's out there, it just isn't so easy to find them since we are hanging out at home with the kids.
Ya, I definitely go below people's gaydar now. When I had short hair and lived in the gaybourhood in Toronto everyone could tell. But now I have long hair, live in a small city, and tote a baby everywhere. The other day I smiled at two women holding hands andthey didnt even make eye contact. I was like... HELLO! (Didn't say that of course :LOL )

I'm out in my life, everyone knows I'm queer. I just don't look it on the street.
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Old 03-10-2005, 01:31 PM
 
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I'm out with all the new people I meet and with all my online friends. I just barely figured out that I really REALLY like women so I'm just waiting to tell my family and such until there is something to actually tell. I normally don't talk about relationships with my family so they don't need to know who and what gender person I'm dating until something becomes serious.

Weird how they didn't even make eye contact with you? Yea that is a big HELLO! I don't often see lesbian couples out and about. Like never really...

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Old 03-10-2005, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama
Ya, I definitely go below people's gaydar now. When I had short hair and lived in the gaybourhood in Toronto everyone could tell. But now I have long hair, live in a small city, and tote a baby everywhere. The other day I smiled at two women holding hands andthey didnt even make eye contact. I was like... HELLO! (Didn't say that of course :LOL )

I'm out in my life, everyone knows I'm queer. I just don't look it on the street.
That cracks me up! The same kinda stuff happens to me when I'm with my kids! Makes me want to walk around with somekind of advertising "HELLO! I"M A LESBIAN TOO!!" :LOL
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Old 03-10-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Hello, I am a lesbian planning to get pregnant soon, so not a mama yet. I have a partner at the moment but when I have the babe we will still probably live apart and I will be doing the majority of the parenting. But that may change as time progresses.

I also find the you don't realise i am a lesbian thing kinda funny. I was looking after my nephew a few weeks ago and got chatting to a lesbian couple in the health food shop. They assumed that he was mine (poor child looks very much like me!) and also assumed that my gay male friend who was with us was my husband. I look like a total lesbian cliche and my friend is tres camp, but woman with baby must obviously be straight!
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Old 03-10-2005, 04:50 PM
 
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Ya, I hear you fayking! I get the whole nuclear family assumption thing when out with my baby and her father. Except in summer when he carries his rainbow parasol to shield baby from the sun. Then we get quizzical looks and double takes. Even better if we're walking with my ex gf who is my roomie, as she is very butch.

Sometimes if I'm carrying babe I think I look like a regular old hippie mama hanging out with a couple of genderbending queers, subjecting my daughter blahblahblah...

Fun fun fun.
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Old 03-27-2005, 11:11 PM
 
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Not lesbian, but bi

just an aside: Sometimes I'm tempted to say I'm lez, just to put couples more at ease and to find guy friends...in a good way! I hate being in my 30's. It's so hard to meet men who are single or secure in their relationships and who want to be friends, platonic ones. Depressing
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Old 04-06-2005, 02:48 PM
 
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i identify as queer.. ive been with men and woman but ive always been more attracted to woman, but i always wanted babies.. i have a two year old and im almost 9 weeks pregnant with his dad again. we just moved to a different city though and are totally not together, so i guess i fit in this single queer thread

im living in a very queer friendly community and would love to meet someone but like a lot of you its hard to meet people. i have a baby.. i dont look queer
( whatever queer looks like) im sure everyone assumes im straight. maybe we should all wear pins on our sleeves or something! "single queer momma" :LOL

 

 

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Old 04-06-2005, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by MamaFern
. maybe we should all wear pins on our sleeves or something! "single queer momma" :LOL
Now there's an idea!!!!!!

By the way...could your child BE any more gorgeous!!!!!!
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Old 04-12-2005, 01:33 AM
 
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I'm newly single (divorce'll be final in a couple months) and identify as bi, but wonder if my label will change with time. I've never really enjoyed sex with men, but always felt like I should. I don't know how much of that is due to past abuse, and how much to my own sexuality. I'm looking forward to getting to know myself better.
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Old 04-12-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cmb123
Now there's an idea!!!!!!

By the way...could your child BE any more gorgeous!!!!!!
i thought i was a biased mother.. thanks..
ill get onto making those pins and send you all one :LOL

 

 

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Old 04-15-2005, 04:32 PM
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Heh. I totally need a pin that says single queer momma. That's great. I'm gonna go design one and have them made on cafepress. Sweet.
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Old 04-19-2005, 12:21 AM
 
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I could help but notice that nearly the entire single parents forum posted on this thread :LOL

Seriously?
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Old 04-19-2005, 01:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Satori
I could help but notice that nearly the entire single parents forum posted on this thread :LOL
: omg you're right!
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Old 04-19-2005, 02:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Satori
I could help but notice that nearly the entire single parents forum posted on this thread :LOL

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Old 04-19-2005, 04:25 PM
 
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Lol, that's true! How funny!
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Old 04-20-2005, 03:42 PM
 
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us woman need to stick together

 

 

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