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#1 of 76 Old 03-30-2005, 09:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, I know it is silly... but after seeing L-word that term just kinda stuck to me :LOL

But can you tell who is gay? How?

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#2 of 76 Old 03-30-2005, 11:05 PM
 
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Hard to say. With women it's usually the way they act. It's hard to judge by appearance alone.

With men, it's more the way they dress (groom). They usually look so much better than straight men.
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#3 of 76 Old 03-30-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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Well, I'm not a gay mama... but I have bi feelings (so I hope it is okay to post in here!) and for me it is just a feeling I get about someone. You know the way you can tell that someone is looking at you as more than just another person? Not like checking out, its different than that, but similar. I can tell if a woman is looking at me that way the same way if a guy is.

I don't have gaydar for men though. I think its 'cause I'm a girl

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#4 of 76 Old 03-30-2005, 11:13 PM
 
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Some people are just more stereotypically "gay" than others. kwim? Women are more difficult than men to me...go figure.

But with many men who do not fit the STEREOTYPE-it is their mouths-think Jimmy Fallon (I say he is bi).
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#5 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 10:05 AM
 
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For me, with women, it's usually the way I find myself reacting to their presence. It's weird ( or maybe not since they actually have a term for it!), but I'm extrememly accurate!
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#6 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 10:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Guys are so much easier for me to tell, dress, mannerism etc.

With girls it is the way we interact with one another. The tone of voice used. Touching while talking is indictive for me too, like our shoulders touched while sitting next to each other. Eye contact is big, seems that those who are gay will look me in the eye much more (but I've found one who WOULDN'T look me in the eye, but it was because she was very nervous around me). Dress really means nothing, but I have noticed a trend in styles for the lesbians in my area. And there is just energy there that I can pick up on.

So how can you tell that 100% someone is straight? I just thought of this because on another forum I posted that if you have kids in tow someone automatically assumes your straight. But is there anything that for sure you just know they are not gay?

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#7 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 10:25 AM
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My gayday is legendarily inaccurate.

Sooooooo, I went back to just accepting people as people.

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#8 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 10:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yea but if your gay, you wanna find others who are.... at least I do since I'm dating...

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#9 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 03:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wemoon
So how can you tell that 100% someone is straight?
: I don't think that anyone is 100% straight

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#10 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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I agree with you Black Orchid. :LOL

And yes I have gaydar. I think actually it's a way of reading a combination of signs: outside of the norm mannerisms, queer culturally specific ways of dressing and slang, particular political views, the absence of heteronormative language (like not identifying the gender of partners, etc)... all rolled into a person's vibe.

I know a transgender kid who says she has "gen-dar." :LOL
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#11 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 04:46 PM
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My daughter, Jennifer, may be confused with the term.

There were so many "Jens" in her classes they sort of developed a Jenn Look and "Jenndar"

I kid you not.

I mistake a lot of straight chicks for gay I guess they may be bi.

As in my gaydar may not be as bad as I might imagine

DB
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#12 of 76 Old 03-31-2005, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Orchid
: I don't think that anyone is 100% straight

That may be true! I kinda wonder that too.

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#13 of 76 Old 04-05-2005, 12:47 PM
 
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My theory has been that another gay person holds your gaze for a nanosecond (not an exact accounting ) longer than 'straight' people. Not really long enough to conciously notice, but it triggers something in my brain that says....ding ding Family...

My gaydar is in the high 90%s for accuracy.

This is an interesting topic...
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#14 of 76 Old 04-06-2005, 09:38 AM
 
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You feel like you see something of yourself? Something indefinable...
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#15 of 76 Old 04-08-2005, 05:48 AM
 
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Well, my DD and I are both bi ... and both have absolutely no "gaydar". Which is tough, because we're both shy with women unless we're pretty darn sure they're interested ... darn, darn, darn ... is "gaydar" a hereditary trait? Is it something one can learn? If so, can any of you tell me where I can find classes?

Although I have to say I am frequently attracted to bi men!
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#16 of 76 Old 04-08-2005, 11:17 AM
 
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Mine's pretty accurate, well, as far as I know!

I agree that is is often in the way someone looks at you, holding your gaze for an extra nanosecond. It's just like the way you can tell the difference between a guy who is friendly and a guy who is attracted to you even if he says nothing obvious.

Even when someone is not necessarily attracted to you, there's often something there in their eyes when they look at you, sort of a, "yep, you're one too!" look. Hard to explain. But that's why this works for me even if the person in question is not attracted to me or if it's a gay man rather than a woman.

DB, I like your "Jenndar" idea!!! I feel the same way about being Jewish. I can always tell when someone else is, or is not. It's so easy.
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#17 of 76 Old 04-09-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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Around here, people only seem to have gaydar for women who are kinda "out" looking in their appearance (i.e. that just off the basketball court/golf course/womyn's music festival/ look).

My partner and I get no notice as gay mommies since we look like any other moms on the street. Even when we are saying loudly "let mommy and momma hold your hand" to our son.
The other day at the bookstore a lesbian couple held the door open for me and the baby, and I was trying to give them some kind of secret signal that we were ones too. I know they had no idea why I was trying to make eye contact!

I have been thinking of putting a HRC equal sign on the diaper bag or something!
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#18 of 76 Old 04-13-2005, 01:42 PM
 
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This is a great thread! I'm not allowed to use my gaydar without supervision. It just isn't reliable and I'm usually pretty clueless when it comes to identifying anyone as family. The joke with my circle of friends is, that like one's driver's license, I have restrictions on my family card and it can be taken if I don't use my gaydar with supervision... :LOL
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#19 of 76 Old 04-13-2005, 04:43 PM
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Duh, editing dumb doublepost
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#20 of 76 Old 04-13-2005, 04:43 PM
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The = doesn't mean you're gay, does it? I thought it just ment you were about equality and justice.

There are two guys that take a little boy to my dd's Kindergarten every day. They're really cool, really seem tuned into the boy. They sometimes ride their bikes and can be seen riding home holding the tiny Kindergartener's bike.

I've told them that they really bless me (particularly with the bikes) and they set off my gaydar. (I didn't tell them about the gaydar)

There is no way for me to know whether they're gay or straight and I suppose it doesn't really matter whether I know (if you know what I mean.) My gaydar is so completely useless and I end up just telling myself that it doesn't matter, just treat everyone nicely and the details don't make a hill of beans' difference.

But, then gain, I would like to know just because I'm curious.

db
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#21 of 76 Old 04-13-2005, 05:01 PM
 
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Just found this post in a "new posts" search. I'm straight and so I am barging in here.

I think I have developed pretty good gaydar for men, but it was learned rather than intuitive. Maybe it was a bit of both. I grew up in a rural area and went to a Catholic College, so I probably would have needed a burning house to fall on me to get the message back in those days. In fact, my good friend and college roommate is gay and it took her coming out to me sometime after college for me to get the message. Looking back, I just laugh at myself and my naivete. She really made it very clear to anyone with any sense.

Then I headed to grad school at IU Bloomington. I am told that Bloomington has the largest per capita gay population after San Francisco. Anyhoo, I lived around a number of gay men there for about nine months before I got the message. (Like I said, I was very naive.) Then became good friends with a gay man and learned a lot about the culture. I was open to learning but had no access to the information before and did not seek it out. My friend Stewart perhaps made it a point to educate me or perhaps I just picked the info up hanging out with a lot of gay men. So I tend to have a good deal of accuracy with men, but I'm married now and out of the game, so I don't know why I would possibly need the info.

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#22 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 12:27 AM
 
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I'm, um, 'straight.' LOL Married to a man and we have a son. I've been intimate with women on numerous occasions, though have never had a relationship with one. I never really refer to myself as 'bi' but am definitely not straight. I think I have really good gaydar. My accuracy seems to be pretty good, at least when I have the opportunity to find out for sure after my internal notification goes off.
I find that they shoot me with the gaydar gun too. I definitely get the eyes held longer than average by a lot of women and feel a distinct sexual tension when the attraction is there. No doubt, gaydar is alive and well.

It's fun to have that sexual tension. It was there with my roommate in college, who had been my friend since 8th grade. Heck, the tension is STILL there when we get together. Feels good!!!

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#23 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 03:13 AM
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Moving this to TAO.

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#24 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 03:19 AM
 
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I have a happily married bi friend who says it's all in the hips when they dance.
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#25 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 03:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wemoon
Yea but if your gay, you wanna find others who are.... at least I do since I'm dating...
Classmate of mine in Japanese class has a hat with pins that basically say "I'm lesbian, if you have a problem with it it's *your* problem" But then, she's very political.

So get some rainbow jewelry and let them hit on you.
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#26 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 03:28 AM
 
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Wemoon is hot. I think everyone is hitting on her. At least I would be.


I have pretty good gaydar. I think for me it comes down to being observant about people. Men are easier than women IMO. But I pay attention to mannerisms, dress, conduct and how they present themselves.

Wemoon, I feel you. I could not get a date if I tried being a single mama with a toddler in tow twenty four hours a day. We should just move in together and save ourselves the trouble.

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#27 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 06:55 AM
 
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My gaydar is pretty good but thats probably alot to do with the way people react to me. I look like a total lesbian cliche... so i often get the 'i know that you are, i am too kinda look' from both women and men.
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#28 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 10:48 AM
 
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I'm usually fairly accurate. I think often too there is a certain body type, not with all lesbians for sure, but in a good number and it makes me wonder how anyone can say being gay is a choice. I have a very good friend who is a lesbian, frankly, she's built more like a man and she just simply looks like she is gay. It doesn't matter what she wears, it still comes out. I remember at a business function she was blown away that anyone knew she was gay-couldn't figure it out, after all, she hadn't even told anyone. She was in a business suit much like the one I was wearing, but there's just something there. Actually the first time we met, she was a friend of a friend of mine and we all went to a bar to see a band play. I came in, sat at the table and even though there were 5 women there I didn't know, I turned to her and said "Oh you must be Marilynn, I've heard so much about you, glad we could finally meet!"

So Wemoon, my friend Marilynn is single.....nice girl.....just a good sh!t all round.....likes kids but doesn't have any....she's a lawyer......who speciallizes in family law.....she'd have more money but more than half of what she does she does pro-bono because she said she went to law school to help people, not to be rich....
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#29 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 10:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AdinaL
Moving this to TAO.

Whoa, what was the voe for? I feel a little exposed right now.... I thought I was posting this in Queer Parenting for a reason? Single mom, Queer, Trying to Date? Egads.

And Meco, I would love to live with you. We would be a hot couple!

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#30 of 76 Old 05-07-2005, 11:39 AM
 
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My gaydar is good, but not great. My most notorious failure was not knowing Rosie O'Donnell was a lesbian until she officially came out. In my defense, I clearly had never met her in person!

As someone said earlier in the thread, it's a combination of signals. Unless you really think about it, you can't identify each one. It's almost like instinct, like is talked about in The Gift of Fear. You aren't consciously analyzing the details, but your brain is seeing them and identifying them.
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