Choosing a donor - how soon in the process? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 05-12-2005, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone,

I've been luking for a few days, and thought I'd ask a question.

DP and I have decided to TTC in about 12 months. In the meantime, we hve a lot of ducks to get in a row in preparation.

I was wondering when in the process should we choose a donor?

We plan to use anonymous from a bank.

Thanks,

Greer
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#2 of 11 Old 05-14-2005, 01:11 PM
 
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Depends on how much money you want to spend, if you plan on buying say 20 vials and dont mind paying long term storage then buy it when ever but if your only buying a few I would wait until closer to TTC time. Personally I would not buy a ton of vials unless I absolutely had my heart set on a donor because really, if you fail 3-6 cycles with a donor there's a good chance your body is rejecting the sperm and you should switch donors.

Seriously?
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#3 of 11 Old 05-16-2005, 10:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Satori,

Thank you for replying.

I think you're right. I've discussed it with my wife and we thinking we'll choose a donor 1 to 2 months out of TTC.

We would like to accomplish out goal with as little outlay of cash as possible. If we can swing it, we'd like to bring the baby into the world mostly debt free. I know there will be some bills associated with prenatal care and the delivery, but we have insurance, so the truly costly part should be conceiving.

I still have plenty of other things to do in the meantime, so it's not like I won't have things to keep my mind off of it.
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#4 of 11 Old 05-16-2005, 12:12 PM
 
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When we were trying to get pregnant, we reviewed donor profiles exhaustively! We each made a list of our top five and then compared them and narrowed them down, etc.

Well, after a few unsuccessful cycles, forget about hair color, ethnicity, personal interests, etc. The only thing we looked for was previous pregnancies! It was very interesting how our standards shifted.

The only reason I would see for stockpiling extra vials is if you want to use the same donor for additional kids. There's no guarantee the same donor would be available two years down the road.
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#5 of 11 Old 05-16-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diane B
Well, after a few unsuccessful cycles, forget about hair color, ethnicity, personal interests, etc. The only thing we looked for was previous pregnancies! It was very interesting how our standards shifted.
ITA! I got lucky doing the actual procedure the first time but my problem was none of my choices had ICI vials available so I finally settled at the very last possible minute for what turned out to be a very very fertile donor. 90 million per cc w/ 44% motility post thaw which is incredible. But there are days I find myself going "what was I thinking?!" He had none of the traits I was looking for! What you will settle for will change pretty quickly. I spent hours agonizing over a donor and at the last minute I found out the bank had made an error and I couldn't use the vials I had bought. Was a total nightmare, so what ever you do, buy the vials at least 2 months ahead and check the receipt they send you carefully. Thank god I did or else I would not have caught the error and I would have missed the cycle! (I could have technically used the vials but I wasn't spending that kinda money to use IUI for ICI!)

Seriously?
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#6 of 11 Old 05-20-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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We looked a few months in advance because it can take a bit of time to sort through the short profiles, narrow down to the long-profiles, look through the 25+ pages for each long profile, listen to audio tapes and then make a decision. i would suggest buying at least a few months vials in advance because donor availability changes from month to month and it is very frustrating to have spent all of that time picking a donor and then having it not available again. Also, it was really important to us to have both of our babies be full siblings so as soon as we got pregnant with #1, we bought in advance for #2. We used California Cryobank which also offers a sibling only program.

Good luck!
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#7 of 11 Old 05-22-2005, 04:34 PM
 
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Hi there!

Our ten-week old is the result of AI via an unknown donor and a sperm bank (I'll gladly share the name if you want to pm me).

One of the things that factored into our choice of a donor was that we wanted an id release or open id donor; this means the donor is open to having the child try to contact him once the child is 18 years old. That reduced our pool right away and made the decision that much easier.

Other than that, we paid extra to have access to as much information as possible about the donor (including a childhood photo). We were looking for basic good health and an ethnicity similar to ours. But what moved us the most was the short essay the donor had written. It was articulate, sensitive and very sweet. I got tears in my eyes thinking some day our child might read that. In the end, I think it was the essay that made us pick that particular donor.

I can't say that we were particulary interested in physical characteristics.

I hope this helps!
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#8 of 11 Old 05-30-2005, 01:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've been talking about things a little more extensively now and I'm concerned that DP's expectations might be difficult to fill.

I know that we can't have everything, and there are certain things that are a higher priority for me.

In a perfect world, we would want a donor with a similar ethnic background, simiar physical characterstics to DP, good health (with few or none of the health problems in our family histories), of similar intelligence to us, willing to be known.

That's a LONG list that I know we won't come close to getting.

I imagine though that once we start sifting through profiles (in about 6 months) I'm sure we'll realize what is most important
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#9 of 11 Old 05-30-2005, 01:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jgreer
I imagine though that once we start sifting through profiles (in about 6 months) I'm sure we'll realize what is most important
If you don't conceive within a couple cycles you will quickly find your choices going from a long list to just have reported pregs!

My first choice was boy genius, at 19 he was in his 3rd year of college with a 3.9 GPA BUT he took meds daily for asthma which was a major strike (both I and dd have asthma and I wanted to give the kid a chance!) but I still went with him because I really liked what he wrote in his profile and I just "felt" he was the donor for me. Turned out he only had IUI vials which I couldn't/wouldn't use since I'm not doing IUI and I didn't find this out till the last minute and had to switch donors. I still have "what was I thinking?!" moments occasionally when I think about the donor I ended up with but he got he job done on the first try so I cant complain to much. I'm sure he's still a great guy but would rather someone with a bit more brains but then think "well maybe he's just lazy like me, can get A's easy but doesn't put in the effort."

Seriously?
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#10 of 11 Old 06-01-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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IME in large part how your criteria will play out depends on the policies & catalogue of the sperm bank you're using.

I found a clinic I liked, and then narrowed down the donors by:
1) WTBK (at age 18) - this knocked out 50%
2) Good donor health - no major health problems, then,
3) No major health problems in the close family that seemed really horrible to me or are the same things that occur in my family, and finally
4) Some evidence of both left & right brain activity via schooling, hobbies, interests, job, whatever

This left me with 4 options. I picked them out of my pocket for a random order and gave those to the bank. I tried not to get hung up on a particular donor b/c you never know if they will be available when you want them.

I chose my bank about 6 mo before doing the DI and made sure they'd have candidates that met all of my criteria. I gave my donor request list to the bank when I ordered the sperm for the first time.
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#11 of 11 Old 06-02-2005, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We are seriously considering using California Cryobank because there are only 1 or two banks in our area and their donor pools don't seem very large. The drive to CCB would be about 2 hours, so it wouldn't be horrible, and we'd save the money on shipping, etc.

I imagine we will start talking seriously about donors in another few months and actually going through profiles in February or March.

I know it sounds like a long time from now, but I'm a planner
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