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#31 of 51 Old 05-29-2005, 03:54 PM
 
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Wemoon and Inci, I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going very well in your love lives right now. My disappointment is kind of minor compared to that, but I'll toss it out anyway, misery loves company, right?

There's this girl that used to work with my son (he has autism, she was one of his behavioral therapists) and we were always friendly, and I knew she was a lesbian. He aged out of that program about a year ago, and a few weeks ago, she called me up out of the blue wanting to hang out. Cool! She came over 2 wks ago, and we hung out from 3pm til after 11. Then yesterday I asked her over for dinner and she stayed til almost 1 am, but it came out in the course of conversation that she's not really into poly. So there goes any hope of that working out. It stinks, because she and I both have a lot of autistic traits ourselves, so we really "get" each other and our need for space, and all that.

But PrideFest is coming up next month, and that's always a blast. The kids are getting old enough to really understand what it's about, and that's cool. (last year, dd told me "I want to marry a boy when I grow up, but other people should marry whoever they want!") We get a few looks, because we appear to be your standard straight couple with kids, but most people are really welcoming and open. Although last year, dh got jokingly referred to as a "fag stag", because I was hanging out with my (female) best friend, and he appeared to be just tagging along pushing the stroller. LOL
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#32 of 51 Old 05-30-2005, 01:02 AM
 
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Josie~ Maybe this woman will become a good friend if nothing else. Has she flat out said "no"...I mean if you're hanging out a lot, she's probably interested on some level, don't ya think? Too funny about your hubby being referred to as the "fag stag" at Pride... And your dd's comment was priceless. What an awesome person she sounds like, to be raised so accepting of others!

Hi Jennifer C I don't know anything about poly relationships really...do you have another person or couple that you guys are seeing right now? Just curious...
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#33 of 51 Old 05-30-2005, 03:03 AM
 
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Susan, I think she is somewhat interested, but she did flat out say "I don't think I could handle a non-monogamous relationship, I'd be too jealous". OTOH, I think a lot of people say that when hearing about poly for the first time. I know I did. My, how times have changed. LOL I think I could handle a poly-fidelity type thing, where I'm not with anyone but her and my husband, but that's as far as I can go on that issue.

And I totally love that tolerance is just such a natural thing in our household, our kids won't have to unlearn a lot of crap like I did once I was out of my mother's control.

ETA: Oh, and a cool thing, esp for us bi married mamas-- I think I was recognized as "family" today. Dh, ds and I went to a coffeehouse that is a big GLB (maybe T, not sure) hangout. Got into a conversation with another woman, and I just got the impression she KNEW, even though I didn't say anything about it. I was excited! :LOL
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#34 of 51 Old 06-08-2005, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just thought I would update you all...

So the girl I am seeing has left. I'm so messed up over this. I was extremely depressed yesterday, today I feel much better. Her and I have been on the phone together about 10 different times today. I think that the possibility is high that I will be moving to be with her... I just can't see this going any other way right now. We are both missing each other desperately. It is honestly such torture...

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#35 of 51 Old 06-08-2005, 12:33 AM
 
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I was in your situation a few years ago and ended up moving from Canada to the US to be with a woman I was madly in love with. It did not work out with her but both my daughter and I have been very happy with the move and plan to continue living here. Make sure you consider your kids in this move. My daughter was 6 yrs old when I just picked up and moved with very little thought about how it would affect her... it scares me sometimes to think that I did that because that is so unlike me. Things worked out but it could have not worked out also.... Anyway, just something to think about....

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#36 of 51 Old 06-08-2005, 10:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wemoon
I think that the possibility is high that I will be moving to be with her... I just can't see this going any other way right now. We are both missing each other desperately. It is honestly such torture...
I'm sorry sweetie.

I just want to chime in with the last thing you want to hear right now. I would really, really, really suggest not up and moving with your kids just yet. I know your heart aches, and you two are in love, but if it's meant to last, it will. Please think about waiting a while before you do this.
I think from what I've read of your other posts that this is your first real lesbian relationship? I'm sure you've heard the U-Haul jokes before, but honestly, they are so, so, true. Us lesbians fall hard and fast.I know my first love made me completely irrational. I was willing to do almost anything to be with her. But the difference for someone like you and me is that we have children to think about. If this girl really is the one, time will tell. Work on building your relationship as 2 people, long distance for a while. See if the feelings hold true long term, THEN think about moving your kids. Any really great, real long term relationship is worth waiting for, and will withstand time and distance.

Hugs to you again. I'm sorry your heart aches.
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#37 of 51 Old 06-10-2005, 11:51 AM
 
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I thought I had posted to this one...

26, womanist, queer or two-spirited, financially partnered and living with a man, girlfriend in NYC... TTCing as well. I think that's about it.
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#38 of 51 Old 06-10-2005, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cmb123
I'm sorry sweetie.

I just want to chime in with the last thing you want to hear right now. I would really, really, really suggest not up and moving with your kids just yet. I know your heart aches, and you two are in love, but if it's meant to last, it will. Please think about waiting a while before you do this.
I think from what I've read of your other posts that this is your first real lesbian relationship? I'm sure you've heard the U-Haul jokes before, but honestly, they are so, so, true. Us lesbians fall hard and fast.I know my first love made me completely irrational. I was willing to do almost anything to be with her. But the difference for someone like you and me is that we have children to think about. If this girl really is the one, time will tell. Work on building your relationship as 2 people, long distance for a while. See if the feelings hold true long term, THEN think about moving your kids. Any really great, real long term relationship is worth waiting for, and will withstand time and distance.

Hugs to you again. I'm sorry your heart aches.

I know... and I'm trying to remain rational... it is really, really difficult. I won't be going anywhere until at least october because I'm bound by a lease. I know that this time will tell a lot and I'm not packing up anything. I am just keeping myself open to the possibility and honestly she doesn't even really know what she is doing. She may very well end up back here. When I talk to her she seems so conflicted about why she is where she is and what she is doing. So yea... I'm not packing... but remaining open to the idea of it.

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#39 of 51 Old 06-10-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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Hey, I'm here, too, just not that often. Hmmm, all these single girls who dig girls who have kids... tempting. ah, well, anyway:

I'm queer, dated only girls and a transboy (FtM) before my current partner: just a boring straight bio-guy (no, he's really quite entertaining!). We are NOT married, because accepting benefits from a corrupt government which wouldn't give us the same rights if I had a dick, or he didn't, doesn't feel right to me.

Anyway, we have a waterbirthed almost-2year old and we co-sleep and breastfeed and all that good stuff. (It took me a while to figure out what NFL meant-- I thought you all were some serious football fans!) I have a chronic illness and sort-of identify as a disabled person, but sometimes not, and its WAY harder for me to negotiate wanting to hide that identity than my queer one. Closets of all kinds in the world, huh?

Most of my friends from college and back home are queer, but don't have kids yet, plus I live on the opposite coast from them now (AND from my recently-made lesbian mom friend... are ya here, Larin??) so I'm always eager to make more queer mama friends... anyone here live in Seattle?
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#40 of 51 Old 06-12-2005, 06:02 AM
 
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haven't been on here for about three years, but I remember this board was soo vital when we first became mamas

My partner and I have two wonderful boys aged 4 1/2 yrs and 1 1/2 years. We are in New Zealand (down under)!!

Nice to see so many queer mamas!!

We are now considering baby number three!! Not sure whether to or not. We may just get a dog instead!!

Nice to see you all here
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#41 of 51 Old 06-14-2005, 08:23 PM
 
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Hey! I'm lesbian-identified-bisexual, tho all my major relationships have been with women. I have a 19 mos old daughter who I conceived and co-parent with a fag friend. I live with my ex girlfriend.
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#42 of 51 Old 06-16-2005, 08:07 PM
 
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I'm not yet a Queer Mama, but I'm hoping to be one soon and I'm definitely looking for some community! Hope no one minds that I crashed the party.

My partner and I plan to start TTC late this summer/early fall. We're gonna be first-time moms and have a million questions. She's 29, I'm 31, and we live in Central Illinois. Right now we're making lots of plans and decisions, which is fun, but I'm definitely looking forward to starting the insemination process.


Susan

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#43 of 51 Old 06-16-2005, 10:37 PM
 
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Bi mama of four married to a man.....
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#44 of 51 Old 06-17-2005, 12:26 AM
 
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howdy. I'm bi/queer. The older I get, the queerer I get. My community is very queer, as well, but not a queer community...uh...ok what I mean is, my community is loosely connected around radical left politics, and includes lots of queers of many varieties. and the people who aren't queer are and work to be strong allies.

My primary partner/co-parent is a man. I've had some relationships with women, and more and more feel like whenever I become actively polyamorous again, it will be with women.

I also often feel like I'm not accepted as queer because of my relationship. But wtf.
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#45 of 51 Old 06-17-2005, 01:52 PM
 
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i'm genderqueer, but i'm not bisexual, in fact, i'm not attracted to women at all, nor have i "kissed a girl in college" or anywhere else, for that matter :LOL my sexuality is kind of hard to explain, but my sig should give some idea. i'm not attracted to gay men, though, me and my best friend, who is gay, both like straight/bi guys.

so anyway, i'm a bit of a freak, but i'm all about the love and i hope no one minds if i chime in now and then. and i won't join in any discussions dedicated to specific needs of particular groups i run a board that is for a particular segment of gay men, so i totally understand the need to have a safe place to talk about stuff

keep on keepin on :
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#46 of 51 Old 06-19-2005, 04:51 PM
 
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Hello

I don't quite know where I fit in! I don't mind that, though. I am not straight and veer towards queer (love the rhyme ). My partner right now is FTM trans. Don't know what the future holds for me or anyone else. I love people and I love intimacy. I am discovering more and more about this aspect of myself as I grow. I don't think I ever really had a sex drive until about a year ago . I get clausterphobic being boxed in to any particular brand.
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#47 of 51 Old 06-22-2005, 12:00 PM
 
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I think that's the cool thing...we ALL FIT IN here, no matter what kind of outcasts we might be IRL. "Queer" can mean so many things. Welcome to everyone!


PixelDust~ My folks live in east central Illinois! I love going to visit them. Nice state. Congrats on TTC soon. I always think how special it is when gay parents seem so much more prepared than straight folks to have children.

Peace.
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#48 of 51 Old 06-22-2005, 12:44 PM
 
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that is so true :

has anyone else seen the documentary "We are Dad" on Showtime? i only saw the last half hour, i'll prolly watch the whole thing on On Demand tonight. it was so moving, and so upsetting. florida sucks :


Quote:
Originally Posted by DejaSu
I always think how special it is when gay parents seem so much more prepared than straight folks to have children.
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#49 of 51 Old 06-22-2005, 03:03 PM
 
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Thanks, DejaSu. I'm feeling the way I imagine most people feel when they're getting ready to start TTC: excited, anxious, hopeful, and guarded. Trying not to let my excitement and dreams run away with me, since we have no idea how long it will take. We're definitely spending a lot of time trying to be as prepared as we can.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mshollyk
has anyone else seen the documentary "We are Dad" on Showtime? i only saw the last half hour, i'll prolly watch the whole thing on On Demand tonight. it was so moving, and so upsetting.
I didn't catch that one. What did you think about it? Was it pretty sympathetic?

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#50 of 51 Old 06-22-2005, 10:11 PM
 
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Hello

I don't quite know where I fit in! I don't mind that, though. I am not straight and veer towards queer (love the rhyme ). My partner right now is FTM trans.
Hey, mamajama! I am also queer and partnered with a FTM. We've been together for 11 years; he transitioned, oh, 7 or 8 years ago. Sometimes I identify as bi, but mostly I like the label 'queer'. Lots of room in there, less explaining to do.

We have a 3 1/2 year old boy, conceived with a known donor.
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#51 of 51 Old 06-24-2005, 02:55 PM
 
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sorry, i haven't had time to watch that doc again, but yes PixelDust, it was very sympathetic. i think it was done by friends of theirs, but i'm not sure. they went on Rosie's family cruise last year, and i remember one of the comments was something about how gay families are in this in-between place because they aren't in the scene anymore, and yet they don't fit with straight families. i don't know any other queer families at all, but i am going to one of the family events for pride tomorrow, so hopefully i'll meet some other families
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