In "infatuation" with a friend.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-23-2005, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
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I won't say it's LOVE, that's a big word, but I've definately fallen head-over-heals for a good friend of mine. She lives down the street. We've been acquintances and casual friends for years... then something changed a few months ago. As my relationship with my husband got worse and we spent more time together, I started feeling things for her I've never felt before. After weeks of flirting and ALMOST holding hands a few times, I confronted her. She admitted she was attracted to me but....she's in a committed relationship with her gf. They've been together for about 7 years. They wear matching rings. But their love life is non-existent and she wants to leave her. She's scared.. I'm scared. But I can't stop feeling this way for her. It's to the point now where we don't hang out very much, I'm nervous around her, I hate watching her and her gf cuddle on the couch...and the flirtation/connection is STILL THERE...

So I wrote her a 5 page letter yesterday. I know, how 8th grade is that?! : I don't intend on giving it to her, but it sure felt good to write everything down. I also made a mixed CD that I'd love to give her, but I don't want her to feel like she has to hide it from her gf...

I know, this is a pretty OT thread, I hope it doesn't get moved... She's not a mom, so we don't have that connection, but we connect on so many other levels. We love to debate. And I think I actually might've gotten my point across pretty well when we discussed vax one time. I love a good heated conversation.

Maybe it's just because it's my first "crush" since divorcing my dh and embracing my "queerness"...but I have such intense feelings for her. Help mamas. I feel sad. I feel like nobody will ever like me back, and she does, so why does she have to be attached. I don't want to be the B#$*@ that ruins a relationship, ya know? Any advice is welcome. I can handle it. Thanks in advance...

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#2 of 4 Old 06-24-2005, 12:35 AM
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I remember the first woman I fell head over heels for.... We ended up dating off & on for over a year. I had always struggled, thinking I was gay but always questioning. When I met her, I knew. I was so scared but it ended up being one of the most wonderful experiences in my life. I do not think you can break up your crush's relationship with her gf. If things do not work out between them, that has little to do with you. If their relationship was strong then there wouldn't be anyone, you or someone else, that could come between them. I think writing a letter is a positive step. It gets your thoughts out of paper. Keep the letter, maybe you will want to share it with her someday or maybe you will come back to it to read again. Take things slow... if it's meant to be, it will happen. I know that is so hard to do when you want something so bad.... or someone.

Kim, proud CPS mom to Marnie and my 4 legged kids, Jess, Zander, Oliver, Stumpy and Eddie.
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#3 of 4 Old 06-26-2005, 07:34 PM
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It is hard... especially when it is all new to you. The first girl I dated I fell for and she was a total bitch. I'm actually friends with her now, but very distanced friends. Perhaps you just need to get out on the scene a little more? Come down and visit me maybe :LOL I know lots of lesbos We could have some fun for sure!

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#4 of 4 Old 06-27-2005, 09:48 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks. I think I'm seeing the picture a little more clearly after this w/e. They showed up at Pride (didn't tell me they were going, it was a LONG drive, stayed at the same hotel even , they were all over each other, blew me off, and basically opened my eyes that I can't have her. It was hard. I think she does know how I feel, but I can't wear my heart on my sleeve and expect to not get hurt.

On a good note, I did meet some new people, even danced with an older woman. And of course being surrounded by all the gay love was awesome in itself...

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