Poly parents, please chime in - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-30-2005, 02:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Particularly if you're married or have a single primary relationship to which others are ancillary. How do you negotiate time with your spouse/primary SO vs. time with others?

DH and I are having trouble with that , so I thought it might help to have others' perspectives.
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Old 08-30-2005, 01:06 PM
 
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well we try to schedule thigns at the same time so we aren't missing out on family time mostly..and talk talk talk of course.

I schedule things when he is at work or school, he schedules things when i am at the park, LLL, or playgroup. and we each have one "date" day a week...which means it otherwise interferes with family time
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Old 08-30-2005, 03:31 PM
 
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Old 09-02-2005, 05:53 PM
 
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Well we're having trouble, too. We just spent a week with my sweetie whom I essentially haven't seen in a year, last time the festival we were at happened. I was not happy with the amount of time I got to spend with him babyfree. But the baby was clingy, and everyone was busy, and it was just a lot of poor planning and chaos. I'm starting to think LDRs and small children are incompatible.

I think anj has a good point with the empathy, though. We all have to realise that we all want more free time than we can have, and be realistic about whether we're taking too much or not enough. I think it'll be a constant struggle.
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Old 09-13-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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It helps that dh & my schedules are very different, so he often has dates late at night or on Thursdays. Mine are often on Saturday evenings or lunch dates.

Sundays are sacred family time. Major negotiations have to occur before we touch that time.

My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

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Old 10-01-2005, 05:27 AM
 
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When my outside relationship was slightly LD, we had a regular date night that was my night to go out with him while DH stayed home with the kids.

Now, our secondary partner lives with us, so it's a bit more complicated - usually, we just snatch opportunities when they come up - say if DH has to go somewhere on a business trip, DP will go with him so they can have some time alone, and then she'll stay with the kids later in the week so DH & I can go out.
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Old 10-28-2005, 11:03 PM
 
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We are still kind of new to this {a year and a month this coming Wednesday} but for right now, our scheduling works out for all of us. DH is off every Saturday through Monday, and DP is only off Saturday & Sunday. So every other Saturday night DP and I go out either on our own or with just Emma, which gives DH time with the two older girls alone, to play games or do other things that can't be done when the baby is there, and DP and I get to go do stuff we wouldn't with the kids, like have a peaceful dinner at a place without plastic bibs or baby monitors, or just grab a milkshake and go for a drive { yeah, even with the gas prices it's worth it to us, since we have some of our best/most intimate conversations in the car} Most Sundays we take all three kids someplace so DH can have a day to himself. Mondays DH and I and the girls mostly just hang out and kind of *be* but occasionally go for a ride or walk around campus, or cruise wal-mart making out our dream lists....

on the opposite Saturdays, DH and I go out, mostly for a drive or something simple, but we've got a plan for a dinner/dart game night after the holidays...
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Old 11-20-2005, 11:47 AM
 
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I only wish I had poly family, no one yet. My husband can't fathom it. I am happy I saw this thread though, it gives me hope.

With Love,
Carrie

To begin to save the world, we must first nurture the children. Read "The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost"    saynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactlact.gifMe-hippie.gifreading.gifhelp.gif10.5 yo dd1- nut.gifreading.gifblahblah.gif ; 5 yo dd2- angel.gifhearts.gifbouncy.gif
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Old 11-24-2005, 01:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karika
I only wish I had poly family, no one yet. My husband can't fathom it. I am happy I saw this thread though, it gives me hope.

With Love,
Carrie
my honey, johnbear, is wanting to start/join a poly family. trouble is, i know relatively little about it. i've done a lot of reading on the subject, but john and i are both really at a loss as to how to begin. any ideas on resources?
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Old 11-25-2005, 04:30 AM
 
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I think the first step is exploring the PHILOSOPHY. Find Q&A pages or FAQs on the net. Take time to discuss the ideas with your partner. Explore how you feel in different situations, what your attractions are, etc. You can be poly and yet not in a poly relationship - I think a lot of trouble can come from actively trying to seek out a poly partner.
It took us 9 years to figure out that our relationship philosophy had a name.....and another year after that before we met our girlfriend. It takes time.
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Old 12-05-2005, 07:10 PM
 
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Join a poly group on Yahoo and ask questions. I have learned alot with my state's yahoo group, and can't wait to meet them at the conference in April..
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Old 12-05-2005, 07:25 PM
 
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DH and I are poly 'in theory' but we don't have any other partners right now. We live rurally so it's a bit tricky. But a good resource/dating site is http://www.polymatchmaker.com, it has helpful articles, faq's, forums, chat room etc. Lots of fun .
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