bjorker, nope...the thread isn't dead yet (knowing me, I'll probably be the thread killer here) LOL!
Originally Posted by Diane B
I'm hoping with our daughter that we can be open and flexible to how she wants to be in the world and keep giving her lots of choices.
That's my basic approach and goal as well with my kids. You pretty much summed it up for me.
|One last little rant about clothing: it is almost impossible to find clothing for little kids that does not scream gender. Frankly, I think a lot of boys clothing is kind of unattractive, so we mostly dress her in girls stuff, but I do look hard for things in yellow, red, green and blue.
I totally know what you mean about finding "gender-neutral" clothing. We have tried, especially while we were waiting for foster placements, and it is just hard to do.
Also sometimes hard to find is inexpensive, cute clothing without some tv cartoon character, Disney something-or-other, etc. on it...but that's another story entirely.
Oh, and I do have to say, I used to think girls stuff was so cute, but after parenting boys for a bit, and especially with my baby boy now, I think there is some super cute boys clothing that girls' stuff just can't match. Especially at Target LOL. I mean seriously, I go nuts for cute little boys clothes now, and I hardly even notice the girl stuff anymore. When I do notice the girls stuff, it usually makes me want to scream (and I am a pretty darn girly-girl myself). It's just so-- eww!
Okay, that was a bit off the subject. But I guess I did want to say that our baby dfs can wear whatever he wants as he gets old enough to choose, but for now, we pretty much dress him in boy stuff. He's a boy, we like the clothes, and he looks so cute in them. As for his toys and room decor, they are slightly more boyish according to the "traditional" gender lines (cars and stuff), even though we got most of this stuff long before he came along...guess we just found more fun stuff that seems to be traditionally associated with boys. But he does have a few simple dolls and some other stuff that might be seen as girl stuff by the larger world.
Oh, and another interesting observation about ourselves. When we are in the store and getting him, say, pacifiers, we do pick the non-pink ones if there are any available. Not sure how concious that is. But it is what we do. On the other hand, a few times there have only been pink pacifiers, and so we have bought those without a second thought. But we use them less frequently and aren't as likely to bring them with us on outings. Not sure if that has any reasoning behind it. I know that my dw isn't the biggest fan of dressing him in pink. She just feels like it is setting him up somehow in the greater world. But she is also a preschool teacher and is totally cool with whatever ways kids dress and act. And she was a great mom to our older transgender dfs, and very comfortable with expressions of gender variation...even moreso than myself. So I think with the baby it is just a matter of trying to make life comfortable for him, and figuring that having people calling him a girl could just make life more complicated. Especially since he already has two moms (on top of a birth mom as well). But I could be reading more into dw's reasoning than there is.
Oh, and bjorker, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said:
|Ultimately I think attitudes are more important than clothing, labels, etc etc etc. Telling a boy to put down a doll, telling a girl that she can't play in the mud with her brothers, etc. . .
It is the *attitude* in my opinion, that makes the real difference for kidos.
P.S. Funny story. My dw's mom tries very hard to be accepting. She did a great job being a supportive person in our older dfs's life. But when our baby dfs was about a month or so, a person from my church gave dfs these onesies that had pink flowers all over them. dw wasn't a big fan (of course, she's neither girly nor butchy-- just your average woman, but she *hates* most fabrics with flowers printed on them because she doesn't like the way they look), so she said to me, "Oh, we'll just use them as PJs." Then dw's mom came to visit, found them, and said, "You've got to take these back to the store and get something he can use." And she kept pushing for it and pushing for it. It was sort of amusing.
P.P.S. A few people have commented to us about dfs, "He is all boy" because he is so active. It makes me think of my neices too, some of whom are equally active. I do tend to find that type of phrase rather irritating, and I try to redirect the conversation.