I have finally (after two weeks of trying) found the online forum I've been looking for. I am so grateful to find all of you here. I've been looking EVERYWHERE!! Finally some people who share my desire to have a child that's biologically related to both of us and understand why we want to use a known donor.
My partner and I are also considering asking my brother to be a donor for our chlid. There are all sorts of benefits and my parents are all for it. But, we're still investigating the possibly messy outcomes. I'm wondering if those of you who used relatives have thoughts about these concerns:
My brother is young--in college--and is concerned that he isn't going to be around much during the kid's childhood (he has the sort of grand plans many young people with loose feet have). He worries that a kid may feel abandoned and he worries that he will feel guilty, knowing he helped bring a child into the world and he isn't a large part of that kid's life. As we talk more, I think he is going to need to decide whether or not he's going to feel guilty, knowing that our kid will have two loving parents, a loving extended family, and many other adults and that we are not asking him to be a father to our child, just a donor and an uncle.
But, we've found other concerns...how might his relationship to our child--and other family relationships--change when he marries and has children? What will the relationship between his children and ours be like?
We've discovered elsewhere that donors can bond more than they expected to, to a child, so it seems wise to limit contact at and after birth, particularly with a young man who hasn't yet experienced fatherhood, just to protect him and us from this possibility. And advice here? And, I'm also wondering what changed in your (donor and parents) expecations, hopes, and feelings after the child was born?
I'm also concerned that I may be asking too much from my brother. I'm wondering what all of you think, particularly anyone on the donor side of things. This is a really adult decision, is he too young?
I hope that's not too much all at once!
p.s. I appreciate all the legal info here, too. We'll be recording all of that for careful consideration once we decide if emotionally this arrangement will work out for us. It looks like Ohio also removes paternal responsibility when one uses a doctor, so that's good for us.