the trans thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
1  2  3 4 
Queer Parenting > the trans thread
crunchyconmomma's Avatar crunchyconmomma 04:35 PM 04-26-2006
yes, i am in a better place. MUCH better. it continues to go this way - several steps forward and then a few back, but the overall trend is a forward progression.
and i am keeping a journal because one important thing i have learned from all of this is that there is little to nothing out there for spouses like me - found out AFTER marriage and kids and had no clue. but i wanted her journal to be incororated. so i have to translate her thoughts and words and then check in with her to make sure i am on the right track.

gotta go mow grass. "she's" in a funk and that always used to be "his" it hasn't been done yet this year.
anyone know how i'm s'posed to clean a reel mower when i'm done?????

moonypadfoot's Avatar moonypadfoot 12:22 AM 04-28-2006
Originally Posted by schess
first of all, welcome, logan: . i knew there had to be some ftm dads lurking out here on MDC! it feels nice for this little thread to slowly grow!

i agree with crunchyconmomma, though, that it's hard to know where the film is being distributed. will you let us know?
thank you for the warm welcome :-) As far as I know, the film has not been picked up for distribution by any company, and is only available when Jules submits it to a film festival. There is a website:

And I believe you can contact Jules Rosskam, the producer, from the site about arranging a showing. It was a barebones student film that was part of Jules' graduate studies, and I'm really surprised to have see it come this far. I'd have worn a nicer shirt if I'd known anyone would ever actually see it, lol.
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 01:05 PM 04-28-2006
thanks for the info, logan. it was nice to see a picture of you and your kid, even if it's not your favorite shirt or your favorite moment in your transition.

do you guys who were participants have copies of the film? because i know another one of the dads who was featured, and could borrow it from him. otherwise, i guess we'll just be waiting for a film festival closer to home, eh?

thanks again,
moonypadfoot's Avatar moonypadfoot 01:19 PM 04-28-2006
Originally Posted by schess
thanks for the info, logan. it was nice to see a picture of you and your kid, even if it's not your favorite shirt or your favorite moment in your transition.

do you guys who were participants have copies of the film? because i know another one of the dads who was featured, and could borrow it from him. otherwise, i guess we'll just be waiting for a film festival closer to home, eh?

thanks again,
The copy I have is just a burned dvd that Jules sent me last year. I don't think they've had any production done besides his computer. So borrowing from one of the other guys is probably the only way to get a copy. But the film does seem to be picking up steam, and I hope that Jules gets a good distribution deal at some point.
mshollyk's Avatar mshollyk 02:47 PM 04-28-2006
welcome logan! that movie looks great!

sorry i haven't been able to contribute much lately...i've been going through a lot of family stuff. but i'm glad to see people posting here
KatieKaput's Avatar KatieKaput 03:45 AM 05-01-2006
Just wanted to say hi. I'm a transsexual woman and my partner is a trans guy. We have a 4 year old son and a new baby due in July. My partner was in the movie (TransParent) previously mentioned. Our son and I are technically in it, too, but we don't say much. We just look cute.

Anyhow, just checking in.--katie
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 03:22 PM 05-01-2006
Welcome Katie!

And thanks to Logan for being a part of the film. I haven't seen it yet, but have heard lots about it -- here & other places. I am trying to get a copy, as my interests include 'queer birth'. (My MA thesis mostly focuses on 'lesbian' birthing experiences, but that is simply how the people who responded quick enough to participate identify. I was wanting to include more of a variety of experiences and identities.)

Meanwhile, my partner (who's hoping to get his first shot of T next month) & I believe that we are pregnant! I'll test on Thursday!!!
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 03:24 PM 05-01-2006
ooops, double post!
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 04:57 PM 05-01-2006
First of all, welcome : KatieKaput! It's great to hear about all the differnt sorts of trans and genderqueer parents here on MDC, and to keep building this network...

Michelle, keep us posted on your pregnancy test : and on your partner's t: what a lot of big stuff you have going on!!

TexasTomboy's Avatar TexasTomboy 07:25 PM 05-03-2006
Hey Transfolks and those who love us!

I don't have time to read and post at the moment, but I just want to say: "Word!" :

We're gonna be bestfriends!
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 03:36 AM 05-06-2006
welcome, texas tomboy!

: ...looking forward to all of the conversations to come...:

MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 03:07 PM 05-06-2006
welcome TexasTomboy!

Just an update. It didn't work this cycle, and we're taking a cycle off so I get tests done and I think if we only need to take 1 cycle off, the next test we'd do it about the time my partner will get his first shot of T! :

And good luck getting that bun in the oven TexasTomboy! Keep us posted on that too!
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 02:56 AM 05-12-2006
just a quick check-in... thanks for the update Michelle, and good luck with your tests and with your next cyle!

keep us in the loop!
Morag's Avatar Morag 08:21 AM 06-24-2006
Hi Michelle and everyone

I just thought I'd sign in and say I'm mum to a ten-yr-old transgirl. James who has chosen the name Jemima for herself has been telling me she's a girl trapped in a body's body for seven and a half years. Jemma still has to go to school as a boy which she hates, but as soon as she's home she changes into herself—the sweetest and most feminine little girl anyone could wish for; she really is a honey. I have three other children who are "normal"—if any child can be called "normal"!—an 11 y-o girl and two boys, 6 & 7. Alison (the elder girl) is fantastic with Jemma, very protective of her,:slingirl particularly at school where Jemma gets bullied a bit because he is so girly in looks and behaviour She has a best friend with whom she shares a brithday and they say they must be twins : To see them together one could easily take them for such.

The thing Jemma wants more than anything is to be able to transition so she can live as a girl full time and can go to school as a girl. We are hoping this can happen when she goes to secondary school in the autumn (fall) of '07, but she says that's a lifetime away for her. If there was a way for her to transition at her persent school we would jump at it. The headmistress is fully aware of Jemma's condition.

If you're interested in the full story of Jemma see my post (#38) in the "Gender variant/transgendered children" thread on the Parenting/parenting forum

mum to Alison Jemima Dugald : and Alasdair :
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 04:22 PM 06-24-2006
Thank you, Morag for sharing about Jemma here!
I just wanted to welcome you to the trans-thread -- although I know you've posted elsewhere & recevied a lot of support from them too!

homemademomma 02:09 PM 06-28-2006
Originally Posted by crunchyconmomma
...... i have admitted to DP that right now I am just in this giant pity party mode because I celebrated everything that was so "man" about her. ours was a very nice balance, somewhat because she did such a good job of hiding the side of her that was unhappy being "my man."

...., maybe just not wanting to give up male parts and male hormones and male-ness in my mate...i don't know.... i do know i feel like my husband is dying and i am grieving that loss, with all the complications that assumes psychologically.
i have noticed a tendency in some people to perceive any difficulty in universally accepting the trans stuff without any sadenss or discontent as a weakness or character flaw. this stuff takes time because it's new. it's been 4 months since i found out and it has honestly turned my world upside down.
: oh wow, this post made me cry- my dp is transgendered?? (im not sure of the proper word to use to describe him) but this post made me realize how much i am NOT supportive of this aspect of him. i am straight and dont think i could be sexually attracted to him if he transitioned- of course i love him and value our relationship, but i dont know how it would work if he changed. but i also want him to be happy and comfortable in his body. and then there's the part of me that is just put off by the idea of hormones and surgery (i dont mean offense to anyone, this is just what i am feeling). i want to be supportive but i just feel overwhelmed. i knew he wasnt strictly male before we married, but it never occured to me he would want to change- and im still not sure he does.
anyway i hope im still allowed on this thread even though i have so many mixed up and unresolved feelings about this.
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 06:29 PM 06-28-2006
I think we all have mixed-up and unresolved issues, and feel overwhelmed by this stuff -- let me know if you disagree -- and above all I find that time is particularly useful at helping me/us with these issues. I'm not sure how long you've known that your DP is wanting/needing to transition. I am sure that it has been longer for them.

This is making me think of a phoen conversation I had with my dad yesterday. He knows that my partner is transitionning, and we were discussing that how on Monday he (my partner) was officially being 'outed' at work -- so they'd call him by his chosen name and not his birth name, etc. My Dad has never used male pronouns for my partner. And we talked about how it takes time & will be difficult for my DPs co-workers to adjust. And I told my Dad that my DP wrote a letter for the co-workers and in it stated that he himself still goofs on his name and pronouns -- 15 months after publicly stating that he prefered his chosen name. I don't know what it was, but I don't think I have ever felt so much respect and understanding and compassion from my Dad as I did after that. Of course, my relationship with my partner is nothing like what my Dad dreamed of for me.
It also got me thinking about how when my partner & I are out, I still enjoy being recognized and respected as a ss couple -- when in fact that's not how we identify.

It is hard.
Talking about stuff is the best way for us to get through it. Although I know many couples don't stay together. It is difficult & trying.

My thoughts are with you.

homemademomma 06:23 PM 07-09-2006
thanks michelle-
i love my dp so much- i feel bad that this is such a hard issue for me. we are pretty active in the qglbt community here, and dp is "out" in that he crossdresses in public, sometimes when he goes out at night, and sometimes for day to day stuff like going to work. also his daily style borders on cd- he generally wears clothes made for women, and i have no issues with this. its the actual changing of his identity, kwim?
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 08:09 PM 07-09-2006
Originally Posted by homemademomma
its the actual changing of his identity, kwim?
yes, i do.

my thoughts are with you as you go through the process. It's a long and hard one, for us & for our partners! I'm doing my best to be there through thick and thin. And I think going through this will make us stronger. I love my DP so much.
ntengwall's Avatar ntengwall 11:34 PM 07-10-2006
Have you ever though of homeschooling her until she can transition? I homeschool my three boys but would have thought you were crazy if you would have told me 8 years ago that I would end up doing so! Sometimes the thought never enters you mind, but it could be a way for her to feel better and get to be who she knows she is without reprocussions.
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 04:43 AM 07-11-2006
My DP got his first shot of T this evening!

The way i think about it is weird -- not in general, just today -- I got shot up with sperm yesterday & he gets testerone today! He says it's not really a 'big deal' but is also awaiting the effects... has asked me a few times already is he looks of sounds different!
I'm just glad I can be here for him!
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 08:41 PM 07-24-2006
hi all. i'm not a supre regular poster, but i feel like i've been missing in action from this thread, so i just wanted to post and say hi and check in.

first of all, welcome, homemademomma and morag!

morag, it's so amazing and inspirational to hear about your process of loving and supporting Jemma, and hooray for you for taking on the challenge of making room in the system(s) for kids with all knids of gender! i can't wait to hear more about your process as things go along.

homemademomma, i twanted to thank you for being honest about how you feel. this is tricky stuff, and you're always allowed to "process about your process!"

and secondly, MichelleW, yay for you and for your partner. such huge transitions! i can't wait to hear how things go...

MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 08:51 PM 07-24-2006
Thanks Simone. His 2nd shot is happening in about a half-hour! (and I get another bout of sperm in me in about a week )
homemademomma 10:08 PM 08-04-2006
pls see my post "advice" in queer parenting

galaxblues's Avatar galaxblues 12:09 PM 08-14-2006
First let me apologize for the long post. I am new to the trans community and this is the first place i have found where i felt ok to talk about things...
My partner is a ftm trans --he transitioned about 4 years ago -- we met after he transitioned. Being an openminded but heterofem I was surprised when he told me he was trans, but willing to give it a go cause he was sooo very amazing. And I am so glad i did -- he is the most courageous, generous, and loving soul i have ever been with and we are now planning our future together, which includes marriage, kids, the whole shebang!!! In our family planning research we've obvioulsy had to face the fact that we will need help -- we want to use his brothers as donors (and they have agreed) but researching the issues has left us less than enthused and VERY confused. A lot of places provide surface info that only leaves us with more questions and the expense seems overwhelming. IF any of you have dealt with family planning / pregnancy / childrearing (successfully or unsuccessfully) we would love to hear your stories (would like your permission to speak with you privately by email if we have more detailed or personal questions). Thanks so much!!
I am so very thankful this post exists!!
Beastie's Avatar Beastie 05:36 PM 10-03-2006
hi, galaxblues!

i don't have any real answers to your questions, but i didn't want your post to go unanswered! welcome to the trans thread. i don't know about everyone else, but i'm always excited to learn about other folks planning families, etc, with trans partners. hooray!

let us know how things develop...

crunchyconmomma's Avatar crunchyconmomma 10:47 PM 10-03-2006
pls excuse me if this is in any way too much, but as you asked for advice since the expense was too much, i do have a suggestion as a "plan A,' IF and only IF everyone is incredibly comfortable with each other and the nature of sexuality and reproduction (and, most importantly, if the idea appeals to you and your DP).

anyway....IF you can get the bros who would be willing to donate on board with this plan, and inexpensive first plan would be to track your fertility (MANY resources on this site as well as all over the net on how to optimize your ideal time to "plant the seed" so do look into it), and then when you are at peak, have a bro deposit into a cup, from which your partner (assumedly in a loving, private moment) could "deposit" it into you with a sterile pipette obtained from a medical supply store or likely even a regular old pharmacy. for that matter, any pipette fresh from the box is fine. i say "sterile" b/c of course you don't want to use a dropper device that was cross-contaminated by medicine or who-knows-what.
AND, pls don't be offended that i am adding this -
if you aren't clear on something i am saying (like what a pipette is) PM me and i can try to help.
this way you could, in a poetic sort of way "conceive' as most couples do, it could mostly be your DP's genes, and he could be doing the act of insemination, the sort of thing that often eludes the unfortunate cross-gendered who do in fact want to parent.
and if you can get everybody on board, don't take any chances - keep yourself propped bottom up with pillows for a good long time after. no point in making the bros do the whole darn thing all over again if you can help it!
Twylightdove's Avatar Twylightdove 11:03 PM 10-03-2006
Hi galaxblues,
I was wondering, if it isn't too personal a question, where the costs are coming from? Most of our expenses come from purchasing the sperm itself. Since you have the brothers willing to donate you won't have to take on that expense. (Sadly, my spouse is an only child.) Perhaps there are medical complications that you didn't mention in your post?
The rest of our cost was just on tracking our fertility which included the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler (highly recommended), a Basel thermometer, and $20 a month in ovulation predictor kits.
Good Luck,
Yona (and spouse, Jake)
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 01:57 AM 10-04-2006
hi everyone!
i have no idea how i missed galaxblues' post over a month ago, but i did.
my partner, also a jake, and i are currently ttc (trying to conceive) with anon sperm, through a Canadian clinic. I agree, the expenses are with buying sperm. If you wanted to got hrough a clinic instead of at home, it is certainly more expensive.
Tracking your cycles is important, and may cost you a book, a thermometer, some OPKS (ovulation predicting kits), but that's about it.
If it took a while to conceive, you may eventually go on fertility drugs, but they are not needed (or recommended) to use if no fertility issues have previously been identified.

On that note, starting with my next cycle (maybe tomorrow), I will be on my first clomid cycle -- we started ttc-ing in March. We have spent a lot of money on sperm, and just want it to work. We try to not stress, and it can be hard.

My thoughts are with all ttc-ing, esp with trans-lovers!
vamp127's Avatar vamp127 03:36 PM 10-04-2006
Hi all. I am not trans, neither is my dh. I am just looking for some sound advice from someone who has btdt.

A while ago, I posted in the N&CE thread about a local teacher who is transitioning (MtF) and how supportive the school district is being and I think it is great. The a couple of weeks ago, I posted in TAO regarding the same teacher.

I have found out that the teacher (whose name has not been released) is actually the father of one of DD#1's friends. I found out because I am an asst. troup leader for their girl scout troop and needed to know in case she comes to pick up her daughter since I know all of the parents and may not recognize her.

Anyway, I feel that it is only a matter of time before this comes out into the open of our very close-minded community. I am afraid that her DDs will bear the brunt of cruelty by other students and parents. These girls are wonderful children, but I don't really know either parent very well (enough to say hi, but that's about it.)

I want to find a way that I can let the family know that it is ok with my family. I think that if I were in the wife's position, I would want to know that there was someone, even if it was someone I'm not close with, that is supportive. We have always been very open and have taught our children to be accepting of people as well--this topic has been broached with DD#1 in other circumstances and she thought it was cool that it is possible to "become who you really are." (those are her words)

I'd appreciate and thoughts or suggestions from you. If you don't want to post here, feel free to pm me.

1  2  3 4