the trans thread - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
First ... 2  3  4
Queer Parenting > the trans thread
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 05:09 PM 10-04-2006
vamp127,
obviously you are a wonderful parent if your child can say something like that, and understand what she is talking about!
I'm not sure what you would want to sayw ithout bringing unwanted attention to their situation, but you might consider having them over for dinner, or just saying, very subtley, that 'your family is always welcome' or someting to that effect. It acknowledges what you want to acknowledge without saying, 'we like you cause you aer different -- will you be our token trans-friend' -- which is not what people say, but sometimes what i think people are meaning. And sometimes it isn't a bad thing to the be token trans (or partner of trans) friend, but sometimes it's nice to just be respected and appreciated for who we are, as a whole, regardless of of gender (or our partner's) gender identity.
Does that make sense?
What do other people think?

FtMPapa's Avatar FtMPapa 12:47 PM 11-13-2006
Hi! I'm new.

I'm FtM, single, and I'm planning to start TTC as soon as I can. I've been planning this for three years, and I'm getting very, very close - I'm just waiting to get through the application process for my PhD (currently doing my MA) and then once I know what I'm doing for the next few years, I'm going for it.

At the same time, I'm jumping through medical hoops and getting ultrasounds and generaly gynaecological stuff looked at.

I was on T for five years, been off for over two. I'm thinking about going back on after I have the babelet(s), but I'm not sure yet.

I'm planning to probably use anonymous frozen donor sperm, but I have a known donor in mind and we've had some conversations, but I'm not sure yet. I would prefer a KD for a lot of reasons, but it may not work out.

I'm in Toronto - any other FtM/butch folks planning to be single parents?
BrooklynDoula's Avatar BrooklynDoula 12:55 PM 11-13-2006
Welcome FtMPapa! Great to have you here!
MichelleW's Avatar MichelleW 05:47 PM 11-13-2006
Welcome indeed FtMPapa!
What a (challenging) journey! I am a femme with an FtM partner, and I also have been planning my PhD and ttc
I am not the type of person you were asking about, but figured a 'welcome; was in order!
Good luck on your journey!
-Michelle
tatangel19's Avatar tatangel19 09:31 PM 11-13-2006
This is great! My closest childhood friend came out awhile ago and he has really been struggling with gender identity. He figured it out 100% when on a visit to see us recently and my DD introduced him as ''my godmother'' he figured if it was that obvious to an 8 yo, there was no point in hiding any longer. Much luck and keep your faith. There is nothing ''wrong'' with you. It just so happens that some of the rest of the world is lagging in maturity.
FtMPapa's Avatar FtMPapa 12:43 AM 11-14-2006
So I read, up a bit, I think. I think we're actually planning quite similar research. Are you in a sociology department?

I'm at York, doing my MA, and I'm probably staying for my PhD, I'm still sussing out my options.
max_4477's Avatar max_4477 02:04 AM 11-14-2006
Hi ftmPapa and all (I lurk on this thread),

I'm Canadian and genderqueer (I guess I'm "not quite ftm"- just live on the line, not strongly IDing on one side or the other) and was a single parent (am now partnered to someone I met when dc was 1.5yo) to a babe conceived with an unknown donor (but in the US not here). Uh, and considering a PhD too. Anyway - welcome. I don't come to the boards super-often, but feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more. I'm glad you're here.

ETA - I just read a few other threads and it sounds like perhaps your clinic has you doing a lot of pre-ttc gyno stuff. I only had to have a pap and sti tests for the clinic, and then no one, not even my midwife, looked in my pants at all till I was in labour (uh, and then I didn't have any pants on anyway and was way out of/into my body in labourland). I don't know if it bothers you at all or not, and you've probably already sussed out your options, but I just thought I'd toss that out there. I wouldn't personally have been very happy spending much time as a gyno patient.
keller's Avatar keller 02:49 PM 11-22-2006
FTMPapa, hi! I am in your exact same boat, it seems. I'm also FTM and am hoping to parent at some pont in the near future. I've been on T for about a year, but I may go off it at some point to try to get pregnant. Or I may adopt, but I'm worried that I will not be considered a suitable father.

Have you heard of TransParent? I haven't seen it, but I would love to.
FtMPapa's Avatar FtMPapa 01:26 AM 11-23-2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by keller View Post

Have you heard of TransParent? I haven't seen it, but I would love to.
Yeah, I saw a clip from it about a year ago, and I just recently saw the whole thing. I found it kind of...depressing, maybe. Boring, maybe.

All of the folks in it, with one exception, had given birth to kids before transitioning and before adopting a trans identity. A few of them had really fraught relationships with family or with their child(ren)'s other parent. Some of the stories were really horrific.

I felt like it was nice to see some non-conventionally gendered folks parenting, though. That was the good part.

If you're on livejournal, there is a GQTG parenting group there, and also a Yahoo group, FYI.

Links:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GQTGParenting/

http://community.livejournal.com/transparents/profile
mshollyk's Avatar mshollyk 01:37 AM 06-03-2007
i forgot i posted about this

Quote:
Originally Posted by mshollyk View Post
so i have a new issue...how to crossdress and look professional i CANNOT wear women's office wear again
here's me, just before i presented my lesson plan to my teaching class. funny thing about this, i wore the same outfit without the jacket to my observation (i have to observe teachers in class), and when h saw me, he said, "don't be surprised if they don't ask you back the way you look, trying to look like a man." i'm already insecure, that didn't help at all...then when i got there, there was a teacher with similar hair, tats, OBVIOUSLY queer, with tenure, and the students love her
amymarie's Avatar amymarie 05:51 PM 06-04-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by mshollyk View Post
i forgot i posted about this



here's me, just before i presented my lesson plan to my teaching class. funny thing about this, i wore the same outfit without the jacket to my observation (i have to observe teachers in class), and when h saw me, he said, "don't be surprised if they don't ask you back the way you look, trying to look like a man." i'm already insecure, that didn't help at all...then when i got there, there was a teacher with similar hair, tats, OBVIOUSLY queer, with tenure, and the students love her
i like this story....i wish you weren't insecure....you look great
ives's Avatar ives 05:06 PM 06-05-2007
oh my goodness, i'm so glad I found this forum and thread.

I am a genderqueer high school teacher, and have been considering transitioning for awhile...also been considering applying for PhD programs for awhile...and considering whether or not I want to have kids (and thusly what my transition will/will not look like, etc). Anyway, hello lovelies!

I wanted to comment on the professional drag clothing situation. It is summer now, and I hate hate hate hate hate trying to figure out andro fag business casual summer-y clothes. I hate it! I'm not very good with men's clothes in general, but in the winter-y months, I feel like i can pull it off really well. My students and colleagues all seem to think I have good style and it's seen as "funky". I never wear ties, but I wear an awful lots of scarves, cravats, vests, etc. I basically take inspiration from men of the 19th century. ha.
but, in the summer, I can't do that. As I type this, I am wearing really femme-y gear and it has me feelin' pretty uncomfortable. And at times like this, I wonder if I am ever going to be able to relax enough to be pregnant...like, if I can't handle a cashmere cardigan because it makes me look to femme, what am I going to do with a big pregnant lady belly?
mshollyk's Avatar mshollyk 05:36 PM 06-05-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by ives View Post

I am a genderqueer high school teacher

I wanted to comment on the professional drag clothing situation. It is summer now, and I hate hate hate hate hate trying to figure out andro fag business casual summer-y clothes. I hate it! I'm not very good with men's clothes in general, but in the winter-y months, I feel like i can pull it off really well. My students and colleagues all seem to think I have good style and it's seen as "funky". I never wear ties, but I wear an awful lots of scarves, cravats, vests, etc. I basically take inspiration from men of the 19th century. ha.
YES!!! that sounds right up my alley!! i'm working towards teaching high school as well, any tips would be most welcome
mtnhighmama's Avatar mtnhighmama 04:41 AM 06-24-2007
Thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm a drag king, mama of 2 boys that are comfortable playing the spectrum, fairly femme homebirthing midwife.

I identify as female, and love doing drag as it is a way to support and encourage the genderqueer community. In addition, it allows me the freedom to fully indulge a masculine side that I love.

I don't ever see myself as trans, or desiring a permanent transition, but I love the freedom of choosing my gender when I want to.

And, although I'm not trans, our troupe does have ftm performers and it's been a privilege to support their transitions.


just a note from experience: binding and breastfeeding are not friendly.
Gracia's Avatar Gracia 12:22 PM 07-02-2007
Hi, I've just joined MDC in the last hour, solely because of this thread. Hoping someone can talk to me about experiences like mine. My partner crossdresses (though he hates that word and all the other names for it,) and he seems to think it's causing us problems. Anyone willing to talk to me about this?
somanythings's Avatar somanythings 08:28 PM 07-02-2007
mshollyk - your "back to school pic" is awesome - you are stunning. Thanks for sharing!
Gracia's Avatar Gracia 03:20 PM 07-03-2007
mtnhighmama - hi! I so admire you for being so comfortable with being both a mum and having a masculine side. I'm not a mum but I do acknowledge my own masculine side. Having a partner who is male with a strong feminine side has helped me understand more about gender 'confusion', if that's the word, or at least that gender is really not a clear cut issue. Though I knew about my partner from the very start, I'm on a real learning curve. If you have any advice or insights, I'd be very grateful.
AmazoniaBelly's Avatar AmazoniaBelly 03:58 PM 07-03-2007
~
boigrrrlwonder's Avatar boigrrrlwonder 09:29 PM 07-09-2007
In case my username doesn't give it away, I'm a genderqueer mama...I'm glad there's a trans presence here.
Gracia's Avatar Gracia 09:22 AM 07-20-2007
I'm struggling at the moment, as I'm chronically ill and suffering depression, and then yesterday, my transvestite fiance, who'd closed the door on the possibility of actually becoming a woman before we met, admitted he's once again thinking about it very seriously. I've always known that there was more to it than just cross dressing, and I had begun to suspect that this was the reason for his unhappiness, tho he was reluctant to talk about it. I want more than anything else for him to be happy with who he is, and I love with him with all my heart, so I'll be supportive if he eventually opts for gender reassignment. But I'm worried about how it will affect our relationship. Will love and courage be enough? Will I still feel sexually attracted to him if he has a woman's body? I may have a few blurred edges to my own sexual identity, but I know I'm clear about my sexual orientation. If remaining a man would make him unhappy in his own skin, I may be just as uncomfortable effectively living as a lesbian with him, when I'm straight. I just don't know, and I've told him - her actually, at the time - that. We both know it could spell the end for us. I don't want to lose him/her, because he/she is a wonderful person and the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm scared about what the future may hold. I may have to let him/her go. I may not be strong enough to marry a woman, however much love and understanding there is. I feel horrible just saying it, but I have to real. I have a feeling that whatever happens, one of us is going to be deeply unhappy. We've only been engaged two months. I wish all this stuff had happened before we made it official - people are still congratulating us but we don't even know if we can stay together,let alone marry.
PrairieBohemian's Avatar PrairieBohemian 11:21 PM 02-14-2008
I haven't gotten around to reading this whole thread yet, but I wanted to jump in and subscribe. DP (a genetic male) and I (a genetic female) are both bisexual but in a committed monogamous relationship with each other. A few weeks ago I saw a vision of DP as a girl and with his permission, he allowed me to bring her into being. Pink lipstick, pink nailpolish, and a ringlette-making curling iron, birthed "Kitten" into existence. Since then, he has been dressing as a woman about 75% the time (even accompanying me shopping!) and has begun to fully develop a female persona. I am generally THRILLED about his transformation but I still have a lot of questions about his changes (actually we both do). I'll come back and introduce our situation further but just wanted to reactivate this thread and say hi.

Are there any other threads here about transgendered parenting?
amymarie's Avatar amymarie 05:54 PM 02-20-2008
[QUOTE=animus_silvae;10546083]I haven't gotten around to reading this whole thread yet, but I wanted to jump in and subscribe. DP (a genetic male) and I (a genetic female) are both bisexual but in a committed monogamous relationship with each other. A few weeks ago I saw a vision of DP as a girl and with his permission, he allowed me to bring her into being. Pink lipstick, pink nailpolish, and a ringlette-making curling iron, birthed "Kitten" into existence. Since then, he has been dressing as a woman about 75% the time (even accompanying me shopping!) and has begun to fully develop a female persona. I am generally THRILLED about his transformation but I still have a lot of questions about his changes (actually we both do). I'll come back and introduce our situation further but just wanted to reactivate this thread and say hi.

hi...this sounds really great for you and your dp.....its so fun to watch the one you love blossom and change into who they want to be....i wish there were more transgendered threads but i guess theres not a lot of tranny parents around here....my boifriend is a ftm and my dd is 8.....recently she told me about how she tried explaining how my boifriend used to be a girl to one of her friends at school but they couldn't understand what she was talking about so she just gave up....guess its kinda confusing for kids who are growing up in totally hetero homes....
snoopy13's Avatar snoopy13 04:10 PM 02-23-2008
hey there i'm a genderqueer butch with no preferred pronoun. I don't have any kids yet but was pregnant this winter till i had a 1st trimester miscarriage and then a week later got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis so now we're switching to my femme partner as the inseminee while sorting out my health situation. but during my brief pregnancy we already had funny situations like the people at the ob/gyn office assuming that she was the pregnant one, not me... and i was starting to freak a bit about body changes and clothing issues... JD
First ... 2  3  4

Up