Poly Families - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 1038 Old 11-06-2006, 03:24 AM
 
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Hi, I don't usually post here, but this is a very interesting topic which I am curious about, although I don't think my dh would ever go for it at all. I wanted to subscribe to this thread but i couldn't figure it out, so I'll just say hello instead. :
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#62 of 1038 Old 11-06-2006, 07:35 PM
 
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: I've been lurking for a little while. I guess the best way to describe me is "poly at heart", but not currently "practicing". However I have fallen for someone and it remains to be seen whether or not they will reciprocate. DH and I have had many many discussions about these matters, and it is something that is currently a challenge in our relationship. I feel safe here at MDC and I'm glad there is a forum here for people like us Subbing.....
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#63 of 1038 Old 11-11-2006, 10:57 AM
 
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I'm so glad to find this forum. I have long thought that, with becoming a homeschooler, I wouldn't come across many places I was free to talk about being poly. I'm in a committed relationship with a man (who I alternate between calling dh or partner, depending on who I'm talking to). I've long been searching out a woman to commit to who's comfortable with the *weirdness* of my life, but still haven't found her. I've recently started going to a UU fellowship as I'd found myself steadily going back into the closest because of how very conservative my local homeschool community is

love & light
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#64 of 1038 Old 11-16-2006, 08:02 PM
 
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Just wanted to subscribe to this thread. DH and I are not officially poly... just a little slutty I guess : We have had a few close friends who have sometimes been 'more than friends'. One of the things we've been struggling with is whether to keep this sort of thing a secret from DD or not.

Right now it's not something that happens frequently, but the potential is there for a more serious relationship (probably a triad - we don't generally do well with other couples). I guess the question is, would it be better to be open about it from the start so that she grows up thinking polyamory is normal, and risk her talking about it to inappropriate people like teachers at school etc.. Or do we not mention it and risk her freaking out about it when she is a teenager?

As for where to meet people who are open to polyamory, I'd suggest Burners. As in, people who go to Burning Man. There are regional chapters all over the place. Although a lot of Burners might be into partying a little too much for MDC : we are mostly creative freaks... And monogamy is not the assumed default setting in our little world.

Finally pregnant with #1 and #2! Due September 9th, 2014 
   
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#65 of 1038 Old 11-16-2006, 10:27 PM
 
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Slutty? Hmmmm

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#66 of 1038 Old 11-17-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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Of course I mean 'slutty' in the most positive possible way...

I guess I have a tendency to use 'negative' words with my own positive spin. I call myself crazy, too. Sometimes people get offended...

Finally pregnant with #1 and #2! Due September 9th, 2014 
   
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#67 of 1038 Old 11-17-2006, 06:22 PM
 
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I consider myself an ethical slut. So...

My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.

 
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay

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#68 of 1038 Old 11-17-2006, 07:17 PM
 
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I call my self a trophy wife But I am no ones wife- so go figure! It pissed my mom of so bad And I take great pride in being blond!

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
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#69 of 1038 Old 11-17-2006, 08:58 PM
 
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As far as telling the kids.....I don't see any reason in saying much of anything to the kids unless you've got a friend you're serious about and would like to add to your family. Kids *should* know about the things that go in in their home, as their home is a very big part of their growing up. So unless the situation will impact their life at home or their relationship with their parents, there's really not much reason to say anything. I mean, is it necessary to differentiate to your kids which of your friends are just friends, and which ones are a little bit more? What would they do with that information?

When it is time to explain to the kids, though, it's pretty easy for the most part. Kids have a situation they can relate to that runs paralell with polyamory - if you can explain to them that Mom or Dad loving another man or woman is a lot like Mom & Dad loving more than one child. There's always enough love to go around, even though each child is loved in different ways.

(I have a feeling I'm not sounding very coherent. Sorry!)
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#70 of 1038 Old 11-18-2006, 11:14 PM
 
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just wanted to say hi. i usually just read over my dp shoulder (homemademamma). i recently met a woman at the college campus when i was eating lunch with my ds and dd. i think my son likes her more than i do, they really get along well. when i visit her on campus he usually get most of here attention . oh well he cuter then i am .
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#71 of 1038 Old 11-19-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself.

I have two kids who are almost 8 (dd) and 5 (ds) and I've been partnered with their bio father for 8 1/2 years. When the 5 yr old was a few months old we met a lovely lady who was in a triad relationship with us for a couple years. We remained friends and she has been a parental figure to the kids ever since. We also spent some time (1 1/2 years) in a quad, which was a living situation for 8 months until the other couple's pregnancy brought out the faults in all relationships and we were forced to split. The kids, partner and I have been recovering slowly since (1 year and 3 mos ago). We have also been involved with other partners both apart and separate. Almost all have had good relationships with the kids and they remain aware that mama and daddy have other loves. I'm currently in an increasingly serious relationship with another man and my kids adore him. My primary partner and I have an incredible relationship and a deep commitment to us as family. He is very welcoming to the other man in my life. The first lady I mentioned is still considered family around here and our loving partners, other than the two we lived with for 8 months (not everyone can cope with split ups well), have good relationships with our kids.

I'm so happy there's other natural living poly loving families here.

Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

...granola punk urban homesteaders...

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"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

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#72 of 1038 Old 12-02-2006, 08:26 PM
 
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Just wanted to stop in again with a minor update. Things between my new friend and I are making progress. Very slowly, but its happening. He just told me that he's likely going to be moving literally right down the street from us around the first of the year, naturally I'm excited as hell Something about him just makes me . DH appreciates my uplifted mood too Like I said, sloooow going like, not even kissed yet, but I like taking my time. I'm happy. Yay!
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#73 of 1038 Old 12-03-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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Just wanted to join in as well I'm bi, DH is straight and we've been married for 2 1/2 years. Ever since we started dating in high school we had 3somes with women, but it never turned into anything. About a year and a half ago we discovered poly and decided that it was for us. I had one boyfriend who I really fell for, but he was too young and immature and didn't really get it. He decided poly wasn't for him and things ended about a year ago. Dh would have liked to find a gf but women around here just seem to shy away from married men, not many interested in poly at all. A guy messaged me on Okcupid about a year ago then, saying I might be interested in his longterm gf. They have a DD a few months older than ours. We talked a ton and met a few times. Tried hooking up but it really didn't happen, the chemistry wasn't there at all. We met the girlfriend once and hung out, then they came out for a party and we all ended up going to bed that night. It turned out the real chemistry was between my husband and the girl. After we hooked up the guy decided that they shoudl only date women, he wasn't ok with her being with guys, but the connection was already made. I have felt myself falling for her over the last few weeks since we last saw her and she will be coming to stay with us for 5 days this week with her dd too. I don't know what to do. The bf really doesn't get along with us at all anymore.... but I could absolutely see this woman being our wife. But it seems to be an either/or situation. For her to be with us, which she wants, she would have to leave him, which she doesn't want.

Sorry, this was supposed to be an introduction but turned into a rambling. Happy to hear any advice though!

Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

Blogging about living with xeroderma pigmentosum at www.pacificnights.org/ and about life in general at http://livingavibrantlife.blogspot.com/
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#74 of 1038 Old 12-12-2006, 09:01 PM
 
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Just popping in. My wife and I have been in a triad with our partner for about 2.5 years. The three of us moved in together in April of this year. Things have been going rather swimmingly for the three of us, and now we're expecting in July or August.

No advice for DTmama1 except to take it slowly and try not to pressure anyone into making decisions. It sounds like an interesting, if frustrating, situation. Hang in there!
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#75 of 1038 Old 12-13-2006, 12:19 AM
 
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Thanks The visit ended up going amazingly well. I had really felt like I would fall in love with her this weekend and it did happen. I've never connected like that with a woman before. Our daughters got along so well and both cried so hard when it was time to go home.

She was about ready to leave him and come live with us, but now we're kind of planning a 'joint living' arrangement and she really wants us to be friends with him... which I cant stand. My husband really cares for her and I love her too and am doing this with the hopes that after all avenues have been tried to rescue that relationship things can be how we'd like. At least then I've put forth my best efforts, though I'm feeling very wary of any friendship with the bf. His opinions change every few hours it seems and I just don't trust him. She feels like he should at least see if they can make things work... and I'm fighting my stubbornness as best I can but need a shoulder to lean on or advice or a hug or something...Just counting the days until I can see her again.

Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

Blogging about living with xeroderma pigmentosum at www.pacificnights.org/ and about life in general at http://livingavibrantlife.blogspot.com/
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#76 of 1038 Old 12-15-2006, 10:33 PM
 
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The last couple of times this chick I am seeing and I went to this one bar this other chick had been making eyes at me. So I thought I would go on myspace and see if she had an account. It was easy to find her since I knew her name so I went ahead and sent her a message. Well it turned out it wasn't her (even though they have the same name and look very simular) LOL but I asked her out anyway (I really liked her profile) We are going out Sun night and I'm really excited, I'm not normally that forward.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#77 of 1038 Old 12-16-2006, 01:14 PM
 
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#78 of 1038 Old 12-18-2006, 07:20 AM
 
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Hey you guys... someone made a marital status poll and was astute enough to add an option for being in poly relationships, but out of 222 votes, nobody has yet picked that option. So go vote! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=565470

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#79 of 1038 Old 12-22-2006, 11:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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voted and commented
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#80 of 1038 Old 12-23-2006, 07:08 AM
 
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me too

Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

...granola punk urban homesteaders...

homeschool.gifautismribbon.gif

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

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#81 of 1038 Old 12-23-2006, 11:22 AM
 
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It won't let me into it.... I get this message: DTmama1, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

Not sure why...

Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

Blogging about living with xeroderma pigmentosum at www.pacificnights.org/ and about life in general at http://livingavibrantlife.blogspot.com/
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#82 of 1038 Old 12-25-2006, 08:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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probably your post count :
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#83 of 1038 Old 12-26-2006, 04:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kaitnbugsmom View Post
probably your post count :
I get the same msg... anyone know how many posts one has to make before our privileges increase?
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#84 of 1038 Old 12-27-2006, 02:45 AM
 
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I get the same msg... anyone know how many posts one has to make before our privileges increase?
I'm pretty sure it's a combination of post count and time since joining - 50 posts and 60 days or something around that.

DS born 6/03, DD1 born 9/06, DD2 born 10/10, DD3 born 4/14.
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#85 of 1038 Old 12-27-2006, 11:17 AM
 
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probably your post count :
That's what I thought, but MamaRhi said that she commented and voted and she has lesss posts than me.... I've been a member for maybe a year, but I usually read for the most part and don't post a lot. Oh well... Eventually I'll be allowed in to other stuff I suppose.

Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

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#86 of 1038 Old 12-27-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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That's strange. I've been a member for 5 years but haven't posted much till recently. I'm not sure how permissions are given though...

Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

...granola punk urban homesteaders...

homeschool.gifautismribbon.gif

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

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#87 of 1038 Old 01-03-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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posting 'cuz I wanna sub...don't have time to elaborate sorry....but I did vote in the poll already :-)

I'm glad I thought to look for this thread though...crunchy poly Mamma's, who woulda thunk it, eh?
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#88 of 1038 Old 01-26-2007, 12:36 AM
 
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Just wanted to poke my nose in here again. Broke up with my boyfriend last night. : He's been doing a lot of lying. Didn't tell his other gf about me. Told me he told her about me. Etc. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it all out. : Anyway, I guess I'm back to being "normal" for now -- hetero, married, etc. I'm not giving up or anything but I think I need a long healing time. 3 1/2 years, I've been with him. You'd think you'd know someone by that time. Bah. Pass the ice cream.
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#89 of 1038 Old 02-11-2007, 06:54 AM
 
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He's been doing a lot of lying. Didn't tell his other gf about me. Told me he told her about me. Etc. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it all out.
Huh? You have (had) a poly relationship and require that your boyfriend tell his other girlfriend about his relationship with you?

Why would his relationship with this other woman concern you?

Do (did) you allow him to have an effect/say so on and within your married relationship?

I don't understand the relationship.
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#90 of 1038 Old 02-11-2007, 07:12 AM
 
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Huh? You have (had) a poly relationship and require that your boyfriend tell his other girlfriend about his relationship with you?
My understanding is that this is normal. Anything else becomes "don't ask don't tell" which IME is asking for trouble... but has worked for some people. Still it's "don't ask don't tell" which is the exception.
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