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#181 of 1038 Old 06-12-2007, 09:03 PM
 
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We do. We are a 1 male, 2 female family, and we are all partners to each other. What specifically were you wondering about?
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#182 of 1038 Old 06-12-2007, 09:35 PM
 
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I am so sorry if this is a stupid question.

I am most familiar with poly families with one female and two males. However, being a bisexual woman and of an open mind (especailly after reading the PP who splits up the yard work with two men ) I am interested in learning more about families with two females. More than that, the females would be partners as well as at least one female with the male. Am I making sense?

Anyone here in that kind of relationship?
This is what we are looking for. (we think )

nurse, mama, doula-in-training to J-14, J-13, S-7, S-4, and P-2(born at home)
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#183 of 1038 Old 06-13-2007, 01:28 AM
 
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Stell,
Do you both have children with him?

I don't even know if I really have questions. I am trying to think of how this would work for us. I'd love to make it work if ever it happened for us.

I am pretty sure more children would be out of the question for hubby - he's so done and I think that would make me most comfortable. But then I worry that she would regret that eventually and pressure him to have her own family.

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#184 of 1038 Old 06-13-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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I'm the only one with children right now, and that's the way DH wants it. I *do* feel funny about DP not having the option of children with him (at them moment), but I also have to remember that *his* feelings may change about the matter, or that *she* may find someone else someday, and go on to make a family with him. Ideally, she would find another poly man, a bit closer to her in age, to bring into our family....but that's a long shot that we really only ever fantasize about. If it's meant to be, it will happen. But I'm not holding my breath!
I *do* hope I'm around when she has her children. She's gotten EXCELLENT on-the-job training in the last 2 years

The whole "making it work" aspect is a whole 'nother issue altogether. As some of us have said in previous posts....you HAVE to TALK. TALK and TALK and TALK, and then talk some more! Even if you don't think you have a jealous bone in your body, there WILL be things that happen that will make you jealous, even if it's something as little as being the only one of 3 that can nurse the baby to sleep Talking through the jealousy, through misunderstandings, and through insecurities is the ONLY way that a poly relationship will work. Those felings don't go away if they're not addressed, no matter how painful it can be to bring up topics of trust, security, and hurt - it has to happen in order to let the relationship grow rather than strangle
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#185 of 1038 Old 06-17-2007, 06:53 PM
 
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I was wondering where I knew you from!

Things are going alright here. Not a whole lot to report other than a recent threat by my father to turn us in for ex living here.
I'm sorry, maybe this has already been asked and answered but how can you be turned in for having your ex live with you, thats not illegal even if you are remarried, I actually know a few couples that live like this in a few different states, what am i missing?
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#186 of 1038 Old 06-17-2007, 09:55 PM
 
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I am so sorry if this is a stupid question.

I am most familiar with poly families with one female and two males. However, being a bisexual woman and of an open mind (especailly after reading the PP who splits up the yard work with two men ) I am interested in learning more about families with two females. More than that, the females would be partners as well as at least one female with the male. Am I making sense?

Anyone here in that kind of relationship?
I am. I've been with my wife for 5 years and we've been with our male partner for the last 3 years. The three of us moved in together a year ago April and it has worked out splendidly.

We're expecting twins in about a month, so I haven't had any experience yet on raising children with this sort of family structure. Also, DW doesn't want to ever be pregnant, so there aren't any issues with me being the one birthin' babies. We think these will be our only DC, but time will be the judge of that.
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#187 of 1038 Old 06-18-2007, 04:30 PM
 
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subbing. I have so many questions on this, I don't know where to start!!
It's been on my mind for a while, and we are thinking about some sort of poly-something. But then there's the jealousy! Hmmm... the more we talk about it, the better.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#188 of 1038 Old 06-18-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Be sure to read the whole thread! There are a lot of question that have already been addressed, so you may learn more than you even thought to talk about!
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#189 of 1038 Old 06-18-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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NLR- Fixed it finally!
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#190 of 1038 Old 06-18-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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As I've mentioned before, DH and I are casually poly. As in, we don't have any serious ongoing extra people, but there are a few people who we are, um, very close friends with . I think it would be cool to have a triad or even a quad but I don't think DH would ever be okay with it. Not on a live-in basis, anyway.

We recently met a couple who are apparently struggling with being poly. As in, they agreed that it was okay, but now he has an outside girlfriend and she has not dated anyone else. She is miserable.

They keep asking us for advice but I don't have much to say other than "talk to each other." It sounds like she agreed even though she didn't want to. I think her husband gave her an ultimatum but I don't know the details. She wants to know how to get over the jealousy and hurt feelings but I don't know what to say, because we just haven't had those problems. I never expected to be pointed out as an example of a 'happy poly couple' and asked for advice!

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#191 of 1038 Old 06-18-2007, 09:42 PM
 
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I've been on a kick of watching "Big Love", that HBO show about polygamy.

DH and I have been talking about how to move forward with finding another partner to add to our family. The closest we came was a boyfriend I had back in 2002 who turned out to be, ahem, a bit unstable and it really didn't last long. The problem is, where/when/how to meet that elusive third? They say all things come to those who wait, but...monogamy is boring and neither of us has much desire anymore for any casual side relationships. It's frustrating.

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#192 of 1038 Old 06-20-2007, 04:18 AM
 
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ARGH! I need to vent.
DP's older sister just accused me of "using and abusing" DP, and told her that it's sick that I would call her a mother to my children, and all she really is is a free babysitter. Apparently I am very unstable, and not a fit mother because I would call DP their mother, too.

Sheesh.

I *know* she has no clue what she's talking about, and mostly I laughed my head off at what she had to say.....but that one thing bugs me. That she thinks I'm ABUSING her sister by allowing her to be a parenting partner. Bleagh.
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#193 of 1038 Old 06-20-2007, 07:13 PM
 
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isn't it amazing how much "abuse" some family members can spot, when the "abused" is perfectly happy, healthy and aware?! my mother goes through the same thing all the time. she tells people that dh is abusive, manipulative, she's even accused him of raping me! bah. people can be so ridiculous when they aren't getting what they want (ie, a picture that confirms their world view). your relationship is between you and dp. when dp asks her sister for help or shows clear signs of abuse (fear, physical signs, etc.), THEN she can say something....

also, anyone who thinks that taking care of kids is ABUSE or any kind of bad thing, has obviously never had a good relationship with children.
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#194 of 1038 Old 06-28-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by GinaRae View Post
I am so sorry if this is a stupid question.

I am most familiar with poly families with one female and two males. However, being a bisexual woman and of an open mind (especailly after reading the PP who splits up the yard work with two men ) I am interested in learning more about families with two females. More than that, the females would be partners as well as at least one female with the male. Am I making sense?

Anyone here in that kind of relationship?
i am...

i am partnered to a married couple...and i play with both...i dont have a lot of time to chat at this second, but you can email me privately at risingstarlearning at yahoo dot com or catch me on yahoo IM at risingstarlearning...

peace...

Homeschooling Ama to boys (ages 10 and 6) and my SoldierGirl who is serving in the US Army, StepMom to three crazy teens. I'm married to the love of my life. 

 

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Who you are is just enough.

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#195 of 1038 Old 07-13-2007, 04:06 PM
 
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But I read this thread often. :

Life is complicated and sad sometimes. My husband and I have been together, and monogamous for something like nine years. All well and good, but over the past 4 years (since we moved especially) I've been feeling more isolated and depressed. I told Mike a few months ago that I wanted to have an affair. We talked about it, and didn't really come to any clear conclusions, except that I wasn't leaving him or the kids or anything like that and that I was unhappy.

A few weeks ago, after more thought, I told him that what I wanted wasn't an affair-- I wanted a boyfriend. He thought about that for a good week before I brought it up again, and we talked about it. He's not entirely cool with the idea of me sleeping with other people, but he understood what i meant and he probably could get there, eventually. He said I should go for it, but of course I feel guilty and miserable because he could never do the same thing. Not because I'm jealous or possessive or anything like that-- *he* would never be able to have a relationship with someone else... it's just... not him.

Part of me wants desperately to find someone else to spend some time with, and part of me feels horribly guilty that the thought even crosses my mind. I feel like Mike deserves better, but I'm miserable and of course that doesn't help him or the kids... I get tired thinking about it, and i'm more painfully aware of my isolation all the time.

Not sure what else to say... it's an intro, though.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#196 of 1038 Old 07-17-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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Hi Eilonwy

I have also has a pretty emotional time- well this weekend- but I will talk about that more when I am ready..... But I wanted to ask you- do you think that finding a BF could lead to him living with you at some point? It sounds like you want a Vee relationship- and I guess I have looked at it as a long term- where does a Vee go? Like why dynamics are you wanting or missing currently? Is your husband on board with this or is it something that you feel you need for you? Does he feel this would be cheating?

Do you feel isolated at where you live, your current relationship, friendship? I am sure you have thought about this deeply- as is clear by your feelings of guilt and isolation. But have you pin pointed or at least narrowed it down to why you want a BF?

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#197 of 1038 Old 07-17-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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\But I wanted to ask you- do you think that finding a BF could lead to him living with you at some point? It sounds like you want a Vee relationship- and I guess I have looked at it as a long term- where does a Vee go? Like why dynamics are you wanting or missing currently? Is your husband on board with this or is it something that you feel you need for you? Does he feel this would be cheating?
Yes, definately-- The thing I most enjoy about being with Mike is the stability, and I'd want that sort of thing in another relationship too, so yes, in the long run I guess I'd want this imaginary other man to move in with us. Is my husband on board with it? I doubt he's thought that far ahead, probably because it's all hypothetical and I haven't been pushing the issue with him. I'm sure that at this point he'd think of it as cheating if I was involved in a sexual relationship with another party, but I'm also pretty sure that he could eventually come to see things differently.

Quote:
Do you feel isolated at where you live, your current relationship, friendship? I am sure you have thought about this deeply- as is clear by your feelings of guilt and isolation. But have you pin pointed or at least narrowed it down to why you want a BF?
Yes, yes, and yes. The reason that I want a boyfriend is the same reason I've ever wanted one-- it's about a deep and meaningful connection with someone. By the same token, I'm not sure at this point that I'm ready to call any man who walks into my life "another husband," but I'm open to that possibility in the future. A best friend wouldn't quite do it, either; I'm not sure how to explain it, except to say that I feel a need to connect on every possible level, as many as possible without restriction (and there would be very definate restrictions on a "friendly" relationship). I could see a V or even an N working out really well (not asking the other fellow to be monogamous when I'm not-- that doesn't seem fair, it should be up to him/us rather than me, you know?) in an ideal world..

But of course, I'd have to get over this feeling that I'm shortchanging Mike, or that I cheated him when I agreed to be monogamous (because it's simply not me).

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#198 of 1038 Old 08-09-2007, 09:53 PM
 
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Hi everyone!
I'm new to MDC and wanted to say hello to the poly parents group here. There are 3 of us and we are currently trying to conceive our first baby. Our family consists of my two partners, a married couple and myself. I will carry the baby.
This is my first poly relationship and seems to be working well--we will celebrate our second anniversary in October.
I look forward to getting to know any other poly parents out there and learning how you deal with day to day issues--especially with children involved.

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#199 of 1038 Old 08-10-2007, 12:45 AM
 
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Glad to have you here!
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#200 of 1038 Old 08-11-2007, 12:19 PM
 
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oregonduck: welcome!!

After 4 months in the new house, looks like all is well so far. The kids adore having another dad and DP2 is definitely getting the hang of parenting! (Complete with frustration...) The only problem so far is that the king sized bed we have in one of the adult bedrooms is too small and the full size bed in the other isn't as comfy. So when there's more than the three of us, arguements ensue over who will sleep where. We all wish we could just get a bigger bed...

Funny thing, when I signed DS up for kinder, there was one line for "mom", one line for "dad" and then just one line marked "step-parent". So I got us all on there!!

DP1 and I are coming up on our 9 year wedding anniv. and starting to discuss the logistics of a triad commitment ceremony to include DP2.

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#201 of 1038 Old 08-11-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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MamaRhi, we have a king size bed with a twin pushed right up against it. DP & I got matching bedding for them, so it feels like one big bed even though it's really two. It's worked REALLY well to take care of space issues and exclusionary anxiety Of course, we had to move the bedrooms around so that we could have a room big enough, but it was well worth it
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#202 of 1038 Old 08-15-2007, 03:50 AM
 
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Since we've started trying to conceive, we've talked about sleeping arrangements for us and the baby. We already know that we will need at least two bedrooms--our room with a king size bed and the baby's room. I want to co sleep with the baby, but my DP's don't think that is a good idea for safety reasons. The crib/bassinet will be in the second (baby's) room with our full size guest bed which will most likely become the extra bed for the one who either wants a "peaceful" night sleep alone while I have the baby in the king size bed with other partner, or most likely for myself so I can be near the baby for nursing.

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#203 of 1038 Old 08-16-2007, 12:24 AM
 
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Well, there's lots of info in the nighttime parenting board, but cosleeping is actually *safer* for the baby. I would get some of that stuff for them to read. Dr. Sears, Dr. McKenna, etc. Trying to get any sleep while having to get out of bed and nurse every time your baby wants it is hell. By the time you're on your 5th or 6th night in a row of 3 hours of fragmented sleep and biting heads off left, right, and center, they might change their tunes. :
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#204 of 1038 Old 08-20-2007, 09:06 PM
 
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ita about co-sleeping being safer. i had a dr. once tell me not to sleep with ds because i might roll over on him :! this was the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard! actually, for the first four months of ds's life, i would wake up about thirty seconds BEFORE he did. that's right. something changed in his breathing, energy -- something! that made me wake up and look at him. then he'd wake up and want to nurse. that's how in tune we were. when he was sick, i knew if he had a fever because he was laying right beside me and i'd feel him heat up, or i'd know if he needed his nose sucked out (he had major booger problems for months) because i could hear his breathing. these are just my experiences. there's a lot of research out there!

besides the safety issue, there's NOTHING like sleeping next to your baby! think about how close sleeping next to your dp's makes you feel with them. there's something incredibly intimate and loving about sleeping together. when your dc is 15, you won't have the chance to have this closeness with him/her. get it while you can! babies who feel close and intimate with their parents grow up to be kids who feel close and trusting of their parents!

eta: have you checked out the night time parenting board on MDC? you could get a lot of help and practical advice there.
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#205 of 1038 Old 08-21-2007, 04:57 AM
 
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So you think that there is little danger of someone rolling on a sleeping baby? That's what my partners are afraid of. Or that one of us would hurt the baby by accident. I'll read more about it on the co sleeping forum and then try to convince them after we get pregnant.

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#206 of 1038 Old 08-21-2007, 05:07 AM
 
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Hi, I am in a theoretically poly/open marrige...... neither of us have been with anyone but each other since marrige though. We live with my FIL who is a pastor, so out of respect to him, we dont live "out" and openly. And also ds being so young puts a few constraints on us searching out that area of our life, because I don't feel comfortable leaving him with a sitter etc.

I am bi, and dh is straight. our ideal relationship would be a shared female partner, but to become a partner, it would take a "special" woman I think.

Both me and dh do our fair share of fun flirting though
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#207 of 1038 Old 08-21-2007, 11:26 AM
 
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So you think that there is little danger of someone rolling on a sleeping baby? That's what my partners are afraid of. Or that one of us would hurt the baby by accident. I'll read more about it on the co sleeping forum and then try to convince them after we get pregnant.
I know the risk of SIDS or other sleeping issues is MUCH lower in co/sleeping children. You WILL NOT hurt your baby- I do think it is very sweet of your partners to be worried about their baby and it is not that they do not want to share a bed with another person. I think they are really worried. Maybe they need to go to the co/sleeping forum and post their questions. There is a lot of stats on co/seeping and the benifits.

Personal~ My oldest DD was co/sleeping full time until she was 2 and then here in there (mosting in the wee mornings) would find herself in our bed. Our youngest DD has done the same. However she enjoys bring her pillow and blankie to the room and sleeping on the floor next to my bed (next to me). She is now 2 1/2. And there was coutless nights where we would all 4 wake up in the morning in the same bed (a double bed for that matter!)

I think it helps center a child- reconnect with the parents. My children are happy, healthy and very centered children.

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#208 of 1038 Old 08-22-2007, 09:59 AM
 
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When DS was still cosleeping we often had 3 adults (DP, me and a DGF) in the bed and everyone loved having him there to cuddle with. DD even joined us occasionally, but we also had a small bed set up on the floor for her. Now DS still shows up trying to get in bed with me and my DPS. He usually ends up on the floor with a blanket and pillow but sometimes manages to squeeze in between us. DD has shown up twice and usually curls up at my feet. And the rare night that both DPs are gone, I pull the kids into bed with me for the night.

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#209 of 1038 Old 08-26-2007, 09:36 PM
 
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Hi, I'm new... I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl under 4. My dh is monogomous with me, I have a female lover but she doesn't live with us... recently she and I had to sort of put our relationship on ice because it was so hard for me to divide time between all my loves. I'm mourning the loss. She is my first relationship with a woman and helped me feel truly fulfilled. I don't guess this really fits here, but I'm not sure where I fit, anyway. I wish I could feel confident enough to make it work as so many of you have.
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#210 of 1038 Old 08-29-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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As most of you know dh and I have had an open marriage for several years. We've both had significant others for long-term relationships over the years that have been very special, but never have I felt true love for one of those ppl. Fondness, adoration, attraction - yes. Love, as I define it, no. Until now....

I am truly in love with my lover and it is such an amazing feeling. I'd often wondered how I'd know if I was in love with someone in addition to my dh...now I know. I'd been trying to wrap my head around the feelings for weeks and finally on Monday I got it....or rather we (myself and my lover) got it. We had this amazing discussion about how we were feeling about our marraiges, our children, our relationship and we finally gave ourselves permission to go there...to use the L-word. It was so liberating. I think it was somewhat about us giving eachother permission to admit that we truly could love eachother and not feel any threat of loving our spouse any less? We both feel like since we've been seeing eachother, our marriages have gotten stronger.

We couldn't wait until his wife got home from her night out to give her the news. She hugged us both and we all cried happy happy tears. I then ran home to share with my dh...and we cried happy tears.

We all get along so well. The kids adore eachother. Our spouses adore eachother, and have just begun to date - we have no expectations of where that may lead, but wouldn't it be cool if...... My lover's wife texted yesterday and said that she was so happy for me and she felt like the four of us finding eachother was quite simply meant to be.

I know we are all on a high right now and we will come down at some point, but damn...this is amazing!!!
UmmBnB is offline  
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