It was not something that i had thought about in depth but the closer I came to starting something with a woman who had older kids, made me really take a look at the reality. We experimented with poly when DS was younger and even though he knew about daddy's gf's he really didn't understand, and of course anyone that we were casually seeing weren't introduced to him as anything other than a friend. We took a step back for my pregnancy and because we moved in with family, but now that we bought a home and we are getting it fixed up, I would so very much love to meet a lady that I could love. Which has its challenges, because I prefer to meet someone who appriciates a more natural lifestyle if you know what I mean.
Anyway I'm rambling and its the middle of the night Just thought I would try to ge the ball rolling.
Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012) Married to awesome SAH DH.
Now for my question...What is poly? If I have a relationship outside my marriage am I in a poly? If I simply dream about it or have been in a poly in the past am I welcome in this discussion?
Just like discussed in Qeer parenting there are so many thin lines!!!
I'm not sure there are paramaters to poly. I can only speak for what defines my own relationship. I am in a polyanderous, polygynous relationship. In laymens terms, I am in a 'love based relationship' with two men who are with me and me alone. Well, at this point 'with' is a relative term because my ex dh and I are no longer physically intimate or anything of the kind. We still live in the same house, we still take care of each others non-sexual needs, we are co-parents of our children, and he is the godfather to my youngest dd and takes care of her as well as his own two bio children when I get a chance to work or need a break... My primary relationship, my beloved Viper, and I are intimate on more than just the physical level. That said, we are co parenting as a whole, and neither of them is in any way intimate with anyone else, and neither am I.
I am, as my location currently says, frantically preparing for Pennsic so I'm doing quick drive-bys on mdc for the most part. We leave Saturday and I get to see my sweetie.
We're just plain poly I guess. No one to cohabitate with; I'm the only one with an OSO and we don't even live in the same country.
I always refer to people who are thinking about it, or open to it but no one has come along yet, as "theoretically poly" as opposed to "practicing" I guess.
breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!
My family of 3 (plus pup) Indigo (Aimee), Rob (dp), Ryne (ds) & Phebe (dog), plus my BIL's family of 3.
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." - Alan Kay
I'm not on MDC very often, but now that I know about this thread, I might have to pop by here every now and again.
I'm 21, been married for 2 1/2 years, and I have a 4 month old son named Xander. DH and I have been poly the etire span of our relationship, theoretically although I've only had 1 bf (for like, 3 months) and dh has only had 1 gf (for even shorter time). We are in love with our two best friends, who just got engaged August 5th. They, however, are still workig on defining the parameters of their relationship, leaving DH and I often lonely and sad when they are around. It just feels so right - like famiy. And when they have to leave, reality hits us again that they are not really ours, and may or may notever be.
Originally Posted by Ravin
we're both really at a loss as to where to meet someone.
Seriously, any geeky hobby. Gaming, LARP, sci-fi cons, pagan groups (not that religion is a hobby, but that seems to be another crossover).
OKcupid.com is about the best matchmaking website. We keep meeting friends instead, though.
I really truly think that "the one" will just fall into your lap when you're looking the other way. A lot of people have poly tendencies, but so many of them don't know that it's something that is ever done, so they don't look into it as a viable option. My partner was like that - we were friends all along, and one night at a party she asked me if it was true that DH & I had an open marriage, and that was my opportunity to explain to her what Poly is (and isn't). She & DH were dating within the year.
I've been telling my friends that had the bad meet-up experiences all along that you just have to be patient & WAIT, and he didn't believe me. And then, lo and behold, he's got a girlfriend now who started out AS A FRIEND, and he explained the whole poly deal to her, and now they're seeing each other seriously. He told me today that I could say "I told you so" if I really want to
We have a myspace account too- so I welcome anyone who wants to add us- www.myspace.com/polycouple
[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
RAINBOW BABY DUE MAY 4th!!!
Things are going alright here. Not a whole lot to report other than a recent threat by my father to turn us in for ex living here. He called while I was in the shower with the 7 y/o and ex was in the same bathroom helping 5 y/o dry off and get dressed. He called me/us several charming names, most of which I can't repeat here... meh.
We were involved for about a month and a half before he moved to NYC (which he had already planned to do before we even met, and I knew of these plans). And I've since visited him once in NYC.
In the meantime, DH went out on one date and said it felt totally weird to him, and he's really unsure that he is, in fact, poly. I'm the only woman he's ever been intimate with; we started dating when we were 18 and he has only had very limited experiences with romance prior to that. He feels as though he would like to experience more but he's not sure he will feel free to do so while he's still married.
In addition, we feel like we've been through a lot of changes this year, including my going back to school and us opening up our marriage, and it's seemed to have put a new light on our marriage and exposed some of the faulty foundations upon which we've built our relationship. The fact that we didn't even know who we were as individuals when we first started seeing each other as teenagers seems to have put us in a situation of a codependency wherein we lose our identity in each other. It's always been a problem for us and it's manifested itself in different ways over the years, (ie. we've been through trial separation, counseling, renewing our vows), and we just wonder if we can reconcile this fundamental problem.
Furthermore, I have to admit that I'm having trouble "switching gears" in the context of polyamory. I feel strange when I, for instance, kiss one man for the first time after I had been with the other man. And I feel sort of selfish and guilty because the situation as it stands now is unbalanced. As in, why should I have my cake and eat it too? What do the men in my life have to gain from this? I was also unprepared for how hard I would fall for my oso, and I really felt that nre to a dizzying degree and found myself feeling really in love. When I mentioned this to my oso, he said he was not in love with me, because he is still very hung up on his ex that he dated for 4 years and broke up with this past december, but that he does care a lot about me and enjoys our time together. I feel like, in a way, it was foolish of me to reveal the strength of my feelings to him, but at the time, I really thought I would never see him again (this was the day he moved to NYC), and I wanted him to know the truth, for some reason... But now that I've visited him, I've been trying to play it cool and we've seemed to have smoothed over the awkwardness, and I've been able to accept that relationship for what it is.
However, being at a place in my life where I'm finally realizing my own individuality through finally pursuing my scholastic aspirations and romantic interests, I wonder if marriage is the right thing for me now. I think I want more independence. So, each for our own reasons, DH and I are talking about whether or not marriage is necessary for us to continue or if we'd be better off still having a relationship, but dissolving the formality of marriage. We are concerned with the impact all this might have on the kids, but we don't want to live a lie or stay together just for the kids.
I think we're really just confused and having trouble sorting out all these feelings. Does anyone have any insights?
Sarah born 04/03/02 , Ashley born 03/13/04, Rigel born 09/10/11
Unfortuately, I don't know that it's "kosher" to really discuss the things you brought up here on MDC. They have a pretty strict "no relationship talk" as you may or may not know. Unless it relates to parenting, we unfortunately can't really have that kind of discussion and likely a mod will close the thread. I'm just giving you an FYI, not trying to shut you down! I hope you can find support - there is a lot on the internet that is available for when you are first exploring having an open marriage.