Have I done it right? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 04-06-2003, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Today after a gathering at a friend's house my DD age 6 asked me if two of the men who attended were brothers. I said no "Theyr'e kind of like married, like Grandma and Grandpa (who are not legally married.)"

DD says "But they are both boys"

I say "Yeah, well most boy want to mary girls and most girls want to marry boys, but there are some boys who want to marry other boys and some girls who want to marry girls."

DD says "Will I want to marry a boy or a girl"

I say "I don't know. You will know when you are older"

DD looks at me like I may be crazy and says "OoooKay mama".

Just looking for any opinions on if I said the right thing. Anything else I should have said???
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#2 of 11 Old 04-06-2003, 10:47 PM
 
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In my opinion you handled it beautifuly. My uncle is gay and has lived with his partner for years. I was wondering how I would explain it to my son when he got older. I will be more prepared with your statement. I may print it out and read it when the time comes! Bravo!!!!!
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#3 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 12:49 AM
 
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Bravo!! Good Job!! Your child is lucky to have a mom like you!!!!!!!!!!! ( I would do a whole lot of happy faces here, but I have not taken the time to figure out how to do them!!!)
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#4 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 01:06 AM
 
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I think you did a fine job. As a lesbian mom of 3 boys I can tell you that people don't understand how important it is to educate the little ones. Through your eyes they see how to accept people and their differences and through your teaching of tolerance comes a better world!
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#5 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 01:24 AM
 
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wow! i'm so impressed with the easy that you handled that. it just sounds so matter-of-fact and natural. that is how i long to answer all of my son's questions! i hope when my son is old enough to ask about my sister and her girlfriend i will be as good as you!

Peace and health, Jenny - Mama to my love 12/01, my lovely 7/04, and my beloved 10/06, and one angel. ****5****10****15***20****25****30****35***bellycast.gif40**
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#6 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, you guys are so nice. I just told her what I believe. My DH and I are so pathetically traditional in some ways (he was the first boy I ever kissed) but I don't want my kids to feel bad if they do not end up the same way.

Also, as far as sexual preference, I believe that you know what you feel and that talking about and fully accpeting that some people are different from you can't influence anybody to change their feelings. Moreover, if one of my kids felt that they were gay I would want them to know that I would have no problem with this because I would fully accpet them for what they are just as I would fully accpet them if they are heterosexual. (Although I think it would be nice if they didn't marry the first person they ever kissed. LOL.)

(Interestingly, the only person I know besides us who is with the first person they ever kissed is one of the guys who DD asked about!)
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#7 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 12:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by alexa07
(Interestingly, the only person I know besides us who is with the first person they ever kissed is one of the guys who DD asked about!)
Sweet! I think you did beautifully. Well done!
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#8 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 01:31 PM
 
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You did better than I ever did! My 6 yo DS asked about my moms good friend and her partner last month. I had planned and planned for this talk (being bi myself), but when the time came, I was a little thrown off. I was unsure what to say. I want to be truthful, but I want to go as slow (or fast) as he can absorb and comprehend. Basically I told him that some people love people of the opposite sex and some people love people of the same sex. That either way, all that matters is that you love, honor and respect the person you are committed to. Neither way is the "right" way, neither way is the "wrong" way. All that matters is that you follow what your heart says is right for you.
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#9 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 04:02 PM
 
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I think your answer was great. Honest, to the point.

You could also tell her that *most* boys grow up to marry girls and vice versa. And that *some* boys fall in love with boys and some girls fall in love with girls. Since she sounds concerned, lol. Truly, she has a 90% chance of being straight obviously, so saying *most* is true.

To say that "some boys marry boys" is actually an (unfortunate) untruth, because marriage is illegal for us.

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#10 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 04:10 PM
 
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I think your answer was great. Honest, to the point.

You could also tell her that *most* boys grow up to marry girls and vice versa. And that *some* boys fall in love with boys and some girls fall in love with girls. Since she sounds concerned, lol. Truly, she has a 90% chance of being straight obviously, so saying *most* is true.

To say that "some boys marry boys" is actually an (unfortunate) untruth, because marriage is illegal for us.

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#11 of 11 Old 04-07-2003, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Madison,

Its true, its very sad. And notice I said that our friends were "kind of married, like Grandma and Grandpa" (and she sort of understands that they are not really married.) And also that I said some boys "want" to marry other boys. I am aware of the issues and as she gets older will definitely deal with them.

I don't know if she was concerned. But rather just kind of surprised. We live in a rather conservative town and she just doesn't have alot of exposure to gay couples. She has been around our friends Tim and Dave before but this is the first time she picked up on them being a couple and was clearly trying to figure out the nature of their relationship. (Also when we see them, we are usually around Tim's mom and they are not very openly affectionate around his parents, since his parents are kind of freaked out by the whole thing.)

I thought about telling her that she would most likely want to marry a boy (just based on the 90% chance thing) but I felt like she might realize that I was more open to things by my answer. Also I wanted her to understand that this is something people t just know about themselves and that no one can know it for them.
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