support for coming out - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 11-13-2006, 02:48 AM - Thread Starter
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this seems more like a parenting forum ( imagine that ) and not necessarily a place for me to bring this up... but i am having some real serious identity issues and am looking for somewhere to sort them out a little and get some support. i honestly like MDC better than anywhere in the internet world so here i am.

i am recently separated from my husband, we will go through a legal divorce at some point. i really was excited about getting to date when he and i split up, but after some woeful experiences i am completly turned off of it. lately i am simply not interested in meeting ANYONE. which is probably good. nonetheless, feelings of queerness are really really haunting me. but knowing i am truly bisexual when i meet men when i am out, i feel like i cant relate to them in the way i used to...i just want to talk to women, but the women i feel attracted to are in relationships or are straight. AND i feel like if i started dating a woman i wouldnt "fit in" you know what i mean? i dated a bisexual man this summer and it was the most harmonizing feeling i have ever felt with anyone in my life. are any of you bi? are you partnered with bi people ? i just feel like that is the kind of connection i really need, especially when it comes to men... i just dont even want to have anything to do with "straight" men as far as dating goes, its just completly unappealing. i dont know if that is prejudiced or what. i feel really confused, and sort of like an alien. i want my identity to be more "known" in my friendships because i dontknow how else to meet others like me unless i am more open about it. this is actually the most personal topic for me. i am very private about sexual things, hence most of my friends do not know this about me. i have started telling people but it feels really awkward.


any thoughts?

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#2 of 4 Old 11-13-2006, 10:53 AM
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I'm not bi, but I couldn't read and not reply.

Coming out is a process, and various steps are harder or easier person to person. My best advice is to be patient with yourself and not worry too much about being "prejudicial" about who you want to spend time with. Follow your heart (checking in regularly with your head, of course) and trust that it will lead you in the right direction.

Hang in there!
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#3 of 4 Old 11-13-2006, 11:28 AM
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I'm a bi woman married to a bi man. It helps balance in some ways, but in reality he will never be a woman so the types of feelings a woman brings are not fair to ask of him, just like I can never be a man for him. I don't think that any one person can meet all of my (or anyone else's) emotional and physical needs. We do our best and we got a lot of love, so it's alright with me.

As for coming out...if it's safe for you to do so, it's the best thing you can do.. Just be patient and kind with yourself.
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#4 of 4 Old 11-13-2006, 12:46 PM
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Wow, coming out is so exciting. You know how some women with older children look at their friends with babies and feel wistful for that time in their lives? That's how I feel about coming out. All of a sudden, the whole world is in front of you, all these new possibilities... it can be exhilarating.

I think frog and hanno gave you some good advice. The only thing I'll add is that your concern about not fitting in seems completely normal. I think a lot of us felt like we didn't fit into the subculture at first. It's just part of forming a new identity; you'll figure it out in time!

Let your life speak. -- George Fox
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