Queer Parents Rollcall - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 40 Old 01-26-2007, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Who here is already a parent and queer?

I see a lot of people trying to get PG, but nothing for those who are just living life with kids.

Maybe we could start a thread to get to know each other better? Answer any or all of these: Where do you live, How many kids do you have, How did you conceive, Do you have a partner, How's the queer acceptance where you live?

Feel free to add more questions I'll be back later to answer them for myself!

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#2 of 40 Old 01-26-2007, 08:28 PM
 
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Hi, wemoon! Nice to "meet" you!

My dw & I have an 18-mo old dd conceived thru AI (IUI). Donor is ID-release. I was blessed to get pg the first insem. DW also has a 19 yo son via a prior het relationship. However, her son was raised by 2 moms (dw's ex) from birth thru age 10. I met his mom around his 13th b-day, & we got together shortly afterwards.

We live in Houston, TX ... not generally liberal, but there are definite resources & pockets of queer friendliness in this metropolitan city. I don't know that we could live somewhere rural or in another, smaller red-state city.

Proud WOHM veggie mom to Alina 7/29/05 & partner, Jackie, since 2001, m/c 1/2009
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#3 of 40 Old 01-26-2007, 09:01 PM
 
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Great idea for a thread! My partner and I have two boys. Our oldest is almost 8 and was conceived through AI with an ID release donor. egarcia, I was also lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try, though we had tried to conceive with my partner for three or four cycles before we switched off, so to speak. Our youngest son is 3 and was adopted. My partner's sister is his birth mother and we have an open adoption with her and her ex-husband.

We currently live in Lexington, Kentucky. Lexington is more liberal than many places in the state, but we are desperately missing living in Massachusetts, where my partner is from and where we met and started our family. We moved to Kentucky after our first was born because we wanted to be closer to my family, but we are really tired of living in a red state. We don't face open hostility on a daily basis, but neither do we see many families like ours.
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#4 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 03:35 AM
 
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Super idea. My partner and I have 2 children. I gave birth to our almost-3-year-old daughter- conceived by IUI on try #6 using a known donor. My partner gave birth to our 4 month old son-- conceived "the old fashioned way" (syringe, fresh donation from donor) on try #1, using the same donor we used for our daughter.

We live in Northern California--in Sonoma County--and absolutely love it. We moved here about 1.5 years ago from the Philadelphia area and things are just so much better here. We never encountered any direct problems back east, but... there are just so many more families here like ours, and no one ever blinks when they see that our family has 2 moms. I fortuntate enough to stay at home with our children for now-- as long as we can afford doing that here-- and hopefully sooner or later I'll figure out a way to bring in some $$ on the side.

I'm excited to hear more about other queer families with children and have lots of questions for those who have gone before us... i.e.-- those who have had their children in school already, learn about families with "mommies & daddies" (we know plenty of families like this, but our daughter is still trying to figure out the difference between males and females and is just starting to take notice about the difference between 2 mom- headed families and mom/dad-headed families)... I'm sure there are many more things I can't think of that this hour of the evening.

Thanks for starting this thread wemoon!
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#5 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everyone! Nice to meet you

I'm currently considered a single parent. I have two kids ages 5 and 7 and they were conceived in a het relationship. I currently am dating a wonderful lady and we've been seeing each other for 16 months now. She is awesome with my kids and I hope that when the time is right we will combine lives. For now, it isn't feasible. I'm in school right now and I don't feel like I would be able to contribute enough financially to the household. I want to get some financial footing before I do anything different than what I'm doing. Also, she owns a house, but it isn't really a place that would work for my family. So there would be some things that would need to happen before anything is decided.

For all practical purposes though, she is 'the other parent'. She comes with me to school conferences and such, and takes on other responsibilities.

We live in an area where acceptance is pretty good, in Minnesota. I'm on the college campus where there is a thriving LGBT center. There is lots of queers everywhere. I know of 2 other two-mom families, one family I'm pretty close to because they have a son the same age as my son.

Westchester~ I've had lots of 'two mommies-two daddies' discussions with my kids. I've been through the school system and their teachers are really awesome about it. They are pretty good when it comes to units dealing with families too. I'm not sure exactly what gets mentioned, but they leave the projects open-ended so that children can include whoever is important to them. My kids actually do have a dad, but it is a weird situation because he has not been involved a single bit since I came out to him. So he is a non-existent person, some vague memory.

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#6 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 01:06 PM
 
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Westchester~ I've had lots of 'two mommies-two daddies' discussions with my kids. I've been through the school system and their teachers are really awesome about it. They are pretty good when it comes to units dealing with families too. I'm not sure exactly what gets mentioned, but they leave the projects open-ended so that children can include whoever is important to them. My kids actually do have a dad, but it is a weird situation because he has not been involved a single bit since I came out to him. So he is a non-existent person, some vague memory.
It isn't even that our daughter's teachers aren't great about it, because they are. I'm even on the board at the preschool. I think it is just that she is learning about it more because all the other kids in her school are from het families, where she sees mommy or daddy dropping off or picking up. Her friends talk all about their mommies and daddies, and then Eva tries to figure it all out.... which is fine and very healthy, and quite frankly, most people she'll meet in this world won't be lucky enough to have a Mama and an Ima (what she calls my partner) like she does so it is important for her to learn about all different family structures. BUT, we have friends (2 moms) with a daughter just a bit older than Eva, who are dealing with LOTS of "daddy" questions that scare me, i.e. "Why don't I have a daddy?" "I want a Daddy." Etc, etc. I don't know why, but the whole subject just unnerves me a bit... Right now we're just beginning to discuss who has a daddy, and what a daddy is, and what a daddy does (her latest idea about the subject is that her friend's daddy is a daddy because he cooks, whatever that means!).

I just want to make sure that she grows up knowing that all kinds of families are wonderful, and that just because most of her friends have a mommy and a daddy, that doesn't make her family any less. There used to be another child with 2 moms at her preschool, but they don't attend anymore, and I think that really makes a difference. Our daughter is a riot though-- at this point she doesn't really get the different family structures yet-- in EVERY book she reads, she points out which character is the Mama, which one is the Ima, which one is the Eva, and sometimes which one is the baby brother. Sometimes I'm the character that looks more masculine in the book, and sometimes my partner is. It really is funny-- she really doesn't seen any difference yet between men and women. It is very cute.

Anyway, just something that I've been thinking about lately, and worrying about encountering in the near future. So glad to have this thread though-- how wonderful!
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#7 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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double post
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#8 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 01:32 PM
 
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I am JoAnne, and we live in Riverside, CA. About 45 minutes from Los Angeles. We have one child, Ryan, who is 3. We are currently on a break from ttc a second child but should be starting again next month. We conceived using injectables, with IUI using donor sperm. My partner's name is Mary, and we have been together 14 years now. Queer acceptance is fine, we don't have any problems. Not the most liberal area, but like I said I haven't encountered any problems for some time. There are folks here who have issues, but we either don't encounter them or they don't say anything. I think we would encounter more problems in public school, but we plan on homeschooling anyway, so oh well. I am a SAHM, formerly a director of religious education for a UU church. We do a lot of queer things for families here, driving into Los Angeles for the LGBT center's family services program, going to a queer camp in April and November, and Family Pride's big Palm Springs weekend.

I should also say, that we have lots of very supportive friends who love us, our Unitarian Universalist church, the local LGBT organization, my Mom's Club, our local AP group and so on. We feel very blessed to have such a large support around us. We are also lucky to have my partner's family very close, and my MIL regularly watches our son for me, they have this wonderful relationship that is just so sweet. We are also blessed to have them be so accepting of us and our relationship. When my mother died, she extended her love to me, taking me in as her second daughter.

MamaHama, you should check out the Unitarian church in your area, our former minister Cynthia Cain is there, and she is amazing. Very queer friendly, she wanted to do our ceremony years ago, and encouraged me to breastfeed.
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#9 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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I'm a single mom of a 10-yr old dd who was conceived through a het relationship. We live in Maine and also belong to the UU church, which we both love. I have not been in a relationship for some time.
I have gay and straight friends. All of dd's friend's parents think nothing of it. The gay community here is quite small but it's a nice small city to raise a child in. We are originally from a small town and NB and people there are not so accepting.

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#10 of 40 Old 01-27-2007, 09:24 PM
 
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I'm Heather from Houston, TX. I have a 4.5 yo ds and an 18 mo dd, both through anonymous donor and both with the same donor. Both done IUI - first one at a doctor, after unsuccessful at-home ICI's. My daughter was conceived at home through IUI with the help of some friends (nurse and midwife). My partner and I have been together for 13 years. Houston is far from a gay friendly mecca. But, we have surronded ourselves with a supportive and loving community. Sadly, we have very few gay friends, especially ones with kids. And, we find that we parent very differently than the gay families that we do meet, which makes it hard to make lasting connections. I have wonderful IRL mama friends but it is harder for my partner, as the non-bio mom, to make real connections.

I rarely check this board but this post came up on the main page. I'll be sure to check back.
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#11 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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This is a great thread! Thanks, wemoon!

MamaHama, my dp raised her son for 10 yrs in Fort Knox/Radcliffe/Louisville before she returned home to TX. According to her, that area was not openly hostile, but there were no viable queer resources or support at that time (admittedly 10+ yrs ago, as her ds is 19). It always amazes me how she raised her ds in a lesbian household w/o community resources or even w/o any other GLBT friends ... but, of course, she & her ex were active military for some time.

Westchestermom, I've worried about the whole daddy issue since ttc! Recently, my best friend & I were talking about our dds & how quickly time is flying. So, we started talking about random scenarios in elem school & Girl Scouts & things like that, & she brought up the fact that her dd would probably be so embarrassed when it came time for her to attend a father/daughter dance. Do you know -- and maybe I sound totally freaky-- I actually felt a little sad @ the prospect of my dd possibly missing out on something like this because of her family structure??? I know, it's probably weird. And it probably won't ever matter to the degree I sometimes imagine. But, sometimes my mind races ahead. Even though my dp is a wonderful resource, I look forward to hearing others' insight.

Heather, I totally know what you mean re: real life, like-minded GLBT friends w/kids! Dp & I have often felt the same way. Our gay friends have either no or grown kids. We've been members of the HGLP (Houston Gay & Lesbian Parents) for a few yrs now, but we rarely if ever get to attend any of their activities, esp. because our 18 mo old dd is still too small for many of them. Recently, though, we managed to meet a really nice lesbian couple in our area (Missouri City/Sugar Land) through the group. This couple has a 5 yo ds & 3 yo dd, and it's been sooooo nice hanging out w/another gay couple who doesn't mind a restless toddler squirming out of her highchair! But, we always love meeting new people. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further .... Houston is by no means a gay mecca, but there are other AP gay parents here (like us!)

Proud WOHM veggie mom to Alina 7/29/05 & partner, Jackie, since 2001, m/c 1/2009
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#12 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 02:50 AM
 
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Hi all!

My partner and I are proud new parents to a wonderful 7 week old DS. He was conceived, as westchestermom referred to it, the "old-fasioned way" (syringe insemination with fresh sperm.) Our sperm donor is a long-time friend of my DP. We inseminated over four days during one cycle and I got pregnant right away!

We live in the Toronto area and have been together for 5.5 years now, married for nearly 4. We have tons of really supportive friends and family, but oddly enough very few LGBT friends. We're a little worried that DS won't have too many examples of other same-sex parents around, but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes.

Everything worked so well for us that we are hoping to try and get pg again very early in 2008 (trying to space about 24 months apart to maximize chances of VBAC.) We are thinking that having a sibling for DS might make the whole "two moms" thing a bit easier for both. As I said to my DP, neither of us know what it's like to have to moms, so perhaps a sibling to share the experience with would be nice for him, you know? Do any of you have any thoughts?

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#13 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 04:47 AM
 
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Hi all!

My partner and I are proud new parents to a wonderful 7 week old DS.
yay congratulations!!!!

I am Claire my partner is Laura - kids as listed in my siggie! I live in New Zealand and life here is pretty ok. We used fresh stuff too - known donor but no involvement - the kids can contact him when they are all grown up. Lots of legal rights for Laura (non bio mummy) and we haven't had any problems, the kids share both our surnames and we are able to have a civil union ceremony on Saturday (oh my gosh why am I on the computer I have heaps to do.... well I am nak king so tha'ts my excuse)

I think siblings are a good thing, partly why we had three I guess so they'd all have each other

Great thread btw - I'll check back in too
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#14 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 03:05 PM
 
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Hi - I am Kelly (37), DP is Barb (49). We have 3 kids - one dd age 27 from DP previous het marriage, and twin dd2 and 3, age 16 mos. DP had no problem conceiving DD years ago when she was 21-ish. I, however, ended up having to go through IVF with an unknown sperm and unknown egg donor: to conceive the twins. I'd love to have another, but don't know if we can afford it given my medical problems.

We live in a small college town in Georgia. We are blessed in that we don't have to live in a big city to find lots of people with open minds and hearts. Don't get me wrong, we have our share of backwoods rednecks, but so far we have not had any issues with the people in our community. The girls are still so young, we haven't gotten to where they are in playgroups or school so I don't know how that will go. We just started taking them to our UU church for interaction with other kids their age in a supportive atmosphere. DP's family is very supportive - they provide in-home care for them when our work schedules overlap.

DP raised her 1st dd mostly solo, a few years with another woman as well when dd1 was in grade/junior high school. The two of them are very close. I've never spoken with dd1 about how it was to be raised by a queer mom or to have two moms - I need to do that. Maybe we can avoid some problems later on with the twins. FWIW, dd1 is extremely accepting of me as a "step-mom". I will be sitting in the front row with DP when dd1 gets married in May!

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#15 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 04:31 PM
 
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Hi I'm Erin, partner to J and momma to James, who joined our family at birth through domestic transracial open adoption. James will be two next month! We live in Maine's largest city (which is actually quite small), and have a number of queer friends and work/live in very queer friendly circles. We love it here.

We briefly considered TTC kiddo #2, but nixed that in favor of fostering with hopes of an eventual adoption through foster care. We start classes this week. Our info is also listed with a domestic adoption agency in NYC, so hopefully our second child will come to us through one of those methods in the not-so-distant future...

Nice to meet you all.
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#16 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 06:05 PM
 
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Hi there! We're two Mommies in the Chicago Area with one Dd (who turned four yesterday), We've now been TTC #2 for two years, and are about to be going both barrells with TTC and pursuing adoption at the same time.
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#17 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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Franny here, partner to Cathy (7 1/2 years) and soon-to-be mom to a baby (girl?) We are 35 weeks and due in early March. I am the bio mom but Cathy will be the breastfeeding and stay-at-home mom. We used a known-to-us but anonymous donor, a student at Rice, and it took us six cycles of at-home tries to actually conceive.
We also belong to the G&L Parent Assocation - we've gone a few times but since we don't have anyone in a stroller yet we haven't gotten a lot of love. We have lots and lots of straight parent friends, but most have older kids, since we're almost 40. We'd love to hang out with any lesbian couples in Houston, we live in central West Houston.
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#18 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 06:54 PM
 
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Checking in from the frozen north. We are older adoptive moms - 42 and 48, with an almost 3 year old! We live in a very supportive community, both for transracial adoption and for lesbian moms, so we mostly can just go about living our lives. I'm grateful for that - parenting is challenging enough without dealing with a boatload of discrimination on top of it.
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#19 of 40 Old 01-28-2007, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, look at all the people that came out of the woodwork! Nice to see everyone

westchester, I see what you're saying now. It's a little different for me because my kids actually do have a dad that was a part of their life. But he hasn't been a part of their life for well over a year and a half, probably more like 2 years. We've talked a lot about how some families have two mommies etc. The thing that my kids get, that I find amazing, is that the families with two mommies all have different ways of being mommies. One couple we know adopted. A few couples have had donors. So they will ask questions like, which one had the baby inside of them.

My kids will pretty much have to deal with the same issues, like not having a dad to do a father-daughter dance with etc. I think it would be better to not have that dad figure out there somewhere. I don't like it that he could just pop in their lives at any moment. I'd almost rather deal with a non-existent dad issue than a deadbeat dad issue I figure that if it comes to my kids wanting to do something like a father-daughter dance, I might see if there is any willing male figure to play the part for the night.

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#20 of 40 Old 01-29-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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Franny here, partner to Cathy (7 1/2 years) and soon-to-be mom to a baby (girl?) We are 35 weeks and due in early March. I am the bio mom but Cathy will be the breastfeeding and stay-at-home mom. We used a known-to-us but anonymous donor, a student at Rice, and it took us six cycles of at-home tries to actually conceive.
We also belong to the G&L Parent Assocation - we've gone a few times but since we don't have anyone in a stroller yet we haven't gotten a lot of love. We have lots and lots of straight parent friends, but most have older kids, since we're almost 40. We'd love to hang out with any lesbian couples in Houston, we live in central West Houston.
Hey, FrannyO. Congrats on the pg! I think we've actually correspondended once or twice via PM. I know what you mean re: the HGLP. Before we started ttc dd, dp & I attended a couple of potlucks & a swim party w/her ds. At the time, he was about 15 or 16. And do you know, we didn't feel the love either! I guess because we didn't have anyone in a stroller either! Anyway, I know you'll be waaaay busy once your baby arrives, but do feel free to PM me again once you settle into a routine w/your newborn. We're always up for meeting local lesbian parents, too! Oh, and dp will turn 41on St. Paddy's Day. So, even though her ds is 19, she can also totally relate to having a real young'un later in life. (Me, I'll be 30 in June).

Proud WOHM veggie mom to Alina 7/29/05 & partner, Jackie, since 2001, m/c 1/2009
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#21 of 40 Old 01-29-2007, 04:04 AM
 
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Oops! Thought I was getting e-mail notifications on this thread, but I guess not. I’m glad I checked in.

On the subject of dads, our experience has been that it became more of an issue with our kids once they started school. Similar to westchestermom, our oldest son always used to identify families that he’d see in books, etc. as having two moms. Once he hit school that started to change, and I think it was a part of just figuring it out, and realizing that most of his classmates had a mom and a dad. He did tell us he wanted a dad, but I think at least initially that’s part of the same thing, just wanting what other kids have. We heard a story from a Unitarian Minister in Western Mass, where we used to live, and where there are an abundance of lesbian families, that her daughter came home from school saying she really, really wanted two moms. So, you know, I think all kids do this to some extent. It's just learning about how other families are different.

Our youngest son, at 3 still doesn’t quite get that there is anything special about our family. But we noticed that he is more likely now that he’s in school to identify families in stories and books as having a mom and a dad. We challenge him on it if it’s ambiguous. We’ll say, “How do you know that’s a mom and dad. Couldn’t it be a mom and mama?” Sometimes he’ll stick with mom and dad, sometimes he says, “It is a mommy and mama.” We talk a LOT about different kinds of families, and I think our oldest really understands that our family is okay, even though we’re different than most of the other families he sees. He never hesitates to tell people that he has two moms, but neither do we, and he has only seen us talk about our family in a positive way.

All of that being said, I believe our oldest really would like to have a dad. As he got older and we told him more and more about conception and his sperm donor, etc., he finally put the pieces together and realized that his sperm donor is his biological dad. He was so excited! We were discussing how some parents who have kids through donor conception don’t tell the kids or don’t tell them until they are much older, and he said, “Yeah, and then it would be the greatest surprise!” I think because before he put it all together, he just thought he didn’t have a dad of any kind at all. When people asked or brought it up, we just said, he has two moms. We’re happy that he sees it as a positive thing, but we’re gently reinforcing that even though the donor is biologically related that he doesn’t know us, and it’s not the same thing as a dad as a parent. And as much as I think our family is great and we can certainly parent without a dad in the house, it does make me sad, too, at times that he doesn’t have a connection there. I think especially because we have an open adoption with our youngest and benefit from the connection with his birth parents and families, we miss this for our oldest.

Does anybody here have a known donor that is involved in your children’s life? How do you manage that and how does it work for you? What type of involvement does the donor have? I’m interested in hearing how this works for folks.

Jwebbal, thanks for the tip on the Unitarian church. We actually attended the church once before we moved to Lexington during pride weekend here. Cynthia was on leave, so unfortunately, we missed her, but it was an amazing service. We have wanted to go back, and have felt like it would be a good place for us to make connections, but just haven’t made the commitment to it. We’ll definitely give it another try.

Mackysmama & Heather, we also found that we parent very differently than the other gay families we have met. There was a gay and lesbian family group here for a while, but it has since sort of fallen apart. We never felt quite like we fit in, anyway, partly because of our AP parenting style, but also because our oldest was older than most of the other kids. We keep looking for families with 7-9 year old boys that we can connect with, but so far, no luck.

egarcia76, I think things have changed quite a bit in Kentucky in 10 years. I was raised in northeastern Kentucky, and there is absolutely more tolerance in the state now and an organized movement to to making this a fairer place to live for gay and lesbian people, but your DP is right, there are still not a lot of places to turn for support. It’s been a tough adjustment for us after having lived in Western Massachusetts where lesbian families were pretty much accepted in the mainstream culture. Sometimes we wonder if we are doing the right thing by staying here, but we love being close to our family and having their support.

Wow! Thanks for the thread, wemoon. I’ll definitely be checking in more frequently.
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#22 of 40 Old 01-29-2007, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think it is interesting that you all can't find other lesbian parents that have a similar parenting style, because that is all I have found. There is one lady that I would not ever be friends with (had trouble with her awhile ago... stupid lesbian chart crap!) because her parenting is horrendous, but the other two couples wear their baby, didn't circumsize, are aware of healthy patterns etc.

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#23 of 40 Old 01-29-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Does anybody here have a known donor that is involved in your children’s life? How do you manage that and how does it work for you? What type of involvement does the donor have? I’m interested in hearing how this works for folks.
We do. We have the same known donor for both of our children- and he plays a big role in their lives as their grandfather (not biologically related to my partner or me). He has a very special relationship with them and loves spending time with them. He never wanted kids when he was younger, but now that he is a bit older, he wanted grandkids, so it worked out perfectly. We are thrilled to know him-- and to be able to tell our kids someday where they came from-- that they came from good, loving people. It has been an amazing experience, because when he became our donor, not only did we get children of our own, but we also in a way became a part of his family. His mother treats our kids as her great-grandchildren, and we visit with the rest of his family quite regularly too. We debated for a long time as to whether it was the right choice (before he donated for us) but now we couldn't be happier. We have gone through the courts, done 2nd parent adoptions, changed our names so that my partner and I have the same last name and so now both of our children have the same last name as well. I really couldn't be more thankful as to how wonderful the whole experience has been-- building a family-- of course interspersed with plenty of stress, upset and all the good things that come along with learning to be a parent. But on the whole, we couldn't be happier.
Re: the daddy thing... our daughter also goes around pronouncing that random people have THREE mommies. We're not yet sure how she comes up with who has what, but it is quite cute as she often tells the person directly. I'm sure the whole thing is just a phase as she figures out different family structures.... the issue is really more about me and how it makes me uncomfortable more than anything else.
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#24 of 40 Old 01-29-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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We are queer parents too

I am 26, and dw is 29, and we have three boy kiddos who all grew inside of me and were conceived with the help of the same "very nice man," an unknown donor. Lukas and Jasper are almost 4 and Zeben is 2.5 months. We are really loving our little family these days. It feels really fun to be a family of five, and watching the big brothers fall in love with their little brother is just the best.

We live in a very queer friendly area (just outside Northampton, MA), and there are queer families everywhere, though mostly they are of the two mom variety. Half of Luke and Jaz's friends have queer parents, so it is very normal to them. They do know about "daddies" too, and they seem to understand that a mom-and-dad family is the most common kind. Usually when they play any sort of family game, there is a mom and a dad (as opposed to two moms). We tell them their donor story, but they aren't interested in it yet.

Our donor is not an identity-release donor, but we have made contact with several of the boys' donor siblings' families. We know 11 other families who used our same donor, and between us all we have 22 kids under the age of four. Luke and Jaz (and Zeb) don't know about their donor siblings yet, but we are keeping the connections open so that they will be there when the boys are ready.

Dw adopted Luke and Jaz just a few months ago (took us awhile to get around to it) with the help of a lawyer. We are planning to do Zeben's adoption on our own now that we've seen how the process works (and we have all the paperwork ready, we just have to substitute Zeb's name). Because we are legally married, dw's name went on Zeben's birth certificate right from the start, which is pretty cool. We will still do the adoption though (eventually) since right now her only legal connection to him is through our marriage.

We co-sleep, cloth diaper, wear our babies, breastfeed, and practice GD. We know a lot of queer families IRL, but not many of them do all of those things. . . maybe not even any of them, come to think of it! So, our connections with other queer families are not very deep. We are much closer with our straight friends who practice AP.

Great Thread!

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Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#25 of 40 Old 01-30-2007, 04:56 AM
 
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We co-sleep, cloth diaper, wear our babies, breastfeed, and practice GD. We know a lot of queer families IRL, but not many of them do all of those things. . . maybe not even any of them, come to think of it! So, our connections with other queer families are not very deep. We are much closer with our straight friends who practice AP.
Lex we are the same - most of my friends are straight and are chosen more for their AP practices. Although my one of my best friends is the most similar to me I could find - lesbian two mummy family with four kids and vegan - also raising their kids vegetarian. How cool is that!

Actually for me one of the key elements of friendship tends to fall into the vegetarian and AP realm, if they are queer it's a real bonus!!!
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#26 of 40 Old 01-30-2007, 04:58 AM
 
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Hi...I've been around MDC a good while, but only occasionally check in this forum...

DP and I have been together 13 years...we've got two kids 6 and 2. I carried dd1; dp carried dd2. We live in a crunchy town in the middle of North Carolina and know lots of ap families, queer and queer-friendly. We homeschool, clw, gd, co-sleep, cd, etc. The people are great; the laws are pretty stinky.

Dp teaches at the university and really loves it...we'd love to relocate somewhere with well-established 2d parent adoption...if only dp got a great job offer!
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#27 of 40 Old 01-31-2007, 01:00 AM
 
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I am 29 (almost 30 *gulp*) and DW will be 32 next month. We have 17 month old twins who were conceived using DW's eggs. I carried them and breastfeed them and stay home with them (though I am going back to school as well). Like Lex, we live in western MA, so we are surrounded by two mom families. Unfortunately, we aren't close with many people with kids who live around here--most of our friends are single or at least childless, which makes like a little hard sometimes. Also, no one we know who does have kids APs in any way. They thought we lost our minds when we announced our plans to cloth diaper and not circumcise!

Our donor is an anonymous ID-release guy from CCB and we got pregnant on the first IVF try, though the cycle seemed like a bust at first because DW only produced two eggs--who knew that was all we needed?

Lex--where are these straight people who AP?!?! I've got to find them
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#28 of 40 Old 01-31-2007, 08:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We have 17 month old twins who were conceived using DW's eggs. I carried them and breastfeed them and stay home with them (
I would like to do it this way if I am to ever have kids again. I don't think it will happen, because I feel satisfied with my two that I have and GF is absolutely not interested in having kids... but if for some reason we both change our minds, I would like to carry her egg.

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#29 of 40 Old 01-31-2007, 09:55 AM
 
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Lex--where are these straight people who AP?!?! I've got to find them
PM'ing you!



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Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#30 of 40 Old 01-31-2007, 10:09 AM
 
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Hiya! I'm a single queer mama to my 3 year old girlie. Her other parent is a gay man, a longtime friend of mine. Unfortunately things have kind of gone sour since my daughter was born, the old gender role crap, and these days I relate a lot to straight women dealing with crappy baby's fathers.

I live in a smallish city in Ontario, and there are lots of other lesbian mamas about, and a weekly playgroup that I'm part of. It's really nice. I live in a house with my good friend/sorta girlfriend, and she has a really good, close relationship with my child, although she herself is childless (omg I almost wrote childish ) and has a lot of ideas about parenting that really don't jive with me.

I have a good circle of close friends, both lesbians with and without kiddos, and progressive mamas in relationships with men. It's pretty easy to be out around here.

Loving this thread, and reading about everyone's lives and journey. Some folks I've seen around MDC and I didn't even know you were queer!
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