Bi-parents? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 142 Old 07-15-2007, 11:08 PM
 
GinaRae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Lghtly toasted and fogged in NorCal
Posts: 5,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
It took me ages to slowly see him in an "attraction" way, and I suspect that a large part of that was my body getting hormonal and wanting to make a baby
Actually, as soon as I was pg, I lost all interest in men... but by then it was too late! But I do love DH; he's just a funny guy, and a great father.
So to ask a personal question that you don't have to answer (obviously), do you have an active and enjoyable sex life with your husband?

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
GinaRae is offline  
#62 of 142 Old 07-16-2007, 06:08 AM
 
majikfaerie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 20,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaRae View Post
So to ask a personal question that you don't have to answer (obviously), do you have an active and enjoyable sex life with your husband?
um, yeah, its a personal question, and I wasn't going to answer. But then I realised that the reason I didnt want to say is because... :


not really, no.

active; well, more like occasionally. sometimes we joke about being an old married couple that has a special day for it
enjoyable?
sort of, but unfulfilling : have I said too much?

By reading this signature, you agree to join my cult :nana
Google me, you know you want to mischievous.gif
majikfaerie is offline  
#63 of 142 Old 07-17-2007, 10:06 PM
 
lil_earthmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
De lurking... sort of...

I come from an ultra religious family (I'm considered the hippy freak black sheep), but was always attracted to girls, and guys. I've never "done it" with a woman, but have come close. I stuggle with the monogomy thing and guilt, even though my hubby encourages me to explore my sexuality.

I love love love my hubby and have a great sex life and married life with him. He knows that I fantasize about women all the time (does this make me bi? I've never labelled myself really.)

I'm a young mama to one baby ds, with an amazing hubby who thinks it's hot that his wife likes girls.

Hope that I can post openly here now, as I feel that my ds should learn openness from the get go and have already learned great things here.

I am not crunchy enough for this forum. Everyday I get a little crunchier though! :
lil_earthmomma is offline  
#64 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 12:48 AM
 
majikfaerie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 20,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
lil earthmomma

By reading this signature, you agree to join my cult :nana
Google me, you know you want to mischievous.gif
majikfaerie is offline  
#65 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 01:00 AM
 
GinaRae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Lghtly toasted and fogged in NorCal
Posts: 5,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
um, yeah, its a personal question, and I wasn't going to answer....
I should probably say why I asked! I just wonder because I see my sex life slipping away, especially lately. He doesn't light the fire as much as he used to, but I think it's because it's been a long time since I had any other relationships.

Though I think right now it's part pregnancy uncomfortable-ness (is that a word?), and partly my weight, and the rest os for whatever reason he;s reluctant to have sex right now. I am too tired to find out lately, but he says nothing is wring but stress.

However, I do get bored with the sex sometimes and wonder what life will be like in another 5 years or so. Will I even be interested? I LOVE my hubster and want him to be happy, so I hope we can re-light the flame by then.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
"Well behaved women rarely make history"
GinaRae is offline  
#66 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
heket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ruling my own Library
Posts: 2,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi lil_earthmomma! You are certainly welcomed to post here.

Question for all, is this a thread you'd like to see continued from month to month?
heket is offline  
#67 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 01:47 AM
 
myjulybabes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,271
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How'd I miss this little tribe? *waving* Hi all! Bi mama (well, technically speaking, but I prefer "queer"), married to a bi man. Technically we have an open relationship, but we've not really been pursuing anything outside the marriage since I've been pregnant, probably won't for awhile unless it just lands in our lap. Who's got time?

We did go to Pride this year, missed the last couple years because it was too hot for ds. In the past, we'd go with my lesbian friends and all hang out together...dh has been referred to as my "fag stag" before. This year, I thought we'd get the most odd looks because it was me, dh, both kids, and I was already showing...but nope. The gay marriage issue is getting so big, I think it's becoming more common for people who are straight, but "queer allies", or however you want to say it, to hang out at Pride and whatnot. So they probably figured we were just a gay-friendly straight couple, which makes me a little sad, but it's better than getting weird looks, KWIM?

We're not necessarily open about our sexuality with our kids because they're so young, but we do try not to reinforce the hetero norms. We don't assume they'll be straight, we talk in really simple terms about how the current marriage laws are unfair, try not to reinforce any gender stereotypes (though I admit, it's hard to resist the urge to buy pink frilly stuff for this baby!). Dd saw 2 boys kissing on a TV show, said "ewww gross!" and boy did she get an earful!
myjulybabes is offline  
#68 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 02:01 AM
 
dynamicdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kitsap County, WA
Posts: 2,339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heket View Post
Married, with a significant other, single? Are you out there? I just imagine that there's some bi-mamas/-dadas out there. Pride comes and goes each June, yet being a married (to the opposite sex and) bi, I feel left out. My lesbian friends tell me its a phase or that I'm just naturally a cheater. I just don't feel comfortable telling anyone who's straight my true feelings.

Anyone else out there?
I'm bi an definitely between the worlds. It's been made very clear by my lesbian friends/acquaintances that I don't 'qualify' as anything more than a fence-sitter, really. And with bi women being so 'trendy' right now it really doesn't help my cause. Plus, I am happily married to a man with no desire to cheat (male or female, my needs are truly met in my relationship). It really discredits me as a 'queer' person. I tend to avoid queer culture because of it, honestly. I do feel left out as well.. not straight enough, not queer enough. It's irritating.

Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
http://redspiral.blogspot.com
dynamicdoula is offline  
#69 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 02:17 AM
 
majikfaerie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 20,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Funny, I actually process a lot of guilt for not being a "pure" lesbian :

And I do get comments from old friends, when they realise I've gotten married and had kid, like "oh, so you've given up on women now?" :

As to this thread, I'd love for it to be an ongoing regular thing, but I'd hazard a guess that we just see how it goes, and if it gets too busy, then we start monthly/ weekly segments...

By reading this signature, you agree to join my cult :nana
Google me, you know you want to mischievous.gif
majikfaerie is offline  
#70 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 04:06 PM
 
genericmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 112
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd love for us to keep chattin here!
genericmom is offline  
#71 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 04:55 PM
 
dynamicdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kitsap County, WA
Posts: 2,339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
Funny, I actually process a lot of guilt for not being a "pure" lesbian :

Ah, don't take on other people's issues. You are who you are and that's lovely.

Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
http://redspiral.blogspot.com
dynamicdoula is offline  
#72 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 05:26 PM
 
dealic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Let's definately keep this chat going. I am enjoying it a lot, even if work has prevented me from posting in a while.
dealic is offline  
#73 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 05:55 PM
 
simplelah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to chime in on this one!

Bi mama with definite tendancies towards ladies here!
(Although, I did spend 4 years married to a man... hmm)
Nice to meet you all!
simplelah is offline  
#74 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 06:03 PM
 
astar326's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree that we should keep this thread going.
~Angel

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

astar326 is offline  
#75 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 06:54 PM
 
Sharlla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Springfield Mo
Posts: 12,042
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Bi and poly, I'm not dating anyone right now. I just don't have the time and haven't met anyone.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

Sharlla is offline  
#76 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 08:54 PM
 
majikfaerie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 20,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
Ah, don't take on other people's issues. You are who you are and that's lovely.

aww thanks:
I'm just a mirror

By reading this signature, you agree to join my cult :nana
Google me, you know you want to mischievous.gif
majikfaerie is offline  
#77 of 142 Old 07-18-2007, 10:08 PM
 
lil_earthmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
aw... thanks for the warm welcome, I was scared that I'd come back to this thread and be bounced out so quick my head would spin. This is probably due to the fact that like so many others, my gay friends have tried to label me in negative ways. "it's just a phase" "your so young you don't know that you're gay yet" etc. :

Anyways, glad I've found a home, so to speak! Nice to meet all you loverly interesting people! :

I am not crunchy enough for this forum. Everyday I get a little crunchier though! :
lil_earthmomma is offline  
#78 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
heket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ruling my own Library
Posts: 2,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, I honestly didn't think the whole "fence sitting" thing was so prevalent. : I just don't get it, I really don't. And I don't know why, but it feels so much more hurtful from the l/g community than if it came from the hetro community (I guess I just naively assumed that there'd be more understanding from the l/g community -- but then there's my problem. One should never assume... )

Who would've thought that being in the middle would be so hard? :
heket is offline  
#79 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 12:27 AM
 
dealic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heket View Post
Wow, I honestly didn't think the whole "fence sitting" thing was so prevalent. : I just don't get it, I really don't. And I don't know why, but it feels so much more hurtful from the l/g community than if it came from the hetro community (I guess I just naively assumed that there'd be more understanding from the l/g community -- but then there's my problem. One should never assume... ) :
I think its because you think that one group that has to face discrimination would be more understanding of the discrimination of others, especially on similar topics.

But I agree, it hurts more from the queer community. I expect straight people to make assumptions. I never expected my queer friends to turn on me as if I were a traitor to "the cause". I guess I was mistaken when I thought the cause was being allowed to love who you loved, regardless of their gender...:
dealic is offline  
#80 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 12:53 AM
 
dynamicdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kitsap County, WA
Posts: 2,339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It comes down to privilege. Bi people have the 'luxury' of being able to choose socially acceptable relationships. I am white (ish) and in a legally recognized marriage with 2.5 children. What do I know about queer culture? What do I know about my rights being denied? What do I know about having my relationship judged and vilified by society? And I don't know, but I think that without these ties bonding it together, there would be no 'queer' culture, there would just be people in relationships. So maybe that's why I'm not included, because I don't have to struggle unless I choose to. That's my best guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dealic View Post
I think its because you think that one group that has to face discrimination would be more understanding of the discrimination of others, especially on similar topics.

But I agree, it hurts more from the queer community. I expect straight people to make assumptions. I never expected my queer friends to turn on me as if I were a traitor to "the cause". I guess I was mistaken when I thought the cause was being allowed to love who you loved, regardless of their gender...:

Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
http://redspiral.blogspot.com
dynamicdoula is offline  
#81 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:14 AM
 
MujerMamaMismo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 2,733
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
It comes down to privilege. Bi people have the 'luxury' of being able to choose socially acceptable relationships. I am white (ish) and in a legally recognized marriage with 2.5 children. What do I know about queer culture? What do I know about my rights being denied? What do I know about having my relationship judged and vilified by society? And I don't know, but I think that without these ties bonding it together, there would be no 'queer' culture, there would just be people in relationships. So maybe that's why I'm not included, because I don't have to struggle unless I choose to. That's my best guess.
I suspect that for some people, this may be true - but I also think that for a lot of strictly lesbian and gay people there is some personal offence taken when people who they believed they had loads in common with start sleeping with the opposite sex...as though other people having heterosexual sex somehow invalidates their own sexuality. I don't think it's a particularly evolved way of seeing the world, but I do think it's common.

The best you can do is be yourself and if you're committed to queer sexuality, then keep on questioning and challenging privilege and gender/sexuality norms whenever and wherever you can.

...at least that's what this lesbian who couldn't give a toss who you sleep with thinks...today. sorry for hijacking your thread.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

MujerMamaMismo is offline  
#82 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:18 AM
 
dealic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
It comes down to privilege. Bi people have the 'luxury' of being able to choose socially acceptable relationships. I am white (ish) and in a legally recognized marriage with 2.5 children. What do I know about queer culture? What do I know about my rights being denied? What do I know about having my relationship judged and vilified by society? And I don't know, but I think that without these ties bonding it together, there would be no 'queer' culture, there would just be people in relationships. So maybe that's why I'm not included, because I don't have to struggle unless I choose to. That's my best guess.
I think you are right. I've been told that I am with Shawn as a means of taking advantage of my heterosexual privilege. There are still struggles faced by being queer, even if your partner is of the other gender, but they don't seem as big or important, and in many ways they aren't. It just struck me as weird to be told that not only do I "use" Shawn for my heterosexual privilege, but I "used" them as a way to fit into a counter culture, as a rebellion, or to feel special. I mean, you can't have it both ways. I'm not that manipulative. Its not my relationship that is vilified, its just me.
dealic is offline  
#83 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:23 AM
 
dealic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo View Post
...at least that's what this lesbian who couldn't give a toss who you sleep with thinks...today. sorry for hijacking your thread.
Yeah, why is it that so many people care who I sleep with? I've never been that concerned with who anyone other than myself sleeps with. It is an odd thing to be concerned about, and I've never understood it.
dealic is offline  
#84 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
heket's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ruling my own Library
Posts: 2,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well pp's have said what I was skirting around. I totally agree.

But my next dimension might be more difficult. I am a minority race, and being bi just about puts me at the bottom of a long list (so to say) in this day and age. Perhaps I'm wrong, but IME, it seems that to be either l/g is more acceptable, even to minority groups, than to being bisexual. It seems that to be either a defined hetro or gay couple is better than to be in the middle of the road. As it is, I'm not as knowledgeable or active within my culture (simply because a grouping here doesn't cohesively exist), so how am I to be comfortable within my bisexuality?
heket is offline  
#85 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:46 AM
 
dynamicdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kitsap County, WA
Posts: 2,339
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heket View Post
As it is, I'm not as knowledgeable or active within my culture (simply because a grouping here doesn't cohesively exist), so how am I to be comfortable within my bisexuality?
Well I'd like someone to show me a 'bisexual' community. Gays and lesbians have community. Bisexuals are folded into that, but within that culture, there's not really much respect. There's the "GLBT" title that we're folded into but again... where is the actual community where issues pertaining to the many colors of bisexuality are explored, named, claimed? I've yet to see it.

Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
http://redspiral.blogspot.com
dynamicdoula is offline  
#86 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 01:49 AM
 
dealic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I don't know about how race plays into the treatment of bisexuality, because I am subject to white privilege, though more legitimately than my straight privilege. My city is quite literally 98% white, so their homo/bi-phobia is purely from that perspective. Sorry that I completely lack perspective on that front.
dealic is offline  
#87 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 02:16 AM
 
majikfaerie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 20,453
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
just to throw something light hearted in...

Y'know what I love about the internet...
That there exists a place where I can hang out with other women who are bi/lesbian oriented mothers who live with AP and NFL stuff.
I mean honestly, how many of you would be able to walk down the street and find someone else who is a freak like you?? and how on earth would we have found each other 10 years ago?
:

We are all cool

and y'know, there's something that has always bothered me about being lumped into the whole "GLBT" box:
"GLBT" sounds to me like... a kind of sandwich :
y'know, kinda like a BLT, with Greens or something

By reading this signature, you agree to join my cult :nana
Google me, you know you want to mischievous.gif
majikfaerie is offline  
#88 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 09:12 AM
 
genericmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 112
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
"GLBT" sounds to me like... a kind of sandwich :
y'know, kinda like a BLT, with Greens or something

genericmom is offline  
#89 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 12:32 PM
 
simplelah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
and y'know, there's something that has always bothered me about being lumped into the whole "GLBT" box:
"GLBT" sounds to me like... a kind of sandwich :
y'know, kinda like a BLT, with Greens or something

Now I am craving...
simplelah is offline  
#90 of 142 Old 07-19-2007, 02:13 PM
 
astar326's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post
just to throw something light hearted in...

Y'know what I love about the internet...
That there exists a place where I can hang out with other women who are bi/lesbian oriented mothers who live with AP and NFL stuff.
I mean honestly, how many of you would be able to walk down the street and find someone else who is a freak like you?? and how on earth would we have found each other 10 years ago?
:

We are all cool
I always knew I was "different" from mainstream society. Now it's refreshing to chat with all you wonderful, outspoken, "different" women who have been facing the same issues.
~Angel

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

astar326 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off