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#1 of 142 Old 07-06-2007, 05:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Married, with a significant other, single? Are you out there? I just imagine that there's some bi-mamas/-dadas out there. Pride comes and goes each June, yet being a married (to the opposite sex and) bi, I feel left out. My lesbian friends tell me its a phase or that I'm just naturally a cheater. I just don't feel comfortable telling anyone who's straight my true feelings.

Anyone else out there?
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#2 of 142 Old 07-06-2007, 08:31 AM
 
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hello! just wanted to pipe in and say dh and i are both bi, though both of us have little experience with same-sex relationships (we're both a bit too busy to explore much at present). so, anyway, yeah -- we're out here lurking in the shadows ...
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#3 of 142 Old 07-06-2007, 09:28 AM
 
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Hello there
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#4 of 142 Old 07-06-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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hello! just wanted to pipe in and say dh and i are both bi, though both of us have little experience with same-sex relationships (we're both a bit too busy to explore much at present). so, anyway, yeah -- we're out here lurking in the shadows ...


:
Since becoming a wife and mom....the part of my life has pretty much come to a hault but I think about it on a daily basis!! :
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#5 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Howdy de-lurkers et al.

I have to say that while having kids has stalled things, I'm a late blooming bi. My dh and I have known each other for 17 years now and went through quite a many a trial before we finally married and settled into family life. He had asked me many a time about a relationship I had with a close friend growing up. I had never thought of it, but others had (I later learned) pretty thought that I was in a lesbian relationship with my closest friend during our junior year of high school. : This explained why people were so shocked when I started dating dh.

Anyway, I wasn't accepting of myself until 5 years ago. Then dd was conceived, so I wasn't really in a position to really explore this new facet of myself. I have very little knowledge of what it's like to be with other women, but I do know that I am bisexual and dh has always been accepting and aware of that fact.

I guess I'm just at a point where it's really hard to speak to others IRL about it, as my small circle of bi and accepting lesbian friends IRL have moved to other states and now I have to start making new friends (difficult for me). I know I'm not alone, but it's sometime hard to find others, y/k?
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#6 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 09:26 AM
 
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I am a bi soon-to-be mom. It is a little different for me than those of you who have already posted because I am married to a women. People automatically think I am a lesbian through-and-through which upsets me sometimes. I HATE being put in a box. I was out with my two brother-in-laws a couple of weeks ago and just made a joke about being bi. They were both like, "You can't say you are bi now that you are married to a woman!" I was shocked because one of them is gay himself. I didn't even know how to respond. Does that mean when someone who is heterosexual gets married they become asexual?!?

When raising my children I plan on being open about both sides of my sexuality. I have had long term meaning relationships with both men and women and want my children to understand that sexuality is fliud like that. I married my wife because our energy fits together. We bring out the best in each other and make an awesome team. To me, the inner person is more important than your external sexual organs.

Sorry about the rant. This is a topic that can strike a nerve with me.
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#7 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 09:41 AM
 
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I'm bi, married to a man, but no kids yet. I feel left out at pride too, posted to that effect recently for that matter. I find it very frustrating.
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#8 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 10:48 AM
 
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i am bi - partnered to a married couple, female is also bi...

we have a too-small house, lots of kids, work, school, and life...lol

peace...

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#9 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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i'm sure the neighbors would never guess; we look pretty nuclear on the surface...i try to remember to not get caught up in the heteronormative privileges that get thrust at me, but it happens.
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#10 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 07:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dealic View Post
I'm bi, married to a man, but no kids yet.
I'm in the same boat as dealic. I married a man last year (much to my surprise when I met him while looking for a g/f). I have no kids, but DH just fathered a child to our friends (a lesbian couple). I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to be pregnant, myself. We plan to raise all the children in our new "unique" family.

Are there any other mother’s out there with a similar situation?

~Angel

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#11 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 07:31 PM
 
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i'm bisexual, but i'm engaged to the opposite sex and very happy with him. Ive had both men/women relationships. You aren't alone.
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#12 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 07:55 PM
 
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I have no kids, but DH just fathered a child to our friends (a lesbian couple). ....... We plan to raise all the children in our new "unique" family.
that is so cool!!!

peace...

Homeschooling Ama to boys (ages 10 and 6) and my SoldierGirl who is serving in the US Army, StepMom to three crazy teens. I'm married to the love of my life. 

 

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#13 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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I'm in the same boat as dealic. I married a man last year (much to my surprise when I met him while looking for a g/f).
Well I knew Shawn from highschool, but our dating came as a shock to me, as I was very much looking for a girlfriend at the time. Sadly, I have never managed to get a girlfriend, despite lots of trying . Oh well. Luckily, we aren't strictly monogamous, so there is still hope. Our efforts in that department have yet to come to fruition, but maybe one day....
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#14 of 142 Old 07-07-2007, 09:51 PM
 
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We're both bi and while I hate the word genderqueer (long story) I guess it describes us to some extent as well. So, we're weird. Hi!
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#15 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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OK, I was trying to respond to this last night, but partner/wife called and was on her way home from work, and baby was crying, etc...

So, Just wanted to say HI! I am also bi. I have two partners, Margaret (the posted above) and T (male - whom I am legally married). The three of us live together and we are all equal in this relationship. T & I have been together for almost 18 years, Margaret joined our relationship almost 4 years ago...

T is very supportive, but isn't into going to pride. This year I took the kids, Margaret had to work, but previous occasions, Margaret & I have gone together with the kids. I don't feel out of place, but at the same time, I am sure that we are looked at just as a lesbian couple. Either way, we enjoy going.

And really, it's not cheating if he knows about it!
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#16 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 12:18 AM
 
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I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby" :
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#17 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sheilajolene View Post
I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby" :
wow...arent you glad you know that now? that would suck if you went your whole life confused...thought you were bi when you were not...hmm.... :

some people...

peace...

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Love is an action word. 

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#18 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 01:29 AM
 
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De-lurking on this front. I'm bi. Always have been, always will be. Just the way I am. I'm also married to a dp of the opposite gender and we have the stereotypical house in the burbs, two kids, three cats, and one aging car. It is what it is. I love my life. I was crushing hardcore on a girl before starting to date dp, but she didn't stick, and to my surprise, he did. Now I can't imagine my life without him. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm bi, but I'm also monogamous by nature, so I guess you could call me a super secret ninja stealth bi girl. Who's not very quiet about the fact.
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#19 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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Yup! Dh and I too. Both bi, both poly. Have been for a long, long time. Presently he has another partner and I do not, but I just haven't been particularly interested lately, I have to say. His present girlfriend was both of our girlfriend for a couple of years, but it was not working well for she and I to date so she and I are now just good friends. But... we did meet a lovely couple relatively recently and are hoping that will go somewhere. And I was sorely tempted at a gathering we were at recently to start hitting on a very nice fella. But it was the last night of the gathering, I don't feel sexy at 5 months pregnant (don't ask me why, I did last time, but this time, I don't), and life was just so darn busy. Next year though, if he's back... : Basically I seem to be on a 2-3 year cycle or so where the only people who turn my heads are male, then only female, etc.

Happy with my DH, 2 kids, dog, fish, and frogs
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#20 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 03:29 AM
 
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Hi all -

Another bi momma here whose DP is a woman and we have a one-year-old son. I've known myself as being attracted to the person, rather than the "equipment" since I was about 14 years old, and have only wanted to be in a relationship with one person at a time so far in my life. I was very out as a bi woman for a long time, and still will say so when people assume I'm a lesbian ... but I really prefer to ID as "queer" rather than bi (and actually my "lesbian" partner prefers to call herself queer, too).

I don't really like how the word "bi" re-enforces the socially prescribed binary gender system, and I really try my best to be a trans ally. Plus, being queer is what feels right to me now, though I'll still say bi if that is what i think will make the point I need to make in a given situtation (e.g. making sure the person knows I am attracted to more than ONE gender, and/or if I am in a situation where using the word "queer" will not be understood in the positive way that I intend it). On a side note - I find it funny that my and DP's gender expression are much *more* different, even tho we both ID as women & female, whereas my (male) former partner and I dressed & expressed our gender in much more similar ways even though we were different genders. I love that gender and sexuality is such a fun, messy, complicated, sacred thing!

I'm glad to see such a diverse representation of bi-ness here ... people like to assume so many things of bi folks and the reality is - like every identity or community - we are quite a wonderfully varied bunch!
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#21 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 03:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, I'm glad to see more posts.

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Originally Posted by Starlight_rose View Post
I am a bi soon-to-be mom. It is a little different for me than those of you who have already posted because I am married to a women. People automatically think I am a lesbian through-and-through which upsets me sometimes. I HATE being put in a box. I was out with my two brother-in-laws a couple of weeks ago and just made a joke about being bi. They were both like, "You can't say you are bi now that you are married to a woman!" I was shocked because one of them is gay himself. I didn't even know how to respond. Does that mean when someone who is heterosexual gets married they become asexual?!?
Exactly! It bugs me that there's this idea that once you marry, either opposite or same-sex, suddenly you are no longer a bi. It's like your marriage is suppose to identify who you are and that's just not the case. I'm happily married but that doesn't mean that a woman would come along that I couldn't also partner with (dh is supportive and accepting of me having a gf.)

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Originally Posted by Starlight_rose View Post
When raising my children I plan on being open about both sides of my sexuality. I have had long term meaning relationships with both men and women and want my children to understand that sexuality is fliud like that. I married my wife because our energy fits together. We bring out the best in each other and make an awesome team. To me, the inner person is more important than your external sexual organs.

Sorry about the rant. This is a topic that can strike a nerve with me.
Rant away. I completely agree. While I'd also like to do this with our children, only a close circle of friends and dh are aware. I know my mom has had her thoughts on the matter and wouldn't be surprised, it's not something that my family nor dh's family know (and personally, I'd rather keep it that way.) So I'm not sure how to approach this when it comes to myself because I'm afraid of the kids talking about it with those member who need not know. At the same time, I don't want it to be a big secret that they one day find out. I'm still working out how to best approach this.

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Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q View Post
i'm sure the neighbors would never guess; we look pretty nuclear on the surface...i try to remember to not get caught up in the heteronormative privileges that get thrust at me, but it happens.
Same here! Mainstream America makes it difficult to speak up without "outing" myself, y/k?

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Originally Posted by astar326
I'm in the same boat as dealic. I married a man last year (much to my surprise when I met him while looking for a g/f). I have no kids, but DH just fathered a child to our friends (a lesbian couple). I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to be pregnant, myself. We plan to raise all the children in our new "unique" family.
Wow, that is so cool!

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Originally Posted by lynnloves2 View Post
And really, it's not cheating if he knows about it!
I agree. I just wanted to add, "and is accepting of it" to that statement.

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Originally Posted by Monkeygrrl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheilajolene
I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby"
wow...arent you glad you know that now? that would suck if you went your whole life confused...thought you were bi when you were not...hmm.... :

some people...
Really, that's as bad as those women who feel they must tell you all kinds of unsolicited advice or personal info when your pregnant.
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#22 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 04:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone here also a bi latina/ hispanic/ etc.? I'm finding it hard to find sites that address lesbian/ bi latina issues (there's many for gay men it seems... : ) and I was curious if anyone could point me in the right direction.
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#23 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 10:58 AM
 
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[QUOTE=heket;8579879]Wow, I'm glad to see more posts.

Rant away. I completely agree. While I'd also like to do this with our children, only a close circle of friends and dh are aware. I know my mom has had her thoughts on the matter and wouldn't be surprised, it's not something that my family nor dh's family know (and personally, I'd rather keep it that way.) So I'm not sure how to approach this when it comes to myself because I'm afraid of the kids talking about it with those member who need not know. At the same time, I don't want it to be a big secret that they one day find out. I'm still working out how to best approach this.

One way to show that sexuality is fluid without "coming out" to your children is to use gender nutruel terms when discussioning their own relationships. I don't know how old your children are, but you could say things like "if you ever find a man or woman you decide to marry" or talk openly to your children about people you know who are bi. I think trying to eliminate the binary systems of hetersexism in your house can go along way.
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#24 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 11:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sheilajolene View Post
I'm a bisexual single mother to a four month old... a few days ago I was told that I "must not be bi anymore now there's a baby"
Who gave you these words of wisdom? When I met DH's parents, his mother advised him there is an increased chance that I will cheat on him b/c of my genderless preference. : oh how I laughed.
~Angel

Angel (30), dh (31) (kd to H. 4/25/07 & K. 5/23/11), Vladimir 10/17/09 & Nikolai 7/6/11

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#25 of 142 Old 07-08-2007, 02:34 PM
 
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i saw this thread last night but was just too tired to respond.

i know i mentioned this recently in another thread, but i will say it again here. if i were to give myself a technical label, i am a lesbian leaning bisexual, married to a man. how's that for a mouthful! i know that had i not met DH, i would not be with a male. i know that i struggle with him being a male in our relationship a lot. but i also know that i love him in ways i cannot even describe. he is fine with us being poly, but i am not so sure that i am. i am not actively looking, but i figure i will just take things as they come.

Quote:
Originally Posted by heket View Post
Anyone here also a bi latina/ hispanic/ etc.? I'm finding it hard to find sites that address lesbian/ bi latina issues (there's many for gay men it seems... : ) and I was curious if anyone could point me in the right direction.
me mexican, venezuelan, and colombian to be exact. i am very sick of the idea of what hispanic women should be like, and i especially dislike the attitudes i receive: too hispanic for most people, yet too 'white' (as said in hispanic communities here) for the hispanics. throw in the fact that i am earth conscieous, married to a non-hispanic, and bi, and OMG! its like i'm some sort of diseased creature i wish i knew of somewhere that did address issues that lesbian/bi latinas face. i will let you know if i find any and hope you will do the same for me.
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#26 of 142 Old 07-09-2007, 07:03 PM
 
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Me too! Bi w/a guy, I have definite poly leanings but him, not so much. . .
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#27 of 142 Old 07-10-2007, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Me too! Bi w/a guy, I have definite poly leanings but him, not so much. . .
I think I may know what that's like...
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#28 of 142 Old 07-10-2007, 11:43 PM
 
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Me I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy that knows and is 100% a-ok with it. I love how open minded he is. We have 2 children but me being a wife (well almost) and mother does not change who I'm attracted to
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#29 of 142 Old 07-11-2007, 10:38 AM
 
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me being a wife (well almost) and mother does not change who I'm attracted to
Love your positive self-affirming attitude!
~Angel

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#30 of 142 Old 07-11-2007, 02:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Rhendi View Post
Since becoming a wife and mom....the part of my life has pretty much come to a hault but I think about it on a daily basis!!
I second that one.

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Originally Posted by Starlight_rose View Post
"You can't say you are bi now that you are married to a woman!" I was shocked because one of them is gay himself. I didn't even know how to respond. Does that mean when someone who is heterosexual gets married they become asexual?!?
I never feel like I belong. There's always expectations and labels and neither side seems to be respectful of the bisexual in the middle. I don't discuss it with many people.


Anywhoo, hi everyone! I'm a bi mom, married and monogamous with a man whom I don't want to even think of life without. But women are always on my mind, and I don't just mean sexual.

Hubby always knew and is very open with me, but he's purely monogamous and so if he's not involved in the sexual relationship with a woman and I (physically, visually, or at the very least, has knowledge of), he would view it as cheating. There's no real line drawn on an emotional relationship, but one kind of goes hand in hand with the other. So I just don't go there right now, not that I would have the time!

We're very open about sexuality with my kids so they can learn about others as well as be comfortable with whomever they are. BUT they don't know I am bi because I have an ass of an ex and didn't want trouble over anything, though I did tell him before we separated. He's the kind of guy who would think it's a phase . However, as the older two boys grow and I am not afraid any longer, I will most likely let them know and hubby and I will eventually have time to explore things.

So glad to see a bi thread here :

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