Bi-parents Aug. 07 - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 141 Old 08-30-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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subbing. I think I definitely fit here.

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#122 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 12:45 AM
 
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Raise your hand if you're from the West Coast.

ME

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#123 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 12:48 AM
 
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Moi!

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#124 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 01:34 AM
 
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I'm in Portland.

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#125 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 01:38 AM
 
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Are we starting an MDC matchmaking site? : I need to find someone (preferably a woman!) AP-friendly.
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#126 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 02:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Are we starting an MDC matchmaking site? : I need to find someone (preferably a woman!) AP-friendly.

I leave you ladies for a bit and look what happens!

First off, itsajenism, totally relate. Only haven't had a poly experience. While dh is ok with me exploring my bi-ness, he said no to poly. That's fine with me.

Second, ok, so what does it say if most of us are from the left coast? : I'm another one!

So, now, who's running the matchmaking service? Where do I sign up?

And yes, majikfaerie, this thread really has gotten interesting! Makes me glad that I was brave enough to finally step out and see who else at MDC could relate. Thanks all!



And if I don't get around to it tomorrow or Saturday, someone please start the September thread!
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#127 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 05:23 AM
 
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Raise your hand if you're from the West Coast.

ME

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While dh is ok with me exploring my bi-ness, he said no to poly. That's fine with me.
I have to ask-- how does one "explore bi-ness" without some sort of poly-ish experiences involved? All I can think of is reading books and watching porn or something. Personally, I have to wonder what the point is, because that just sounds like torture to me. But I'm admittedly not very mono by nature. I love my DP very much and all that, really I do. But the whole idea of being with a man, and only a man, for the rest of my life scares the holy hell out of me. I *know* that that just isn't the way I am, that's not me-- and having to sacrifice a part of myself just to be with a person that I do love very much really depresses me. A lot. And personally I think that's less fair to him than the alternative. However I do think it's important to be reasonably healthy as an individual and reasonably healthy as a couple to even consider having any sort of relationship with anybody else. Which is where I've gone wrong in the past. Which in turn just makes me even more f'ed up. How's that for digging my own hole. The good news is that we've both been very active recently in becoming healthy, which is a wonderful thing. So did I just confuse everyone, or what?

So, on one hand... life is pretty good, for the most part. And on the other hand... life sucks arse. Which is in itself confusing.

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#128 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 05:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not good with labels... so perhaps to say him being against poly is wrong?

What I mean is that I've taken poly to mean that both partners are involved with a 3rd and/or 4th party (say if there's a woman they're interested in who also has a dp.) Please correct me. Dh is fine with me having a g/f, but isn't so keen on me having a wife. At the same time, I'm not so keen on him also sharing a g/f. So we're not sharing someone (be it together or apart), which leaves me free to learn about my feelings towards women. He is not bi, nor is he looking to have an open marriage. That is what I meant, and perhaps I labeled it wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, I'm still learning "terms" and "labels" and whether or not they apply.
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#129 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 06:17 AM
 
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Raise your hand if you're from the West Coast.
Eastern WA here
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#130 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 06:40 AM
 
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I'm not good with labels... so perhaps to say him being against poly is wrong?

What I mean is that I've taken poly to mean that both partners are involved with a 3rd and/or 4th party (say if there's a woman they're interested in who also has a dp.) Please correct me. Dh is fine with me having a g/f, but isn't so keen on me having a wife. At the same time, I'm not so keen on him also sharing a g/f. So we're not sharing someone (be it together or apart), which leaves me free to learn about my feelings towards women. He is not bi, nor is he looking to have an open marriage. That is what I meant, and perhaps I labeled it wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, I'm still learning "terms" and "labels" and whether or not they apply.
Oh! Okay, that makes a lot better sense to me now, thanks for explaining. Personally I would still consider that to be poly, unless I am still not entirely understanding, which is possible. But it is what it is to YOU, y'know? That's what's most important.
When I say that I consider myself to be poly, I mean that I desire to have more than one relationship at one time. Not that I wish to share my dp with somebody else, although plenty of people do it that way too. I really don't care about that, and I don't ever see that happening. Which is fine with me. There's all sorts of different ways to be "poly", but I think the basic definition is having more than one partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, with everyone's knowledge and consent (whether or not they're partners to eachother as well). I'm sure there's a better way to put that, but that's the gist of it.

I think the perfect life for me would be living in some kind of co-housing situation with DP and a girlfriend, and whatever family comes with that. A whole intentional community of like-minded people would be fantastic. I yearn for a good community of people I like and trust. But I try not to think about it too much anymore, because the whole thought of my desired "perfect life" just seems so far away that it brings me much pain. Especially because at one time it actually seemed like it might happen. Now I'm so far away from that, I might as well try and find a way to kill off the hopeful parts of my brain, because hope is not working out for me anymore. Instead it just kicks me in the gut everyday of my life...

I better stop myself there, I think that was depressing enough! Sorry... :

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#131 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 08:24 AM
 
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I've been lurking for a while, just wanted to say hi! I belong here too. I'm from CA but living in VA right now.

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#132 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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I'm from the east coast!
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#133 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 12:37 PM
 
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I'm from the east coast!
I'm on the east, too. Hard to find bi-women in my area, though. They all seem to be in a never-ending walk-in closet.
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#134 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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from Hawaii and living in Virginia for 22 more days......

I would love to live in an intentional community of like minded families with some poly possiblity too... but I have yet to find one near a military base accepting members for "a year or two" at a time.

Kulia

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#135 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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heheh, I ask only about the West Coast stuff because I'm thinking a big ole meet up! Because there are many things I don't talk about on a public board but I'd like to get to know more people in my sitch. I guess there's always PMs and emails...but you know...to get together with folks who get where I am.

Abby
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#136 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 03:50 PM
 
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oooh! the idea of a meet up sounds awesome!
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#137 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 07:56 PM
 
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I concur!

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#138 of 141 Old 08-31-2007, 08:57 PM
 
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I took the test and scored 4.5.
I was surprised by that.
I've never been in a relationship with a woman outside of friendship.
I've never, and never will, be interested in a poly relationship.
I am married, this is a second marriage for me.

Sex has never been of much interest to me, especially if the person I'm with I feel emotionally detached from.

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#139 of 141 Old 09-01-2007, 08:00 PM
 
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I'm not good with labels... so perhaps to say him being against poly is wrong?

What I mean is that I've taken poly to mean that both partners are involved with a 3rd and/or 4th party (say if there's a woman they're interested in who also has a dp.) Please correct me. Dh is fine with me having a g/f, but isn't so keen on me having a wife. At the same time, I'm not so keen on him also sharing a g/f. So we're not sharing someone (be it together or apart), which leaves me free to learn about my feelings towards women. He is not bi, nor is he looking to have an open marriage. That is what I meant, and perhaps I labeled it wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if I did, I'm still learning "terms" and "labels" and whether or not they apply.
I've missed you heket! While we all dont like labels, at least it helped us t get together, by attatching ourselves to the broad and encompassing "bi" label though it seems that there's a lot of scope under that label.

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When I say that I consider myself to be poly, I mean that I desire to have more than one relationship at one time. Not that I wish to share my dp with somebody else, although plenty of people do it that way too. I really don't care about that, and I don't ever see that happening. Which is fine with me. There's all sorts of different ways to be "poly", but I think the basic definition is having more than one partner/girlfriend/boyfriend, with everyone's knowledge and consent (whether or not they're partners to eachother as well). I'm sure there's a better way to put that, but that's the gist of it.
that's pretty much my definition too...
and for the record, my fantasy ideal situation is also to live in some kind of co-housing situation with DP and a female lover for each of us (could be the same woman though it doesnt have to be, and preferrably a mother with a child similar age to mine, who is into AP, GD, unschooling... all that funky stuff)

Hi to all you west coast mamas! I'm pretty far west. actually, I'm so west I'm east. like, if you start at the west coast, and westward sail, hang a soft left at hawaii, and kep on heading west. drifting a little southward... that's me. (no, not the LOST island ) so, technically, I'm on the east coast of Australia. But I'd love a meet-up. not likely, huh?

I find myself starting to resent DP... not a good sign. well, we are going to a rainbow gathering next week... I'm so looking forward to it, but I really want to feel like I'm free, and as much as I love DP, he's not a woman. : there's just something unfulfilled there.

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#140 of 141 Old 09-01-2007, 10:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Let's keep the fun and discussions going!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...92#post9064392

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I've missed you heket! While we all dont like labels, at least it helped us t get together, by attatching ourselves to the broad and encompassing "bi" label though it seems that there's a lot of scope under that label.
Aww, thanks majikfaerie... :
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#141 of 141 Old 09-01-2007, 11:09 PM
 
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I'll see you over there...

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