Did you use the same donor for baby #2? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-10-2003, 10:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In our case it will be baby #3 because we had twins the first time around. This is a huge dilema in our house right now. Not that we're planning on trying for another any time soon (that would be RIDICULOUS). But we can't decide if we should reserve some sperm from the same annonymous donor whom we used to conceive our boys. The money for reserving it is not an issue.

The issue is that Dp thinks that using the same donor for another baby would make the donor seem more important than she wants him to be. Before we had twins, I agreed that we would use a different donor for each pregnancy. But now that we already have two kids with the same donor, I worry that a third child would wish that he/she had the same donor as her/his brothers.

Does anyone have experience with this? Do your kids have the same donor? Different donors? If they are old enough to care, do they?

Thanks!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:36 PM
 
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Hi Lex.

Haven't seen you in a while! Let's get together again soon--those babies must be big!

We will use the same donor for #3. But we took a very different route and have a disclosed donor (rainbow flag sperm bank), so we have communicated with him.

Most families I know tried to use the same donor, but in some cases it wasn't possible and that was no big deal. I think what's important is what you're doing: deciding how your family will think about and creating meaning around the donor issue, and making decisions with that in mind.

Hugs,

Cate
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:56 PM
 
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We used the same donor for all three kids and its worked out great. Lex, we have twins too! He is a dear pal and we all liv e together in a duplex. (he has the upstairs unit and all of us are downstairs).

We are going to avoid having the "big moment" when we tell the kids the deal. Instead, as soon as they are able to understand, we will gradually incorporate their history into their daily lives. I wouild like for them to think that they have always known how they came to be.

I think some of our neighbors think we're odd. Hes always around...heh heh
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Old 09-02-2003, 09:55 PM
 
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If we had another one we would definitely use the same donor, in fact we have more sperm already paid for. We really liked what we knew of that donor, and we couldn't be happier with our daughter (she even has some physical features that are sooo much like my partner's and probably came from the donor). Our plan was for each of us to take turns at getting pregnant, etc., and we liked the idea of the kids being half-siblings, even if it meant that their blood-connection would come from the donor. I hadn't ever really thought about whether or not that would be putting too much emphasis on the importance of the donor. It doesn't really bother me, he is an identity release donor and I assume that she will want to meet him. She'll be 18 before she can get his info, and I feel comfortable with that.
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Old 09-03-2003, 01:56 AM
 
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One thought to consider: having them all be direct siblings could be beneficial if certain medical conditions arise. For instance, my xH needed a bone marrow transplant; because he had 7 siblings, they found that TWO were perfect matches for him. The greater the genetic connections between your kids, the better the chance of a match in this sort of unlikely scenario.

Just a thought...

Mel
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Old 09-09-2003, 11:11 PM
 
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While my babe is only 3 months old, I'd LIKE to use the same donor - my babe iscute!

Mamacate, I also used RFHS - I should be getting my donor information soon - we should talk more!

madison

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Old 09-09-2003, 11:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've decided to try and reserve some more of our donor's spermies! Though I can't possibly imagine why I'm thinking about another baby already :. I have to see how expensive it is to store sperm loooooong term. We'll probably start ttc again in 2 or 3 years.

Slightly OT, but I've noticed that all of the babies I know who were conceived with donor sperm are exceptionally cute. It's very interesting. I mean ALL babies are cute in their own way, but all of the DI babies I know are really VERY cute!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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Old 09-10-2003, 10:57 PM
 
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My two sons are from different donors, because I didn't reserve sperm after my first was born, I thought he was going to be my only one. By the time we decided on a second, there was no more available from the first donor so we had to choose another. The funny thing is my two look and act very much like each other. the only difference is one is dark haired and eyed and the other has blonde hair and blue eyes. Everyone says they look like me and wonder what part the donor had in this: Either way, they are both beautiful boys and if I knew how to put a picture of them up, I would!

Jerri
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Old 09-12-2003, 04:59 PM
 
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we're using differnt sperm. and probably adopting. so probably none of thie kids will be genetically related. we were the last family to get preg by our donor and we couldn't afford to put any on reserve, so we didn't

oh, but we're planning the next already, and O is younger than your kids (and only one). i want close spacing, and jen doesn't want to get old before she gets preg, hahaha.

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Old 10-28-2003, 05:33 AM
 
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Hi, this is my first post on MDC.

DP is 14wks, 4 days pg with our first. We used a known donor and did AI ourselves at home.

It's always been our intention to have 2 kids, and to carry one each using the same donor. Using the same donor has always been important and when we started looking for a donor that was one of our prerequisites - he had to be willing to commit to 2. We were VERY fortunate in that we found a lovely donor and we'll be commencing TTC #2 in January (I've just been diagnosed with PCOS and have a specialist appt in Dec).

We wanted our kids to have a genetic link to one another which has to be via the donor because they'll have different bio-mums. It's not that biology is that important, it'd just be something that's "nice" for them I think.

When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how your children come into your family, it's what you do once they're there!
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Old 10-28-2003, 11:47 PM
 
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by nhklh
We wanted our kids to have a genetic link to one another which has to be via the donor because they'll have different bio-mums. It's not that biology is that important, it'd just be something that's "nice" for them I think.



My partner and I have the same feelings. We want our kids to be biologically related because I gave birth to our daughter and she wants to carry our next child. Another part of the reason for us is that the state of Maine does not recognize second parent adoption. So if something would happen to us, the courts would be unlikely to separate the children for any reason. It's hard to think about things like that but we're trying to plan the best we can. Maybe someday legal adoption will be possible but in the meantime we'll work around the system.

Not to get too personal but what does PCOS mean? I'm not familiar with those initials. And......congrats on the pregnancy and good luck with TTC yourself
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Old 10-29-2003, 03:14 AM
 
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Poly Cystic Ovaries I assume...
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Old 10-30-2003, 02:06 AM
 
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DP and I had planned on using the same donor for baby #2, but it wasn't crucial for us. We thought it would be nice for our children to have that connection, but didn't reserve more sperm immediately. I carried DS #1 and we ttc about 6 different times with DP. Our system was to call and reserve 3 months worth of vials at a time just before we would need them.

Our plans changed dramatically when DP's sister got pregnant with a baby she couldn't keep. After a lot of soul searching we decided to put our plans to conceive on hold to adopt this baby who needed a home. We welcomed our new little one on Oct. 17th. While neither DP's sister or her boyfriend look anything like me, it is remarkable how much the baby looks like our DS when he was born. It's the first thing our friends comment on when they see him. We joke that maybe there's a donor connection there somewhere.
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Old 10-30-2003, 09:56 PM
 
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Kimlee, how great to find someone who shares our feelings! Of course I love reading about how everyone goes about making their families and all ways are great, it's just nice to find someone with that degree of "sameness" KWIM?

We can't do adoption here (South Australia) either which is a bummer. One of the books I read mentioned the 1/2 sibling issue and the unliklihood of siblings being separated if something were to happen. Don't know how it would stand here but it can't hurt!

PCOS is Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, the ovaries develop little cysts which can cause hormonal probs and prevent ovulation/fertility probs. Going to see a specialist on 8th December, same day as the 20wk scan Nic will be having, and same hospital too. Hopefull that'll be a good omen!

I don't mind answering questions at all!
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