Picking last names - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 59 Old 09-07-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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simcon did that, saltyfry. Her post is two before yours.

Any kids we have will have turtle's last name. It's a PITA for both of us to adopt, so I'll either bear or adopt them, and they'll share her name.
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#32 of 59 Old 09-07-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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thanks, frog. i was wondering if anyone had done the two different last names with kids already born to see how they (the kids) handle it. it's good to see others are planning it though!
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#33 of 59 Old 09-07-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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My wife and I ditched our last names and chose a new one. Her "maiden" name was already hypenated and mine was a very long, hard to pronounce, name. So combining them or hyphenating them just wasn't an option. and neither of us cared about keeping our names enough to convince the other to take it. Personally, I didn't want to saddle my kids with my name!

We chose a word that was meaningful to both of us and then translated into a language that was common to both our ancestry and used that word as our last name! (there were a few options in translation, so we picked one that was pretty easy to spell and pronounce).
We found out after we chose it that it's actually a real last name, too.

We just completed our name changes this summer and when our son's adoption is finalized, it will be his name, too. We're very happy with our decision.
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#34 of 59 Old 09-07-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by saltyfry View Post
thanks, frog. i was wondering if anyone had done the two different last names with kids already born to see how they (the kids) handle it. it's good to see others are planning it though!
Oh, I get it. Sorry!
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#35 of 59 Old 09-08-2007, 03:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow that is a neat idea too!

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#36 of 59 Old 09-09-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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Both my partner and I have very long names. I am not fond of mine and I like hers better. We would have never hyphenated our children's names (plus, what happens if they want to hyphenate it when they marry?). I have never legally changed it, but I do hyphenate my name as Myfirstname Mylastname-DPslastname. Our 3 children (who we adopted) have DP's last name - which is the reason I use it. At some point I will probably change my name using the hyphenated version (omg talk about long!) and continue to use my "maiden" name unless it has something to do with our children. Actually, you don't need to legally change your name to use a new one. Just as long as you are not doing it to defraud or impersonate somebody (I think? I really need to speak to an attorney about that one).

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#37 of 59 Old 09-09-2007, 07:34 PM
 
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Actually, you don't need to legally change your name to use a new one. Just as long as you are not doing it to defraud or impersonate somebody (I think? I really need to speak to an attorney about that one).

AFAIK that was the case pre-9/11. Gov. (and others) accepted that if you used a new name long enough it became yours to the point of getting a new drivers liscense. I wouldn't do it now just to avoid any potential hassel. I'm not a lawyer, though, I just researched changing my name in depth. I'm interested to hear what a lawyer says if you go.
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#38 of 59 Old 09-10-2007, 08:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hrm.

So who all had theirs changed legally?

It only cost $12 and sign a few papers here. I'm thinking about it seriously.

Erika SO to *S*: and Aunt to *A*(10), *Z*(9), and *D*(8)
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#39 of 59 Old 09-10-2007, 03:49 PM
 
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We hyphenated our son's, and each kept our own for a variety of reasons.
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#40 of 59 Old 09-10-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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I went through a lawyer and the courts here in SC to have my name legally changed. We paid $500 for the entire process. I called the courthouse here and they said you now HAVE to have a lawyer in order to legally change your name. Our lawyer drew up the paperwork and told me to be prepared to have to appear in court. Fortunately, the paperwork went through without a hearing, although she said that was unusual. My SSN, drivers license, everything has been changed. Just like it would have if I'd gotten legally married. Only my process was longer, more of a pain, and cost oh, 100x as much $$. Inequality sucks!

-Rachel

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#41 of 59 Old 09-10-2007, 08:15 PM
 
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We've finally made the decision to keep our own names and hyphenate the kids . My surname is long and hard to spell and DP's is short and cute so I imagine we'll drop mine from DC's name for all but official documents.

I thought I wanted the kids to have DP's name alone (seeing as I'll be bio-mum) but it turns out I'm more attached to my name than I thought

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#42 of 59 Old 09-11-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by karin95 View Post
We chose a word that was meaningful to both of us and then translated into a language that was common to both our ancestry and used that word as our last name! (there were a few options in translation, so we picked one that was pretty easy to spell and pronounce).
That's an awesome idea. I don't think that my own partner would go for it, but if I could talk her into it, we'd definitely do something similar. Plus, it would anger her mother, and some days I live for that.
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#43 of 59 Old 09-11-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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I stumbled upon this thread from the New Posts but wanted to post an idea that someone I know used. Neither wanted to give up their last name so they combined them. Banse and Fay became BanseFay. Of course that only works if your names will go together smoothly.

I'll butt out and go back to the new posts now.

Jessica, wife of Marc and Momma to Nikolai (10) and Nathaniel (9) and Olivia (3).
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#44 of 59 Old 09-11-2007, 07:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CynicalStar View Post
We hyphenated our son's, and each kept our own for a variety of reasons.
We did too. It was important to me that our last names quickly identify each of us a parents in case of emergency. (We're a transracially adoptive family, so we really don't look like DS's parents on first glance.) I wanted a quick intro with last names to be sufficient in the school nurse's office, etc. DP & I were each over 30 when DS was born and it didn't feel right to change our names. I figure that when he's older, DS might drop one of the last names for simplicity. Nevermind what happens when he meets a partner of his own with their own hypenated last name!


SaltFry - My straight cousin considered doing a matrilinial/patrilinial name thing - boys would have her husband's last name and girls would have hers. Her husband felt strongly about a single family last name, so they all hyphenated. An advantage to different last names among siblings is that in school, it allows each to be their own kid, and not always immediately associated with an older sibling.
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#45 of 59 Old 09-12-2007, 09:33 PM
 
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thanks, cyndimo, that's a good point. hadn't thought of it from the individuality angle before.
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#46 of 59 Old 09-13-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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My Dp will be changing her name to mine. I am 1/2 portuguese so my name is somewhat more unique. Not to mention that she is a twin and the youngest of 10 children so there wont be any loss of her last name because of her brothers.

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#47 of 59 Old 09-13-2007, 03:42 PM
 
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I took DW's last name when we married and so DW, I, and Edie all have the same last name. I love it. My maiden name is now my middle name. It was important to me that we all have the same last name. Others have different feelings, but having the same last name was important to me.
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#48 of 59 Old 09-16-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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We combined our surnames into a new name and changed them before DS was born, so we all have the same last name. Neither of us wanted to give up our names, and they sound awful hyphenated. I ended up gaining 3 extra letters in the middle of my original name, and DP dropped the last letter of hers and replaced it with the last 2 of mine.

It doesn't make for the prettiest name in the world but it's quite original and does the job. And NOBODY can pronounce or spell it, they always struggle with the silent e on the end, just as they have always done with my original name.
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#49 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 06:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ErikaLeigh View Post
Hrm.

So who all had theirs changed legally?

It only cost $12 and sign a few papers here. I'm thinking about it seriously.
Filing costs were 365 here. I work in the public legal system, so I filed pro per. Meaning I filled out all the paperwork, filed all the paperwork, and represented myself at the hearing. My county actually has a self service center that provides the entire packet free of charge.
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#50 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 09:55 AM
 
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I changed mine legally. It cost something around $300, which is absolutely insane, IMO. I had to pay to put it in the newspaper (in case anyone objected) and the rest of the cost was just for the court, and then getting a new license, new checks, etc. I actually still have one credit card in my maiden name, which dw gives me a hard time about every now and then. It's been 4 years since I changed my name, so maybe this will be the year I finally FINISH changing it, lol.

Lex

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#51 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 01:39 PM
 
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Lex-

Do you find that legally changing your name has helped your family more.. meaning less complications??...., insurance wise and other questioning of people?? What benefits other than everyone being the same have you found?

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#52 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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Lex-

Do you find that legally changing your name has helped your family more.. meaning less complications??...., insurance wise and other questioning of people?? What benefits other than everyone being the same have you found?
Yes, I think it probably is less complicated with insurance and school forms, etc. But I was really glad to change my name and to take dw's name and to have the same last name as our kids (I changed my name when they were about 8 months old). So, even if it hadn't made things easier, I still would have wanted to do it (I didn't love my maiden name . . . I really love my new name). I love that our answering machine says, "Hello, you've reached the ______'s!" I love that we are "THE ________s." Maybe the best benefit outside my own personal feelings has been the experience of dw's family seeing just how REAL our marriage is, and how I really am a part of their family, and the kids really are their grandkids/great-grandkids/nephews, etc.

Honestly, the only downside was the cost and the paper chasing in order to do it.

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 5, 6, 8, 9, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#53 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 04:15 PM
 
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We thought we'd always keep our own last names, even after we got married, but now that we're talking about a baby, I think we're going to take on a single family last name.
Our names neither hyphenate nor "blend" well (all the names we've managed to come up with so far just make us giggle), so one of us will be taking on the other's name. Right now, DW will probably take my last name. She doesn't really like hers, and its the last name of her adoptive family, not her biological name...but she IS worried about what her dad might think. We're going to talk to him first, and if he has no major objections, we'll probably proceed that way.

We both like the idea of being "The X Family"
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#54 of 59 Old 09-19-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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Plus, it would anger her mother, and some days I live for that.


I see I am not the only one who gets secret satisfaction out of driving her MIL crazy. Heh.
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#55 of 59 Old 09-25-2007, 01:12 PM
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Exciting News on the "name front"!!!

So DP and I had always felt that we would each keep our own names, not because either of us were attached to them, but mostly 'cause it seemed weird to take either of our father's names??

I bought her a copy of "The Other Mother" and soon there after she starting talking about giving the baby I birth her name. I was ok with that, I told her whatever made her feel safest and most connected was fine with me.

This weekend she brought up the subject again questioning if the baby she births (in the future) would get my name. I said that I think it helps if siblings have the same names (we grew up with two in my family and I didn't feel that people honored our sibling-hood enough).

Finally we decided that we would ALL take her Mother's name (DP's mom never changed her named--2nd wave feminist)!!!
It just feels right!! It would honor DP's jewish roots, it begins a tradition of matriarchal (I mean you gotta start somewhere right?) and it is something we both feel comfortable with.

So now the questions of legality!!?? DP has two middle names (one being her mothers maiden name) can she legally just drop her father's last name? probably not right? she'd need to go to court? and pay??

I'd also have to go through court proceedings---Now friends are saying, "save some money and time and just get the 'piece of paper from the city hal'l" (we live in MA so marriage is an option)
--Our dear friend/KD said, "stop being such a rebel, Its just a receipt saying you paid them and now they will let you change both names and they will let her name be on the birth certificate"---hmmm I mean it does make sense---but we've always prided ourselves on not involving the state in our relationship???

is our radicalism crumbling??

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#56 of 59 Old 09-25-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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KJM, I believe you have to do what is most comfortable to you and your DP regardless of your radicalism. Just like you don't want to be boxed in by the state don't box yourself into the opposite corner either. Just do what feels right. Personally I would LOVE to just HAVE that kind of opportunity available to us. I also love what KD said about it just being a receipt that you paid them. Good luck and let us know what you guys decided.

OH and I love the taking of the mothers name!

-Rachel

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#57 of 59 Old 09-25-2007, 11:25 PM
 
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--Our dear friend/KD said, "stop being such a rebel, Its just a receipt saying you paid them and now they will let you change both names and they will let her name be on the birth certificate"---hmmm I mean it does make sense---but we've always prided ourselves on not involving the state in our relationship???

is our radicalism crumbling??
Until I was 25, the word pragmatic never passed my lips. It was a dirty dirty word. These days, I find myself throwing it around freely. No matter how much you hate it, you cannot exist outside of the system. Most of the time, the system actively works against you but in this case, it may just work for you. It doesn't mean your views are getting more conservative, it just means that you've been presented with a series of less than ideal/ordinary/bad/frustrating choices and you're making the best choice for your family. If it were the cheapest, simplest way to achieve the name/birth certificate thing then I'd probably do it too.

I'd do just about anything to get DP on the birth certificate. I'm so sad that she can't be.:

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#58 of 59 Old 09-26-2007, 10:50 PM
 
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That's interesting to know about. I legally changed my name about 6 months before we got legally married, and I was bummed that I had had to go through the whole complicated (and expensive) process when if I'd just waited, it would have been easy and free. But I guess that until gay marriage is federally supported, we will continue to have to go about these things (adoption, name changes) the hard way.

Lex
We got married in 2004 when Oregon (briefly) allowed it. Thankfully I had previously gone through the process of changing my name. If I hadn't, when they "nulled and voided" our marriage 60 days later then I'd have had to go back and change my name BACK to my maiden name.

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Hrm.

So who all had theirs changed legally?

It only cost $12 and sign a few papers here. I'm thinking about it seriously.
When I did it (in OR) in 1998 it was $90 for the court fees and paperwork and about $30 for a new license. I've heard that it has tripled in price since then, but I don't know that firsthand.

Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one
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#59 of 59 Old 09-28-2007, 04:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I might have to check on that again. The only girl that I've known IRL to do it told me about the fees.


Now with all this, i'm questioning it. (the fees not the name changing!)

Erika SO to *S*: and Aunt to *A*(10), *Z*(9), and *D*(8)
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