Queer TTC December 2007 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 369 Old 12-05-2007, 07:41 PM
 
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I don't post that much, but we are now waiting to know! Did our insem late last night.

I have a question about our donor's #s (we are doing at home ICI, frozen unknown donor).

P-T Motility - 35%
TMC/ml - 20

Would you say this is good, not good? Also, specimen date says 11/06, but in other place it says collected 11/99!!! If that is the real date, it's so old!! I hope we haven't been spinning our wheels this whole time. We are using Fairfax.

Can anyone offer insight? Thanks so much!
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#62 of 369 Old 12-05-2007, 08:26 PM
 
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Stel, i've also noticed what may be implantation cramping, just last night and today. at least, it feels different than the last three cycles. I also had a temp dip today from 97.5 to 97.0, below the coverline. No spotting, though, and I'm unsure if maybe the dip is just making me think my cramps are something special!

Last night it was almost like a feeling of when you feel a pinch or something pushing on your bladder and you have to urinate, but you don't actually have to. Today it feels a bit more like low-grade AF, plus a kind of unsettled feeling down there. i have a long LP, so there's no way my period is due until next Tuesday, at the earliest.

Has anyone else experience an implantation dip before a BFP, like mamastotwo? From what I've read, it sounds like some people believe in it absolutely and some people maintain that it's a myth.
I had an implantation dip twice, and with one of them I had implantation spotting (but later miscarried), and the second one I didn't have any spotting, but did have slight cramping, and got pregnant.

The spotting is really obviously different. I always wondered why they used the word pink, but it really was pink. It's very obviously not period blood. And there's much less of it, obviously! The implantation cramping I felt more to the sides. My period cramping (of which I get a lot) is usually more centred, or at least emanating from the centre. Implantation cramping (I found) was definitely to one side, and also definitely more localised.

Then even though I was pregnant I had many feelings similar to period cramping. I woke up a couple of times to intense period cramp feelings. Exactly the same. But it was all pregnancy related. Also, during the day I had many cramping sensations. Some very much period-cramp like, and others new sensations. This quietened down in about my 6th week of pregnancy, then started up again in about my 9th or 10th week (which is apparently normal because the uterus does a lot of stretching then).

I was really worried about all the period-cramp-like sensations in the first month (but particularly in the first two weeks) but the Dr's all said it was normal & fine. Only to worry if it was accompanied by blood, which it never was.

Hope that helps! Good luck to you...
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#63 of 369 Old 12-05-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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Also, specimen date says 11/06, but in other place it says collected 11/99!!! If that is the real date, it's so old!! I hope we haven't been spinning our wheels this whole time. We are using Fairfax.

Can anyone offer insight? Thanks so much!
It should say on the actual vial of sperm the date of donation. I'm sure it wasn't 11/06, since it needs to stay in quarantine for at least 6 months. I would be concerned if it is in fact 8 years old. It could still be fine, but I'd want any sperm I was using to be less than 5 years old (unless I was trying for a donor sibling and had a reason to be especially attached to particular vials of sperm).

Both times I got pregnant with sperm that was donated in the fall of 2001 (1st pregnancy in 2002, second pregnancy in 2006).

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#64 of 369 Old 12-05-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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Thank you, Lex! I looked at the vial and it says 11/26/06. So only about a year old. Whew! The first day of the 2WW is always the worst somehow, obsession wise.

Thanks again for your help.
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#65 of 369 Old 12-05-2007, 09:39 PM
 
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Angela - are you getting very sick? I've been nauseas as hell and really really tired, but it's just starting to ease up, thank god. I've heard so many horror stories about people being sick right up to their labour day. I just don't think I could handle it. I've already been in tears a few times from the 6 - 7 weeks of it. Imagine 9 months!
I'm already nauseous. It's terrible. And *very* emotional. Can't wait for that second trimester bliss I keep hearing about!

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I need some advice. . . I've tried this, put it seems that the speculum actually pulls my cervix open. I've wondered if I have it in too far. But if I pull it out a bit before I open it, I see nothing. Anyone else have this problem? Is my cervix always open as it appears, or an I "opening" it with the speculum? :
This seems to odd to me, but I don't know. I mean, my cervix, even when fully open, is only open wide enough to insert, say, a pencil. (Not that I've tried this...) It seems like the cervix would be too small to be pulled open by a speculum. If you're going for a pap anytime soon, maybe you could ask the nurse about it?

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What does it feel like? Is it like a menstral cramp or different? stronger? more accute? less acute? I've been fantasizing that I've been having it yesterday and today (can it last more than one day?) but fantasy played an over active role during my last not pregnant cycle and I'm trying hard to keep my expectations in check. Did anyone experience this?
I had implantation cramping this (pregnant) cycle. It started at 6dpo, and continued through 12dpo. It felt just like AF cramps, so much so that by 12dpo, in spite of all my BFPs, I was convinced that I was about to start bleeding. I didn't chart all the way to the end this time, so I don't know if I had a dip, but I didn't on my other pregnant cycle. This time I had the tiniest bit of spotting at 12dpo, but nothing else.

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Originally Posted by mahrens77 View Post
I don't post that much, but we are now waiting to know! Did our insem late last night.

I have a question about our donor's #s (we are doing at home ICI, frozen unknown donor).

P-T Motility - 35%
TMC/ml - 20

Would you say this is good, not good? Also, specimen date says 11/06, but in other place it says collected 11/99!!! If that is the real date, it's so old!! I hope we haven't been spinning our wheels this whole time. We are using Fairfax.
Good luck! The first cycle I got pregnant was with sperm that had been donated in 1998. The pregnancy didn't stick, but I doubt that had anything to do with the age of the sperm. I do think it's very odd to have two different dates- you should call and ask them about that. After all, you want to make sure you're getting the right vial!

In terms of numbers, I did six cycles of at-home IUI. I conceived twice, once with 39 million motile/43%, and once with 58 million/56% motility. In all of my non-successful cycles, there were between 23 and 27 million, and 28-39% motility. For me, higher number of millions clearly made a difference. It's worth asking your bank about- they should be able to give you the info before they ship it to you.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#66 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 08:23 AM
 
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MMM, do you want to be moved or would you rather wait until after you're done insemming?
Put me in waiting to know Thanks Frog. One insem down and another to go...

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#67 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 09:19 AM
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Quick note to thank you all for birthday wishes and esteem boosting--I had a blast!! I was even rewarded with an extended b-day when a tiny snow and ice storm hit canceling all my classes the next day--Yeah!!

I have been resorting to full lurkdom but I wanted to pop out to say COME ON BFPs--there seems to be a lot of signs and positive energy flowing around. So here's for those of you in the 2ww (I don't miss it one bit )
and some more for those of you having swimmy adventures as I type

Angela and KK--Thanks for sticking around to inspire us all!! Hang tight and Hold On because soon enough you'll be coasting!!

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#68 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 11:22 AM
 
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Thank you, Lex! I looked at the vial and it says 11/26/06. So only about a year old. Whew! The first day of the 2WW is always the worst somehow, obsession wise.

Thanks again for your help.
Oh, right! It's 2007 now! : I'm glad your sperm is still new!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#69 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 01:18 PM
 
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Warning this link contains a video that WILL make you cry.

I ran across this today. I totally teared up. I thought some of you would also find some strength in this. It's a video on YouTube of a country song by Kellie Coffey called "I would die for that." It's about her desire for a child and it's pretty emotional.

Link

-Rachel

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#70 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 01:38 PM
 
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I go for the HSG "dye" test today. I'm scared to death. I've been doing a lot of questioning of myself and my intentions on having a child during this break. Part of me is ready to give up but that could be my normal response of "well, it didn't work, so forget it." I'm not one of those "try, try again" people and I own that. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself not feel so depressed about taking a break.

I've been wondering why I'm putting myself and my relationship through all of the emotional and physical termial involved with this process. I've been questioning whether this is still a good idea or not. DW and I could travel the world and do a lot of things we love with the money we plan to put into having and raising a child. We've even talked about naming the kid, Italy. It all came to a head last night. DW and I were lounging on the couch watching TV as I was asking myself why I am potentional putting myself through more pain for this dye test? A commercial came on of a child, probably around 12-16 months old, running screamming, laughing from it's parent. I looked at DW and she was beaming and we talked about chasing our own little one down the hall while they giggle and scream. Just that simple thought and I knew I would be going to do that test today.

Sometimes I wonder what drives us to go to the lengths we go to. Is it just implanted in our dna the desire to reproduce or is it cultural influences as we were growing up? So I have to ask, and I know this is very personal and you don't have to answer but, why do you want a child?

-Rachel

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#71 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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I go for the HSG "dye" test today. I'm scared to death.

Don't be too scared! I had the HSG a few years ago and, while perhaps uncomfortable, it was nothing (I'm the one who had vasovagal syncope in my 20s, too...and not even a worry with the HSG). I got a BFP the next cycle, too! GL
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#72 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 02:27 PM
 
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Don't be too scared! I had the HSG a few years ago and, while perhaps uncomfortable, it was nothing (I'm the one who had vasovagal syncope in my 20s, too...and not even a worry with the HSG). I got a BFP the next cycle, too! GL
BBM, thank you . I needed to hear this.

-Rachel

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#73 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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I have a question about our donor's #s (we are doing at home ICI, frozen unknown donor).

P-T Motility - 35%
TMC/ml - 20

Would you say this is good, not good?
For what it's worth, Mahrens77, our second donor is 39%, and when I asked our RE if that was "good," he told me the most important thing to know is if he's had any reported pregnancies (he had--actually, several are "in progress" right now). If he has pregnancies, he said, the numbers aren't really important, because sometimes certain sperm just have an unquantifiable thing about them that make them extra powerful, or do better frozen (in our case). Those characteristics aren't really described by numbers.

I'm hoping he's right, but it does make sense to me to rely mostly on a history of success! Can you ask your clinic about your donor's pregnancy history?

HTH.
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#74 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 03:33 PM
 
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For what it's worth, Mahrens77, our second donor is 39%, and when I asked our RE if that was "good," he told me the most important thing to know is if he's had any reported pregnancies (he had--actually, several are "in progress" right now). If he has pregnancies, he said, the numbers aren't really important, because sometimes certain sperm just have an unquantifiable thing about them that make them extra powerful, or do better frozen (in our case). Those characteristics aren't really described by numbers.

I'm hoping he's right, but it does make sense to me to rely mostly on a history of success! Can you ask your clinic about your donor's pregnancy history?

HTH.
Ah, that makes sense. Yes, our donor does have reported pregnancies. We didn't want donors who didn't - figured we needed to know that the little fellas know what they are doing! Thank you, and good luck in your 2WW!!
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#75 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 03:58 PM
 
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For what it's worth, Mahrens77, our second donor is 39%, and when I asked our RE if that was "good," he told me the most important thing to know is if he's had any reported pregnancies (he had--actually, several are "in progress" right now). If he has pregnancies, he said, the numbers aren't really important, because sometimes certain sperm just have an unquantifiable thing about them that make them extra powerful, or do better frozen (in our case). Those characteristics aren't really described by numbers.
This is true, however, even the same donor may have a broad range of numbers depending on what vial you get. When I called my bank to get a count on my donor, for example, they told me that his highest vials had 71 million with 55% motility, and his lowest vials had 35 million with 30% motility. That's a big range! I think it's still worth asking what numbers are available on the vials that they're going to be able to ship to you.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#76 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 04:20 PM
 
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I have some stretchy mucus, still.

OPK+ was on tuesday.

Did insem on Weds (109 mill, phew!)

Forgot to call, no insem today.

Try insem tomorrow?!! That's waaaaaay past OPK+.

Do not have speculum, so no cervix gazing, plus i can't really get a good feel of my cervix at the moment.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#77 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 04:23 PM
 
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I have some stretchy mucus, still.

OPK+ was on tuesday.

Did insem on Weds (109 mill, phew!)

Forgot to call, no insem today.

Try insem tomorrow?!! That's waaaaaay past OPK+.

Do not have speculum, so no cervix gazing, plus i can't really get a good feel of my cervix at the moment.
Are you temping? If so, you could schedule it for tomorrow, then cancel it if your temp has gone up in the morning.

I've had EWCM the day after O sometimes, though not tons.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#78 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Honestly, Jen, I'd save your money and your swimmers.
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#79 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 05:39 PM
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Rachel--I am right there with you sister!! I almost teared up just reading that I'm not alone with all my doubt flooding in!! It feels like every day I think, "Ya know what? lets just forget it! A baby is gonna complicate so many things. There are so many details we have to work out. We are so happy now, why risk it?" And then I think "What am I talking about?? This is sooo important to me! This is the only thing I've been able of think about for over a year and it consumed at least a 1/4 of my thoughts over the last 4 years!!! Of course I should be doing this!! Don't wimp out now!!"

Its so confusing--both arguments seem equally as real and genuine!

My biggest issue right now is that I've been having a rather difficult time with the only children in my life. Whenever I spend time with them, on the inside, I am always comparing their behaviors to that of the children I have in my life with siblings. I fear having an only child. This said our agreement is that Moll will carry 2nd and she isn't even close to being ready to do that. I am terrified of having children 7+ years apart--I see that in essence as raising 2 only children---EEEEEKKK
This whole crazy thought process makes me think, maybe I should wait until she is closer to being ready. Then I think of all of you who have said you had the same plan and then your DP said "Ya know what Babe you did that so well why don't you carry all of our kids" and I freak out even more. What if I wait and then she is never ready? And I could popped out 2 kids by then?

Yeah so I just wanted y'all to know that I'm glad I'm on a 3 month break because I have yet to stop freaking out

and to answer your question Rachel

I want a child because I need to know there is Hope in this scary-ass place. I need to feel assured that when I leave this planet I have done my hardest to make it a better place--that I have loved enough, laughed enough, dreamed enough and created enough to pass without fear or guilt. That I will leave behind no regrets--Only successes. And that in the nature of a true revolutionary I have passed on these beliefs, these commitments, these tears, and these accomplishments to be carried out by generations that follow. This is why I teach, This is why I organize and this is why I will birth!!

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#80 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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This is true, however, even the same donor may have a broad range of numbers depending on what vial you get. When I called my bank to get a count on my donor, for example, they told me that his highest vials had 71 million with 55% motility, and his lowest vials had 35 million with 30% motility. That's a big range! I think it's still worth asking what numbers are available on the vials that they're going to be able to ship to you.
Good points! That all totally makes sense, too.
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#81 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 05:57 PM
 
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I decided against it. Thanks for your fast thoughts frog and angela. Angela: I don't temp because it never was useful to me. I temped at first and and it just made me crazy and i never had an established pattern or baseline, and then when the dr looked at the chart and said "well what's going on here?" I decided that it wasn't worth my time.

kjm: my sis is 7.5 years older than me and while I understand the raising two only children viewpoint because i have had a little of that experience too with my sis, I want to also let you know that my sister is especially important to me now as an adult and while we never played with each other, etc as kids, she really played an important big sister role in my life - taking me to concerts, letting me come stay at her apt in college, etc. So if that's how it works out for you, please believe that your kids will still benefit from having each other as siblings even if they aren't super-close in age.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#82 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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Keely, thank you for not ignoring my post and for answering with your own bare, emotional thoughts. As I was writing it, I knew I was putting myself out there, something I probably will not do again. Sometimes validation of our feelings is all we really need. Thanks for filling that need when it looked like no one else would. Hugs to you, sister. Hang tight. If you ever need to talk or share, feel free to PM me and I'll send you my email address.

On another note my HSG went good and I didn't have a vagal response.

-Rachel

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#83 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 08:44 PM
 
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Sometimes I wonder what drives us to go to the lengths we go to. Is it just implanted in our dna the desire to reproduce or is it cultural influences as we were growing up? So I have to ask, and I know this is very personal and you don't have to answer but, why do you want a child?
Rachel, I want to respond and i promise I'm not doing it just to get my share of your response to keely

The reason why we have children? Love. We have love to give and want to share it. To your child you can completely, shamelessly and without hesitation give your love. They want it, need it and deserve it. They drink it up and it makes them thrive.

For me it also was because I enjoy children. Before becoming a mama, I was an elementary school teacher. I think children are fun. I think babies are delightful. I enjoy watching this little person unfold in his development. I love seeing the world anew through my son's eyes. I see a lot of things now that I didn't see before because I was just going too fast. My son has made me stop to look at bugs and flowers and dirt and rocks. Through him we've met our neighbors. He makes me laugh with the ridiculous things he says, and we are at our rawest with each other - both positively and negatively.

I think that children bring great delight to us, force us to lighten up, reprioritize and stop focusing on ourselves, and make us do the hardest and most satisfying work we've ever done.

If you need a good child-induced laugh, check out this entry on my blog. I hope it makes you smile xo jen

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#84 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 11:23 PM
 
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Keely, thank you for not ignoring my post and for answering with your own bare, emotional thoughts. As I was writing it, I knew I was putting myself out there, something I probably will not do again. Sometimes validation of our feelings is all we really need. Thanks for filling that need when it looked like no one else would. Hugs to you, sister. Hang tight. If you ever need to talk or share, feel free to PM me and I'll send you my email address.

On another note my HSG went good and I didn't have a vagal response.
Rachel,

I just wanted you to know that I was really moved by your post. I think that it takes a lot to put yourself out there that way, and write about the ways in which this process makes us doubt ourselves constantly.

I didn't answer right away for two reasons. One is that I sort of feel like I'm hijacking too much air time on the TTC thread right now, and I don't want to take up too much space, create less of a forum for those who are indeed here trying to conceive.

The second reason is far more complicated, and has to do with how ambivalent I feel about my own pregnancy right now. As you know, I tried very hard to get pregnant, and I still feel sort of shell-shocked about the fact that my emotional response, rather than overwhelming joy, has been intermittent excitement overshadowed by a lot of sadness and fear.

I wrote on here that I was planning to stop ttc in January if I didn't get pregnant by then. But what I didn't write is that some part of me secretly sort of hoped that I wouldn't get pregnant. There are so many ways in which NOT having a child right now started to seem so appealing - I could keep traveling, not be stressed about money, and most importantly, could see what happened in my relationship with my girlfriend without the stress of an impending baby.

Honestly, I'm still not sure that I should have kept on ttc. I have days when I fear that I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Mostly, I chalk that up to progesterone-induced mood swings. But the truth is, my life is about to change drastically, and I am terrified.

I know that there are a million reasons about why I want to be a parent. I am so excited about bringing a new life into the world, seeing things with my child's sense of wonder. I am excited about the possibilities of creating new family, new community, new forms of love. And I know that I'm going to be a great parent, and that I'm going to love doing it, and love my kid, and that this isn't ultimately a decision that I'm going to regret.

But, it has been a really hard and scary one to make. So please don't ever beat yourself up for your own ambivalence, or fears. I read a really nice quote by James Baldwin, one of my favorite authors, tonight. Coming across it at this particular moment was really meaningful to me, and so, I share it here with you:

There is never time in the future in which we will work out our salvation. The challenge is in the moment; the time is always now.

I'm really sorry if you felt like this wasn't a safe place to share your feelings. I hope you know how much I respect your willingness to share the details of your journey, and how much it means to me to have this community of strong, loving, queer women as part of my support network.

xo
angela

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#85 of 369 Old 12-06-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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Hi Folks,

Been mostly lurking as we're on a break again (ugh) and I don't have much to write about us and thinking too much about the whole process is hard when we're not actively engaged in it.

But Rachel, I've been thinking a lot about your post. First off, I'm glad the dye test went well and there was no vagal response. Phew!

In terms of why I wanted children/a child, it is so hard to say all of the reasons, especially now that the amazing Quinn has been in my life for 4.5 years. I know, though, that having a child for me is a way of touching the world, making it a better place, knowing there's a soul out there walking around who I've had a hand in shaping, and who I truly help will make a valuable impact out there someday. I also think that growing a strong generation of children of queer parents is very important (not that I wanted a kid just to prove something to the world, if it sounds that way). It also has just always been something that I knew would be part of my life. In such a way that I didn't question it. Just waited for the time to be right.

I must admit that there was a long while where I only wanted one child. Then I came around to wanting two, like Katie. And as this round of TTC drags on past 1.5 years soon, I've questioned many many times whether two is really the way to go. There are so many reasons why it would be easier to stick with one. He's a good one, afterall! But then I guess I think things would be incomplete somehow, and all this time waiting for the next little one to come along will, I know, pale in comparison to the fullness of life when he/she arrives. Or at least that's what I know to be true on my rational days....

But thanks for asking. It's been a good little inquiry to carry around with me this last day or so.

be well all,
megin

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#86 of 369 Old 12-07-2007, 01:02 AM
 
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Jo (my wife) wanted only one child - she is an only child and feels that she was afforded many more opportunities that she would not have otherwise had if there had been another kid in their family - but having a sibling is so important to me that I guess I convinced her that we could, in fact, handle two kids. It's not that I necessarily want the experience of being pregnant and giving birth again - although I wouldn't mind getting that great birth experience this time around that totally escaped me last time - but that I feel it's important to T to have a little brother or sister.

: mama to T 9/04 and E 11/08
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#87 of 369 Old 12-07-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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Yes, a child is generally afforded more of certain types of opportunities being an only child, but children with siblings are offered more emotional & relationship opportunities (did that come out right?), and, as far as studies are concerned, tend to be more socially intelligent. Which is part of why I want to ttc a second child. However, even if that doesn't work out for me, I'll be moving in with a good friend who has a baby and 2 yr old. They'll be great for "siblings" as far as I'm concerned.

I'm a queer, poly, pagan, (dis)abled, crazy, crunchy, intersectionally-minded feminist. fsonj & I are mamas to our unschooled/freeschooled 12yo & 3yo!  (Ask me about co-breastfeeding, supplementing at the breast, inducing lactation, eating placentas, undisturbed birth, and parenting a genderqueer child with Aspergers!)
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#88 of 369 Old 12-07-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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When I was 22 (8 years ago), I had a dream about walking through my local mall. A little girl, about 7 years old was a short distance behind me and looking through a store window. She came running after me, caught my hand, looked up at me, and said "Mom?" as if she were about to ask a serious question. Then I woke up. The whole dream lasted maybe 30 seconds, but when I woke I felt more content than I ever had before or have since. I had the immediate thought "Oh, that's what is supposed to happen." Ever since then, I've been waiting for the right time to have that soul enter my life. Now that I'm ready, I hope that she(or he if that's the form the soul chooses to take) is ready too. I think I was meant to be the mother to that child. It wasn't just a dream, it was a communication, an awakening.

BurtsGirl - thanks for asking this question. Just by writing out the answer I have calmed all my indicision about continuing. I have, every month, questioned my ability to be disappointed again, but I won't anymore. It is supposed to happen.

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#89 of 369 Old 12-07-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BurtsGirl View Post
Sometimes I wonder what drives us to go to the lengths we go to. Is it just implanted in our dna the desire to reproduce or is it cultural influences as we were growing up? So I have to ask, and I know this is very personal and you don't have to answer but, why do you want a child?
I like these posts the best! I think they encourage the sort of discussion from which you actually learn things from each other. Non-factual ttc things.

I think the desire to reproduce is both nature and nurture. You can't escape the animal in you that wants to breed, that wants a family of yr own creation, etc etc (not that everyone wants to, but if you got the maternal instinct you can't escape it, I think). But I also think your real-world experience would have an impact. I loved having 3 siblings, and so I really want 4 children. I loved being a part of a family, and so I really want to create one. I think if you'd had bad experiences you might respond differently.

Re why I want children, there's no single answer of course, but there's some shining points. Firstly I've always had a strong maternal instinct. I can't change or escape that. To me no amount of travelling or rock-climbing or music listening or work promotions or anything, can add up to the love you get from your family, and the bond you have with your children. If I think of myself as an older woman with no children, it makes me really sad. I just couldn't be fulfilled. I'd always feel like something was missing.

Another big factor for me is that I really want to increase the number of emotionally-educated, critical thinking, open-minded people in the world. I used to think I couldn't bring a child in to this world, even though I really wanted to. It really haunted me - how to deal with the dilemma of wanting children but hating the current world environment. Then I realised that if all the people who thought like me didn't have children, then we'd let the bastards win. And we certainly can't have that!
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#90 of 369 Old 12-07-2007, 09:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Burt'sGirl, I'm still thinking about your question. Sometimes it takes me a while to find the words and sometimes I never do, but I never ignore posts in this thread. I'm sorry if it seems like I do.
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