Queer TTC: Taking a Break - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 01:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is the thread for all of us who find ourselves on ice.

One of my big struggles is that I get really really good CM and ovulation cramps every couple of months, and each time I think "Oh, man, this would be a perfect month!"

I'm really tired of being on a break. I've only been on a break for about three months now, and I expect to be on a break for at least a year.

There was a point where being on a break freed me from having to think about TTC, and now I'm just obsessed and I find myself thinking of nothing but. I hope it gets easier.

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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#2 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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We remain on a break, but for the first time in a year, we're gearing up to try again.

Do you mind if I add a link to this thread in our ttc thread, so people can find this easily?
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#3 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you mind if I add a link to this thread in our ttc thread, so people can find this easily?
Of course not, please do!

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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#4 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 01:41 PM
 
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Last month, I got my first ++!!! OPK.
I was so upset, thinking "hey, I actually know when I am ovulating but we have no sperm.... what a waste."

I guess the time is killing me. I really wanted my kids a certain age apart, I guess you can't really control these things though.
I just have to think that getting my cycles predictable before we start again is for the best instead of swearing I am pregnant every month because my cycles are getting constantly longer. If I hadn't known better last month, I would have sworn I were because I was 7 days late. How frustrating!
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#5 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 02:02 PM
 
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Thanks for the new thread ftmPapa, i didn't want to start another one. Thought I might be jinxing them.

For those that don't know we've been TTC for four cycles (frozen) and are taking this cycle off. We'll start again in Jan and insem probably around the second week in Jan. The first three cycles were at home and the 4th was with an RE. I've had all the tests run along with the dye test this month. Everything looks normal except my progesterone was low but the next cycle with the fertility meds my levels were great! So now I know I'm normal it's just a matter of everything coming together.

This break was much needed, wanted, and appreciated for us. I feel like we are re-grouping and will be in a better "state" when we start trying again in Jan. For now, I'm enjoying wine, not thinking about TTC, not charting, not worrying about when to time the insem, and my wife

-Rachel

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#6 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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At first when we starting TTC, hearing the news we had to take 2 months off because of cysts seemed almost as devastating as finding out we werent pregnant on a certain cycle. Now as the next attempt comes closer I feel thankful that I have time some time to reflect and slow down because I am literally used to getting what I want when I want it. With TTC its completely different. Having no control over where and when or even if we will happen has put my life into perspective in a good way. In this whole process I have matured more than I thought was possible and I welcome whatever comes our way in the future.

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#7 of 61 Old 12-10-2007, 03:29 PM
 
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Scalpel, I'm so glad you can articulate my feelings better than I can, . I'm in the same boat. BTW How are you feeling? Are the cysts gone? When's your next attempt?

-Rachel

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#8 of 61 Old 12-11-2007, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is anybody else on an extended break?

I've taken three cycles off - one while waiting for the fertility clinic to get their act together after one cycle at home. One because of cysts from Clomid.

So basically, one month on, one month off, one month on, one month on, until it went off, one month on. Or something like that.

That was a lot easier - I knew each time except the last that there was another try in my future. Even the last, I was sort of in denial, because I only had one insem, so I had (have?) another vial of sperm at the clinic.

Now I live in a different country, as far as I know, my sperm is still in Canada, waiting until I get up there at the right time, or something. I don't know when my next try will be. Maybe next month, but not likely. Maybe in six months - more likely. Maybe in a year - I'll be out of patience by then.

What do you guys do to make the "break" pass more quickly?

It doesn't feel like a break to me! It feels more like being exiled from TTC land!

SPBC Finally a Papa! Elise Ember Soleil - 10/3/10 - 4:09 AM - 6 lbs 8 oz My daughter eats donor milk! Human milk for human babies!
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#9 of 61 Old 12-11-2007, 02:00 PM
 
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We were on a break for a year. We passed the time by having health crises and Village crises, neither of which I really recommend.
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#10 of 61 Old 12-11-2007, 02:17 PM
 
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Scalpel, I'm so glad you can articulate my feelings better than I can, . I'm in the same boat. BTW How are you feeling? Are the cysts gone? When's your next attempt?

Its actually my Dp's the one with the cyst but I suppose I type like its me hahaha.....hey im on this journey too right? The cyst are gone for now but they found some polypoid structure in the lower uterine segment of her endometrium which seems to appear/disappear depending on the day of the u/s. We inseminate this thursday( our 3rd time) and if its a no go this time she will have some other dye procedure done and removal of the strange polyp. Hopefully it works so we wont have to discuss the latter treatment.


How are you doing? Much needed break huh? TTC is stressful enough and mixed with the holidays no thank you! I suppose I can still enjoy a buttered rum as long as I dont do it around my Dp hahaha.

: DD 8/29/08 and twin boys 11/3/09
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#11 of 61 Old 12-11-2007, 06:26 PM
 
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What do you guys do to make the "break" pass more quickly?
I guess it's a little different for me because my "break" isn't as long as yours, FtM but like I said on the TTC board, I'm diving back into my hobbies. Doing some knitting and reading all non-baby related. I find when I don't think about it, the time goes by much faster.

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Its actually my Dp's the one with the cyst but I suppose I type like its me hahaha.....hey im on this journey too right?

How are you doing? Much needed break huh? TTC is stressful enough and mixed with the holidays no thank you! I suppose I can still enjoy a buttered rum as long as I dont do it around my Dp hahaha.
Scalpel, I'd certainly say it's your journey too. So glad everything is going good and hope that the insem on Thursday goes great and the mysterious polyp is no where in sight! I'm doing well, enjoying the break. Buttered rum...YUM!

-Rachel

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#12 of 61 Old 12-11-2007, 08:53 PM
 
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I feel for those of you on an extended break. You are very strong - I don't think I would make it.

Our break has only been one cycle long. We will try again next cycle, probably around New Years Eve. The crappy thing about this is that it makes me completely disinterested in Christmas. I'm normally a Christmas freak!!! I love it, but this year, I can't wait till it's all over and we can try again. This will be our fith try, and I never imagined it would take this long. I guess I thought I'd be one of the lucky ones that gets pregnant within 3 cycles.

It doesn't help that my 40 year old best friend who has 3 kids already decided to start trying for a 4th and got pregnant the 1st month. I'm happy for her, but it makes me so sad for us.

I don't like this break thing, and I hope I don't have to take another.

Life is strange and wonderful.  Me read.gif, DP lady.gif, DS (3/09) blahblah.gif , 3 dog2.gif  and 4 cat.gif

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#13 of 61 Old 12-12-2007, 09:51 AM
 
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I feel for those of you on an extended break. You are very strong - I don't think I would make it.
Oh, you would. That's the thing about this journey--you find out all kinds of stuff that you can do that you never thought possible.
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#14 of 61 Old 12-13-2007, 10:00 PM
 
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FtmPapa, thanks for reigniting this thread in the queer space. And thanks to I think Rachel for linking it to the TTC thread so I could find it again.

I agree with frog that you find patience where you didn't think there could possibly be any. We got pregnant on the first try with DS, and now, trying for number two, it has been about a year and a half. And there have been MANY breaks throughout the process. There have been the breaks because our donor lives on the other side of the country, then there were the post-miscarriage breaks...waiting for AF to return so we could try again. And now we're in the wait called...wow! I think my body can do this without drugs...but we have to recalibrate the timing through charting.

I have my moments of being DONE waiting. But they aren't as frequent as they were at first. I know it will happen eventually. Last august, when I was really upset about not being pregnant, DW and I had a great talk, ending in, "we're not going to give up." And that makes the wait that much more bearable. I think part of my impatience has to do with being afraid that if it takes too long we'll just give up. Now I don't have to have that worry anymore.

And, of course, this post makes me seem much more laid back than I really am. I really want to be pregnant. I really want to have a big belly in the summertime that I can show off in a bikini!!!

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#15 of 61 Old 12-13-2007, 10:44 PM
 
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Thanks for having this thread! My DP and I are taking a month off due to travel issues and such. It was much easier for our KD and we to keep things simple. We are planning on flying him to Portland in January. We are so hoping that the timing will be perfect and with fresh spermies we will be successful!

Enjoy the rest...although it is hard not to think about timing. My midwife is asking me to keep charting and stay away from all the evils...I am having hot chocolate...I can't resist! It is soooooo cold...for us anyway. Nothing like what is happening on the east coast!::
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#16 of 61 Old 12-14-2007, 08:53 PM
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Hey y'all!

Just wanted to check in before I jet outta here (between storms) tomorrow for California!! I'm glad we have a queer taking a break thread. I've been crazy trying tie up loose ends but I've enjoyed lurking.

so as for me--YUP still on break and it looks like I will be until the end of February Its been hard and I know it'll get harder. Now that I suspect that I'm Oing later (based on my 20 OPKs this month) we could actually be back in MA before I O (most likely Jan1st or 2nd.) Once I figured this out I begged and pleaded!! But Moll said, "No, that is not what we said. We said we'd take 3 months off." I know she is right! But I can still pout (at least around y'all) right? I know her main concern is that she is starting her program in Colorado the end of next summer. She has to go the last week of August thru the first week of Sept and she really doesn't want to leave a 8+ month pregnant me behind. She's fine with a 6 month pregnant me, but she doesn't want to cut it that close. I get it--I do--I know she is right, but its hard when she (7 years my junior) is making such grown up decisions!!! Naw--I always say she is waaaaay more mature then me!!!!

Also met my new OB/GYN yesterday--He was GREAT!! Really open minded, very supportive os my trying at home. Very reassuring. Explained all my options, put ABSOLUTELY no pressure on me to do Clomid etc. at this point. He said we'd do blood tests:
Estradiol, FSH, Prolactin, Rubella and checking how my progesterone is now that I've been doing the cream for 6 months. We're also gonna do a dye test right before we start trying again. I feel really good about him and the work he does!!

that's it for me. I'm sure I'll be checking in from Cali--but Peace to you all on you breaks, Great luck to you when you get back on that zany coaster--and Happy (whatever)!! Enjoy yourselves, your families, your lovers, and your friends during this holiday-dipped season.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#17 of 61 Old 12-19-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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Keely, I hope you and Molly have/had a safe trip to and from Cali and you had a blast while over on the west coast. And don't you hate it when you know they are making the most sense but all you want to do is be irrational. Augh. So GLAD the meeting with the OB/GYN went well. Sounds like you really found a great one that really works well with you and Molly and your plans.

Our break will soon be coming to an end and although I'm excited about starting to TTC again, I'm a little sad too. I've really enjoyed not having to obsess over everything. I am finally feeling a little like my old self. So I've been thinking about how I can "cope" with this process better when we start again in Jan. I've really enjoyed not charting and I'd like to not chart again but I'm afraid it will backfire on me again. I haven't come up with any answers yet, but hoping to at some point between now and the new year. AF should be here within a few days and then our cycle will begin.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe Holiday Season.

-Rachel

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#18 of 61 Old 12-19-2007, 11:22 AM
 
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Ok, so we're taking a break too. So much taking a break that I didn't even necessarily want to post here. I haven't even so much as glanced at the TTC area in months.

Originally we were taking a break until January, as I was supposed to have the option of changing my health insurance to a plan that would cover some IF. Company switched providers, so that's out the window.

Now I think we're taking a break for a year or so. My timing (kid-wise) is pretty much out the window to begin with, as DSD is almost 11 and DD is 8 1/2. They'll be a generation apart anyhow, so that part doesn't really matter so much.

I am glad to be on a break. For some reason, I'm not itching to get back into it. Feels like it would never happen anyway, after 4 failed clomid+IUI attempts. We've probably spent 5000+ this year, and we canNOT afford to continue down that path.

What stung was DD (who has no clue about any TTC stuff) asking me for a brother or sister for Christmas.
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#19 of 61 Old 12-19-2007, 11:24 AM
 
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Oh, girlie. I'm so sorry.
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#20 of 61 Old 12-19-2007, 12:26 PM
 
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Our break will soon be coming to an end and although I'm excited about starting to TTC again, I'm a little sad too. I've really enjoyed not having to obsess over everything. I am finally feeling a little like my old self. So I've been thinking about how I can "cope" with this process better when we start again in Jan. I've really enjoyed not charting and I'd like to not chart again but I'm afraid it will backfire on me again. I haven't come up with any answers yet, but hoping to at some point between now and the new year.
You know, what helped me a lot when I was feeling burnt out on charting was this compromise- I started temping six days before my earliest expected O date, temped for three days after O (to confirm the shift with three high temps), and then put my thermometer away. It gave me all the info I needed, and made me much calmer.....

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

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#21 of 61 Old 12-20-2007, 11:36 AM
 
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I remember, Angela, (I was bummed about not stalking your chart anymore, ) but I really don't need to chart anymore now that I'm doing the medicalized version of this process. My timing is done with OPK's and a trigger shot. I've all but decided to put away my chart and thermometer for good. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl so I think this might work better for me also. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. I really need to find a way to relax during this process and now that I feel a little more grounded I think maybe...I might be able to do this, be relaxed that is.

-Rachel

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#22 of 61 Old 12-20-2007, 02:42 PM
 
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Good! I think that sounds like a great plan! I'm still grateful every morning to wake up and NOT have to take my temperature.

Rachel, I really hope that this break has been healing and energizing for you, and that the new year brings you a wonderful new life.

A, partner to J, mama to O, now with a new username!

Building queer family since 2008!

(and oh, did i mention we're having twins?!?)

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#23 of 61 Old 12-21-2007, 08:29 AM
 
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Looks like I'm here for a month...our donor is away until the day after I ovulate so January is out for us. Not a bad thing as this month has taken a bigger toll than the previous couple.

I must remember to meditate.

One gorgeous solstice babe 12/08, two smitten mothers - mothering consciously with conscience and compassion. Birth & Postnatal Doula. Student Midwife. Expecting #2 November '12.

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#24 of 61 Old 12-26-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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Just wanted to post to say our break is over so I guess I have to move back to the TTC thread. Thanks for the support I got in this thread, it was nice having a place of our own to go.

: the New Year brings good things to us all.

-Rachel

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#25 of 61 Old 01-01-2008, 09:08 PM
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hey y'all

we got back from our wonderful 2 weeks in the Bay Area yesterday. It was absolutely amazing--only down point was I came in contact with poison oak and rubbed my eyes, nose and ate with my hands before I figured it out...
Yup my face has blown up like a yellow crusty balloon. It is between all my fingers--YUCK!!!! I went straight to the clinic when I got on steroids because my crunchy herbalist ways were not winning this battle!!

So needless to say I am over my urge to insem this month. I'm fine with waiting until all this madness is over.

In other not so good news, when I checked in with my co-worker yesterday I found out that our org didn't get any of the grants we had pending...eeeek...My boss is thinking about cutting paychecks out of our org's line of credit--that makes me really nervous. This will ll play a major role in how long of a break we are on. I know that I can pick up many more shifts waiting tables at a place I work once or twice a month, but that is not good work for ttc or for being preggers. It sucks but I have to remember that it was this kind supportive (and good benefit package) at my current full time job that first got me thinking about TTC. I knew that everyone in my office would fully support my process, pregnancy, and we'd work out creative schedules once the babe was born, so it kinda needs to be a consideration if all that is fading...

Maybe I'll be with y'all for a much much longer break.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#26 of 61 Old 01-01-2008, 10:16 PM
 
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Welcome back from CA, keely. So sorry about the poison oak!!This forum has been quite quiet for the last little bit. I think we are losing some of our members, entering into TTC. I know that really is a good thing...

Me, on the other hand, my break seems to be extending as well. I had gotten all inspired to go off drugs (clomid, progesterone), and the very next cycle was a neat and tidy 31 days long (my normal is about 38-40, even with clomid). But now this cycle, I"m on day 30 with no signs of ovulation. ARGGHH! So while I though we'd be back in the insemination game within in the next couple of weeks, now I just don't know when it's going to be, AND I think this makes me feel like I need to stick with the drugs to have any kind of predictability.

Keep ya'posted!

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#27 of 61 Old 01-05-2008, 05:27 PM
 
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I just wanted to share with you all a reminder to enjoy being just a couple during these breaks. We went book shopping and found a wonderful local organic produce shop and were reminded (walking through the Oregon rain) that these are frivolities we could not afford to indulge in when we have our little one (finally). We were reminded to relish each moment together when we do not have to worry about another person and their needs. We know we will enjoy those moments, but I have loved her for almost nine years and few more months without a pregnancy can be a delight. I will remember to enjoy her and our lives until they do change!

Our best friends had their first last summer and I have been so jealous hearing all about the wonderful world of parenthood. I have been angry at myself for being so spiteful about it all...me the undying optimist was losing faith in our process to become parents. The timing mess up really through me for a loop and I was sure on New Year's Eve that we would not be parents.

Now I remember - we were happy with out kids and can be happy with them when it happens. I wish it was less work and did not consume our lives...but I will enjoy the break. Any suggestions for gearing back up to enter ttc'ing without letting it own me?
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#28 of 61 Old 01-05-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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I really wish I had an answer to "how to reenter TTC without having it own you". I'm in the same place, and it's already owning me. I'm starting to obsess about clomid and timing and this and that and this... I'll be curious to see.

Funny thing about what you said Sugerson about having time as a couple...we have our first, so I think for me it's about enjoying him as an only, and enjoying giving him the spotlight.

Katie, DW to Megin, Mamma to Quinn (7y.o.) and Wylie, born 07-04-10
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#29 of 61 Old 01-07-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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Thanks for the new thread ftmPapa, i didn't want to start another one. Thought I might be jinxing them.

I've had all the tests run along with the dye test this month. Everything looks normal except my progesterone was low but the next cycle with the fertility meds my levels were great! So now I know I'm normal it's just a matter of everything coming together.
BurtsGirl, I'm in the exact same position as you--all my tests were great and then i found out last week the my progesterone was low. Would you mind if I ask what your level was and what y ou did to raise it so quickly?

We're on a one-month break to deal with the progesterone. Midwife suggested a longer break, but honestly, i just can't bear to put it off that long. This is the first month I've been really, really upset and feeling desperate (We've done four months of IUI, last month was supposed to be a break cause of vacation, but everything lined up so perfectly, we did a last-minute ICI at home). I think it's because of hte progesterone news and a false positive I got last week (grrr). This is the first month I've started to become angry and kinda bitter and just depressed in general. and ther'es a level of desperation that is really bumming me out. i tell myself to not feel that way, cause it adds to the problem, but easier said than done! I'm really having to face my own ego in this process! I was soooo sure id' be one of the lucky ones who pregnant right away! And boy can i relate to the jealousy thing that Sugerson mentions. I'm so over seeing my friends with their kids, and I feel terrible about it.

Man, what a journey!!!
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Originally Posted by Hulahoop View Post
BurtsGirl, I'm in the exact same position as you--all my tests were great and then i found out last week the my progesterone was low. Would you mind if I ask what your level was and what y ou did to raise it so quickly?
My progestrone was 4.9 when I first went in and that was at 10 DPO. We added Letrozole, a fertility drug, to the begining of my cycle and my very next cycle I was already up at 11.6 on 6 DPIUI. So basically what my RE told me was the fertility meds allowed me to have a "better" ovulation which resulted in more progestrone being produced. I did not take any progestrone supplements, the fertility med allowed the progestrone level to increase naturally because I had a good O. I doubted not having the supplement but it worked so I was happy. HTH and good luck.

-Rachel

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